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Knave7575 Archive

View 0 posts and 389 comments by Knave7575 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

You get stuff done during the 40% of the time the kids are with their mother. Is it super easy? No. Being a single parent sucks. Good news is that you are a single parent with free babysitting 40% of the time, which is much much much easier than being a 100% single parent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 07:32 PM
2

Why do you have to leave before it sells? Just sell and move on the closing date.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 07:36 AM
0

Did the father fight for 50% immediately and a judge ordered that he gets less than 50%? Ok, maybe I’m sympathetic. Did the father accept less than 50% because it was “best for the kids” not to fight? Or maybe the dad has changed his mind? No, fuck him. I do not have a duty to fight the battles that he was too cowardly to fight.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:53 AM
7

Every woman I have dated has said that their ex was terrible. 🤷‍♂️ Dads should not accept anything less than 50% in the first place, which would avoid many of the issues.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:32 AM
1

Which is fine. At the end of the day, avoiding court once you have 50% is pretty reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 03:39 PM
1

That is pretty much the schedule I have, it works well. Why not have 2255 during the school year? Week on week off sucks for scheduling activities. 2255 is amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 11:13 AM
8

Parents get to decide who spends time with their child. It is one of the core parenting duties actually. If you are worried about being replaced, make sure you have 50% of the parenting time. It basically makes you immune to replacement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 02:04 AM
1

Do you want a fatherly relationship with your kids or more of an uncle-like relationship? You can be an uncle from an hour away, but you cannot be a father. Parenting happens on weeknights, less so on weekends. Over the years I have found that Tuesday is my biggest connection day with my kids. That’s when things go bad and they need support.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 05:48 AM
4

11x12=132 You make 310. So… you’re still doing pretty good. Definitely nothing even remotely close to “completely broke and have to flee”
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 01:56 PM
7

310k is a lot :) 7k a month is less than a third of that. Running away to avoid that and losing your job would be silly. That assumes you do not have children. Since you do have kids, that makes your “run away” proposal even more ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 08:27 AM
4

If your alimony is 7k per month your salary must be very high. Would you be able to keep this job if you flee?
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 08:20 AM
2

Presumably she can do the math just as well as you. Any offer that is substantially below what she could otherwise get is likely to be rejected.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:28 AM
41

This is an emergency. You need to get a lawyer today. If the offices are closed today you need to get a lawyer tomorrow. You might think that you can negotiate with her, or that going to court is going to traumatize your kids, or wreck your relationship with the ex. No. If you try to negotiate, the courts see that as accepting her taking the kids. You have to get them returned to the matrimonial home immediately. She is allowed to move out, but not the kids. This is also a very dangerous time fo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 10:38 PM
2

Feel free to sign it if you otherwise like your agreement. It is completely unenforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 02:42 AM
6

Why on earth would I care about the name my ex chooses to use?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 04:14 PM
8

Trump cares about Trump. I doubt fixing state-level alimony laws is high on his list. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 04:22 PM
3

50%. I told her early on that the only way I was getting 1 second less than 50% is if a judge ordered it. I was serious. She eventually realized that I was serious. It has been totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 12:56 AM
14

I always say that if there is one hill to die on, it is the 50/50 hill. I basically won by kids. In retrospect I would have lost so much if I let their mother have them as she planned.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 12:54 AM
19

False allegation of domestic abuse. By the time the male partner has resolved the allegations he is broke and has probably already lost the divorce case. That’s why it is important to carry around a voice recorded at all times when in the early stages of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 04:00 AM
21

Obviously this request is nonsense. That said, it is always a good time to repeat the divorce maxim: “Don’t take legal advice from your ex’s lawyer”
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 04:23 AM
5

Some thoughts: 1) maintenance enforcement was basically telling you what to do. They don’t have the right to stop collecting. You have to get a court order. You decided not to get a court order, so maintenance enforcement has to do what they are obligated to do. 2) in Canada, if you have the kids 40% of the time you are in a shared custody regime. Do you have 40% of the overnights? If so, go to court and get your order changed. 3) when you created your new kid, you already knew about your financ…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 04:21 PM
4

Generally speaking, you can put almost any clause into an agreement, but most non-financial clauses will not be actively enforced by anyone. So, you can say that she must wear a pink hat in the house on Sundays, and she might sign that agreement. She might even follow that rule if she feels it is the right thing to do. However, no court is going to enforce that clause. The boyfriend is pretty much the same thing. You can have it in your agreement, and she might follow it, but no court is going t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 02:38 PM
3

Generally, parents can make rules during their parenting time. A 13-year old does not control her own money or her time. That said, this is an argument between your daughter and her mother. It has nothing to do with you. She needs to stand up to her mom. Not saying that is an easy thing to do, but that is the only solution.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 07:14 PM
5

Is it 50%? Do you like the schedule? If the answer to either of those questions is no, then I would not allow it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 07:12 AM
12

For some crazy unexplainable reason, women’s groups are vociferously opposed to automatic DNA testing at birth. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 12:48 AM
5

Bad behaviour that does not incur consequences will be repeated.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 03:03 AM
1

Prove it to who?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 04:32 PM
29

Your ex just talked to a lawyer who explained how much less money she was going to get with 50-50 custody. More specifically, since she makes more than you, she was likely going to have to pay child support. Unfortunately you are now in for a fight. This is the hill to die on. See a lawyer and file. She wants the kids, you are now unfortunately in a war.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 02:08 PM
3

Giving money to somebody you despise and getting nothing in return is very low on people’s list of “things I like to do”. Without enforcement very few people would pay. Therefore, they need meaningful enforcement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:30 PM
2

She is going to try and take the kids away from you. If you get 50%, she is going to have to pay you money, and women generally are not fans of paying child support. You are at risk of losing your children. The money stuff will sort itself out. Your job is to get 50%. Nothing else matters.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:23 PM
2

I agree that it is bullshit. I was saying how it is, not how I think it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 10:58 AM
1

You have to be able to explain your drop in income. If your industry as a whole has seen a drop in average incomes, that won’t be a problem. If you resigned your manager position for a less stressful worker position, the courts may not agree with your reasoning.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:42 PM
9

1) you share in the equity gained during the marriage. If you bring in $100k, you leave with $100k (with a weird exception concerning the marital home in ontario) 2) if you earn less than the partner, you could still end up paying child support. Money flows to the parent with more parenting time. 3) marriage has nothing to do with child support. All that matters is if you have kids. 4) if your income drops, they will just impute income. So, if you made 80k and now you make 20k, you will still ha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:57 AM
4

I have 50/50. It was a hill I was ready to die on. I told my ex that the only way I was getting a second less than 50% was if a judge ordered it. That was over ten years ago. In retrospect, anything less would have been a disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 06:06 PM
5

It is mostly women who say that kind of nonsense. In general, having a “new mom” doesn’t sit well with them either, but since women overwhelmingly get custody, there are many more new dads than new moms.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:12 PM
7

Your goal is 50% time with the kids. Nothing less. Spend everything you have to get it. Do anything to get it. There is no mythical “later” when you will get more time with the kids. This is it. Right now you decide if you get to be a father or a friendly uncle. Also, don’t worry about the affair, that’s short term.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 05:02 PM
24

I assume this is a troll post. Nobody can be this stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:26 PM
1

Canada has made a LOT of progress in divorce. It is only anecdotal but pretty much everyone I know has ended up with shared custody. Not perfect of course, a recent legislative proposal to make shared custody the default never made it anywhere. However, I see this current article as a positive. Feminist groups would not be panicking if they did not feel that their iron grip on family law was fading.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 05:20 PM
1

My ex cheated on me. She was bringing the kids to see her affair partner within months. I never said anything bad to the kids about their mom. I did not go out of my way to say nice things, but the kids were going through their own trauma. My job as a parent was to make things as good as possible for them. Telling them that I hated their mother would not have fulfilled my main mission. If you want your kids on your side, be an awesome parent. Talking shit about their mom just alienated them. No …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 12:27 AM
-1

The message you sent your daughter was incredibly inappropriate. Why on earth are you involving your 9 year old daughter in the fight with her mother? “She doesn’t want me there either” Yeah, your oldest daughter is right.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:30 PM
4

You’ve been married for 23 years and only have to pay 10 years of alimony. Presumably the income potential of your ex has been vaporized during that time. After 10 years, she is utterly fucked. Overall, I think you are fine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:39 PM
4

Just don’t let your ex or kids find out. The danger is that it can turn an amicable divorce into a hotly contested divorce. That’s expensive. It might be cheaper just to hire an escort.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:20 PM
14

1) purchase a voice recorder. Use it for every interaction from now on. 2) do not physically touch your wife at all. Most especially during an argument. You don’t even close a door in anger. 3) obviously you do not move out of the house. She is welcome to leave if she wants. 4) probably talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:56 PM
0

Do you really want your kids living half the time in a household only pulling in 45k while you make 190k? You clearly hate your ex more than you love your kids. Holy shit. You don’t have to equalize salaries, but that is a massive difference.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:46 AM
1

Lots of child support goes towards: 1) bigger house for kids 2) bigger car to transport kids Some child support goes towards 3) parent working less to be available for kids. If this bothers you, make sure you get 50% custody. Don’t lose custody and then bitch about the cost of your choice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 11:28 AM
1

If your ex forbids you to do something, that should be a reasonable incentive to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:41 PM
5

True in that nobody can force you to be a father or spend time with your children. False in that you will have to pay child support. True in that your ex will have less time to party. False in that she can use your child support to hire babysitters and go party. Summary: instead of looking for ways to avoid child support, be a fucking father.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:55 AM
16

You lose less time than you think. I ran almost 100% of my errands during the time the kids were not with me. I was able to be almost fully present for the 50% time that I did have. The time away also helps you be at the top of your game during your parenting time. You lose quantity, but little to no quality. I have had issues (mostly special event scheduling) but the day to day has been a very positive parenting experience. If the alternative is staying in a miserable home, that won’t make you …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 04:36 AM
2

How long until you divorce? A loan from a friend is going to invite lots of scrutiny. You would probably have to show that money moving, and have a credible explanation for it. This is much like the people who try to run up debts before bankruptcy. It usually does not work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 02:54 AM
1

My kids were 1 and 3. I fought like a beast to get 50%, and I got it. To say it was worth would be an unimaginable understatement. I have such a good relationship with them now, almost certainly better than if I had remained married. Divorce away, as long you get 50% you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 10:26 PM
3

You are not “separated”, you are separated. Also, don’t move out without a custody order giving you half the time with your kids. Right now when she is dating and happy is a great time to negotiate that agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 01:09 PM
0

ULPT: offer to pay for the storage of the embryo if she agrees to consult with you before using it. Then, stop making the payments.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:57 AM
1

Agreed. The problem is that fathers rarely lose “income earning potential” because we rarely are the non-working parent. As a result, they almost never actually deserve spousal support at all. That’s part of the reason I support non-transferable paternity leave (as opposed to parental leave) to encourage fathers to stay home while the mother goes back to work. Eventually, fathers will start getting spousal support, and I suspect that the idea of “one parent not working is a good plan” will slowl…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 07:40 PM
2

So many comments on this thread where guys agreed that their wive’s would stay home. You agreed that lowering her income potential was a good plan. You absolutely should pay for it. Was it “for your kids”? Sure, your choice, but don’t act all pikachu-surprised-face when there is a financial consequence to one partner not working. Why should the mother bear 100% of the costs of that choice? Family law is horribly biased against fathers, but the arguments in this thread are just stupid and hurt ou…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:20 PM
2

One of the “assets” of a marriage is “income earning potential”. If you are in the workforce for 10 years, you can earn more money than if you were never in the workforce. The partners are expected to share the extra earning potential of one partner, and also share in the income potential loss experienced by the other partner. Overall, alimony actually is usually less than an even split of that asset/loss. If there was a case where the lower earning partner did not suffer a loss in income earnin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:02 PM
2

MGTOW will never work. 1) most followers are hypocrites and abandon their principles almost immediately when an opportunity arises. 2) movement is closely associated with incels 3) it alienates women (3) is the most important. Without the support of women, family court will never change. We need women on our side who recognize the inequity of the system. MGTOW treats women as the enemy, and you can’t win like that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 02:50 AM
2

I’m so glad those are not a thing in Canada. I would have gone crazy if my ex was able to control me like that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 12:43 AM
1

I would never reach out to my partner’s ex independently. To me that is completely overstepping her boundaries. If my partner wants me to talk to her ex, I would. But I’m doing that for her, not because I care about the ex in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 07:25 PM
1

To be clear, I absolutely think you should fight this. I was just concerned that you were blaming the new guy, when you should really be blaming your ex. I have similarly misplaced blame away from my ex over the years :).
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 06:22 PM
1

Ideally he likes your kids and wants what is best for them. However, the person who actually makes that decision is the mother, not the new man. If the mother thinks it is a good thing for the kids to move, it is unreasonable to expect the new guy to step in and contradict her. None of us know your situation or what your level of involvement is with your children. It is quite possible that the mother is right. Either way, the time to fight this was back when custody was being decided. If you wer…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 05:27 PM
1

New man has zero obligations to you or your children. Blame the mother for this clusterfuck, not the new guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:31 PM
3

Even in a two party state, the penalties for assault are likely much higher than the penalties for illegal recording. I’ll happily take a “illegal recording” charge if it gets me out of a false accusation of domestic assault. That said, I would not give the recordings to a cop. You give them to your lawyer, and your lawyer makes that call.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 05:44 PM
1

This is a good deal. Sign fast.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 04:01 AM
2

“I tried to defraud my business partner and now I’m facing consequences!”
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 05:49 PM
-9

1) mom getting child support from you is not spite 2) you offering to buy stuff for the kid is not a substitute for child support 3) seems like you have the kid now. That is not mom being spiteful, this is a major event. Regardless, looks like you are about to get your kid full time. That’s not a bad thing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 11:38 AM
1

You do not necessarily need a lawyer every time you go to court. You got 50/50, that is the big one. From now on, I would just self-represent. Maybe you win some, maybe you lose some, but all you can lose is money. Paying the grandmom for babysitting might have been worth a lawyer as well, that can get expensive. I have seen a number of cases (in Canada at least) where the courts actually allowed babysitting expenses provided by grandparents to be claimed. Why do you have to communicate with you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 12:59 PM
2

Brandishing a weapon is an offense. If the genders were reversed, the spouse waving the gun would be in jail.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 03:00 AM
1

Seriously? So why are you paying her anything? Getting herself fired sounds like a “her” problem, why did the courts not impute income to your ex? She should be expected to be earning as much as she did on average through your relationship. Did you have a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 07:05 PM
2

Yeah, so you are basically making minimum wage. If you have any qualifications the courts will probably expect you to make more than that. I’m not saying that it is fair, but the reality is that lots of support payers are deliberately underemployed. The courts have responded to this as would be expected.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 02:57 PM
1

Presumably the courts believe that you could be making more than $3k a month. What is minimum wage in your area?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:26 PM
1

Generally speaking, you should have about half of the total income that you collectively earn, and should have walked away with about half of the assets. What is your monthly income? I'm assuming it is more than $6k. The only way that does not happen is if the courts decide that you are deliberately underemployed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 06:32 PM
2

You are getting divorced. You will have new relationships, and she will have new relationships. You would be surprised at how quickly you will not care about who she sees. Especially if you get yourself a rebound relationship. Those work wonders.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 05:34 PM
4

Karma is a version of the gambler’s fallacy. The idea that the universe has an active force that pushes it towards the mean. If a roulette wheel lands on black 5 times in a row, there is no increased probability of red coming up next. The universe is not trying to balance red and black. On average it balances, but an imbalance does not change the probabilities. Similarly, the universe is not looking to balance rights and wrongs. A buildup of one does not increase the probability of the other.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 01:02 PM
4

This one is complicated, and is probably worth a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:42 AM
1

Person A: “divorces are often unpleasant” Person B: “well, mine was not”
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 09:34 AM
1

“Often” is a tricky word to understand. Some people think it means “always”, but those people are fucking idiots who don’t bother to read.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 01:43 AM
2

Unfortunately, the courts often consider voluntary payments to be “gifts”.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 01:21 AM
2

One question is irksome. Many parents have their kid 50% of the time. That is about 15.25 days a month on average. The “bins” are 11-15 and 16-20. You have made it very difficult to provide the answer for what is likely one of the most common arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 07:45 PM
2

Are your kids in this group chat? If not, then it is a business meeting. I frequently have meetings with people who are temporarily on the job, it’s not a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 09:57 AM
5

If your wife is included, then the standard seems to be “partners of parents and parents”. Sounds like BF should be included, or your wife excluded.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 04:44 AM
3

That was a great link
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 10:32 PM
6

Focus on the kids 100%. Be an awesome father. Save some cash on the side. 8 years from now, pull the trigger, after you have been an awesome father. Use your cash to get through the lean times. Also, during those 8 years do everything in your power to get your wife employed. Start aggressively saving for something (retirement?) so that your standard of living drops which forces her to get a job. Your goal is for her to be making a reasonable salary by the time you get divorced. ....or.... Get di…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 05:55 PM
1

In the case referenced in your second article, the wife still got half of the equity from the matrimonial home. Essentially she was owed 300k, and received about 210k. That’s not exactly a small share. There is a presumption of equal division though. Spending tens of thousands of dollars to fight a presumption is always a dicey proposition. I would suggest that he accept splitting the increase in value of his assets during the marriage 50-50. As for spousal support, she can pound sand. If you gi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 06:43 AM
1

Fair, I inappropriately used wealthy as a synonym for high income. That said, there is usually a strong correlation between wealth and income.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 01:01 AM
2

The challenge is “who has a higher income”. That’s not a challenge.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 01:01 AM
-3

Paying that much just means that you are wealthier than most people. It does not make you a greater victim. In fact, it means that you are probably suffering less than many other fathers, since if you are paying that much than you almost certainly have a lot left over. Somebody paying $300 a month while making $30k a year is suffering much more than somebody paying $5k a month and making $150k
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 01:17 PM
0

Oh, you accepted only one overnight a week since February? Yeah, you are not the custodial parent. You’re going to get wrecked. Nobody cares about the non-custodial parent. Sorry :(
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 04:49 AM
-1

Where are you living? A) if you moved out, then get back into the house. Make sure to record everything to avoid the inevitable domestic assault allegations of course. Put a lock on a room and stay there once the kids are asleep. B) if she moved out, demand in writing that the kids be returned to the matrimonial home, and get to court as fast as possible. Mom can live wherever she wants, but she does not get to unilaterally change the residence of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 04:40 AM
2

Others have mentioned, but the best schedule by far is the 2-2-5-5 schedule https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/2-2-5-5.php It provides consistency, kids are not away from a parent for too long. I’ve been doing it for 11 years now and it is awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 07:09 PM
6

Nah, you don't have to be an asshole, that's incel nonsense. Just sign a prenup, and then be a good partner.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 02:25 AM
1

Court is irrelevant, they will live where they choose to live.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 05:24 PM
8

This is a terrible letter. “I have obtained a TPO. I intend to cooperate with you as much as possible until we can be legally divorced. Sincerely, hundredalpacas” … and that is all.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 08:31 PM
17

50/50 is not guaranteed. My lawyer says I can probably get more time... ... and just like that, a hundred thousand dollars evaporates into thin air.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 03:20 AM
4

If you can afford child support, you can afford parenting. A child needs a father much more than it needs your money. Also, nothing stopping you from working fewer hours, or getting help. Imagine if the mother got hit by a train tomorrow and you suddenly got 100% custody, how would you deal with it? Whatever your answer is, you can do that today. You don't have to wait for the mom to get hit by that train.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:13 AM
0

Is there a reason you are not going for 50% parenting?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 03:55 AM
1

Ok, your son has an asthma attack and you are bringing him to ER. There are three scenarios: A) you know she can be reached by phone, so you call her. B) you know she cannot be reached by phone, so you do not call her C) you are not sure if she can be reached by phone, so you call her and may or may not get in contact with her. How is the treatment of your son different in each of the above three scenarios? In which one of A,B,C does your son receive the best and worst treatment? Is it possible …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 03:30 PM
2

Fine, let us play your hypothetical game. 1) what is the emergency? 2) are the kids with you or not? 3) how is knowing where she is going to make a difference? Please answer question 1 so we can have something concrete to discuss instead of an abstract “emergency”
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 03:05 PM
2

If there is an actual emergency you can contact her no matter what. You have no need to know any detail about her trips.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 08:23 AM
3

Wait until she deploys and then file for full custody and child support. Something about geese and ganders.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 03:54 PM
4

Generally, the ring is given before marriage, so it is not property that is normally split. The wife owns it completely. The good news is that your 6k ring is worth substantially less than that. I would ballpark about $1k.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 12:21 AM
0

Men walk away all the time. The trick is though that they will tell some story to explain why it wasn’t them walking away, but rather that they had no choice. It is usually bullshit. The only men who don’t have a choice are the ones who had a judge tell them that the kids were being taken. If a judge didn’t take your kids from you, then you walked away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:24 PM
-1

Sounds like you want a modified 2-2-5-5 Also, don’t be afraid to hire babysitters or use daycares. You don’t have to be there 100% of the time on your parenting days.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 02:45 PM
4

She needs to be employed. Encourage her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:39 PM
9

This is important: Don’t prove stuff to your ex. It just helps her improve her accusations so that by the time you get to court she is accusing you of stuff that might stick. If the accusation is not in a court document, ignore it. If the accusation is in a court document you still don’t argue it directly. Your response is “I disagree” but you keep your evidence to yourself until you present it to a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 05:27 PM
9

Gaslighting is one of those words that everyone starts using for a while without really knowing what it means. The fad will end eventually, I wouldn’t worry too much about what she says, accusations are not actually proof of wrongdoing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 04:50 PM
1

I meant as if the mother ran away to Brazil and you had the kid 100% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 10:39 PM
-1

If you were a single father and your kids had covid, would you not see them? No, you would still see them because they are your kids. This is no different. YTA.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 06:23 PM
8

“Willing to pay a lawyer 5 grand over paying her 1 grand” You don’t even have kids, you cannot possibly hate her this much. Pay her the one grand instead of giving 5 grand to the lawyer, and never talk to her again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 12:40 PM
2

And that is a reasonable position! You personally would not feel comfortable with a name unless you were born into it. It would be wrong to force you to change your name. However, your ex clearly feels differently. She doesn’t mind being a Veerhoven even if she was not born a Veerhoven. That is her choice, and it has no effect on you. It would be wrong to force her to change her name (or change it back). She has her standards, you have your standards. A big part of divorcing is no longer caring …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 03:29 AM
2

How does one “earn” a last name? Being born into it? There is no merit in that whatsoever. Professional titles are earned. You cannot call yourself an engineer unless you actually have the credentials. Last names are not earned. They are a reflection of your chosen identity, and nobody else gets to dictate the identity of another person.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 02:41 AM
1

If my last name is Veerhoven, and somebody else who is unrelated also has a last name of Veerhoven, am I less of a Veerhoven?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 02:03 AM
7

It is the most important thing. I have 50/50, and in retrospect it was the most important thing I got out of the divorce. The only time you accept less than 50/50 is when a judge declares it. There is not a single reason to accept it. Also, the norms are changing rapidly in many areas. Even 10 years ago it was much harder to get 50/50. I think more jurisdictions are trending towards granting something approximating equal parenting time. Also, I'm not sure why you would care about coparenting at …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 09:57 PM
2

People have the right to have a name that has meaning to them. If my ex had the same last name as me, it does not impact the connection I have to the name. It is not up to anyone to decide what name is best for a person, every individual has to decide for themselves. If anything, my ex keeping my last name would be flattery. It would mean that her time with me meant more than her time with her family growing up. But yeah, I don’t think there is any “blood right” to a last name. This is not some …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 11:26 PM
5

Completely and utterly alone. Family too far away to be helpful. But… if you don’t do the parenting when they are young, you don’t get to do the parenting when they are older. The thing to remember is that you don’t have to be a perfect parent. Nobody is, especially not for the first kid. Ideally, try to get 50% custody. You can be an awesome parent 50% of the time, even with ADD. Use the time away from kids to recharge. Also, to answer your question: The absolutely hardest thing was when I was …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 10:26 PM
2

Marriage has no effect on child support and custody. I would be strongly opposed to weakening no fault divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:53 PM
6

If the mother is breastfeeding then I would wait because it drastically lowers your probability of getting shared custody. Once baby is eating normal food though, go ahead. Babies are actually pretty easy to care for. Source: single dad (me) who took care of babies.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:43 PM
1

There is no moral wrong from choosing a last name. OP has no higher claim on the name than anyone else.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:01 PM
8

Why on earth do so many men care about their ex’s last name? Legally of course you have nothing. Morally you have nothing. Strategically speaking you also have nothing because if ex knows it bothers you she will definitely keep the name. Let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 07:23 PM
19

she limits access to the kid What gives her the right to limit access to the kid? Are you not equal parents?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 02:25 PM
2

Family law is horribly biased against men, but we don’t fix that by making things even more miserable for women. There is no schadenfreude here, just sadness at the times we live in and a hope that we can change.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 02:38 PM
1

That was my thought as well. You cannot avoid child support increases, it is not locked in at all.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 12:29 AM
1

You cannot possibly stop her from saying bad things about you. Nothing you put in a separation agreement will stop it, and the legal system has much bigger fish to fry than dealing with hurtful words. The good news is that you are still in the early stages, so you can do the only thing that matters: Make sure you get 50% of the parenting time. My ex says terrible things about me all the time, but the kids are with me enough to know that she is being ridiculous. I am sure that if I had less than …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:36 PM
1

What does your separation agreement say? Under what conditions is spousal support open for review in your agreement?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 01:46 PM
2

Generally, I think that there should be almost no limit to the budget when it comes to getting 50% custody. Custody is worth bankruptcy. You have 50% custody though, which means that you don’t want to go bankrupt. Spousal support is math. The 500k is equity and has nothing to do spousal support. I would anticipate that you will be paying support, and for a while. You had a very long marriage! How much do you intend to offer in spousal? Make an offer, see if she accepts. If she does not accept, a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 08:56 PM
1

Because I disagree with your position? You guys are divorced. Both parents statistically speaking are likely to enter into new relationships. If you are lucky, the new relationships will be positive. I know some people where the kids hate the new partner. That is a separate level of terrible. You don’t want that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 12:30 AM
3

She is allowed to have a new relationship, so are you. If you are worried about the kids, make sure you have 50% of the parenting time. If you don’t, then your opinion is not terribly relevant, since she will be making almost all of the parenting decisions from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 10:17 PM
1

https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/religious/abuse-jewish-community/all#node-69611
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 05:23 PM
2

It depends: A) You have 50% parenting time Just ignore it and be an awesome parent. The kids will see that you are awesome and in the end she will just be hurting herself. My ex talks shit about me all the time and it brings me closer to the kids. ​ B) You have less than 50% parenting time You are probably fucked. That clause is almost completely unenforceable because you cannot possibly show in court that it was violated. Even if you do get an adult who is willing ot be a witness against your e…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 08:04 PM
1

I think the family law system has some serious biases, and that men are often at a disadvantage during the divorce process. However, in societies where men are advantaged in divorced they behave just as badly. Eg. Orthodox Jewish men and the “get”.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 10:34 PM
2

I don’t think women are any different than men in terms of narcissism. There are plenty of narcissistic guys out there. I have had many good girlfriends. Honestly, only one that was truly terrible.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 09:04 PM
5

The first year was horrible, I felt that my life was ruined. In retrospect, it improved my life substantially.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:29 PM
1

So are you taking the kid with you or not?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 12:57 AM
1

Are you taking the kid with you?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 12:35 AM
2

Assuming you have 50%, you are not leaving your kid behind. It amazing how strong of a relationship you can have with your child even with just 50% of the time. Honestly, my relationship with my children now is much better than it would have been if I did not get divorced. Of course, if you are actually leaving your kid, then you should be afraid, and I have no sympathy for you at all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 08:09 PM
3

I didn’t get screwed, but she tried! I’m mostly here to help other guys not get screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 10:53 AM
2

Generally, if you do not have 50% then the other parent is the one providing care, not you. That means they get all the tax breaks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:54 PM
3

…says every parent who enables this nonsense. (To be clear, I don’t think you should have to force your kid to go, but I would definitely try to make it legal)
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 08:00 PM
3

Generally speaking, you have an obligation to ensure that your child sees his mother, much like you have an obligation to ensure that he goes to school. If you think you should have full custody, and no longer have that obligation, go to court. Better yet, write the mother and give her a choice: She accepts the new custody schedule, or she sees you in court. You probably don’t need a lawyer, just represent yourself. Worst case scenario for you is status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 07:52 PM
2

Oh, so she isn’t fighting you on custody because you just handed over your children to this horrible women. Do whatever you want. Burn bridges or don’t. It does not matter because you are going to lose the kids. In five years they won’t be talking to you. I can’t believe you are worried about affairs when your children are being taken from you. It is revolting.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 06:04 PM
4

So are you going to have 50% of the parenting time or not?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 05:56 PM
3

That small link was quite the read. Every father should read it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 05:55 PM
4

Is she fighting you on 50% custody? If not, then I would not cause trouble. You will have to coparent with her, and you don’t necessarily want to cause problems. If she is fighting you on custody, the bridges are burned. Go ahead and destroy her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 05:33 PM
6

Pensions can be split at source. Most pension plans provide an actuarial valuation, and they will directly pay her half of that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 02:41 PM
1

Is it possible to get more than weekends with the kids? I think that is the biggest regret you are going to have.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 12:16 AM
2

Exes are exes. Easy to forget that, but important.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 02:46 PM
1

Generally the higher income parent will pay some support to the lower income parent, even with shared custody. I strongly recommend that you get an agreement on custody before you start talking about money. Agree on a schedule, implement it, and then negotiate the financial aspects. Try to keep it as friendly as possible. If you feel the need to bring up child support, try to avoid doing that in writing, or that can be used against you as proof that you “don’t care about the kids, you just want …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 10:54 AM
2

No, it was fucking hard. I had no support at all. I got it done. That is the difference between a father and a sperm donor: Sperm donors walk away and make excuses. I chose to be a father. Walking away would have been easier, but that does not make it right. There are almost no credible reasons not to have shared custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 10:40 AM
1

I disagree. There are many reasons that having shared custody is difficult, but if you are a parent you just get it done. My comparison to a dead mother was to show that if necessary, we find a way. If somebody can become a full time parent if necessary, they can almost certainly become a shared custody parent. How come mothers always seem to find a way, but fathers always seem to find excuses? We have to stop accepting this as reasonable. Every time a father doesn’t take shared custody, it make…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 03:51 AM
3

Everyone thinks that their ex is terrible. That is why they are exes :)
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 03:42 AM
0

Bullshit. If the mother suddenly died, would you let the kids live on the street?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 12:55 AM
-3

No contact is impossible, assuming you want 50% of the parenting time. I presume you want 50% of the parenting time, otherwise you are a terrible father. That said, low contact is very possible. Exchanges happen on school days so we almost never meet. Information is sent by email, and is brief and factual. One key feature is having the 5522 custody schedule. If you do week on week off that requires substantial more cooperation and communication.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 04:24 PM
7

Court and dating don’t mix. Both of them consume a substantial amount of your free time, so if you try to do both, you usually end up doing neither well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 01:13 PM
1

Assume outstanding loan is 7,000. Car sells for $4000. Now there is $3k outstanding. Now OP is on the hook for a much smaller debt. If he cares about his credit he can pay it off, and then sue his ex for her share. Either way, you have missed the main point. The ex needs incentive to pay. Right now, she is fine trashing both credit ratings. If OP can get an order to sell the car if she does not pay, she might choose to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 07:01 PM
1

Even if the car is worth less than the outstanding payments, at least the payments will end faster if the car is sold. Also, the threat of having the car sold might incentivize her to make the payments.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 05:51 PM
5

You don't have time to be posting on reddit. You need to be finding a lawyer tomorrow and you need to reverse this as quickly as possible. This is an emergency, as in "ignore the costs" type of emergency, because you are going to lose your kid. Seriously, you may think the situation is dire, but it is actually so much worse than you think. If you have a job, take vacation now. Your next week or so should be full time figuring out family law.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 12:43 AM
11

What is stopping her from bringing the kid to get tested herself?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 01:55 PM
1

Obviously you should record every single interaction with her from now on. Start recording before you encounter her, and don’t stop until she has left for a bit. You need entire conversations. You cannot use it as a weapon very well (they won’t get her in much trouble) but you can use them as a shield, to keep yourself out of trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 01:52 AM
1

No. Telling the kids helps you, not the kids. You should never do anything that helps you and hurts your children unnecessarily.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 02:41 PM
3

Remember: You almost never have an obligation to respond to any communication from your ex. Even if you do, make it a policy to wait 24 hours before responding, it takes a lot of the edge off. Examples: Why did you feed the kids pizza? No response... unless your kid is allergic to pizza. Our kid was devastated by that thing you did! No response. You were late picking up the kid, you are such a pathetic father! No response When are you bringing your pathetic ass over to pick up the child? "It wou…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 10:10 PM
1

Should gay marriage be allowed?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 10:47 PM
1

So what are your views? Should gay marriage be allowed?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 10:37 PM
3

I’m from Ontario, and I know a lot about family law. Feel free to DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 09:55 PM
1

Ok, for fun, what are your views on gay marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 09:04 PM
2

Who does the following: 1) takes kids to dentist/doctor appointments 2) takes time off work when kids are sick? 3) takes kids to activities? Unless the answer is “me” at least 50% of the time, then that is what needs to be fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 01:20 PM
0

My message was more along the lines of that he needs to keep his odious views to himself and not connect the presumption of shared parenting to homophobic bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 10:50 AM
0

The best way to ensure that an equal parenting law is never passed is to loudly proclaim that you are an antiabortion misogynistic homophobe, and taint the entire movement by association. I heavily support a presumption of shared parenting, but after reading your mini rant here tying it to abortion and gay marriage... are you fucking kidding me? I almost want to law to fail now because you and your ilk are revolting, and anything that makes you happy is probably not a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 03:45 AM
2

I don’t get paid for posting of Reddit. It is of no consequence to me whether you follow my advice. My friends get tact. Random online strangers are not my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:50 AM
6

By the time they are old enough to choose, they will choose their own friends over either parent.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 01:09 PM
1

You should be positive. Three years get over being abandoned by a parent very very quickly. You clearly never worked at a summer camp. The kids would cry until mommy and daddy were out of sight, and then stop immediately and start playing. “We are going to mommy, you are going to have so much fun with her! I’m so excited for you to go!” If you’re excited, kid will be excited.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 01:08 PM
2

Oh… I can help with Ontario stuff. You can DM if you want. Generally speaking, if you do not get to court quickly, it can be assumed that you were ok with the mother taking the kids. Lots of bad things flow from that. Court does not have to be a disaster, but avoiding court is often a disaster. Even if you file you still probably will settle before a trial…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 06:05 AM
1

Just as easy as pushing the “mom makes all decisions” thing past OP. The lawyers are trying, so clearly it works sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 05:13 AM
1

When your spouse quits the workforce, you have to quit the marriage quickly. If you end it fast enough, you won’t be expected to support a non working spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 05:12 AM
1

Are you seriously comparing an adult daycare provider to a teenaged babysitter?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:27 PM
0

Who is best to teach a child, if not the parents themselves? Who is best to provide medical care to the child, if not the parents themselves? Who is best to cut the hair of the child, if not the parents themselves?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:17 PM
3

You are fucked. “She stays home with the kid and I work” Stay married for 3 more years, do not divorce until the kid is in school or you will lose your child. Meanwhile: 1) start saving cash somewhere, preferably not in the house. You want a few thousand dollars at least. Tens of thousands would be better. Remember, you are likely going to have to pay rent/mortgage for two places, that won’t be cheap. 2) encourage her to get a job. Pay a babysitter. You have to get her employed. 3) start doing a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 04:35 PM
7

I will try to encourage my son: 1) marry somebody who has roughly the same earning level of you at least 2) to not agree to have the mother to quit her job to raise the kids 3) to sign a prenup before marriage 4) to assume his partner is not on birth control and use a condom no matter what. Not personally bitter btw, I made out pretty well in my divorce, but it could have been so much worse!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 04:16 PM
1

Lots of reasons: 1) maintain same last name as children 2) convenience 3) weirdly annoys some guys 4) employment reasons 5) academic reasons (I swear I’m the one who got that degree) 6) social reasons ….as guys we are lucky that due to social conventions we don’t have to worry about this. It is the one thing in family law that is skewed in our favour, I’m not going to question it too much.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:34 PM
0

People get to choose their own name. It is immaterial which particular set of names ex uses for herself, nor do I care if one of those names happens to match one of mine. I share one of my two names with many people I do not like, and millions that I don’t even know. There are some people that share both of my names! I don’t see how it affects me in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:18 PM
2

How about: “50-50 and joint decision making for a year. Parents agree to revisit the issue of decision making after one year and make appropriate changes” Obviously, a year from now you decide that joint is fine. Do you have a history of making poor decisions? Are you currently involved with your children? Does your ex have a job? Are there abuse allegations? The only reason I can see your lawyer recommending that you not get joint decision making powers is if you have a history that makes it li…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:06 PM
1

If you’re getting paid and can quit your job, then you are not a slave.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 03:05 PM
2

In the developed world, it is certainly illegal. We wouldn’t tell a woman trafficked into the sex trade to obey her pimps.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 06:17 PM
3

A call to end slavery? Unless god was a total asshole, seems like the right thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 03:12 AM
3

Telling slaves that obeying masters, even if they are evil, is a good thing. …so so so much wrong with that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 12:40 AM
2

Knave: an individual of high social standing who is honourable and generous. Yup, sounds like me. At least I think that is the definition. My memory is fuzzy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 05:58 PM
0

Ancient wisdom, like slavery and persecuting gay people? Don’t forget to throw in a load of misogyny. It may be ancient, but calling it “wisdom” is sketchy at best.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:47 PM
2

The bible is the timeless word of god, is it not? Why is historical context relevant?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 12:01 PM
2

Yup, I would rather listen to a toddler than the Koran or the bible.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 04:36 AM
1

Mine or the title quote?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:45 AM
-3

Toddlers have more relevant quotes than the bible.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 11:56 PM
2

"Slaves, be subject to your masters with all reverence, not only to those who are good and equitable but also to those who are perverse." (1 Peter 2:18) Yup, the bible is full of wholesome stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 09:36 PM
1

Your kid has been stolen from you and you are just maybe sorta possibly thinking about going to court? Seriously? You almost had 50% and you let yourself get knocked down to zero. If you don’t fight this the courts will eventually assume that you agreed with it. That’s how it works.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 05:34 AM
4

Exactly, unless there is a court order otherwise, both parents have full custody and can pretty much do anything they want. Including keeping the kids away from the other custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 05:41 AM
1

Morally, you can wait one day and be fine. Legally, you can wait one day and be fine. Strategically, you should wait until paper work is finalized or you will have a pissed off ex who is suddenly not willing to be reasonable. (Also note that if you have kids, date when they are with their mom.)
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 03:40 PM
3

He is probably ok, might lose half the house but that won’t hurt much. That said, I echo this sub when I say I hope he gets wrecked.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 03:58 PM
1

Whatever you choose now you will have for the rest of the kid’s life. If you ever want 50%, you have to get it right now. You will never get more. …and trust me, you want at least 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 01:23 PM
6

Say you will take her back if she gets a job. Stall the divorce until then. Meanwhile cut back on your work hours and start putting aside some cash. Get more involved with the kids. Then, when you are ready, you divorce. Not in advance.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 04:22 PM
1

Get 50/50 first. Nothing else matters. If you start talking child support before you 50% she will suddenly remember that you are a horrible and abusive father who needs to be restricted to supervised visitation. I’m only partially kidding, sadly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 05:25 PM
12

Exactly, retire now. If you are able, go on some nice vacations, buy some fun toys. After three years, you cannot be forced back to work. This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:10 AM
1

50/50 is extremely important. I would be willing to pay a lot for that. I actually have 50/50 and it really is everything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 11:10 PM
3

Why on earth would you not ask for the alimony that you deserve? Also, spoiler: There is not going to be any reconciliation. She is stringing you along hoping that you won't go for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 12:50 AM
1

And what is the range of judgments in your area? Half your income given that you have a wide disparity in incomes and she has custody of a kid does not seek to be incredibly unreasonable. In order to have a wide disparity it must mean that your income is relatively high. I’m not trying to discredit what you are saying, I think alimony is ridiculous! That said, the court will not think that you are going bankrupt if you go from 150k to 75k.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 03:26 PM
1

If it is only money, that is the easiest one to negotiate. It is hard to compromise on kid stuff, but money has many points of compromise. 22 years of marriage is a long marriage. If your ex is unemployed, support will likely be very high. It is unlikely to be enough to drive you into bankruptcy, but it is possible that you won’t be able to support two houses and may have to rent. Why are you afraid of court? If court will offer you a better deal, go for court. As a bonus, I’ve read somewhere th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 01:31 PM
4

What are your points of contention? Alternatively: How devastating would it be to completely adopt her current position? I'm not saying that you should cave in completely, but your feelings on her position might be a good indication of how far apart you guys are. If you are very far apart, I would just go straight to trial and stop burning money on mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 02:05 AM
7

1) Start raising money now, preferably in cash. Reason: Once the process starts, any money you use comes from your pocket. If you raise money before you pull the trigger you essentially get twice as much bang for your buck 2) Spend as much time as possible with the kids now Reason: That is how they work out custody. Especially the crappy stuff (dentist appointments, staying home when the kid is sick) 3) If your spouse is not working, get her employed Reason: Unemployed spouses are walking nightm…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/21 03:31 AM
0

This is more like refusing to make yourself a sandwich and then complaining that you are hungry. I hate the system, but you don’t win by acquiescing. Fighting sucks, but if you love your kids, then that is what you do. Fathers who fight and lose have my utmost respect. However, if you give up on your kids before a judge takes them from you then you suck as a father.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 02:25 PM
4

That's a terrible excuse. I might get downvoted here, but I've got karma to spare. You made a terrible and selfish decision. Your fear of going to court has cost your kids a father, just because you were too cowardly to fight to be a parent. You were unwilling to risk going broke, so you gave up, and now you are whining about the consequences of your failure to fight. I'm not very sympathetic. Even worse, every time a father does this, it makes it harder for all the other fathers to get 50% cust…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 05:55 AM
2

Assuming the mother has at least $1000 in expenses a month, then she can easily show that the child support is being used to support the child. Rent/Mortgage would already likely be enough to fulfill that requirement. Throw in a larger car and you are good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 05:52 AM
2

1) Make sure you fight like hell to get 50% 2) Assuming you have the 50%, it is not as bad as it sounds. You spend your off days working out, catching up on your job, and doing chores. When the kids are around you get to be 100% there. I think I spend more quality time with the kids post-divorce than I ever did pre-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 01:49 AM
6

Why do you have such a small amount of parenting time? Doesn’t really matter anyway. The answer to the question “what do I do if somebody is breaching a contract?” is always “go to court”. Otherwise, why even have the contract?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 12:39 PM
1

I "won" my divorce, by most measures, and I still recognize that the system is incredibly biased against men. Part of my battle was going through the case law, and it was incredibly depressing. Note that this is not based on reddit at all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 02:12 PM
9

Agreed. Some divorce hills are silly and petty. 50/50 is THE hill to die on. Almost nothing else matters. A close second is school choice. It is important to live near the school, and to have some say over educational choices. Everything else? Whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 06:31 PM
1

My friend lives in Canada, so we have much of the same nonsense. However, child support is paid from income. Mandatory union dues to earn that income cannot possibly be part of "income". It might be that the US is generally more hostile to unions, so not allowing union dues as a deduction against child support might be another small way for them to stick it to the workers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 02:53 PM
1

In Canada union dues are taken off before child support is calculated, so at least the one earning the money is not shouldering the entire cost himself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 03:56 PM
3

I have a friend who worked out once that if he got a second job, net of expenses, taxes, and child support he would be making 25 cents an hour. His ex on the other hand would be getting about $10 tax free for every one of those hours he worked. They had shared custody (50/50), and he actually had less money than her (she remarried a wealthy guy). It was crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 06:06 PM
4

I happened to have won my court case, which I mention just to assure you that I have no bitterness that I need to vent. In Canada, the losing party pays costs to the winner. The gender bias is blinding. When the mothers win, the fathers generally pay the expected costs (about 60-80% of the mother's costs). Furthermore, those costs are generally set to be enforced by a government agency, which means that the father will definitely pay. When the father wins, the judges often say "the mother had go…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 02:08 AM
3

Imagine a hypothetical situation. Father is an epic asshole and has turned the kids against the mother. Do you honestly think that a judge would give the father full custody anyway?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 12:16 AM
7

fAMilY lAw hAS nO GeNDer bIAs
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 01:45 PM
1

1) There are tables that determine child support. 1a) If you are paying more than table support, stop it. Just pay table support. You won't gain anything by paying more than table support. If you want to spend more money on the kid, do it directly. No need to funnel it through your ex. 1b) If you are paying less than table support, expect to pay table support shortly. Eventually she will see a lawyer who will tell her that getting table support is automatic. Don't give up anything in return for …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 12:52 AM
7

As others said.. tell her you got a reduction in pay.. you can no longer afford the food/rent/etc alone. She HAS to get a job. Period. Get her to work somehow. This. Her not working is the disaster. Start living in poverty. Make her suffer if she chooses not to work. You absolutely must get her employed, or your divorce will be a financial catastrophe.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:30 PM
1

This. She has helped you more than you can imagine. If anything, ask for more details on what exactly she will do. "Would you actually release those pictures if I don't do as you demand?" This is "end up in jail" level of stuff. In Canada, this might even be considered to be a type of revenge porn, which has some pretty stiff penalties.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 09:24 PM
4

This is an emergency. You need to get to court immediately. This is not a time to negotiate or to try and "work things out". Find a lawyer, and get an emergency order returning the kids to the matrimonial home. Your goal should be to get in front of a judge within the next few days.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 06:27 AM
1

Good news is I control all the finances. We have separate bank accounts and I have our entire savings and all the bills are paid by me. Not actually good news. Yes you can start saving money on the side. However, if you completely control the financial aspect of the marriage, then you will be responsible for the financial fallout after. She needs to get a job. "All your free time" is not enough. Think of the hours that she spends with the kid, and then think of the hours that you spend with the …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 06:32 PM
3

You want a divorce. Your reasons seem pretty solid. You want to plan this out though, not just get angry and do something foolish. The end goal is 50% parenting time and minimal spousal support (alimony). If she is not working, encourage her to work. Offer to pay for anything to get her to work. Talk about vacations, a new car for her, something. You cannot successfully divorce a housewife. If you are not yet doing so, become super involved with the kid. Dentist appointments? That's you. Parent …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 02:48 PM
1

Timing is not evidence. The selling will be considered a joint decision.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/21 04:20 AM
1

If the property was sold during the marriage, there is a presumption that it was a joint decision. Do you have some contemporaneous evidence that it was not?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:53 PM
2

A general rule is that gains or losses during the marriage are shared. Once you have separated (but before you are divorced) you no longer share gains and losses. So, if you have the big fight that eventually leads to a divorce, and she vengefully sells your table the next day, then you might be able to recoup that. However, if she sells your table which leads to the big fight, then the selling happened while you were still married, so you get nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:19 PM
3

It does not matter what is owed, it matters what it is worth. A 300k property with 80k owed is better than a 100k property that is free and clear.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:05 AM
2

Seems like you are getting the much better end of the deal. I'm not sure how it works where you live, but in Canada, if you guys used the same lawyer for such a one-sided deal, it would likely be thrown out by the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 03:59 AM
4

You probably do need a lawyer. In the event that you cannot afford a lawyer, I'm going to provide some very brief advice, and will answer other questions if you later post them. Advice: Over the next while you will be told that it is normal or expected for the mother to keep the children. There will be schedules proposed where you see the kid every other weekend, with maybe some time in between. Fuck. That. Shit. There is no reason for you to have less than 50% time with the children. You do not…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 09:51 PM
1

Absolutely yes. Unless it is no.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 05:14 PM
2

exercise first, take a shower, then do the paperwork. You'll be in a much better place. ​ The reverse works as well. Do the paperwork, then get out your frustrations on a jog or exercise bike. Take a shower and relax watching Netflix. Drinking does not resolve any issues. It just makes existing issues worse. Also, there is a greater chance of you doing something really stupid which will fuck up your case.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 05:13 PM
14

This post is amazingly free of content. I'm impressed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 02:31 PM
4

I don't think that drinking as a way to deal with stress is ever a good plan. There is no safe amount. People who drink as a response to stress are at very high risk of having addiction issues. I recommend exercise instead. As a side bonus, it will help you once you are back in the dating pool.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 01:37 PM
3

There is even a better schedule. 5/5/2/2 2/2/3 and 7/7 both have massive scheduling problems. Not when the kids are 5 and 2, but in three years when the kids are 8 and 5 and you want to sign them up for activities, that's when you have issues.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 05:38 PM
5

Not a chance. Also, while I despise my ex, I recognize some of the qualities she has imparted to my children. By herself, she would be a terrible mother, but as a team, even a divorced team, we do a good job. It helps that I have 50% parenting time with the kids, so I don't feel like I lost out on parenting. I imagine that fathers who are non-custodial parents might feel very differently.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 04:36 PM
1

#1: What is she going to do all day at home if you take away her devices? I cannot believe that she would rather stare at a wall than be in school. #2A: She doesn't have to sneak food, I was proposing that you allow her to eat, you just don't cook a special meal for her and she has to clean up after she makes her own food. #2B: It does not matter what her mother thinks. Also, I don't think I've ever heard of a kid starving themselves to death when food was available. #3: Which manipulation? You …
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 04:31 PM
3

1) Not going to school You have to be a parent here. Your daughter does not have the option to skip school. If she misses school then you have to create consequences. 2) Refuses to eat with you Serve dinner. After dinner clean up. If she wants to make her own dinner (and clean up) then let her do so. If she makes a mess, make sure that there is less food in the house, or create consequences. 3) Lies to her mother Whatever, not an issue. You are divorced, so the opinion of your ex should not matt…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 09:12 PM
2

If you are going to get a divorce, you need to prepare beforehand. Talk to a lawyer and figure out a plan. In the meantime, become super involved in the kid's lives. I mean everything. School, dentist appointments, sports. If the kids do it, you want to have first-hand knowledge of it. A planned divorce can be smooth, an unplanned divorce could end up with you broke, never seeing your kids, and fat again since you can no longer afford the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 01:59 PM
1

Thanks, me and my ex wife are not going for 50-50 split of assets. We will split based on our earnings. She wants out, so I told her she should be ashamed to ask for my hard earned money. I hoping judge will agree for what me and my ex agreed for. ​ You had better hope that your ex wife does not talk to a lawyer. This is not even remotely how splitting assets happens.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/21 08:16 PM
2

The courts will not have a problem with the asset switch, but the banks might. The courts would only have a problem if it was not an equal asset switch. Example: House is worth $400k Rental property is worth $500k with a $300k mortgage. (and so is worth $200k) Total value of your assets is $600k. If you guys want to walk away with the properties, the person getting the house will have to pay the person getting the rental property about $100k. But, the person getting the rental property needs to …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/21 08:15 PM
4

Go to court, get a divorce, get custody. This may sound machiavellian, but if she is in the hospital now, she will be in no position to fight this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/21 04:26 PM
5

Queen size bed 1) It is more comfortable 2) The "just in case" is not as hypothetical as you may think. One year is a short time after a 26 year marriage. It is very likely you will have another relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/21 11:30 PM
3

Idea: Take one of the kid's passports. She can have the others. Then nobody can travel anywhere, and she cannot really complain, because she hid them in the first place :)
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 09:19 PM
1

no canadians? :(
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/21 08:11 PM
1

To me, the biggest goal of every father in a divorce should be to get at least 50% parenting time. If you are working 60 hours a week, you simply do not have the time to be a parent. You will not be allowed to cut your hours post-divorce, so best to start now. As a side bonus, by cutting your hours, you create some financial pressure which encourages your wife to start working more to support herself. At the end of the day, this also lowers your post-divorce costs. It also puts her in a weaker p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/21 07:21 PM
1

I wont have to pay child support or ?alimony (only married 3 years) You will definitely have to pay child support. I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada you would have to pay alimony as well (we call it spousal support, but same thing). It is the length of the combined relationship, not the marriage piece of paper that matters. ​ she doesn’t want me to have friends- ran off all my friends with her psychotic behavior when we were young That's serious red flag behaviour. A major "time…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/21 05:31 PM
1

Seems like that should be the target. Alimony covers her rent, I have no idea why you are also paying rent. Finalize the divorce. What is holding it up?
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/21 08:27 PM
1

Why are you paying her rent?
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/21 08:24 PM
2

I got 50% in a contested custody proceeding. I live in Canada though, we might be more open to that over here. I will say that it was worth it. If I did not have the 50%, I do not believe that I would have the relationship with my children that I do right now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 03:22 PM
3

In Canada, the case law is that retroactive support can be up to three years. I strongly urge you not to move out. You are a parent just as much as the mother, there is no reason for her to end up with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 03:23 AM
2

Remember that no matter how emotional you get, it is important to get 50% custody. A few years from you, nothing will matter more than that. Talk to a therapist sure, but also a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/21 03:35 AM
1

Think about your legal goals. Offhand: 1) Kid goes to school in your district 2) Mom is responsible for 100% of driving ​ If you get those two, does it really affect your life all that much? Once you are focused on what you want, easier to get it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/21 11:49 PM
3

You don't have to say "marriage is a business transaction" (though of course it is). Just say that your lawyer from the first divorce told you to always get a prenup before future marriages, even if you thought it would be forever. So, you do indeed think that this will be forever, but you really really trusted your lawyer and you are going to follow his advice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/21 10:19 PM
11

If I'm reading this correctly, you did not have a child with your crazy ex wife. This is an epic win for you. I know you want to be a father, but being the father in that type of situation is so much worse than not being a father at all. Your ex wife sounds terrible, most women are not like that. Enjoy your new relationship and thank whatever gods you believe in that you didn't get the first one pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 10:09 PM
2

Imputing is based on your skill set. A judge can look at your employment and educational history, while your ex provides some appropriate comparables, and voila! Imputed income. It can be "dude has this education and this work history. yeah, his job doesn't exist any longer but he should be able to easily make 700k"
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/20 12:58 AM
2

In Canada, it would never work. They impute income to people like you. Does the states not do that?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 11:14 PM
5

Many rich people like to scream about how they are going to go onto welfare so that us plebs will be deprived of all the awesome tax that they pay. I call bullshit. The only people who say that they will vengefully go on welfare are the people who have not lived in welfare. Maybe you can get away with it during covid, but that strategy will backfire hard in the near future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 11:08 PM
1

It did! Even once I had the kids half the time my ex still tried to undermine me. It took her about five years to get used to the fact that she was not going to win. I firmly believe that if I had left the house, I would not have the wonderful relationship I have with my children today. I freely admit that this biases me somewhat. :)
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 09:25 PM
1

I had a manipulative spouse. I put a lock on my door, and on my half of the nights with the kids I would take them out if she was home. I had a personal voice recorder that I kept running every time I was not in my locked room. A manipulative spouse who pulls tricks will also try and manipulate you out of your kid's life. I think if you have a dangerous spouse, the answer is to take precautions, not to run away and hope that the courts will save you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 09:27 PM
1

Agreed. Living at home is tolerable, but dangerous. Always carry a personal voice recorder, and try to avoid talking to her as much as possible. I like the idea of always meeting in a public place to discuss anything. Not living at home is worse though. OP is in a tough spot.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 09:12 PM
1

Imagine two statements: A) You should not leave the house B) It is likely a bad idea to leave the house, contigent upon the specific circumstances of your particular relationship and the custodial arrangement with regards to your children and your financial situation. "A" is clear, and usually true. "B" is slightly more accurate, at the cost of clarity. Given that this is the internet where many people have low levels of reading comprehension, and we are dealing with people facing extreme emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 06:27 PM
1

Seriously, why would it not be possible to live with somebody? You have a personal recorder on at all times, and you never say a word to her. Only talk to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 05:53 PM
9

The fact that it is a rental is irrelevent. The problem is that you are no longer living with the kids. Remember that once you move out it will be almost impossible to move back. Imagine the paperwork is not put in, and you guys start to argue over custody. It could be YEARS until you have a trial, and you will potentially not see your kids the entire time. You're an adult. Take a nice room in the house, and put a lock on it. The sister can sleep in the basement. In fact, tell your ex in writing…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 05:52 PM
4

Stop spreading misinformation about leaving being misinformation. Leaving without an agreement is a terrible idea. Don't do it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 05:48 PM
2

When I said to not mention child support, I meant not to bring it up as an argument for one schedule or another. The only reason you want any schedule is for the best interests of the kid. Child support is an automatically good thing (TM) that will be calculated once the appropriate schedule is determined. I would actually just ask for 50%. I recommend a 2255 custody schedule. Let her try and argue that it is not in the best interests of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 02:54 PM
1

1) You should definitely have 50%. 35% is actually a very dangerous figure, because many courts consider that to be a non-residential parent. 2) You should be able to keep your 35%, status quo (what has been happening up until now) matters a lot in family court. 3) If your ex unilaterally changes the schedule to give you less time, consider that to be an emergency and get to court very quickly. It will be tempting to try and "work it out", but in family court, the longer you try to work it out, …
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 02:29 PM
2

Is your wife on the mortgage? Does she work?
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/20 11:26 PM
1

I had a 50/50 with my kids who were 1 and 3 at the time. I'm not sure what your concerns are with regards to dating, but I'll guess? Available pool of women: I did not want any more kids myself, and most of the women who would not date a father are also the type of women who are looking to start their own family. Time to date: I have 50%, which sounds like it might be more than you have. (aside, why on earth would you not go for 50%)? Generally, it is only an issue if you are looking to date sin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 04:44 PM
0

You are the worst father you will ever be during the divorce process. Your description is completely correct, the fighting takes everything. Fathering gets much easier once you are on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 10:59 AM
4

we pay and support women and that they need to be available and exclusive for sex. One of my biggest fears is that a daughter of mine ends up with somebody like you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 06:12 PM
3

Not even for a second. 50/50 is wonderful, and in retrospect the only mistake I made was not realizing just HOW important it actually was. As in, I wasn't sure if it was worth bankrupting myself to get it, but in retrospect it would have been. Luckily, I was mostly self-repping so I was able to get it relatively cheaply.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 05:38 PM
7

If your view of male/female sexual dynamics is that the men pay for the sexual services of women, why not just hire escorts? Most women enjoy sexual activities, as long as you do your part to make them enjoyable. If your female companions see sex as something that they provide to you, then I would suggest that part of the problem lies between your screen and the back of your chair. I do not agree with my divorce settlement, but I am not going to destroy my life to hurt my ex financially. That's …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 05:34 PM
1

Marriage story was hard to watch, I had to do it in shifts.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 05:29 PM
2

Obviously there are so many red flags here it looks like a murder scene. Assuming you are staying with her, options: 1) Get a vasectomy 2) Always bring your own fresh condoms 3) Lots of oral sex
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/20 05:22 PM
19

You kicked him out of the house. At that point, you pretty much lost control of him. Your ex now gets to make all the decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 01:20 AM
4

If you do not have kids, an amicable divorce is actually quite likely. If you have kids, many factors come into play. Generally, if there is a custody battle the probability of an amicable divorce drops substantially.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 10:44 PM
3

Honestly, I would fix the phone. Hear me out! Get some back in forth in writing where you guys exchange some pleasant conversation. Then, if you get accussed of rape and threatening to kill out, you whip out this conversation and can say "seriously, you think she would go to a killer for tech support?"
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 04:19 AM
6

Who told you that not hiring an attorney could be seen as a negative? Also, hopefully you have that blackmail in writing. If not, stop talking to her and start communicating with her in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 12:00 AM
3

You can always represent yourself. There is no law that says that you must hire a lawyer. That said, I am curious. How did she "use property as leverage to not let me see the kids or talk to them".?
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 11:56 PM
8

A well written prenup that explicitly considers scenarios and where both of you have had independent legal advice could hold up for a while. If you have a child though, expect that prenup to be worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 04:41 PM
2

Your plan is reasonable, make one offer of 50/50, and when she says no proceed to trial. That said, if you got placed on supervised visits it means that you really screwed up last time. What makes you think you'll be able to handle it this time around?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 03:45 PM
2

Idea: Get an account on board game arena. Start playing games, while talking on the phone at the same time. Best to have some distraction while talking. Online video games could work as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 03:07 AM
1

Asked for 2 weeks in February, she said no Why are you "asking"? That is a problem, there should be an actual schedule. You should never ask for time, there should be time that is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 02:45 AM
1

Mobility cases are difficult, often almost no possibility of compromise. I would strongly recommend a lawyer. You need a court order, fuck her immigration situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 01:24 AM
7

1) Why are you not visiting your kids? Unless she has sole custody, that is not a decision she gets to make, unless you allow her to make it. 2) If you are receiving child support, and not seeing the kids, then it kinda makes sense that you should not receive child support. 3) This last one might be more Canada-specific. What was the reason you are receiving alimony? In many cases, your financial situation might be pertinent, so disclosure might be appropriate. 4) Even if disclosure is appropria…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 01:19 AM
3

Talk to a lawyer before you get out of the marriage. You need to set things up properly to make sure that you get equal time with your daughter. That may involve a year of playing pretend. Maybe even longer until you are out of the army. Losing your daughter is a very real possibility. In the meantime, do as much as possible. YOU bring your daughter to the dentist, YOU talk to the teachers. YOU arrange playdates. What do single parents do in the army? I don't actually know, I'm seriously asking.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 09:01 PM
1

I know, I was thinking that 100km was a lot, but then I realized it was miles, which is much more! Thanks bot, you're a star.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/20 05:04 AM
4

Luckily, this makes it in your power to change it. Just move to within 100 miles of your child. Honestly, you probably want to do that anyway. You cannot really have much of a relationship from over 100 miles away.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/20 05:03 AM
1

I would file a motion before the court that it is in the best interest of your children that they have ZERO AND I MEAN ZERO contact with this guy. Such a motion is unlikely to succeed, and I think that losing motions makes you more likely to lose future motions, because judges get to see your case history. I have a general policy of only advising to file a motion that is likely (>70%) to be a win.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 02:50 AM
7

Nothing. There is nothing you can do. 50/50 means that, during your parenting time, you get to decide who spends time with your child. Similarly, your ex gets to make those decisions during her time. One wrinkle might be that new guy has been actually convicted of a violent crime. That said, he is far more likely to assault your ex than your child, and your ex is not your responsibility. Normally, I would say you would have no chance of placing any restrictions, but in this case it might be poss…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 03:01 PM
2

If that is what it takes to get a separation agreement, go ahead and sign it. Then post a picture on social media of you with some hot girl a month later. That type of clause is completely unforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/20 10:48 PM
2

Maybe agree to pay the $500 per month quickly before a judge ever sees your case...
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/20 06:49 PM
2

Maybe support levels are substantially lower in the states. You had just mentioned alimony so I didn't calculate child support. Child support seems to be roughly similar (about $1.2k here) but alimony is still up at about 3-4k per month. Perhaps the lesson is that if your marriage is on the rocks, propose a move to SC :)
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/20 06:35 PM
1

The following is for Canada which obviously has some wildly different rules at times, but it might give you a ballpark. https://www.mysupportcalculator.ca/calculator ​ It says about 4k-6k per month, for a loooooong time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/20 06:25 PM
2

Did a judge give the kids to your ex or is that an agreement you are signing? If it is the latter, and you think it is unfair, nobody is forcing you to sign.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 12:16 PM
1

It might be possible to borrow the money, interest rates are low. I fully recognize how crazy it is that somebody would have to take a loan to pay support, so please don't think that I'm saying this is fair. I'm just saying that it is an option.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/20 02:46 AM
1

In Canada, support payments are generally made using the income from the previous year. For example, if your earning looks like: 2018: $50k 2019: $60k 2020: $20k 2021: $50k 2022: $70k This year (2020) you would be paying the support levels of somebody earning 60k, even though you were only earning 20k. Next year though, you would be paying the support levels of somebody earning 20k, even though you were earning 50k. The year after you would be paying support at 50k levels, even though you were m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/20 08:20 PM
1

1) The kids are old enough to make something for you on their own. It is not mom's job to step in. My kids have been making me stuff since they were 6 years old. 2) Sounds like you do not have a separation agreement. Now you know that it needs to include "kids will be with their father from 8am on Father's day until 8am on the following Monday" or whatever your transfer time is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 02:58 AM
1

How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 04:21 AM
4

If there are kids involved, my general rule is that you fight for 50% of the time, no matter the cost. If there are no kids, I would try to cut a deal. 20k is not chump change, but you might spend that in litigation anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 04:04 AM
1

I think if I had waited for God to help me I would have lost my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:33 PM
3

You have maybe 4 years left with your daughter at home. Borrow some money and make it work. There is no reason not to have shared residential custody. Why would your ex have more money than you? If she is not working and you have 50% custody, would you both not end up with roughly the same amount of money? How does she plan on making it work? Also, where you live it might be different, but if one party refuses to work, the courts can often just impute income.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 08:19 PM
1

You don't have an agreement, which means you have the same rights as the mother. Your kids are fairly old (especially your son) which means that his wishes would likely be respected to a large degree. You have a status quo of having the kids less than 50% of the time, and your kids are not too interested in living with you. My thoughts: 1) Your ex has no (legal) obligation to acknowledge anything 2) You probably have no legal basis to change anything 3) Your best course of action is probably to …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 08:16 PM
2

What do the kids want?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 05:56 PM
4

How will they get it from me if I won’t pay. Support orders usually involve forcing people to pay somebody who they despise, and those payments are a lot of money for a long time. If it was voluntary, compliance would be quite low. I would not be paying my ex if I had a choice! There are maintenance enforcement agencies. Unless you live off the grid and work for cash, they will get the money. That stimulus check that just went out? A lot of people never saw the money, it got taken from them befo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 06:54 PM
3

No, of course not. However, the picture you want to present in court is "100% committed to kids and nothing else matters". Dating sullies that picture a bit :)
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/20 10:45 PM
0

Even if we think that dating during a divorce is morally acceptable, judges are generally old men who may not share those values. Presumably you have some time without the kids when they are with their mother. Use that time to date.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/20 10:17 PM
2

In Canada, the judges have been very explicit in saying that COVID does not override custody orders. Essentially, the two households in a divorce are one household. The kids moving from one house to the next are equivalent to going from the living room to the bedroom within one house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/20 03:01 PM
2

The sooner the better. For the peanut gallery, if your spouse ever says "you cannot see your child" you get your ass to court within a week. You don't let that nonsense stand.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/20 06:09 PM
1

Which country is this? You have to pay for your ex regardless of whether the child lives with you or not, I don't see the relevance. Also, if your country really has a 0-3 tender years philosophy, then make a separation agreement that starts sharing custody when the kid turns 3. If that doesn't work, make a separation agreement such that the issue gets legally revisited when the kid turns 3. Don't just give up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/20 09:58 PM
3

I was separated when my kids were 1 and 3. I fought for and got 50% parenting time. I am substantially involved in their lives. If I had not fought, I would likely not have the relationship I have now. You are right, a weekend father will slowly lose contact with his child. There is no reason why your child has to live with the mother, or why you have to be a weekend dad. The time to fight it is now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/20 09:56 PM
1

I meant in cases where the father fought for shared custody. Unfortunately, if you don't fight for shared custody, then you definitely lose. Fighting doesn't have to cost tens of thousands of dollars. I had multiple court appearances and spent substantially less than $20,000. Just control your lawyer. Offer to settle then straight to court. No time-wasting with letter writing and other nonsense. No major preparation until there is a trial. I base my observations (increased shared custody) on two…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/20 01:32 PM
-2

Generally, fathers cut themselves out of the child's life by not fighting the mother. In Canada at least this is changing drastically, and shared custody is rapidly becoming the de facto standard.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 06:47 PM
2

Even if he is not on the lease she still cannot make him leave. Otherwise there would be a lot of sad ex-wives sitting on the street.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 03:29 AM
1

Well, then it just needs a flamethrower. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=gMYODvtbtKU
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 05:07 PM
1

If you have kids, keep it. Let them know that once upon a time their parents loved each other. It would make a nice wedding present.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 04:55 PM
5

You seem like a charmer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 07:00 PM
2

Arbitators are often lawyers. Most mediators in my area seem to be social workers. A lawyer could easily be quadruple the cost. That said, I agree, I would not sign anything without running it by a lawyer first. However, I would first attempt to craft the agreement without the lawyer. Divorce is an emotional time. Obviously you should not be emailing or calling your lawyer for therapeutic support, but when you are in the throes of a divorce, it is hard to be objective about what is a reasonable …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 05:15 PM
1

Why would you need a lawyer for mediation? You can run your agreement by a lawyer to see how badly you are getting screwed before you sign it, but retaining a lawyer too early can be very expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 04:53 PM
2

You don't need a divorce, you need a separation agreement. You can live at home, and come to an agreement that includes selling the house. Once the house is sold, you and your ex will be living separately. One year later, you apply for a divorce. If she asks you to leave the house, just tell her that the faster the house gets sold, the faster you guys can stop living together. If her mental health is in severe crisis, why on earth would you leave the kids alone with her?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 04:52 PM
2

I'm more familiar with Canadian law, but they are not too dissimilar. In Canada, if the mom has custody, she could reasonably fight the selling of the house. However, if you have shared 50/50 custody, she would have no grounds to do so. Keep in mind that property owners have a default right to sell their property, so there has to be a very good reason to override that right.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 04:12 PM
6

"Blacksareus" is a hetero Indian male, who cares about pronouns. Yeah, I'm not buying it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 04:10 PM
3

The school situation is extremely temporary. Depending on how far you are from the school, the kids are very close to the age where they will be able to go by themselves. In the meantime, you can hire care after school. Find a parent who lives close to the school and see if the kids can go there after until you arrive to pick them up. Ditto for the morning. Absolutely do not give up 50/50 custody due to this minor detail. The house should be sold, with the proceeds divided between the two of you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 04:01 PM
1

If you feel your spouse is abusive, then you move out with the children. Moving out of an abusive situation and leaving the kids to fester in it is pretty shitty parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 07:38 PM
1

Bet the kids don't see it that way. More importantly, the courts often don't see it that way either.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 04:34 AM
0

Most the the ”documentation” people advise will be excluded as hearsay. The documentation is, as they say, a shield rather than a sword. You will not win your case with it, but you can certainly save yourself from some nasty allegations.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 02:41 AM
1

Get back home ASAP. Move out of the bedroom if you must but you must not abandon your kids now, or you will lose them forever.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 02:40 AM
1

Well, technically that is true in Canada as well. Here though we define dumb as "you lost, so you were dumb to bring it to court". There are different levels of dumb. You can pay "partial costs", "substantial costs" or "full costs" depending on how epic your loss was.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 10:54 PM
2

Some thoughts: As another commenter said, asking for legal fees is outrageous. I would not even ask for it. If my ex would have included a demand for legal fees I would have ended the mediation immediately and just tried my luck in court. I don't understand how mediation could possibly be of value if you are in the middle of a custody evaluation. To paraphrase a popular show, "you know nothing letak"... at least until custody is determined. Your mandatory mediation clause is ridiculous. If she d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 10:15 PM
8

Ask her to give you an offer to settle in writing, and if it sounds good, then you accept it. Meanwhile, you continue to prepare for trial.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 08:18 PM
5

The looks like a logo for a hitler youth offshoot organization. Maybe something more loving and less militaristic?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 08:05 PM
3

Remember these last few days when you get offered something less than 50% parenting time and are told that she will be "generous". If it is not your parenting time, expect not to be a parent during that time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 03:53 PM
2

Your ability to have kids is pretty much irrelevant to what is "fair" from a financial perspective. His possible financial abuse during your marriage also has no bearing on what is "fair". Your sex life (or lack thereof) during your marriage is irrelevant to "fair". What you gave emotionally or physically to the marriage does not really matter. Fair is getting half of the financial gains made during the marriage. Think of marriage as a business partnership that has been terminated. Based upon wh…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 08:01 PM
1

I agree, number 4 is the most shaky. That's why I used a lot of wiggle words. She had an income earning potential. Being out of the workforce almost guarantees some loss of income earning potential. As a single father now, I realize how child rearing impacts upon my income earning potential. I am less able to stay after work. I cannot take on weekend projects easily. I do miss some time when the kids are sick. Nobody has said "less money for you stupid parent" but I cannot partake in the activit…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 04:18 PM
3

General rule: If you do not have kids, it is never "wrong" to get divorced. There are better people out there, and you are very young. On a personal note, getting divorced was the best thing I ever did. My first wife was toxic, in much the way you describe. Get out before you have kids, your life will be so much better, and as the popular saying sorta goes, you only get one life. YOGOL. Yeah, pretty close.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 03:43 AM
2

Brave of you to post here. I'm not from the "women are scumbags" camp of thought, so maybe you don't want my opinion. I think that men get screwed over on custody and child support often, and I do my best to help out in that regard, but that is the extent of my biases. Honestly, I understand your point of view. You gave up your chance to earn an income and moved, with the understanding that the marriage was going to be a shared partnership. His income earning potential increased during the time …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 03:40 AM
1

You can think long term or short term: 1) Short term: I cannot stand the mother. I need to leave! I need to think about me! me! me! 2) Long term: My kids are going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I can handle a year of discomfort to keep them in my lives. Too many fathers leave the kids, which helps in the short term, and then 10 years later they realize that they have made a terrible mistake. Don't make that mistake. You can hate the mother, but stay with the kids, no matter wh…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 05:23 PM
3

2/2/5/5 is a great schedule. I highly recommend it. ​ 50/50 works very well, her working schedule is irrelevent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 10:15 PM
4

You need to talk to a lawyer about why you are letting the wife move out with the kids. To answer your question though: Generally, the house needs to be sold.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 04:56 PM
7

Women don't automatically get the kids. They get the kids because the fathers think that the mother automatically gets the kids and do not fight it. They get the kids because the fathers voluntarily move out of the house. Source: I have the kids, despite my ex not being too keen on that. PS: Suicide hands 100% custody over to your ex, don't do it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 12:15 PM
2

In Canada, you would likely be entitled to a very extended amount of spousal support (alimony). This needs a lawyer. The amount of money we are talking about here is very large, you do not want to mess this up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 11:51 AM
3

To be clear, I'm not saying this because I think you need to take the high road or anything. Fuck her and fuck society. I'm just saying that any "get even" schemes simply won't work for you, so don't try them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 07:08 PM
3

Honestly, it is almost impossible to get even by being petty and vindictive. At least in the short term. In the long term, you win by being an awesome father. I'm assuming you are getting 50% of the parenting time (or more). The kid ends up liking you a bunch, and that will annoy your ex every single day. If you want to be petty, get a solid separation agreement, and then don't deviate from it. That's the right way to be petty. It is amazing how much sticking to an agreement will likely annoy th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 07:06 PM
1

I'll try to rephrase it so you can understand: "Do not consent to less than 50%. If a judge orders that you get less than 50%, then that is unfortunate, but unless a judge orders it do not consent to it". Better? I successfully self-repped; I think I know the basics of civil procedure (in Canada at least). I know the states is different but I suspect it is not too different.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 06:55 AM
5

I think that it is important that you never agree to less than 50%. It might feel like you will not get it, people will tell you that your odds are low and that you can't afford it, but never ever agree to less than 50%. Make a judge order it. As somebody else said in this thread, this is the hill to die on. Nothing else matters.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 04:40 AM
2

If you record every single interaction with your ex, it would be tough to get charged with something false. Honestly, there is some value in defying her. If she demonstrates (hopefully in writing, always argue in writing) that she is trying to alienate your kid from family members, that could be used against her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/19 09:11 PM
1

No, slow changes work better for adults. We are mostly in control of our world, so sudden changes are disorienting. Kids are generally not in charge of their world (especially preschool kids) and are used to unexpected change. Do kids need "transition time" between grades? No, of course not, they just handle the complete change in teachers, and usually handle it well. Do they need "transition time" between home on a Tuesday morning and school? Of course not. ...and those are strangers, not even …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/19 02:50 PM
1

To ask for a sudden change at the time of divorce when the children are already going through a ton of changes is not fair to the children ​ Lots of things are changing around the time of a divorce. The particular parent that washes clothes or picks up the kids when sick is a very very minor aspect of this. Fathers should not let this type of spurious thinking keep them away from their kids. Kids are adaptable. They change teachers every year, and handle it well. My kids changed babysitters and …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 11:13 PM
10

Process I would follow: 1) Send check 2) If she says she didn't get the check, tell her you are willing to do online payment. Give her a choice of 3. 3) If she refuses, tell her you already gave the check, and she is welcome to drag you to court. You have evidence you are trying to pay. If you get dragged to court make a rapid offer to settle to do it online so there won't be any arguments. I don't see you losing this one in court, so don't be afraid of court.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/19 08:22 PM
1

Typically, mom's have to take control when it comes to kids. That society's norm That needs to change. Fathers are just as capable as mothers. Mothers only get control because fathers abdicate control. Fathers need to stop moving out and bailing on their children. Mothers stick around for their children, why can't we do the same?
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/19 06:29 PM
6

I was the one who called the divorce. Irrelevent. The marriage was not working well. It does not matter who finally pulled the trigger. ​ Why should that mean I would uproot the kids from their lives and try and take them with me? I never said that. I said you should stay in the house. Either you guys are going to be coparenting really nicely after this divorce, which means that temporarily living in the same house will not be a problem, or you guys are going to be fighting, in which case it is …
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 08:03 PM
3

But why are the kids staying with her? Why are you the one moving out?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 03:42 PM
5

Don't leave the house. Talk to a lawyer before you leave your house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 01:52 PM
2

I strongly recommend the 2255 schedule. It allows you to schedule activities on your own time as you see fit, and minimizes interactions between the parents. https://www.custodyxchange.com/examples/schedules/50-50/2-2-5-5.php
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/19 02:31 PM
1

My reading of this is that the child support guidelines are based on a 66%/33% split, so that a judge might consider ordering more than the guidelines if the parenting was 80/20, and less than guidelines if the parenting was 55/45. This doesn't sound to me that parenting is automatically divided 66/33 at all. What kind of schedule would 66/33 be anyway? Every other weekend: 14% EOW plus a day on off weeks: 21% EOW plus a day every week: 36% EOW plus two days a week: 50%
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 09:39 PM
1

To answer the original question, I video call my kids for about 20 minutes every day I don't see them, just before bedtime. You may find that when your kids are 12 or so they will be substantially less interested in making that call. ​ In my state (MA) one parent gets automatic 66%, unless both parents agree to 50/50. Do you have a reference for that? Is there a specified 66% schedule? I have never heard of this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 09:13 PM
0

You gloss over it, but no father should ever voluntarily leave the marital home. Let the mothers leave the marital home! No excuse is good enough to abandon your kids to the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 09:06 PM
4

Courts expect the father to be fucking perfect I agree. It is incredibly unfair. But we have a collective obligation as fathers to each other to always fight for the kids. Every father who fights makes it easier for the next father to get his kids. Every father who accepts the every other weekend screwjob makes it harder for the next father to get his kids. We need to get the message across to fathers somehow. If you are not a 50% parent then you will eventually lose contact with your kids. This…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 08:05 AM
2

I have the kids half time. I generally do not talk to them at all when they are with their mother. You cannot really expect to be with the kids every other weekend and have a full parenting relationship. More fathers need to fight. The mother has no automatic right to custody, fathers just seem to give up on their children.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 12:43 AM
1

From what I can tell they are just doing this to drive me crazy....seriously. It must feel like that, but it is unlikely to be true. Her lawyers are trying to get as much money as possible for their client. That is their job. For her lawyers it is a lot less personal than you might think. that this should never have come to trial... To me it's a complete abuse of process Why don't you make an offer to settle? It won't feel fair, but it sounds like this trial is going to be a disaster for you. If…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 03:30 AM
1

Your car decreased in value by $20,000? How much was the car worth originally? Maybe you should sell the car, use the money for an attorney, and hang out in a homeless shelter during the trial instead of living in the car. Do you qualify for legal aid? Do you qualify for alimony? Do you have any kids? You have not given anything close to enough information to receive any advice. In Canada, there are lawyers at the court houses that provide information. If that is not available in Canada, perhaps…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 10:48 PM
3

Good chance that after a surprisingly short period of time (could be days) he won't be allowed back into the house. The kids will be in the house. The case will take months or years to get to court, during which time he will have almost no time with the kids. Also, he may have to pay the mortgage of the house while paying rent for a new place during this time. That can be financially crippling and limits your ability to obtain legal advice. Once he finally gets to court, mom will say that kids h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 12:53 AM
3

Honestly, I would record anyway. The penalties for recording are probably less than the penalties for domestic abuse. Don't let her know you are recording of course, just have that recording in case you ever get charged.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 12:47 AM
3

Don't leave the house Get a voice recorder and record all interactions to guard against a false claim of abuse Don't leave the house Tell him not to touch her at all. Do not block the doorway, do not hold her arm. Did I mention that he should not leave the house? Fathers often leave the house to "keep the peace" because it will "help the kids". That's bullshit. You don't leave the house Find an attorney. Try not to use the attorney much, just have one ready in case something stupid happens (like…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 11:43 PM
1

Are you talking about your car question? It seems like a fairly specific legal question. If you want legal advice it probably will not be free, you'll have to pay a retainer to a lawyer. I'm more familiar with Canadian law but many of the tenets are similar In a nutshell, until you have an order saying that the car is your car, it is not yet your car. In Canada what you are trying to argue would be called a "reckless depletion of assets". What evidence do you have of the value of the car before …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 11:32 PM
1

If you have questions, ask them here. You may not get an attorney, but lots of people are not attorneys and are familiar with family law.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 11:12 PM
1

Why do you live seven hours apart?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 05:57 PM
1

Work less. That's another thing you should probably start doing now, since you won't be able to do it once you start the divorce process. If you are clearing 144k a year after taxes you could easily work 2/3rds as much as still make a very good income. Don't do it all at once of course, just do fewer hours every week. Slowly, very slowly. Right now, considering future spousal and child support you might be liable to pay, your marginal income is probably negative. Work less, spend more time with …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 10:43 PM
9

Before you pull the trigger, start spending more time with the kids. Think of it as a one year process. Use email. At work send her things like "I'm thinking of taking the kids to (activity), do you think Wednesday or Thursday works better?". If she can go crazy on you in writing all the better. Meanwhile, start finding small jobs for your STBX. She does not need to be at home for an 11 year old and a 9 year old. The trick is to get her employed. Maybe it starts at 5 hours a week, or 10 hours a …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 09:46 PM
1

gives me valuable time with my son, before we part company for good are you parting company with your son?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/19 03:35 AM
1

Why not stop paying the mortgage, get a 2 bedroom apartment and have full blown 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/19 05:03 AM
1

Won't your STBX be under the same financial constraints?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/19 02:15 AM
1

Do you have to move out? Your kids are young, can you share custody? That said, your agreement should holidays spelled out clearly. When you have the kids, I would absolutely not include the mother. Your time is your time. You are getting divorced, there is no reason to include her in that time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/19 04:39 PM
2

Keep it short. Most of the questions you ask will turn out to be irrelevant and you will forget much of what you are told (which is why murfeous said to take notes). Assume that you will need a second meeting to ask all the questions you should have asked today. Again, keep this one short. Stick to the facts. Don't complain about your ex. Everyone has a terrible ex. The lawyer doesn't care, but will happily listen at $400 an hour.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/19 03:47 PM
1

I'm glad you found a place! I don't think moving out ever saves a marriage. Make sure you talk to a lawyer before you sign any separation agreement. Sometimes people will sign very one-sided agreements to try and "save the marriage".
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/19 05:43 PM
1

Get a blow up mattress and sleep in the living room. Unless you live in a one bedroom apartment there is room. I would strongly recommend not sleeping in a park. If you are that desperate then go to a homeless shelter. For example http://goodshepherd.ca. There are multiple homeless shelters in Toronto. That said, you really should not agree to move out of your house, and you have not actually agreed to move out of your house. No court has ordered you to leave. There is no signed agreement with i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/19 03:29 PM
3

Just stay in the house for those four days. It is your place too. Honestly, I would not have agreed to move out at all. I'm not sure why guys always agree to do so. Just keep a voice recorder on you if you are worried about a false allegation of abuse. Again, you cannot be kicked out of your house, you are doing this to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/19 11:43 AM
1

Retirement plans are property, is yours much bigger than hers?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/19 06:12 PM
3

Oh, then I would say focus on the breach of the custody agreement. The topless photo may or may not be an issue, but taking the kids for three weeks is a major issue. Don't get distracted by the photo.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/19 03:42 PM
-1

Why are you following your ex wife and/or her new husband on facebook? Only pain will be found there. Anyhow, not much you can do. If you report them they will just block you and continue to post merrily away.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/19 03:21 PM
2

I don't get why after she has the affair, doesn't work, that I have to prove I can be an equal parent (coach, scoutmaster, always involved in all kids activities, etc) all while she collects $ and continues to do nothing. You left the house without the kids. That makes her the real parent and you the not real parent. Which sucks, I'm not justifying it in any way, but that is why she gets everything and you get nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/19 02:27 PM
1

The good news is that it greatly reduces any need for alimony :)
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/19 09:37 PM
1

I'm surprised you have a court-ordered divorce without any of the associated financial orders. So what kind of parenting schedule do you have? When do you have the kids? When does she have the kids? Do you guys own the house? Do you pay spousal support and then you each pay half the mortgage?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 03:26 PM
1

Just to be clear. You have a separation agreements that provides: A) A schedule of parenting time (when you have the kids, when she has the kids) B) Outlines child support that will be paid C) Outlines spousal support (alimony) that will be paid D) Describes how the assets are going to be split So you have that agreement?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 02:30 PM
1

Who has custody of the kids? And the "see the kids on a daily basis" thing will work until she gets a boyfriend, which will be sooner than you might imagine
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 02:09 PM
1

Go to a separate bedroom, or some room. Put a lock on your door. Get a proper divorce. Sell the house and be with the kids half of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 01:41 PM
1

I want peace. ​ No, you don't get that luxury. Peace is easy, you move out and you avoid the conflict, I get it. But you are the father, and you have an obligation to do whatever you can to be a meaningful presence in your children's lives. That means you have to suck it up and go back home. As iceman says you get some recording equipment and you record everything to stave off a fake domestic abuse charge, but you go back home. Not for you, for your kids. You do not abandon your kids. Go back ho…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 01:32 PM
1

Presumably you should move back then? Why do they get to live with mom and not you?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 06:52 PM
1

Where are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 06:03 PM
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