First let me start, we have talked about divorce when she arrived back from her girls trip and as of lately this morning. This might be a long drawn out email and mostly considered an rant. Apologies.

I have trust issues. Two years ago, my gut feeling told me to look at her iPad and phone. I found messages with a guy that when I confronted her, she threatened to take my kids away, previous boyfriends, some hidden under females names, some not, messenger chats with another guy that she was tearing me a new one. Not good stuff. But we have made it work the last couple of years.

Fast forward, she goes on a trip with some girl friends. She says nothing happened, but when questioned, trickle truth, she tells me that she was groped, a kid half her age wanted her to give him a BJ, groped, manhandled and kissed. She told me she dances with men, women and whoever she wanted to dance with. She even said she was really drunk much of the time. You know, a typical girls weekend. Her friend put a video on social media showing her dancing with another guy and then walking away together on a boat cruise. When the friend noticed it was her, the friend moved the camera away really fucking quick. Fucking scummy.

So I call her on it. And now I’m the controlling one. Not letting her be the real person she once was. As of this morning she wants a divorce. I said ok, I will call her bluff. I said from the very beginning of our relationship, guy friends are just guys wanting to bang you. They are not friends. I am exclusive. Now it’s an issue.

Unfortunately, we have had bad luck the last, shit seems like several years. Medical bills, more medical bills. We are fucked financially and that will not allow us to really hire an attorney as our money is co-mingled. We can’t move out. We have two kids that will be devastated.

Am I old fashioned to think out of sight, isn’t out of mind?

How do you guys get going with the constant anger, gut wrenching feelings you have in your stomachs?

Damn, I have said things to her that I am not happy with myself the last couple days she has been back. I can’t take them back. But to immediately want divorce, shit. She refuses to go to counselling as she has stated that she will only be beat up by the counsellor.

What’s next? I love my kids. I can’t lose them. They truly love me. Honestly, more than their mother. But after 25 years, we aren’t good together anymore.

Any advice brothers, would be greatly appreciated.