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DivorcingSamThrowawa Archive

View 16 posts and 131 comments by DivorcingSamThrowawa on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I'm not getting married. Not in this era. If I ever do it would be an entirely different type of marriage. I'm not the same person I was 25 years ago. This divorce is not the same as my first divorce. My feelings are not like what I felt then. I am not devastated. I am not sick with worry. I am not flailing like a drowning man. I am trying to decide whether to buy or rent and I'm thinking about whether I want to try online dating next Spring. THanks for the kind words.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 10:45 PM
3

It's ok - I don't mind answering questions. The reason I got married a 2nd time is because I was a younger man and I wanted a wife and family. I'm not really thinking about online dating in the near future I'm really not thinking about the future at all. I know that I would like to have a female companion in my future because that's what I want out of life. I'm not looking for a 3rd wife and if that should ever happen the marriage would be an entirely different premise than my first 2. At my age…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 08:14 PM
1

She's the one divorcing me, not the other way around. I tried a few times to sit down with her and talk about keeping the marriage going until the kids were out of the house. For my trouble I got a cease-and-desist from her lawyer. I guess it gave her too much stress to talk about it. It's a failed marriage. I can pinpoint the exact places where the marriage failed. It failed over money and letting work come before your marriage. There's nothing I could have done about it. I was put in an imposs…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 08:46 PM
6

If she's here then the kids are here. That's what makes it so great.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 07:36 PM
1

I definitely want solutions. Some of the suggestions have been anything but solutions and would make my situation much worse. I might post this in r/law to see what they have to say.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 08:04 PM
1

As far as I can tell, I'm going to have to send her an email requesting that she remove them and not install any other, harder to detect, cameras. If I don't continue to object I run into the possibility of tacit consent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:37 PM
1

My goal is to stay in the house. Doing something like this would only get me thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:34 PM
1

Every time I want to walk through the hallway for a year?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:33 PM
1

I've been living with this for a few months and it takes its toll. It will probably be another year before the house is sold. I get the "stop crying about it, you're on camera all the time anyway" mentality. I give that exact sentiment in my professional life all the time. Still, this is my home. I wake up to take a leak, I'm recorded. I'm singing along to my favorite song on Spotify, I'm recorded. I call my mother on mother's day. I'm recorded. I speak with my lawyer. I'm recorded. These record…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:07 PM
3

What would that accomplish?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:00 PM
1

I'm not a lawyer either, but like many people, I've had to address the specifics of recording consent in my work. Is there a difference between sitting in your apartment recoding the loud argument that your neighbors are having and setting up a device to record the argument whether you are home or not? Maybe you're concerned that their constant bickering is disturbing your goldfish? Do you need any consent to record in your own home with nobody else present? I don't think so. And what's the dist…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:59 PM
0

Unless I use some telescoping device the camera would still record me. And besides, it's a pain to remember to check for open doors when you pass down your home's hallway. And besides that doesn't prevent the audio recordings. Its a home, not an apartment. There really isn't much sound-proofing. Flimsy bedroom doors with major gaps at the between the bottom of the door and the floor.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:53 PM
1

I have to pass two doors, both of which are usually open, when I walk down that hallway. Those doors connect the exclusive use space to the hallway. The cameras are (I assume) in those spaces. I don't know if they're pointing at the hallway or not. They're hideable and hidden cameras. The only real way to find them would be to enter the exclusive use space and rifle through her things.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:49 PM
1

The recording devices are in the space that court has ordered "exclusive use' for her. As far as I know, it is not illegal if it picks up sounds or images from other spaces. In a simpler example, if I were in an apartment and I could clearly hear the neighbors fighting next door, I could record it on my phone and use that recording in court to complain that my landlord was violating a "peaceful enjoyment" clause. But is that the same as purposefully recording and transcribing every conversation …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:46 PM
1

I should enter the space designated "exclusive use" by the court (while being recorded), rifle through my wife's things until I find her cameras, then take them and throw them away? Does the sound like a good idea to you?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:42 PM
1

I already know the law. If the equipment is in her rooms then according to the exclusive use orders from the court it's legal. But - her rooms are not apartments. The doors are usually not closed and sounds transmits from other parts of the house into "her rooms" as if it was in the same room. This is a home, not a multi-family dwelling. Plus there is clear line of sight from "her rooms" to hallways that I traverse all day long every day to travel from my bedroom/office to every other place in t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:24 PM
1

I would have been on your side 12 years ago, but with the older, "no", a less expensive option would not have given her the same opportunities. She actually had a full-tuition scholarship offer to a very good in-state university but she turned in down to pay full price to attend one of the world's best in another state. It ended up affording her opportunities that she would not have had otherwise. It can make sense. Selfishly I can say that I never had to pay a dime for after she was done with t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 05:00 PM
1

I have done the majority of the parenting for my 2 children. I HAVE a relationship with my daughter where she respects my opinion. The ex-wife is the problem. I HAVE been a good Dad. That time is almost over now. It's time for all of my children to start being good ADULT CHILDREN who love their father and care about his well-being,. It's what I do for my parents.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:58 PM
2

My older daughter did 70K per year at a distinguished university in a STEM field. This was some years ago. Cost was comparable to 100K now. That money was the last I eve spent on my older daughter. Bachelors led right to a job led right to a PhD program. That was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:54 PM
-2

The cost will be 100K per year. Who pays what hasn't been determined yet. I actually could dig in my heels are refuse to pay more than in-state tuition (30K per year). It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do. I get that it accomplishes the goal, but it feels like this shouldn't simply become a financial threat.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:52 PM
1

Not only would it be cheaper for me to subsidize her living expenses while she spent a year or 2 in New York auditioning, but I would be fine with that plan. A gap year would be ideal. If that turned into a successful acting career I would be very happy for her. Is she talented? Sure - she got the lead in her school musical. I'm as proud as can be. Her school was invited to an awards show in the state. She was not individually nominated for anything. Her cast did not win. I found out that this w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:49 PM
1

I don't want a "disabled" hidden camera in my life. One that can be re-enabled by simply "opening the shade" whatever that means. I don't want to always be playing a game of cat and mouse with surveillance equipment. This amounts to harrassment. It is not the 1 party consent element of this that I object to. I am being recorded or potentially being recorded 24X7 in my own home. Last night I woke up at 3:00 AM to take a leak. Was that capture on video and uploaded to the Internet for later retrie…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 10:53 AM
1

Turns out this is a thing. I just bought one on Amazon.com for $35
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 09:31 PM
1

That is correct. But they are still visible on the computer network. They are in the house powered-on.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 09:28 PM
1

Are there?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 09:00 PM
1

I would be ok with her installing security cameras in her room. I wouldn't be happy with it, but I would accept that there is little I could do about it. I would ask her to disable the microphone. I have no real way to know where these cameras are. They are battery powered. They can move around.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 08:59 PM
1

As far as I can tell she installed the cameras right before she left town for a week. That would be one of the reasons that I would like to get the purchase receipt for these devices. It's not credible to install them for your own protection right before you leave town.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 08:57 PM
9

I have to question the thought processes that have gone into this formulation of this plan.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 01:39 PM
1

I appreciate the response. I'm taking this one step at a time. For now there still are hidden cameras and I know that there are hidden cameras and she doesn't appear to have any intention of removing those hidden cameras - so I believe that this puts me in an advantageous position that I will work carefully through. I'm working with my lawyer on it now - but lawyers are like Reddit posters. They want to answer the question that they know the answer to and not the one that was asked. So, yes - th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 01:08 PM
4

My state allows hidden cameras but not in areas where there's an expectation of privacy. I know that there are hidden cameras in the house, but I don't know where. I'm not overly-excited about living in house with hidden camera/microphones recording everything I say/do and uploading in to the Internet for later retreval.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 12:53 PM
3

Connecticut. I know the 1 party consent statute. I am being recorded when I am alone in my home.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 12:38 AM
2

I'm told by my attorney that I can compel a sale and that this will happen immediately. As I said in OP, I did get my own appraisal. My children are teenagers in high school, not little kids. We'll see where it goes next
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 07:38 PM
1

I have not agreed to "give" her the house, to "sell" her the house or to "trade" the house for some other asset. She has had the house appraised for a lowball number and is petitioning the court to compel me to sell it to her for that number. Does that sound like bullshit to you? It does to me. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like bullshit most people on this sub or really to my lawyer either. All appraisals are just wild guesses by a real estate broker - accurate to maybe 20%, Now maybe it soun…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:29 AM
1

Sounds like a very legalistic difference. I'm getting alot of this lately. It's complete nonsense. Whatever word you use she's clearly trying to take the house in exchange for a specific agreed on amount of money so splitting hairs of precise definitions is unhelpful
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 09:27 PM
2

5 appraisals or 50 - it doesn't matter. The appraiser just puts down the value that they ask you to put down. It isn't objective. People here are having a really hard time grasping that concept.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 02:35 PM
1

I appreciate the energy, but that isn't where I am. She wants to name the price and buy if for that. I would be fine with selling the house at market value. I never wanted an appraisal to begin with. She can throw a number our there - any number. I'll choose to either buy it at the price or sell it to her at that price. If she wants me to provide the number and she makes the decision that's fine too. But that would be playing with a fair deck. She doesn't want that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 02:34 PM
1

Here's what I think will happen when I complain: Me: I don't want to be secretly recorded in my own home Judge: What did you do to make her feel like she had to put up cameras? Me: Nothing. I have done absolutely nothing. The video and audio recording show absolutely nothing Judge: Well she has reported in previous filings that she felt threatened but those motions were dismissed. Were you threatening her again? Is that why she felt the need to put up cameras? Me: I didn't threaten her in the fi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 01:37 PM
1

Letter to my lawyer. This is going to suck. I suspect that this will backfire on me. -------------------------------------------------------------- I was doing some computer networking work in the house because I got a new computer. I was able to easily identify 2 “Ring Stickup Cam” devices on my home’s wireless network. I asked my wife about them and she admitted that she installed them. It’s an invasion of my privacy. They are still on the network when I last checked this morning. I do not kno…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 01:27 PM
4

So, I asked my wife about this today. She was out of town for 10 days in February. She put them in her bedroom and her office while she was away. She claims that because she has exclusive use to those areas she has the right. I disagree. First, even though the cohabitation agreement grants us exclusive use to our bedrooms and bathrooms, I will still enter the spaces that she has exclusive use to for any number of reasons. She knows that. She hasn't objected. I'm still the home's caretaker and th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:46 PM
2

Wifi
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 01:34 AM
14

She already tried that trick. It failed. It cost me $23,000 to stay in my house, but that's where I am.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 11:09 PM
16

It's illegal in my state as well. I'd like to find them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 09:04 PM
18

I'm not leaving my home.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:53 PM
-4

I don't see what that would accomplish. They'd still be recording and I'd have tipped my hand. I'd like to find them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:46 PM
1

If you were literally stabbed in the back then you should go to a hospital
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:57 PM
1

Share more about your circumstances. If I were in your position I would be expecting to do all the driving since I'm the one who has the car. I wouldn't expect to be sitting in my home waiting for that Uber to arrive.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:37 PM
1

> know you don’t like to hear it but if you go to court, they will find an appraiser and base it on their opinion of how much the house is worth. Not what my attorney is saying. My attorney is saying that the judge will most likely simply order the house sold. Especially with teenage children and a wife with means to buy her own home in the same town the children currently attend school. I guess you could say my emotions are getting the better of me. How could I argue? That would only be soundin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:29 AM
2

The present zeitgeist is obeisance to any form authority. Therefore, the lowly appraiser takes on some unearned importance. The realtor will tell you what you can get on the market. Comps will tell you also. I don't see why I would believe an appraisal over what I see happening in the housing market in my area. I'm not some disinterested loan officer or insurance agent who just wants to check a box. I actually know these houses and this town. In any case, I think it will be impossible for my wif…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:24 PM
1

I honestly just think it will be a constant point of contention for us no matter who stays in the house. And the children will view the person who stays in the house as "the winner", which isn't necessarily good for anyone. And either one of us would move into smaller house in a less desirable area because it would be more economical and we're not raising a family any more - so it would be hard for the kids to understand the reasoning. They're both teenagers. I think selling is the right approac…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:46 PM
2

It's impossible to have this conversation on Reddit because people are so set in their thinking that they're unwilling and incapable of stepping outside of that box even for a hypothetical.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:15 PM
1

Unfortunately, this won't work for me. I've had some time to work through the process. My wife thinks that she can have an appraiser come in and provide a number and then I should be forced to sell my interest in the house for that number. I believe the house is worth more than that number provided by her appraiser and am willing to buy my wife out at what I see as comps in my area. Or else she should pay that number to me - either way I could live with it. The gap is about $100,000 This is an i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 07:15 PM
5

Because time will pass and things will get better. I've had a couple people in my life commit suicide. The people who love you never really understand or forgive you for it. They always wish you hadn't done it. It's a permanent stain.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:04 PM
1

I don't want to sell. I want to buy. Maybe I'll buy everything on FB Marketplace, but that sounds like it might be alot of work. I don't mean to sound lazy but at some point I'll need act fast and I don't want to spend alot of money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 12:36 PM
1

My wife's lawyer would accuse me of wire tapping over this. She would call the FBI on me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 03:07 PM
5

When you don't want to be with them. The reasons and rationales are of secondary importance. If something keeps you with them (co-parenting, financial co-dependency, pressure from family and friends) then you'll stay with them for awhile - years, maybe decades. But sooner or later you're going to leave them. Whether you leave them for another person or whether you leave them to a life of solitude and rebuilding doesn't change the reasons for your leaving. This is the same for men and women.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 01:17 PM
1

My state requires child support when the adult children are home from school. I just didn't pay it. I was a deadbeat dad. My first wife could have taken me to court. She didn't.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 03:04 PM
4

A major factor is deciding when you're actually divorced? Is it when your divorce decree is issued? Is it when you move out of the house? Is it when you have finally disentangled all financial arrangement (like the shared home). My first divorce was 1.5 years. I had a first date the day after my divorce decree was issued. The nice lady asked me how long I had been divorced. I answered "one day". She replied "One day you hope to be divorced?" I thought it was a good answer. And what do you expect…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:55 PM
0

Therapy
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:20 AM
4

I was a younger man when I went through the first divorce. It was different. My kids are 14 and 16 and I'm a very involved parent. I've coached them in sports and lived my life for them. I lived my life for my daughter from my first marriage as well. Life is a blessing. Every day. God walks with me. I love my life. I sincerely hope that I don't have to lose everything again, but if that should come to pass then I will do the same thing that I did every other time. I will start over and do my bes…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:19 AM
2

I am a commiserator, not a therapist. I am in a very similar boat with my children - they are both meeting with the GAL for the second time on Dec 30 and some kind of report will be submitted to the courts in January which will determine, in part or in whole, whether I can live in my house and whether I can see my children. My advice to you is to relax and not worry - not because you don't have anything to worry about, but because being anxious or appearing anxious isn't going to help. Or maybe …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:35 PM
5

I'm not a lawyer. My wife's attorney is a horrible little troll with an obnoxious nasally Puerto Rican accent. It would be good if she dies of anal cancer. She's like the Osama bin Laden of lawyers. If your daughter will speak in your defense then you have little to fear. A Guardian ad Litem will be appointed and you'll have to go through that process. Sucks. If your wife has turned your daughter against you then I'm very sorry. You're in the right place though. Big picture - you may need to jus…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:45 PM
1

> And maybe he can ask that the house be sold in 2 years when he makes it to 65 and officially retires and moves back to the home land? A virtual certainty in any state. Get a lawyer. This is a small ask. Many, many things will be a play here. Your mother cannot reappear and simply ask for half of everything that was not split 17 years ago. It is not that simple - not in any state. What she is entitled to depends on many circumstances and you've given almost no information. Yes, legal filings in…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:12 PM
5

So, if memory serves, FWB's don't advertise on the Internet and you have to treat them well (buy them something for Christmas, for instance) or else maybe the "f" in FWB will disappear. Plus, the FWB thing has to go both ways for it to work - and in my experience one person or the other either always wants more from the relationship or else wants to stay F and end the B. It's a complicated relationship, iirc. One of the F's starts dating someone else, jealousy, etc. The relationship with the pro…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 06:46 PM
4

Not me. If you read my posts you would realize that there's no possible way she could accuse me of invading her privacy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 08:18 PM
3

Consent does not have to be explicit in either one-party or two-party states. If the parties know that they're being recorded and then choose to continue to speak that is considered "consent". "Your call may be recorded for quality assurance" and then you continue the call. That's considered "consent". I live in a one-party state so that doesn't apply to me. I can record anything I want anywhere I want. If the recording device is on or near my person I'm good. Still, the way recording happens or…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:16 PM
5

This is how it starts. You start out by wanting nothing more than to be able to provide for your basic needs and maintain a relationship with your child. Very honorable. Then a year goes by. Then 2. You meet someone new. Your friends and family start seeing you as person separate from your former wife in every way. Then you realize that the concessions you made in your moment of weakness years ago will do permanent damage to your ability to live the life you want both for yourself, your child, y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 04:44 PM
3

See, for me this wouldn't really accomplish the goal. I don't want to "catch her" at anything. I don't have any use for a secret recording. I don't know how the courts will view this change of affairs since I started recording or if it will have any import to them at all. I think it should be pretty obvious to any observer that there's at least a possibility that my wife has not been honest in her reporting. Now that the accusations have stopped we can be on better footing to negotiate a co-pare…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 04:09 PM
2

Hi - so, my tactic is to simply announce that I'm recording the conversation and then start recording and then announce again (for the record) that I'm recording the conversation. That's legal in every state. Secretly recording can be an issue - even in 1 party states. The person being recorded can claim that they were being entrapped and that you are cherry-picking snippets of the recorded conversation out of context, etc. Following a person around recording them can also be an issue. They coul…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:53 PM
2

There is zero reason to think that a couples therapist is a smart person, a responsible person, or a good spouse. There's no reason to think they aren't, either.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 02:12 PM
4

There are a number of highly successful, very public people who are widely reported or self-diagnosed as having some high-functional kind of autism or an Aspergers. I don't subscribe to pathologizing basic personality types, and if the success of Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Michael Burry is , in part, due to their "disorder" then I'll take some of what they're having any time. Still, even without their money, I suppose it would be impossible for me to not identify with them somewhat. I suppose a "…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 02:10 PM
4

We're divorcing. The first therapy process was a 2 year process from roughly August 2001 to April 2003. The second went from roughly July 2020 - December 2020. Both wives swore that they would never do therapy with me again because I was so unreasonable. I think 7(of probably 8) therapists would have agreed with them. "Unreasonable" is, in my opinion, the natural consequence of not being allowed to speak. The current wife's tactic is to start complaining about something in hostile and embittered…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 01:50 PM
10

I've been through this process twice. Both my first wife and my current wife only thought it was a bitch session. They only thought of it as a way to make sure that I was going to get what was coming to me. They were never willing to listen - not for 5 minutes, not for 5 seconds, and only one of the string of 8 different therapists (maybe more, I can't be bothered to try to remember) actually invested a sentence in asking either of them to. And the one therapist who did, God bless her heart - wi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 01:10 PM
2

I have been forcibly removed from 2 homes in my life by the divorce process and am on the verge of being forcibly removed from a 3rd. I had to leave my childhood home, the home from my first marriage, and now the home from my second marriage. I never filed for divorce. These were all actions brought against me. That's 3 out of the 4 places that I've called home in my life. But I know things will work out for me. God is by my side. So now, over the next 4 - 12 months, I will be in a position to b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:21 PM
2

Ok - well, what I wrote resonated with you and you agreed with it (you did, after all), but you reject the prevailing idea of the sub and you believe it to be an echo chamber. I'm an independent thinker who doesn't care about prevailing ideas. More than "women bad", I read more messages of "my wife is lying" or "I miss my kids"
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 04:15 AM
2

Ok, articulated well. But why here? Why do you feel a need to tell your tale in this sub?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:54 AM
5

It's easy to find a man to share your home with..... YOUR home. Good luck finding one willing to share HIS home. Not any more. We've all been burned too badly.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:32 AM
2

You can tell your primary care doctor about this. A therapist is going to diagnose you with depression and arrange a prescription for Lexapro. That might be all you need - but probably not. I sincerely doubt that this has anything to do with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:27 AM
3

So, if you've been married for only 2.5 years and if you brought significant assets into the marriage then you have an excellent chance of retaining those assets after a divorce, but you have to act quickly. If you live as man and wife for another 3 or 4 years then the courts are more likely to see all of your assets as marital assets and then you'll lose 1/2 of it. This varies from state to state and all of the details matter, but I think you would have an excellent chance of leaving the marria…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:18 AM
1

> ​Is a completely sexless marriage 1.5 years postpartum common There's a difference between common and normal. Sounds like you're in a real pickle. You would have a tough time in court with the baby and the young wife with little verifiable income. Putting aside other extenuating circumstances, I find it unlikely that the spark will ever come back into a relationship with no sex for this amount of time. And since you clearly want sex, bitterness or infidelity will creep into your life in time. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:12 AM
13

They don't want to be married. They want babies. They want the babies to have fathers. Once they think they can do without the man they want him out but they want his paycheck to keep coming. It has nothing to do with him. They don't want a man messing up their kitchen. They don't want a naked man in their bathroom. The don't want a man bothering them in the bedroom. They don't want to be married. Your princeliness has nothing to do with it. If you're handy then they'll like that, but they want …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 01:53 AM
1

You need psychotherapy and probably medication. A 27 year old man who divorces should not feel this way 3 years later. This is not a mentally healthy reaction. Nothing you read on this sub will help. You need professional help. Sorry for being so blunt.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 01:39 AM
7

Said it once today and I'll say it again. If your wife doesn't want you to see your kids and she's making allegations about you then surely you must be a bad father who has done something really wrong. That's what everyone thinks. Until it happens to them. Her false allegations won't amount to anything. It sounds like you're headed for a GAL. The GAL won't want to hear about your marital spats, her false allegations or any ancient history. The GAL will only want to determine what's best for the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 01:34 AM
1

So, if you have a family member who will loan you money then you can draw up a loan document that states that you will pay them back when your divorce is finalized. It can simply say that you do not have funds to meet the temporary obligations that the proceedings are placing on you and that you will be able to pay off any balance of a loan when the divorce is finalized and assets have been distributed. You can pay 4% interest on the outstanding balance in the meantime. The loan should be a debi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:31 PM
6

Yeah, well, it's really hard to imagine that a man being accused of threatening, menacing, and abusing a woman is totally innocent and that the woman is totally lying. That is, until that man is you. She's probably trying to have you removed from the home. My wife is. What happened in the past may not really matter much. The present and the likely future is more important. She should need to demonstrate that you cannot stay in the home because you are likely to abuse her at this time - or in the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:26 PM
2

No need to lecture. We're all in the same boat up here. What you are recommending is too laborious. I tried it. I tried keeping a log of every conversation and the goings on of every day. It became an impossible grind after about a week. Every written conversation (emailed, text, etc.) is logged anyway. I wrote earlier that I just pull out the phone and press record (no secret, she knows) every time the conversations start going negative. It protects me. Haven't had a problem since. When you're …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 02:04 PM
1

I pull out my phone at the first sign of danger and say "I'm going to start recording this". My wife walks away when I do that. I'm not at all afraid to continue the conversation on record. Not only does it work to stop the problem, but I feel that it makes a pretty compelling case that her previous reports are not credible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 03:51 AM
2

In what way is she fabricating evidence. What techniques is she using? Mine would start an argument with me - and even though I would stay calm she would still claim that I was threatening her or being abusive. Now, when something like this starts I take out my phone and tell her I'm recording the rest of the conversation. All of the accusations have stopped. That's just one thing, but it worked really well for me. Honestly, she probably won't get away with any of it in court. Her word against y…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 02:37 AM
1

I tried this. Too laborious.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 02:33 AM
0

Don't try to patronize me, Punk.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 10:38 PM
-2

No - that's not it. My wife always was kindof neurotic. Once menopause started she went completely off the deep end. Women are pretty easy to find. They're just out walking around looking for a guy with a hardon and a million+ bucks. If you have that then you'll have a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 10:21 PM
-5

No - she's too damn dumb for that. She just bitches all the time. Today I had to call the GAL because my wife said she felt threatened by me. The GAL basically said "whadya callin me for?" I say because my wife's dumb-bitch excuse for a lawyer sent you an email that said I was threatening her and my lawyer told me to call you. He replied "I couldn't care less what that dumb bitch says in an email." Ok well - he actually said "Attorney Last_Name" not "that dumb bitch" but something about the way …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 10:00 PM
3

hookers put the hook in hookups.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 02:30 PM
10

Coke? ...a cola I hope. I've had a few turkey-free Thanksgivings. Don't worry about it. It's just a day. You'll be ok. Do you get the kids next Thanksgiving? Your message reads like you're very vulnerable. You need to fight for your rights. Life will be good. Give it time. Sometimes you can do things to make your life better and sometimes you just have to wait.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:04 PM
11

Not untrue. None of it. The bottom-line is that many women get married for one reason and one reason only. They really could never love a man. The kids leaving or menopause or both - they just want to live alone as spinsters. And they also want to take all the money and totally destroy the father of their children, but that's another story. They can't handle all the things that you mentioned above because they can't handle anything at all. Meh - who cares, right. Many men are so traumatized by t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:44 PM
2

If it is affecting your work then my advice to you is to tell your HR department and ask for reasonable accommodations - which may include taking time off at short notice with or without pay.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:53 PM
1

I am represented. I have been given a chance to meet. My complaint is that I was not informed about the particulars of my children's meeting. I need to understand if the GAL isn't communicating with my attorney or if my attorney isn't communicating with me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:31 AM
11

You're not alone. My story is similar to yours, but it happening for the last 6 years. A long string of overlapping crises - Mom almost died of kidney failure but got a transplant at the 11th hour. Dad got alzheimers. My knee failed. My elbows are failing, leaving it difficult for me to type enough to work, etc., etc. I can give you 2 pieces of advice. I hope they might help. When you're faced with this in life, you can't afford to look at everything as one big problem. It won't work. You have t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 12:00 AM
6

I DON'T understand why people DON'T
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 06:12 PM
5

I keep it in Excel. There would be so many downsides to keeping it in an app that I would have trouble knowing where to start. Transaction history really matters and you need to be able to get at it in all kinds of ways.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:22 PM
2

> I’m seriously contemplating to say fuck it and just don’t pay shit Don't. It would help to know what state you're in and other details, but I'm imagining that half the house, half the financial assets and half of her business are yours. So - any damage you to do her is damage you do to yourself. No matter how desperate your personal circumstances may be and no matter how bleak your future may appear you *NEVER* help yourself by improperly managing your finances. The person you will be hurting …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 01:27 PM
1

So, I'm in a very similar place as you wtr finances. I'm on your side. But, you need to think through and carefully explain your concerns or else maybe ask yourself if your emotions are getting the better of you. Totally legal to hoard money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:10 AM
1

You think that a lover is secretly financing her divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 01:02 AM
2

Why would she want to list her income as double what it actually is? Why would she want to conceal the source of funds for paying for her lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 11:03 PM
3

Don't know, but once it started happening it went really fast. Start by working to get a routine that you can live with - what's good for you is good for your child. Then you have to start improving things one step at a time. After awhile things start rolling and improving themselves without you having to do anything. Don't think about the life you had, or the life you wish you had, or the life you could have had. Think about the life you have. It's all that matters. Walks are nice. They don't c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:18 AM
7

I didn't do anything. She just got tired of my bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 09:19 PM
3

In Texas he would be wise to hire a private detective to prove her infidelity. So, don't let on he knows.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:34 PM
2

It would help if you told us what state he is in. The advice from the other poster about west coast norms does not, in many glaring cases, apply to my east coast divorce. It would simply be wrong in my state and all neighboring states.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 11:57 AM
9

Do not fight with her. Do not drink. Do not yell at the kids. Do not spend a night outside the marital home (except for business trips, etc.) Sleep in the marital bed every night. Do not communicate with her other love interests. Do not accept any valuable gifts, cash or otherwise, from friends or family - if he needs money make sure it is stated in writing as a loan with clear payback terms. Prepare, and have saved, all financial statements. Don't change the beneficiary on any accounts. Do not …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 11:23 AM
17

It takes about a year after a divorce to notice improvement. And when I say "after a divorce", I mean after the dust has settled, nothing is left up in the air and everything has stabilized. The final decree is only part of that equation. You really can't rush it. You're just going to have to lose sleep, feel like shit and second-guess yourself for a year. You have to hurt. No way around it. Hurting is part of healing. And when I say you'll notice improvement after a year, I don't mean everythin…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:58 PM
1

Not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 10:03 PM
1

My wife and I spend time together talking, watching tv, hanging out. In the meantime she has filed the most aggressive possible divorce case against me and is plowing through as much money as possible to do nothing more than f*ck us all over. Who knows? Once this is done I'll be damn glad to not have any financial dealings with her. She's a 50ish teenager with money. She'll hurt herself and our kids to hurt me. It doesn't matter whether I've done anything or not. She just wants to "win".
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 09:39 PM
6

Don't f*ck around. Get a lawyer. And get a good one. BUT, if you really feel this way you can use this to negotiate a low retainer and keep your on-going costs low.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:10 PM
6

I'm with your ex-wife on this one. And I'm never on the ex-wife's side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:38 PM
7

Leave the STBX at home with her phone. Problem solved.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:36 PM
1

Yes - have your attorney file a motion. Your wife's attorney should not be spending time with your daughter - really at all, but certainly not in a personal way. Especially if there are any custody issues. It raises too many ethical concerns. The attorney would be tempted to coach the 4 year old what to say and how to act to ensure that legal matters are decided in her client's favor and it she is spending alone time with the child it would be impossible to disprove that this happened - thereby,…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:35 PM
1

Online dating is not a good way to get over a divorce. If you have some person in your life who really cares about you (old flame, lady at work, whatever) then that *might* work out while you're getting over the divorce. Typically it doesn't. But it might. Online dating has 0% chance of working out. Best to just work on yourself until you feel like you have something to offer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:23 PM
1

How were you dating? Online?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 11:46 PM
1

What's stopping you from doing it now?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 08:15 PM
5

Well, that old "takes a year to get over it" saw has some usefulness, but can be misleading. First - what does "almost a year now" mean? Almost a year since the divorce was finalized and the dust settled? Almost a year since you started talking about it? It's a slippery guideline. Second - what does "when will my heartache stop" mean? When will it be like you were never married to begin with? In 10, maybe 15 years it will feel like this happened to someone else. Until then, you'll have a constan…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 08:12 PM
4

No - don't divorce. Get counseling. This is solvable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:22 PM
1

Ok - so then you're cohabiting as man-and-wife, mother and father. But she is complaining about your behavior only now? In a divorce filing? It doesn't make any sense. She should have a well-documented list of times that she has complained and you refused to comply and that ultimately led her to file. She should saying "I have begged him over and over for months and years to stop locking the children in their rooms, but he refuses". If your children or other people are going to testify against y…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:47 PM
7

Your lawyer should be advocating for you <period>. Morals have nothing to do with. Ethics have a little to do with it, but you're unlikely to put your lawyer in an ethical quandary if you don't have personal relationship with him or her. Your lawyer is not likely tell you what is or is not legal (possible, but not likely) - but should tell you how a judge would likely rule and what you can and cannot do to put yourself in a better position to serve your own interests in your case. You are 100% e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:36 PM
4

You need to just hurt for awihle. It's part of the healing process. It takes about a year to notice the changes. It will still hurt, but the pain will be different. You won't feel like the same person that you are right now. Then you'll be ready to try to trust again. Best of luck to you. Like it or not, this is part of life and things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:06 AM
1

Well, if you're trying to decide whether to believe me or every lawyer you've spoken with then let me make that choice easy for you. But, you're going to be dealing with alot - including this concept that the children should live a similar lifestyle in each home. So, if you're going to let the family stay in the apartment in Port Chester while you move to a big home in Harrison then you're going to have a problem in NY Family Court. BUT, if you've lived a simple life and you want the kids to con…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 02:32 AM
1

I am dealing with something similar, but not as extreme. Try to understand that you are not being asked to defend yourself. You are being put on the defensive. There's an important difference. Are you divorced already? Did she say that you were doing these things when the kids were visiting you?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:32 PM
1

I am a NY Divorced Dad who was over the cap, but this was a long time ago. I was paying 1K per month for one child for less than 1/2 what you're making 20+ years ago. Your child support payments do, in fact, have to go for supporting the children. Actually proving that the money is or is not going to the care of the children and enforcing this principal can be difficult, but may not be impossible. You need to catalog every expense your children have - 100% of them. If you can prove that they hav…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:39 PM
3

I would not do this. Not as written. She will move into the investment home - call it the family home and then make you support her lifestyle in that home. She will not sell it and buy a home she can afford. Ultimately she may go broke in living that home and make you pay for the kids' colleges on your own. Your plan would make more sense if you agreed as a couple to sell the investment home and then she could have the proceeds and you could keep that family home - equity ~matching the proceeds …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 04:07 PM
8

I noticed this happening in my second marriage. I put some time aside when the kids wouldn't be present in the house and told my wife that I wanted to have a serious conversation. I told her that I felt that we were at risk of drifting apart and that our marriage was the most important thing in the world to me and that I would do anything to keep the marriage strong. My words were chosen very carefully, because I had thought about this for weeks before we had this conversation. A work colleague …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 04:00 PM
1

She already has been, really. That's what the Exclusive Occupancy motion is all about. She completely exaggerated a couple of things and provided zero context and files a motion that - I guess - said she didn't feel safe. Or something like that. It's not simple for her to file a bogus report because my children are teenagers and they would be the first ones to tell a judge she's lying.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:47 PM
1

I think that the motion will be dropped before the hearing or that it will be denied at the hearing. That's how I think it will be. She has no case. I would like to keep the kids and the house. I may have a slim chance of getting that, but I have zero chance if I don't fight. I would think that I would hurt myself if I simply moved out into some apartment and started over. I'll have to work through this, but I do not intend to go away that easily.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 01:20 PM
1

I do have an attorney. Thank you. Grab your shit and get out is how it's going to be? I'm not sure I can accept that. I know that I'll have to abide by a court order, but I think that there is more to be considered.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:26 AM
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