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EveningFires Archive

View 5 posts and 147 comments by EveningFires on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:48 AM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:48 AM
9

I second this request - FDS needs to know the book, OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 10:17 PM
10

Why wait? Start loving yourself right now! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:50 PM
7

Sure, whatever suits you. But again, keep in mind that I’m not saying you shouldn’t rebut them at all. I’m suggesting that you can’t argue his own logic with this sort of man - their tools are designed to keep you out of the discussion and silence you. I think it’s not worth it to try and ‘reclaim’ those tools (especially in the context that much of feminist ‘reclaiming’ recently really hasn’t worked out in women’s favour - reclaiming ‘bitch,’ ‘slut,’ ‘whore,’ etc. still hasn’t stopped patriarch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:49 PM
13

But....it doesn’t benefit us, except to give their, uh, ‘intellectual ideas’ (🙄) space in our minds. If you spend your time constantly responding to their constructed bullshit and adopting their language, you’re still fundamentally playing a game of rebuttal and engaging according to the rules they set out. All that this sort of engagement does, IMO, is take away valuable time that women and girls could instead spend creating their own lexicon to describe the female experience and to frame men t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:08 PM
59

Honestly? I understand the sentiment behind this post, but I’m a little tired of all the posts trying to reimagine, re-construct, re-do, re-frame the ‘wall.’ Acknowledging the concept in any form dignifies them far too much. Who cares what men think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 07:40 PM
21

Yes, excepting the drone strikes on innocents......please, don’t be delusional about HVM among politicians. Everything they do is a carefully constructed facade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:36 AM
10

I‘ve heard he got the nanny of their child pregnant recently. Please, let’s leave this one out of the running for now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:34 AM
28

It’s bad. Lise Meitner posited the concept of nuclear fusion fission, but some man was given the Nobel Prize for it. Eventually, they named an element in the periodic table after her: Meitnerium. Edit: It was nuclear fission, not fusion. I have failed you Lise Meitner 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:29 AM
4

Thank you for your resources. This issue is dear to my heart, so I’ll be following up on what you’ve shared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 11:58 PM
2

It’s good that you realise that you don’t have to be overly giving or desperate just because you’re a woman. But that doesn’t take away from the insidious and deep roots of patriarchal conditioning. When it comes to stereotypes about men and women, even male ‘chivalry’ (largely mythic) has been, and is still, used to subjugate women by implying their inferiority or suggesting they are unable to care for themselves. I think a healthier take on this issue wouldn’t focus on gender roles and trying …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 09:19 PM
3

‘Male energy’ and ‘female energy’ are.....incredibly confining and regressive terms. Ideas like male and female ‘energies’ and the stereotypes associated with them hurt women the most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:49 PM
2

Thanks for saying it out loud. It’s obscene that this topic is even a point of debate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:47 PM
5

100% agreed. ”Feminine receiver” gets my hackles up like you won’t believe. To answer OP’s question: it’s fair to expect that the man you love understands how the world sees you differently as a woman. You will be compensated less, treated as less, passed over for opportunities to rise. A truly supportive man should understand and pick up the slack (and this can mean taking on more of the financial or other material burdens) by not forcing you into circumstances that do not benefit you citing ‘e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:45 PM
39

I love it when people take the time to put pen to paper 🥰 This is a wonderful way to create physical mementos of your times together!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:08 AM
24

I agree with your premise that sometimes, it’s nice to date men without commitment or sex. It’s perfectly natural to want experiences like this, because not so long ago, they were the cultural norm - it was entirely acceptable for women to date multiple men right up until the point of getting engaged to one (and even so, engagements weren’t as elongated back then as they are now). Commitment and sex both require a lot of responsibility on my part, from vetting the man to going through STD tests …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:05 AM
18

Bosh! I love them - you have excellent taste 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 12:34 AM
31

Rest in peace, good fellow. What a legacy you’ve left behind with your generosity and courage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 02:40 AM
28

Here’s a link to a more detailed article on their story from ABC News. The way this man made the world a more beautiful place, both physically by the sunflowers, as well as spiritually by his charity work, shows the regard and respect and sheer love he had for his wife. If you read the story, you’ll also see how it was her wish to begin an operation like this - and he honoured her by following through, even after she sadly passed away. In this instance, I think it’s a very extraordinary quality …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:49 PM
5

It can be tough for men to deal with a female partner who attains equal or greater success to them, OP. In fact, there was a study showing women who are promoted are more likely to divorce than those who aren’t, while no similar effect exists for men. Please, don’t let this discourage you, though! Recently, this sub has been talking about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who was a career woman down to her bones, and whose husband was her staunchest supporter. Just remember that if you have ambitions in your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:24 AM
7

I understand that it might be a common occurrence, but rather than managing this sort of problematic behaviour, I feel the more appropriate way to handle it is to remove such a person from your life. Such men need to be avoided for their irresponsibility when it comes to sex. Otherwise, glad to hear you’re focused on yourself, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:08 AM
7

This sounds like the sort of man you should definitely stop seeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:01 AM
11

“Traditional” conservative values are not compatible with radical feminism. In fact, radical feminism argues for the abolition of gender and all of the “traditional” conservative values that come with it, but with a focus specifically on how those gender norms affect women far worse than they affect men. If radical feminists and conservatives ever agree on something, it is not for the same reasons. Re: conservatives, even a broken clock is right twice a day, I suppose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 08:05 PM
3

”Unlike those women who don’t give blowjobs, I can change a tire. Bet you can’t steal this!” Doesn’t make much sense, but that’s the nature of the exercise, I suppose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 05:55 PM
45

But this particular woman was into Disney Princesses, and the ’public’ consisted only of their friends and family. I feel like the level of detail and thought here is sweet, actually 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:16 AM
40

Sis, I think RBG was 87 years old if you’re talking about May, 2020. But otherwise, I agree - her work ethic is an inspiration, and we should aspire to be like her and have similar people in our own lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 09:29 PM
12

Astronomical.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 05:44 PM
7

Yes! I was one of the cancellers, too. No way am I letting that pedophile-fodder proliferate with my support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 05:04 AM
18

One one hand, I sympathise with your frustrations about women being mischaracterised so heinously, OP. On the other hand, do not bother dignifying these bottom-feeding incels and their perversions with a response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:12 AM
42

Rest in power, RBG. You were an inspiration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:07 AM
47

What an absolutely beautiful vision board you have 😭 All of that greenery looks so astonishingly healing. Rooting for your every success!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 09:11 PM
17

Archery! Love to see it! Go get ‘em!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:46 AM
3

I feel so awful for that poor child 😢 Unless the father could afford nothing else (which would say something awful about out society instead), and was suffering through the same diet, there really is no excuse to impose such shocking health burdens on a child. It will take her a long time to unlearn these damaging dietary patterns and get her lifestyle and habits under control, if she ever does. And yes - I agree to your point about many men being less involved as fathers on the whole than many …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:18 AM
38

Interesting thought. Technically, women contribute all the zygote’s mitochondrial DNA. Genomic DNA is what’s theoretically 50/50, so the 50% of genomic + 100% mitochondrial DNA means that women do contribute more than half the genetic material of a child. And, as you mentioned, all of the reproductive labour, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:29 AM
12

I absolutely love that you have environmental restoration and sustainable living as part of your goals 🥰 It’s such a HV quality to want to do good for more than just yourself and to live according to your values rather than your convenience. You should be proud already, sis, and I’m praying for your success!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:15 AM
17

Praying for your success! It’s so amazing that you can recognise the consequences and impacts of generational trauma and are working to break the cycle. I hope only the most wonderful, supportive, loyal, romantic, committed and responsible man enters your life, OP. May you be cherished and adored 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 05:47 PM
6

You’re very kind to think of someone else after what you’ve been through. But please remember that while it’s great if you can warn her, it’s not your fault if she doesn’t respond, or is skeptical or you just can’t reach her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 08:43 PM
7

Okay, at this point, these ex collages need to start coming with some kind of content warning. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this man, OP. I hope you find freedom and peace moving forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 08:27 PM
10

I actually feel healed just by looking at your collage. I hope everything you’ve listed manifests, and then more 🥰🥰🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 08:16 PM
1

I’ll try my hand at this, too, if that’s acceptable! Edit: And by ‘this,’ I mean answering questions on r/AskFDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:20 PM
12

I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances 😢 I hope you find that there’s some kind of legal recourse after this sort of petty, heinous behaviour. I also hope your kids are feeling a little better now, and that their lives won‘t be too upended by not having independent transportation until this is sorted out. Praying for things to change for the better for you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:00 AM
27

So this....collage of things you hate about your ex? Well, it’s now a collage of things that even I hate about your ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:19 PM
2

If this is true, I’m enraged at the sheer gall and injustice. My heart goes out to these poor women. I pray to the goddesses that they will find some peace in this life despite what they’ve been put through 😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:12 PM
131

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 And yes, it makes all the difference in the world when someone takes initiative and does things without having to be asked to. I hope you and your husband are always able to rely on one another in the months and years ahead ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 05:31 PM
5

I second this. Please, please post a version (in the comments, maybe) without all caps 😭 I want to save this list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 04:34 AM
56

I know, right? Nick‘s keeping so much from Rachel made me question why this movie was even considered a romantic movie. In the end, it felt like the only one who fought for their relationship was Rachel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 06:37 PM
3

This is the best post I’ve seen on this sub, and there have been a lot of good ones 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 09:33 PM
3

Godspeed, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 10:56 PM
22

Tell on him. It’s malpractice to invade patients’ space and boundaries physically (especially if you felt the need to use force to pull away) when they’re telling you about their sexual assault. If it’s truly benign, he can explain it to whatever authority he answers to, and he’ll be happy to clarify this (as well as seriously rethink his behaviour with patients going forward). If not, then there will at least be a question mark over his behaviour when it comes to future patients. If others have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 09:12 PM
5

The Superman logo! Can’t forget that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:17 AM
2

Exactly. This man is trash. He isn’t saying what he’s saying in the interests of levelling himself up to be on par with a successful woman, he’s low-key saying, “Date down, bro.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 07:59 AM
30

No, I think these men you describe still don’t necessarily value the labour their wives do - I come from such a marriage, and I can’t say that my mother’s willingness to give up her career to raise me and take care of the home was ever valued. These men will often act as if the woman they marry are a resource to be mined for her labour and support. Often, such women are resented by their husbands for being ‘freeloaders’ at some point in their marriages. Very rarely do housewives get to be the pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 07:50 AM
26

Women would want “high powered/high stress“ jobs because..... Women don’t have to dim their own contributions to the world because of male expectations or social expectations on caregiving. Because women are actually sometimes better at these jobs than men? (Right next to this post on FDS is another about women in finance, and how their returns are better than men’s.) Because women are far likelier to end up shafted, and left with nothing, if they don’t have their own source of income and a care…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 07:47 AM
21

Well, a man who expects a woman to give up so much for the honour of dating or marrying him is...not a man you should want to date, perhaps? Ambition, potential or even achievement do not a good man make.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 07:29 AM
2

Done!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:27 PM
12

Could you please DM me the link to this women-only app, too? I’d be so grateful, and I’ve long been meaning to make more female friends ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:19 PM
43

This seems like the best answer. Even if the men OP describes ‘rekindle’ their interest, the moment you show reciprocity and emotional maturity, they will be turned off again. It’s not worth trying to make a life with someone like this, because it’s the very definition of having to play games to keep him interested. In its own way, it sounds just as exhausting as being a complete doormat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 10:10 PM
10

Are there differences between the sexes? Yes. To what extent are those differences biological and to what extent are they socialised? I don’t know, but I’d venture that in terms of personality and social preferences, a lot of the difference is socialised. This doesn’t make it immaterial - traditional older feminist theory certainly takes on a lot of the oppressive aspects of gender roles and socialised gender, and society will respond differently to you based on your sex and how well you inhabit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 05:06 AM
19

I’m in total agreement with you on this front. Also, while I agree with the content of the article, its clickbait-y title seems almost designed to encourage women to distance themselves from not only liberal feminism, but feminism itself, by conflating libfem talking points with feminism as a whole. It can be dangerous to divorce yourself totally from feminism because of the way Debra Soh uses that word, but then you’re just being silly - like Moira_Spice pointed out, we wouldn’t have any politi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:46 AM
68

Social media is starting to turn into a mass-grooming zone, where younger and younger women are ushered into a world of prostitution. There was even that obscenely highly upvoted Reddit post just a day or two ago, where a ‘woman’ claimed to have quit her regular career and now makes even more money on OnlyFans - Reddit, particularly, is hardly subtle with its grooming and normalisation tactics, and it’s no surprise that Instagram wants in on this sort of culture. There’s hardly any moderating in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:29 PM
10

Mary Ann Evans is her real name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:28 AM
7

Girl, document. If you have any chat or email history of you agreeing to his proposals or ideas, keep them, then try to point out precisely where you went along with his ideas. Keep a track record of the work that you yourself did, if you can, especially if you worked on a common document like Google Docs. Maybe also reach out to the evaluators and ask them to specifically explain why you were marked down, and subtly push back: e.g. "Can you please point out exactly how I was being difficult? I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:56 PM
16

Is Queen Calipha accepting immigrants?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:37 AM
30

I’m so sorry. This is the worst feeling in the world, and the double standards in how men and women are treated when they have opinions is ridiculous and obscene. Is there any way you can contest the evaluation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:36 AM
22

Mods, please pin this post at once!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:06 AM
8

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hie1w8/join_the_fds_discord_server_to_keep_in_touch_with/ ^^^This post has it, it’s by one of the mods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:06 AM
37

Discord! Discord! Discord!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:01 AM
65

This post needs to be pinned. Knowledge is power. Prepare yourselves. And if you haven’t already, get onto Discord ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:37 AM
177

“I have never beaten a completely healthy man...” What an absolute queen. I have no choice but to stan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:40 PM
90

The right wants women to be private property. The left wants women to be public property. Never forget that when it comes to struggles of race, class and gender, far too many leftist men are happy to ask women to simply ‘wait their turn’ when it comes to dealing with sex-based oppression while everyone else works to get theirs. Needless to say, while women ‘wait their turn,’ they’re still expected to be flawless, selfless allies to the other movements, while often being written out of those move…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:04 PM
56

It’s part of the cultural narrative (you see this perpetuated in stereotypes about single women, in rom coms, the equation of single women with being ‘spinsters:’ this all stems from the historical lack of security for women unattached to men - sometimes, being a single woman was all it took to be accused of witchcraft in western societies) that women need men to be complete. So when women say they don’t want to marry, men feel compelled to erode those boundaries, I think, because they’re so use…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:33 AM
72

What a rude and dismissive response. Block and delete. Nobody should be treating a global pandemic with this kind of nonchalance. Stay safe, OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:23 AM
10

An excellent point. Equality is not the goal, because women’s biological needs are so different to a male’s and to treat them ‘equally’ is to deny this. Liberation, though, should definitely be the goal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:10 AM
39

Oh, yay. More ‘masculine energy, feminine energy’ bullshit 😒 Look. Anna Bey has some useful style and etiquette tips, but I do not take her underlying philosophy towards male-female relationships seriously. It’s a pointless exercise in once again using utter nonsense (what the fuck even is masculine ‘energy,’ anyway?) to keep women out of advancing themselves in meaningful ways, often public or material. As if a woman who’s embodying too much ‘masculine’ energy when she tries to deviate from the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 08:22 PM
6

MD student, here. Also, there are multiple doctors in my family and social circle. Men who enter this field generally do so assuming they’ll have a wife to take care of all the ‘little things’ for them, in my experience. There was even an introductory lecture at my school that pointed this out: ”Male doctors are less stressed because they have wives. Female doctors don’t.” A lot of the guys I’ve met in my program definitely have the air of leaving the entire personal domain to a woman’s manageme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 06:30 AM
68

This is so sweet 😭 Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:07 AM
4

Yes, he has benefitted off his family’s blood money his whole life, and it continues even as he postures being ‘separated’ from them now. Not to mention the whole slew of racist incidents involving from when he was younger, like dressing up like a Nazi or his comments about black women previously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:23 PM
18

Pretty much this. Social and historical context matters when considering HV. None of the royals have demonstrated even a scintilla of value in their lives as far as I can see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:49 AM
16

If people were going to benefit off this, it should be the descendants of those plundered and pillaged and killed. And I don’t mean just the single one who happened to marry one of them and gets to stand on their balcony with their pretentious hand waves. I mean that the monarchy could’ve made an example of paying reparations to the lands whose wealth they’re sitting on now, with the acknowledgment that nothing they do will ever be enough to restore the lost lives, lost ideas, lost thoughts, los…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:47 AM
44

Agreed. She married into a family of colonisers who, and whose lackeys, have for centuries benefitted off the systemic disenfranchisement of many peoples of colour, kneecapped much of what’s considered the global south today and presided over a bloody empire that used, among other things, famine as a weapon against millions. Not to mention they stole the artefacts and labour of the ancestors of people of colour today, and have used it to build themselves high castles that will carry them through…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:31 AM
60

Right? But props to that woman - she’s fucking badass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:47 PM
15

Grandma, no! Please tell me this is her idea of a joke.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:05 AM
39

Wow, I sure hope he picks her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:32 AM
59

No, there really isn’t anything to the masculine/feminine energy thing. Telling women their lives aren’t working out because they embody too much ‘masculine’ energy when they try to deviate from the stringent definitions, values and activities coded as ‘feminine’ is just one more way to limit women’s influence, largely in the public sphere. It prevents women from making material advances in our (admittedly) material society, and this is likely to hold women back. Buying into this theory ultimate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 06:01 AM
3

Punching down is never funny. It’s lazy, tired and pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 05:51 AM
19

Interesting you mentioned this. (Also tagging u/1Here4Bach because she mentioned his profit margin.) The following is a quote about this man from the Good News Network article about him: Since he perfected the design in 2005, Brad has sold dozens of TankChairs to disabled individuals around the world. “Money does not drive me,” the veteran told Bloomberg. “It’s all about the smiles on people’s faces and all the families I’ve helped. It seems his motivations are good to the core. After all, 2 yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 12:56 AM
15

I’m so happy that you’re still with us. Thank you for making a different choice in 2018. And hey! That was a wonderfully supportive move by your BF, taking on the all the domestic duties while you study - I hope you and he remain happy. Your boss and colleagues sound fabulous as well. You’ve done so well, to find such a wonderful tribe of people who are invested in your improvement and want to see you thrive. All the best with the new course! Knock ‘em dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 07:56 AM
25

If you like animation, movies by Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli are excellent and are many standard deviations from anime’s widely recognised mean of misogynistic character designs and subpar arcs for female characters: Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind has a female protagonist who studies poisonous forests in a dystopian future and uses her intellect, compassion and political acumen to try and usher in a new world. No outright romance - only an implied one. Castle in the Sky sees a young wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:50 AM
22

How heinous of that poor woman’s family 😥 Someone was willing to immolate themselves to escape their life’s circumstances and they were more worried about social shame? Utterly, utterly heinous. See, I’m grateful that my family members, especially the women, have always been very supportive of me. The only thing I can really fault them on is that they have this cultural Stockholm Syndrome where it seems they cannot envision men behaving fairly at all, but, and let’s say for argument’s sake that’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:50 PM
98

Fuck. Where to even begin. The division of labour at home is insane in Indian culture - men do essentially nothing, women everything. Every. Damn. Thing. The general estimates are that women do around six hours of unpaid work a day to men’s 52-ish minutes. In Western expat communities, this element of traditional labour is expected, while there’s the additional expectation that you also work full-time in a professional capacity (no less) outside the home and contribute 50% or more to the househo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 12:29 PM
92

Am Desi. I’m tempted to save this post so that I remember to never do this ever. Sometimes, the broader cultural misogyny is so engrained...it’s obscene. If I start talking about it, I’ll be here for a long time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:30 AM
35

Hugs That must be so tremendously violating, OP. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. I hope you get a response from some of the more experienced members on this sub, because I honestly don’t know what to do in your situation, myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:27 AM
49

Somehow, the asymmetrical sock length is killing me 😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:38 PM
68

Her parents seem to have her best interests at heart. A pre-nup, as long as it is fair and made with independent legal counsel for both parties, is surely always a wise idea. This woman is very likely to regret the decisions she’s making.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 01:47 AM
10

Good, I’m glad you feel like you’re over the worst of it. Please stay safe, rest, and never hesitate to call medical services if necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:51 PM
14

Hang in there - praying for a speedy recovery!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:33 PM
31

Fuck. What a story. I am so sorry for that woman and her new boyfriend. I hope she manages to find some semblance of peace in this life despite what she’s been put through by that demon. What a way for that heinous man to pervert your act of kindness, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 04:31 AM
14

Important. Many STDs are still prevented by condoms, even if you’re taking something else to prevent pregnancy. Stay safe, everyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:03 AM
2

Chin up, sis! Recalibrate and find your dreams again - I’m rooting for your every success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:15 AM
8

You met your goals? Congratulations, I’m so proud of you! And you should be proud of yourself - man or no, you’ve had the gumption to bring something to life. I’m inspired, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 03:16 PM
20

Poor woman. I hope she finds some peace in this life. What a beast of a man she had the misfortune of marrying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 01:26 PM
24

Exactly. Or worse, they settle for someone they really shouldn’t be with. Get used to making your life‘s plan without factoring in men or romantic relationships in general. Maybe you will find someone, and then you can recalibrate if they’re truly the right one for you. But the odds are, the right person will slot right in to your dream life, and even if they don’t exist - hey! You’re on your way to living your dream life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:49 AM
92

PLAN FOR A LIFE SINGLE. Let’s say marriage and romantic relationships are somehow outlawed. You now have to spend your life single. What would you do, if you weren’t mentally apportioning resources and years of your life to when you think you’ll get married or be raising a family? Would you travel, start a business, move to a new country, change careers? Do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 06:34 AM
10

Hey, OP, no matter what, all things will pass, and everything will be alright. Please be kind to yourself. I have tremendous faith in you, even though you might not see this until the day is over for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 08:45 AM
97

Rest well, brave soul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 03:24 AM
14

Good for them. Fight the power. Rooting for their success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:57 PM
37

Those poor girls. May the rapist burn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 11:20 PM
21

You did that woman a solid, OP. Good on you. Sorry for her that she didn’t seem to take it to heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 05:41 AM
8

19 YO and thinking ahead? Good. This conversation is happening at the perfect time. If you hammer out what you will and won’t accept now, it will be easier to stand your ground when you’re older and that pressure you describe starts to converge. You don’t want to be in the middle of self discovery when your boundaries may come under assault. Good for you for being prepared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 01:02 AM
16

Yikes. Where to begin. I think the most intrusive aspect of many Indian origin/South Asian families (I also come from one) is what you mentioned here: “I've tried to avoid these discussions nowadays by saying, "mom, I don't want to talk about this", however she pesters me to do it in an effort to "change my opinion of men" and then she gets angry when I present my opinion...” I’ve seen it time and time again, and it’s definitely culturally engrained that a family’s elders are meant to provide th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 06:02 PM
1

“There are people out there that the vast majority of people regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, etc. will agree are beautiful.” I’d like to see your sources on this one, if you don’t mind sharing. What you’re saying has been the opposite of my experiences, both with myself and others. And I’ve certainly never found a person who I’ve thought was ‘attractive, but not for me’ before. They’re either attractive, or not, IMO. And it rarely comes down solely to the sum of one’s physical features.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 09:18 AM
1

May I offer that attractiveness is subjective? Maybe the conventionally attractive men you’ve seen with women you consider less attractive found their partners nothing less than beautiful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 07:53 AM
20

I hope you “punished” him by dumping him and letting him eat rocks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:59 PM
14

Yeah, reimbursement is absolutely necessary in this sort of situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:51 PM
65

Exactly this. Any man who complains about having to use condoms is someone to toss out into the cold, dark night. Allergies are not an excuse: they are his responsibility to handle by getting condoms he can tolerate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 09:14 AM
142

I’ll add that any man who expects the burden of protection from STDs or contraception to fall solely on you is not worth your time. He needs to pay for and always use his own condoms. Stay safe, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 09:09 AM
4

Good, I’m glad. Please stay safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 03:01 PM
20

I think that culture can play a role, but no culture I know of is safe from misogyny, I’m afraid. Avoiding divorce to save face has been a common phenomenon in many unhealthy, South Asian couples I know. The same is true in other Asian cultures as well, from speaking with East and Southeast Asian friends. In fact, in many Asian cultures, the lack of support as a single woman and the amount of social censure you’ll have to deal with if you ever have to leave or divorce an incompatible man makes t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:41 AM
7

I hope he was just trolling you....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:33 AM
28

What the fuck did I just read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:28 AM
8

Honestly? This girl sounds as pleasant as a colorectal polyp. More importantly, I hope that you are able to stay safe and far away from her in the future! It wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to do something to get back at you for leaving and living a better life....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:58 PM
22

I agree, 100000%. I’m a practicing Hindu, and it just gives me so much peace and challenges me to show some strength of character everyday. It would mean a lot to me to maybe marry someone else who has the same views one day, if I marry at all. But these men.....something is so deeply wrong with them. They are not society’s responsibility to fix once they get to this kind of a stage, IMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:36 AM
32

As another Indian woman, I second your pain. May these vile creatures all fall and burn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:21 AM
17

I do not follow this sub at all (my mental health couldn’t take it), but I think r/nametheproblem might be what you’re thinking of. Edit: Where documenting male violence is concerned, I mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:05 AM
5

I agree that it’s important to consider this a person as a whole, as a single instance of HV behaviour isn’t enough. Having said that, this man’s actions (a whole year of difficult lifestyle modifications specifically for a surgery that will benefit only his wife) all seem to point in the direction of someone who is willing to do the consistent, harder work of being a good, respectful, loving person. Furthermore, the organ compatibility issue is certainly something to consider that might make th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:33 PM
35

She is proof that Goddesses are real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:41 AM
95

That’s such a sweet sentiment 😭 I’ll echo it: I hope this man and his wife live a long, healthy and happy life together!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 02:08 AM
141

Isn’t it ever. Where do I find myself one of these?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:59 PM
7

Agreed. She seems like she might have poor boundaries from his retelling of the story (taking it with a grain of salt, of course) but he’s a whole other level of mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 08:19 PM
14

Medical student here. If, when I am fortunate enough to graduate, I choose to act in the manner described above, everyone and anyone on this thread is encouraged to kill me on sight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 08:49 AM
10

May they ride eternal, shiny and chrome. We will inherit the earth instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 07:47 AM
56

Men who try to push or justify their behaviour when you express discomfort or a lack of certainty (especially in sexual situations) are invariably trash. No good man would act this way. If you were uncomfortable or uncertain, any man worth seeing further would immediately stop, take stock of the situation, apologise if necessary and rectify any issues you might have. And this is just the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 06:11 AM
2

Full mood on ‘strong’ personality. I’ve often been told that I’m ‘intimidating.’ As if the sum of my features just takes up too much space in the world, and I should contort myself into knots or amputate parts of myself to fit into the tiniest crevice of a space most men have reserved in their lives for a woman. It’s taken me reading through FDS religiously to accept that anyone intimidated by me need not apply. And yes, a man who can have genuine debates, arguments, back-and-forth and isn’t sca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 04:19 AM
2

Thanks for your input. You’re right that the boundary pushers are the ones to watch out for. I guess I’m just mindful that some mean-spirited sorts might try to pass off genuinely hurtful behaviours as ‘just a joke.’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 03:48 AM
2

I’m not sure about ‘hard time’ but generally? I agree. Teasing is a turn on for me, too. It’s a bit like being tickled when I was a child: it’s fun in doses and when someone understands my limits and doesn’t do it to be controlling or unkind. But a lot of the (valid, important) warnings about negging and verbal abuse have made me a bit more cautious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 03:45 AM
3

I need some general advice that I’m not sure is worthy of its own thread. What do you ladies think of teasing? I.e. men who tease as part of flirting with you. To be clear, I have never sensed any particular disrespect or derision from the teasers in my past. Nor have I felt ‘less than’ after being teased by the men I’m thinking of. But on the other hand, I know that teasing can be something of a gateway into worse, abusive behaviours, especially if it’s mean spirited. Are there any red flags yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 09:37 AM
52

TL;DR: Men’s poor behaviour is never their fault. Much original. Such thought. Wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 07:39 PM
47

Women’s futures and happiness are often sacrificed on the altar of appeasing mediocre men and building them up. It takes hard work to undo this social conditioning, so stay vigilant around any friends who haven’t gone through this tough process - they can easily drag you down to their level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 07:37 PM
26

Western-residing woman of Indian origin, here! I think in my community, there is definitely the expectation that the man should be as good-looking as the woman. I regularly have heard my mother and aunts mercilessly drag unattractive male actors for being mismatched with their leading ladies lookswise, and also applied a similar standard to the personal lives of women in our community. Even for those who chose to go down the path of arranged marriage, they expect that women should at least seek …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 08:01 AM
1

Hey! Another aspiring doctor on FDS (so many of us here, it seems). Good luck on your path!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 03:06 AM
1

Whoa. You do sound like a total badass. And I really loved this one thing you listed about yourself: “I love that I am the most resourceful person I've ever known, and genuinely approach things with an "I don't know how to do that yet, but why would I have to?" attitude.“ It reminded me of Carol Dweck’s growth mindset, and I am finding the application of that to my daily life so immensely valuable. Good luck to you - godspeed on your mission!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 03:02 AM
2

Curation! That‘s so wonderful - I’ve been meaning to improve at identifying my own tastes and creating a space that aligns with me. Unfortunately, student budgets aren’t the most accommodating for that right now, but one day.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 03:00 AM
2

I am ambitious as all hell. I have every intention of reaching for the stars, and pray to the gods everyday that I reach where I want to go. I push myself. I want to get better at everything: school, work, life skills, moral character. There are no limits to how much a person can achieve, so I never give myself an excuse to stop trying. I get angry. I am simply not built to tolerate much disrespect (still have tolerated too much, though), and it’s made me realise how lucky I am that female socia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 02:57 AM
4

I see your point. But I think your reminder serves women who tend to give too much of themselves better than someone like me - I think a part of my own journey towards being a HVW is learning to stop putting up needless barriers around myself when it comes to interpersonal relationships and to begin showing up for the many wonderful people I'm already lucky to have in my life. Ideally, I'd like to give my personal best to all people and situations, without the anxiety that the expectation of rec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:53 PM
2

Agreed. I'd add that 'giving' in general is not enough to inspire reciprocity, not just giving first - anyone can become comfortable in a relationship and begin taking others for granted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:49 PM
164

I think this is one of the most life-changing pieces of advice I've heard on this sub. I have the tendency to assume that by giving, I set things up for reciprocity and responsiveness, not with men, but with friends, acquaintances, family, mentors, everybody. But now I've just realised that's both counterproductive and quite a self-centered way of thinking - I should give, but for the sake of giving alone. And what I give, I should give completely at my own (careful) discretion, from a place whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:04 AM
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