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LadiesOpinion Archive

View 8 posts and 177 comments by LadiesOpinion on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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28

This information would be key to me. How much effort does he put into his appearance? Does he shave, iron nice shirts, get regular haircuts, put on cologne on a daily basis to be attractive to his wife? ...Or does he throw on stained jeans with a smelly T-shirt while expecting her to doll up? I'm a lesbian and I personally expect my partner to put as much effort into her appearance as I do, on average ofcourse. We all have our down days/weeks. But someone continuously lounging in comfy wear woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 10:36 AM
15

A gift that requires additional expenses on your part to enjoy, also isn't a gift in my opinion. I once received a €30 beer brewing set, that required me to purchase over €60 worth of additional items to even use. Happy that you received a thoughtful gift, OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:48 PM
5

Ew. Sounds like he's so insecure, he feels the need to hide behind 'humour' so rejection won't hurt as much. Imagine actually investing effort in flirting and dating, instead of texting that it'd be 'so funny HAHAHAHA' if you came over to his place for 'his seed HAHHAHAHA' 🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 03:02 PM
135

Meanwhile (straight) women are delighted and having a great time at predominantly-women's parties. I hate the atmosphere of sausage parties! Scrotes tend to get in some kind of struggle for dominance and start shouting and bragging over eachother, while oggling the women present 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 02:48 PM
3

It's a manipulation tactic. They say their motivation to ask for WhatsApp/Instagram is to 'get to know you better': you can best get to know someone in an IRL meeting. If it's to 'peak their interest': that's what your OLD profile was for. If they're checking for catfish (legit), there's a million different ways to do that apart from WhatsApp and Instagram. Conclusion: their reasons are deception. They have a hidden agenda which they do not wish to reveal. Such as: fap material, bragging rights,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 02:25 PM
3

This actually makes so much sense. Thank you for the possible explanation of hook-up culture!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:49 PM
395

Scrote demonstrated he won't support you in times of need, won't make you feel appreciated and loved on special occasions, and will throw an emotionally manipulative temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way (you won't be his incubator). Ew. Respect that you nexted him brutally, Queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 10:32 AM
34

I'm a lesbian. Gay men have normalised the use of condoms for penetrative acts. Whereas my straight lady friends are having unprotected sex, because they convince themselves being on birth control and 'trusting him' is enough... Use condoms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 11:15 AM
70

FDS really helped me here. Now that I'm enforcing my boundaries and standards without texting paragraphs about my needs, without initiating endless futile discussions-- I am receiving more respect and expending/demanding less energy. This principle goes for friendships as well. Too much communication about expectations is suffocating. It leaves no room for free will, and can feel quite manipulative. One friend who recently moved to another town (>4 hours round trip), would bombard me with "I wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:44 AM
10

Loving how your actions reflect your new, higher standards. You deserve nothing but 100% investment, Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 10:18 PM
6

My NVX would Google their shitty behaviour/wants, and cherry pick all easy solutions where I had to do the work. Not doing chores? ADHD. I should remind them. Wants more sex? I should change meds, look into libido boosting supplements, schedule sex, initiate more, find my kink, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:00 PM
9

I'm WLW, so my worst PickMe 'friend' was an absolute train wreck experience. She flirted with me, abruptly started fucking another woman, tried to keep me around as her friend AND relationship therapist AND backburner... Booted from my life. Nothing of value was lost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:31 PM
-1

The reason why I wrote my comment are not to "win FDS" or to be a "horror" who should "get fucked". On many occasions, I have observed that the women in my life who leave texts of friends unanswered for long periods of time, but answered their crush/date/SO as quickly as possible and delighted in texting with them while ignoring everyone else, have eventually been met by some form of alienation by their friends due to this behaviour. So I wanted to inform you on the possibility that your actions…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 07:41 PM
29

Lesbian reporting to say: this is 100% my experience as well. Can't remember the last time I had sex where I climaxed only once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 05:27 PM
10

Thank you for this post. I'm flabbergasted by the frequent posts about (reality) TV shows and celebrity gossip on FDS. Yes, you might learn a thing or two about Red Flags from watching Ex on the Beach or discussing Kim K's dating life. But you'll learn much more by picking up a book, listening to a quality podcast, participating in discourse over real-life situations, etc. I'd hate for this community to be overtaken by low quality America-centric show bizz content.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 05:00 PM
-2

Ah, so you're the friend who leaves your girlfriends on read all the time, but always texts back her boyfriend ASAP? Sis, having this highly selective 'dislike for texting' seems like a recipe for alienating your friends and getting stuck with a man as you main source of social interactions. You're giving your boyfriend absolute priority in a major modern communications channel, and are actively ignoring your friends so you can focus your attention on him. Sorry, but my PickMe alarm is ringing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:41 AM
3

I have no clue. I personally use WhatsApp and will just ignore the once-a-year hoovering attempts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:21 AM
8

If you truly enjoy them, there is no harm in group chats. I personally get too little benefit out of them for how time consuming they are too read, and how often they annoy me. I couldn't care less about the stream-of-conciousness updates of my friends. If it's important, tell me when we hang out. If it's urgent, call me. If you're seeking immediate external validation, post it on Instagram for your followers to like or something. Just yesterday I got sent a video by two people in a group chat, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:17 AM
39

I used to get very anxious when my LVX would take very long to respond, or when she replied coldly. Looking back, that was only the case because I was trying to supplement the sickening shortage of attention I was getting from her irl, through texting. Had texting not been my crutch, I would have found out way sooner that I could not be happy surviving on her crumbs. Another reason to scrap texting: it's an illusion of attention that will never satisfy your needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:42 PM
80

Texting has made it so you can keep someone hooked&hopeful with an occasional 10 second investment and minimal effort. They can ask you about your day while literally taking a shit. They can send a quick "I'm so happy for you!!!" while bitching about you to the person they're actually hanging out with. Prioritse making plans, or fade to the background where you belong 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:35 PM
62

I'm convinced the generations who grew up interconnected through internet and texting, have underdeveloped emotional regulation skills. Why deal with your own issues if you could just... bombard your friends and relatives to seek external soothing, just like a toddler would cry and seek out Mummy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:17 PM
187

Texting is such a breeding ground for manipulation, privacy infringement and abuse. I've had several people tell me they "hate texting", only for them to continuously text someone else while I am hanging out with them and have several active chats, or complain about someone not texting them back quick enough. Someone told me she only checks her phone once every four hours or so, only for me to observe her having it on vibrate and jumping on it to read every text as it came in, day in, day out. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:12 PM
47

I do not know your situation, but I will comment on the stable/instable family background issue: I come from an instable family background which gave me a lot of trauma I'm working through, I realise this is emotional bagage not everyone is in for. I realise I have never had a healthy parenting role model, and will need to learn parenting skills before considering having children to break the cycle of abuse. I realise it can be a turn-off that I will not be providing extended family, and that I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:18 PM
84

If anything, OLD taught me the importance of vetting IRL. I though the majority of people were interested in monogamous relationships. Turns out a terrifying amount of singles are just looking for sex without commitment, or are in a non-monogamous relationship and want you as a sidepiece. I now assume shitty intentions until proven otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 10:05 PM
95

Poly is a scam for women unless you solely date women. I'm a lesbian, and it is extremely likely that you'll be dating: 1) bicurious women who want to use you as a sexual experiment; 2) women in a heterosexual relationship looking for a unicorn; 3) emotionally unavailable commitmophobes who use the poly label to hide their issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:58 PM
39

Most people try to rekindle with an ex, because it seems like an easy way to gain sex and intimacy quickly. They will only resort to an ex, if no better options are available. Rarely is there an actual change of character. Rarely do they deeply regret their mistakes, and view you as "the one that got away". So my thought experiment conditions would include: They have had at least one healthy relationship since our break-up. They have owned up to their mistakes and have done the work to significa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:39 PM
67

Covert narcissists must protect their fragile ego at all costs. The more invested they are in you as a supply of validation, the worse their abuse will be as soon as you (threaten to) stop supplying. They will manipulate, threaten, attempt to kick down you self esteem, play the victim, stalk you, make up lies about you and smear your reputation... Anything they know about you can and will be used to their advantage. They'll call you endlessly through different numbers. They'll manipulate your fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:07 AM
217

Proud of you sis! Great boundary to not accept being strung along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 08:49 AM
29

Queen, I applaud your self-reflection and self-growth. I've finally begun to stop repressing my trauma. I'm truly healing. I'm keeping my abusers accountable and set iron boundaries. And I'm repenting for the hurt I caused others, in a dignified way. It feels like slowly untying a knot in my heart I didn't even realise was there. Like I can breathe for the first time in my life. Like I can truly be me, and truly love others, for the first time in my life. I'm finally at peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 09:04 AM
55

Governments should protect citizens from products with obvious malicious application possibilities. Anyone with half a brain could predict AirTags would be used for stalking. Yet the best protection the company provided is a notification four hours after you've been tagged? Provided you installed the app, Bluetooth is on, you're checking your phone/have it with you and on... Seriously? We're trusting tech companies to figure out the personal safety concerns of their own products? And they're put…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:45 PM
78

YES. All attempts at asserting boundaries were met with "This is emotional blackmail. You're forcing me to do as you please, or I'll suffer the consequences! You manipulative little shit!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:56 PM
54

Absolutely. One of the last things she said to me before I severed all ties: "You're more like your brother and father than I thought. Just as emotionally incontinent."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:53 PM
438

From personal experience, growing up with a highly manipulative narcissistic mother, this is rarely a full on accusation: rather phrased as an assumption, disguised as a question, or just sprinkled in casually. "You aren't as empathetic as me." "Why are you being so self-centered today, did something happen?" "I accept you just the way you are, even though you're a bit selfish. Everyone has faults!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 02:10 PM
24

Yes. It is the only scientifically researched and easily accessible resource on female pleasure that I know of. Clear and explicit in its content (you can view women showing you on their bodies how they masturbate), but never pornographically so. I liked using it to open a dialogue with my partner as well. If I had children, I would give them access to OMGyes at an appropriate age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:54 PM
160

I love coffee dates! No pressure, low costs, low time investment, we both have coffee breath so I don't have to worry about my breath, the caffeine induced poo break gives me the opportunity to collect my thoughts, I can clearly see what they look like under fluorescent lights, the crowded rushed atmosphere has an everyday charm... Why over-invest, you know? I'm not special, I'm just your average gal. No need to roll out the red carpet! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:53 AM
97

Journaling is ESSENTIAL during the dating process! It helps me see patterns in their behaviour, keeps me from brushing things off too easily, and allows me to observe my emotions from a distance. Just recently in a moment of weakness, I caught myself fantasizing about a hypothetical version of my LVX. Entertaining the idea that we'll end up back together and living happily ever after. So I grabbed my journal for a reality check. Reading all the Red Flags I brushed off. Page after page of doubt, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:24 AM
22

If she comes back, remember: while forgiveness is an option, do hold her accountable. You need to have that conversation before you can trust again. Otherwise her perspective might be: "I was just busy with my relationship you know? No harm, no foul." and I guarantee you, that pattern WILL repeat itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:15 AM
35

I'm in my mid-20's so I can't provide insight into the age aspect. I do want to tell you that I've been lurking FDS for a while now, and your cobtributions in particular always stood out and resonated with me as a beaming example of FDS applied well. Your choice of words always seems concise, ruthless, and fair. Not at all like a scorned woman who unfairly punishes men due to past bagage: more like an experienced soul with iron boundaries. Which I quite admire as a budding Newbie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 11:42 PM
296

He negs. She politely rejects him AND provides an explanation AND excellent advice. He throws a testerical mantrum in which he proceeds to insult her. Fellas, AITA?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 11:22 PM
342

I used to have a similar issue: I could only orgasm through one very specific form of clit simulation. It had to be exactly the way I masturbated, or I wasn't cumming. I was in awe of my female partners (I'm WLW), who could climax through several methods of clitoral stimulation. It opened up so many possibilities, fun, and surprises! So I fixed it. Stopped masturbating for a while. Researched pleasuring methods on OMGyes. Started experimenting with my non-dominant hand and toys. No matter how fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 10:27 PM
431

"Barely legal college pavement worked by three construction studs: gets FILLED TO THE BRIM with cement" 😫😱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:49 PM
46

"I'm so happy you're not orgasm-focussed! Let's both not cum, it'll be tantric!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:31 PM
88

However, his one talent is changing nicks, so I can't just block and delete for good. I play whack-a-mole with this moron. Why don't you change your nickname so he can't find you anymore? I've asked him, though, why would you (...)? He never has an answer. I've used my words and told him (...). This always sets him back on his heels. Why are you interacting with this loser? Block&delete. I honestly think this guy hates and despises me with a white-hot anger surpassing the sun. I think I'm his "t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:11 PM
74

Women get complimented on their appearance, agreeable personality, and what they do for others. Men get celebrated for their personal achievements, productiveness and independence. Woman repaired something: it was probably an easy fix. Man repaired something: worshipped handyman. Woman wins a sports competition: congrats girl! Man wins sports competition: worshipped the coming month as Olympic God. Woman takes the lead in a project which comes to great fruition: it was a team effort. Man in lead…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:06 PM
189

... the victim mentality of this scrote 🤮🤮🤮 Attraction happens. You have to fuel it, for it to become a crush. You then have to actively seek out their company, to fall in love. You have to be calculating in the deception of your current partner, so you can 'explore the connection' further. You have to lie and sneak around for MONTHS or YEARS to secure your monkey branch before you inform your current partner about you having met 'the love of your life' who, by the way, you've had an affair with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 12:43 PM
632

The last straight man I had sex with: Had to give himself a agressive handjobs during foreplay to maintain an erection. Didn't touch my clit once because he was so preoccupied with jacking himself off whenever I stopped touching his penis. Complained about having to wear a condom, and did not own a right size condom. Spit on my vulva (which did not need more lubrication, and there was actual lube nearby). Didn't penetrate me with his fingers first, just shoved his beer can dick right in there. M…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:41 AM
86

He ABSOLUTELY doesn't want to have a pregnancy? He needs to own up to his share of birth control. Wrap it up or get snipped, boy. Go Double Dutch if you haven't already! In case he didn't wrap it up: I'd demand he pays for the abortion costs, drives you to the clinic, and takes care of you and household chores while you recover. Because in that case, he did JACK SHIT to prevent this pregnancy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:07 AM
228

Why don't all men get snipped and freeze some sperm? Seems much more efficient than women suffering over hormonal birth control their entire lives, plan B, unwanted pregnancies, abortions...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 12:53 AM
6

I made it a point to dump as soon as a friend canceled to be with her boyfriend she sees every day. Spot on. So disrespectful. "Heyy uhm, Plan B? Plan A just became available, so I'm gonna have to do a rain check..." Silver lining: at least the trash took itself out, she didn't give a lame excuse. Transparent shittiness saves time and energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 01:40 PM
25

My former best friend would use me to fill her free time when her partner wasn't available. She'd constantly check her phone while we were hanging out, and left as soon as her partner texted they got off work / left the bar / whatever. It was so hurtful being an afterthought, back-up plan, and disposable like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:33 PM
20

"I only like going out if he can come! It would just be so hard to go out without him. I’m just going to stay home, because I am too sad to go anywhere." H O L Y codependency! 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:25 PM
20

Sis, spit out my coffee over this one! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 11:11 AM
35

Yes, sadly this is very common indeed. Thank goodness I've Levelled Up since then. Never again will I subject any women to emulated LVM behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 12:07 AM
129

I'm going to reveal my terrible past here, but I (WLW) used to do this kind of shit to my NVX because I wasn't attracted to her, nor did I have any respect for her. I'd package it as "Your quadruple chin folds are soooo cuuuute! Show them!" Ladies, this is a Red Flag you should NOT ignore. In stark contrast, I found my LVX beyond attractive and would only ever praise every inch of her appearance. I wouldn't comment on her insecurities, unless she brought them up herself. And I certainly wouldn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:37 PM
8

I too find it hard to find a partner. Hook-ups on the other hand are available on every dating app and at every party. Those who do have a relationship, usually started out as a drunk hook-up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:11 PM
18

I'm calling it 'voluntary celibacy' to bring power back to me. Within the lesbian dating pool, a toxic masculine mindset has been adopted by many. Being on a 'dry spell' is looked down upon, like "you can't even get laid" is the worst thing to possibly happen, and indicative of inferiority. As soon as I tell those people that I've never had more women actively pursuit me in my LIFE but I'm CHOOSING to remain celibate because they simply don't live up to my standards, it shuts them (with their dr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:40 PM
17

Sis, same! Dating multiple people is NOT the norm here (Western Europe). My assumption would be monogamous dating unless stated otherwise. Although as we've become more Americanized, more people are 'playing the field' so I do ask about 2-4 weeks in, just to be sure. If I then find out she's (I'm WLW) been dating other people without explicitly informing me, I'm gone. I'll view her as an emotionally unavailable manipulative poly attention wh0re, who might be sleeping around and bringing STDs my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:28 PM
54

Truly. Relationships crumble as the honeymoon period wears off, and they're off to their next fix of superficially acquired endorphins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:16 PM
71

Yes! Casual sex has left me feeling empowered a grand total of ZERO times. It either left me feeling used, or like a user.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:14 PM
48

Absolutely. It's already a tight-knit, complicated, incestuous community. No need to limit my options any further by being promiscuous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:03 PM
37

As WLW in a small local gay scene, I realised I've become turned off by women who have lots of casual sex. I don't feel special if they show interest in me, because I feel like one option of many, a human sex toy, or a trophy deer for bragging rights. Not to mention the DRAMA when it turns out they've fucked one of your exes, or hooked up with a mutual friend, etc. So I need to hold myself up to the same standards. No casual sex for me. I realise my perceived value in the dating pool will be hig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 10:33 AM
211

Loving how they'll have to pay $10 to get roasted publically. Hoping to hear many scrote submissions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 06:49 PM
35

I have not read it, above text was modelled after behaviours observed in my father. Sometimes I think I might actually be bisexual, but have been so turned off from men from an early age, that I decided to be a lesbian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 06:41 PM
15

If you're anything like me, the anxiety is because you know you're being evaluated and that you're not a version of yourself yet that you're truly proud of. Damn, ain't that the truth about insecurity...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 06:37 PM
706

She needs to be considerate and prioritise my needs, clean up my mess, take care of me when I'm sick, manage the household, and feel responsible to manage my life and my emotions. She needs to be one of the guys, enjoy drinking beer with me while we watch football and eat the hot wings she picked up from KFC, and chuckle at my farts and misogynistic jokes. She needs to be sexy, wear immaculate outfits, lingerie, and make-up around the house, and be fully shaved at all times. She needs to jump at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 01:11 PM
2

Personal relationship advice questions are to be posted to AskFDS. When posting to this sub, I ask myself: "Does this post benefit the reader?" If not, I am merely seeking advice or venting, and I should hit backspace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 01:00 PM
54

I love the emotional bluntness of kids. They're like: "You're not invited to my birthday party, you're stupid!" and the other is either like "Well YOU'RE stupid!!" or starts to cry and seeks soothing from a caretaker. Everyone knows exactly where they stand. This at the cost that they can't regulate their emotions yet. Adults however, invite people they despise to their wedding. Because if Georgia comes than surely Savannah will have to come too, and she'll want to bring a +1, and they will prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 12:34 PM
141

Match their energy. If their energy level is below your standards, next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 12:07 AM
3

Happy to help sis. This community is here to help build you up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:32 PM
325

Scrote is telling on himself. The only thing he mentions about her is: "I can't describe what kind of person you are." The rest is me, me, me, my life, my girlfriend, what you give me...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:56 PM
65

She looks absolutely stunning. Balding Groomer Scrote is probably controlling and manipulative, to artificially enforce her loyalty. Never date far below your league, because their insecurity will come back you bite you. They'll flaunt you like a prize in public, and kick your self-esteem down to their level in private.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:51 PM
13

My strategy: no response for >12 hours without a valid unpredictable reason provided by them when they reastablish contact ("My phone broke" "I'm in the hospital, car crash") 🚩 = block & delete. If they're going to be unavailable for more than half a day, I expect up be notified in advance. I have zero interest in secretive, overly private suitors who keep me at arm's length about how they (roughly) spend their time. It's usually a manipulation tactic or a Red Flag for emotional unavailability/d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:23 PM
15

You're playing mind games with yourself. Why do you care if you seem like you care to him? Do what serves you. This scrote has left you guessing in radio silence for DAYS. Sending a text takes SECONDS. The breadcrumb he eventually threw you, is utter LV disrespect. If he was as invested in you as you are in him (after ONE date, honey you got invested wayyyy too soon), there would be absolutely no doubt on your mind about his interest right now. Block & delete is the FDS go-to answer. How is bloc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:14 PM
59

Having to cross your iron boundaries for the comfort of others, is Self Betrayal 🚩 If you need space to cool down during a heated argument, and they begin sobbing about you triggering their abandonment issues so you'll stay, LEAVE. If they leverage having been cheated on in the past to restrict your social interactions/privacy, LEAVE. If they leverage having a shitty childhood to justify screaming in your face during arguments, LEAVE. Trauma can explain the behaviour, but it's never an excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 08:45 PM
104

It does not serve me, to have to calculate their response times and set a timer to match. It does not serve me, to copy aloof behaviour for the sake of matching energy. I will respond when I want to respond, in the way I wish to respond. I have certain expectations regarding texting behaviour, that they'll have to live up to from day 1. Without me having to play mind games. Dating should be fun. If something as mundane and low-effort as a text conversation evolves into a strategic chess match, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 12:11 AM
202

You are truly deserving of your flair: Ruthless Strategist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 07:44 PM
339

In-laws are only ever as crazy as your partner allows them to be. I have an extremely toxic mother. I protect my partner from being subjected to my mother's crazy, by never introducing them to her. That way, she can never make a scene, be inappropriate, or ruin our evening. She has no power over me or my partner. Don't subject me to 'meeting the parents' if your parents are a pain in the ass. Don't mix me into a toxic family dynamic. Don't put me in a position where I have to 'be approved' by yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 05:46 PM
114

Sis, if I felt inclined to write an entire essay on all the reasons why someone annoys me/are stupid/make bad life decisions, that's a glaring Internal Red Flag that the friendship is toxic. And I'm going to be a bit harsh here, but you obviously have no respect for your 'friend', judging from what you've written. You may admire some things she did in the past, or specific isolated parts of her personality, but the whole package... No. No relationship can be healthy if there isn't at bare minimu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 05:27 PM
173

Oh and internal Red Flags: 🚩 You are conciously timing your texts back so you don't seem too clingy. 🚩 You are preoccupied by the text conversation, ruminating and reading too much into things. 🚩 You are blaming yourself, questioning what you did wrong to have 'caused' such a distant reaction. 🚩 You are jumping through hoops in hopes of getting their attention, sending songs and links and memes and pics and vids and... 🚩 You feel relief when you finally get a response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 02:49 PM
139

Category: "I'm ignoring you/you are not a priority to me" 🚩 They say they rarely use their phone, but when you're with them they always keep it in their pocket or close by/in view. 🚩 When you're with them, they're checking their phone more frequently than the timeframe in which you usually receive a response to your texts. 🚩 They don't text you back for hours, but they have their phone on vibrate/notification sound on when you're with them. Category: "I'm emotionally unavailable/not that interes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 02:36 PM
83

STRATEGY: I use WhatsApp Web on a laptop to check if they're bullshitting me and 'playing hard to get'. Just fire up WhatsApp Web in one browser window, select their chat, and lay another window (with your work or a movie) on top of it so you can still see their online status. You will not appear online, because your WhatsApp window isn't selected. This is crucial, because they'll adapt their behaviour if they suspect you're checking on them. I will send a message that requires a response during…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 01:55 PM
5

Stonewalling is harder to portray via text, because it is very non-verbal. If you were to say this to me face-to-face, coming at me with praise and an excited energy, wanting to interact with me, seeking a friendly connection... I'd keep doing what I was doing. Look up at you, looking through you, two seconds after you finished talking, as if I was trying to tune you out. Like you're a stranger on my morning commute, attempting to catch my attention (even though you are a loved one). My expressi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 10:37 AM
181

I'm spreading the love of my journey. Just today, a distraught neighbour lit up as I broke down the audacity of their date (classic lovebombing-devaluing, doesn't want anyone to know they're dating, what?). Thanked me many times for the insights, and moved on with their self-esteem steered away from the edge of a cliff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 09:20 PM
84

Thanks! I'm fluent in Gaslighting, my mum used to speak it to me. Dad taught me Stonewalling. Currently trying to learn Healthy Communication.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:58 PM
27

DECEPTION on possible dealbreakers is MANIPULATION. It shows you they don't care about your boundaries, they prioritise fulfilling their selfish needs. My LVX did this. Her OLD photos were outdated, she'd lost a lot of weight and she didn't see any issue in her deception 🚩 Later turned out, she lied by omission about being unvaccinated for two months 🚩 She only confessed when there was no way to evade the truth any longer, even said "This might be a dealbreaker for you, but I'm unvaccinated." Li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:42 PM
357

Right on the money. A barely noticeable neg, will grow to become outright insults. Forgetfulness precedes neglect. A raised voice evolves into screaming arguments. Being a bit closed off, will turn out to be a huge stone wall surrounding them. Temporary laziness, foreshadows permanent low-effort behaviour. We are all on our BEST behaviour during the honeymoon period. Anything slightly off right now, will evolve into huge issues in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 01:31 PM
406

Because the people doing this will gaslight them into oblivion, and when they Google for third party input they'll only find advice written by other abusers or brainwashed PickMe's. "It's not about me, it's about this students future! You prioritise me vacuuming over this young women's entire career? She can't reschedule, the dishes can wait a day. The house isn't even that bad right now. How can you even be bothered by a mess if you're looking at your laptop all day anyway? You're just looking …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 01:18 PM
436

Like he's scheduling a dentist appointment...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 01:02 PM
9

I'm WLW so in my case, it'd be a grown woman. I expect her to facilitate my comfort like I do hers. If we're exclusively dating, she should hope that I'll be a regular visitor at her house, and that I might sleep over. If the woman I like mentions she needs a specific brand of shampoo so her hair won't fizz, it will be in my shower next time she comes over. I'll stock her favourite snacks, get the cereal I spotted in her kitchen in case she wants a quick breakfast, buy a warmer blanket because s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 10:41 AM
44

Sis, if I ever come across the situation again where I'm exclusively dating someone, sleeping over, and they haven't even bought a toothbrush for me after two sleepovers, I'm out. LVX just laughed as I tried to brush my teeth using my index finger as a brush. Eventually I bought myself a toothbrush to keep at her place 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 12:55 AM
58

I call for him. As he squeezes his massive biceps through the doorframe, my eyes glide over his tall, tanned, athletic frame. If only his neck were broader, he'd look like a sculptor made him. "Sweety, I can't chop this wood in half... Do you mind?" Always eager to please me, he throws his chisseled jawline onto the log, splitting it instantly. His throbbing member already growing, in expectancy of sex for completing the task.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 12:28 AM
123

Which of YOUR drawers has tampons, make-up remover, cotton pads, a hairbrush, moisturiser, six items of make-up in my preferred variants and brands..?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 12:00 AM
717

And it was MUCH EASIER when things ended with a guy, knowing we never had sex. It also shifts the narrative towards "Yeah I know her, we went on a few dates" instead of "Yeah, I fucked her".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:49 PM
54

Why thank you! From my end as the 'seducer', it's a vetting strategy as well. With the right woman, my presence and having a normal conversation should be tantilizing enough to spark her interest. Then again, I'm looking for a compatible life partner and I respect women. My goal isn't to pump&dump.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:30 PM
233

I'm WLW and my 'hitting on women' strategy is (writing this down for lurking scrotes): You notice an attractive woman at a social gathering. Continue to do your own thing, don't pounce on her like a hungry tiger! Give her the opportunity to observe you for a while without having to interact with you. Hopefully you'll naturally get the opportunity to strike up a conversation with her. If she's interested in you, chances are she'll be sure to get within your vicinity somewhere during the evening. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 06:38 PM
281

"EDIT: Woah, thanks for the awards fellas! Wish my wife praised me half as much as you guys."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:54 PM
82

/derailing semantics mansplain mode activated (where they always sprinkle in the word 'whom' randomly to appear more intellectual) Technically your complaint has nothing to do with the social media platform Reddit, but with its main user base whom are writing comments whom you view as cesspool worthy and whom are subsequently being upvoted by said user base.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:51 PM
9

This. Experienced Lust at First Sight once. Instant fixation, obsession, addiction. Being in her presence gave me an indescribable high that I couldn't get enough of. I would do anything, be anyone to secure my next fix of her. My moods would swing all over the place, depending on if she gave me attention or not. No text back would ruin my entire work day. A cancelled date ruined my week. Her acting distant would send me into a state of panic. Absolutely nothing else mattered to me, I was either…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:12 PM
12

I'll ask PickMe friends who continuously vent about their toxic relationships, to not discuss such things with me further. It frustrates me too much and they never follow my advice anyway. Like looking at a car crash happen from the side of the road, while you've been screaming "HIT THE BREAKS!" and they just waved back at you... Similarly, I won't discuss my relationships in detail with anyone who's opinion and advice on the matter I would likely not respect. Why have a conversation if input fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 12:37 PM
42

Too many novels and movies spoon feed us the fantasy that betting on potential pays off. Protagonist has love interest. Some (technically overcomeable) factor keeps the relationship from blossoming (e.g. abrasive character trait like pride, family forbids the pairing, she's a human but he's a vampire)... "Oh NoOoo, I really shouldn't... Yet this UNBELIEVABLE ATTRACTION draws me to them, I am powerless to resist! Yes, they're abusive right now, but they'll soften up, they're a diAmoND in tHe roUg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 12:11 PM
166

I'm WLW and 'breaking the touch barrier' with feminine energy is a slow dance of seduction in my experience. It builds a sexual tension that'll ensure every touch is electric. Two mutually interested women will take hours to seduce eachother in the most subtle of ways. It's in the tone of her voice, the intensity of her gaze, the sway of her hips, her unspoken words, the blush of her skin, her develish smile... Women breathe sensuality when interested. Women let the tension build with every inch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:02 PM
21

Yes. Many people have given me the "But she's your mother!" speech. And on many more occasions, she tried to manipulate me with the "But I'm your mother!" card. I used to hope she could change. Hoped she could love me. Then I found two old diaries of hers, one from her teenage years and one from the year I was born. Read them and realised: in her mind, everything revolves around her, and her constant need for external validation wil drive her to any lengths to procure it. Manipulation and lies a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:09 AM
10

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and so proud that you are healing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 10:55 AM
32

The gaslighting with parents like those is unreal. My mother has deeply narcissistic traits. When I was around 11 years old, she was drunk and slapped my leg HARD while laughing. I got silent, shut-down, and tried to hold back the tears. She noticed. Asked what's wrong. I whispered "You hit me." Cue the gaslighting: "No I didn't. It was a playful pat on the leg. Can't you just laugh along? Ugh you're such a sensitive drama queen! Whatever, sorry, jeez, lighten up already!" Also weaponised 16-yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 10:51 AM
14

Absolutely Queen. I will continue vetting ruthlessly, and will keep my standards high. Meet and exceed them, or get out of my space. I'm 100% willing and able to walk out at the first Red Flag, it's very empowering. It seems I have some remnant people pleasing tendencies to get rid of. Some gut instinct that I shouldn't 'lead people on' which leads to feelings of fear and guilt. Fear that I'll disappoint, guilt if I think I did. This, combined with being used to the intensity of Trauma Bonds, ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:27 AM
31

Your advice is much appreciated. I already do the mirror exercise. It was extremely uncomfortable at first, but now on most days, I realise it is me who I'm looking at and I genuinely like her. Sounds silly, but I genuinely recommend all sceptical Queens reading this to give it a shot. Currently feel like I'm slowly approaching being a fully realised HVW. Indeed it takes work and time to internalise that this is beautiful and I am unapologetically worthy. A lifetime habit of self-sacrifice, peop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:05 AM
48

This is truth, thank you. I need to work more on being comfortable receiving. Focusing on myself instead of drama is a good one as well. Too often is focusing on relationship drama a form of escapism. I'll work to stop attempting to anticipate their needs, and instead focus on if I am having fun during the dating process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 12:11 AM
13

Thank you, I already have a copy and it helped me a lot in Levelling Up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 12:05 AM
40

Thank you for your view. In my case, this is a potential HVW (I'm WLW) and I have already stated I'm not interested in casual sex. She feels the same, so I suspect waiting will be no issue (and if it is: girl byee). You have given me an insight. Due to past experiences, I have made the mistake to subconsciously equate romantic intimacy to having sex. Because with previous partners, sex was a substitute for emotional connection. I've also never had a relationship where I did not have sex with tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:58 PM
143

Queens, I seek your input and guidance. I seem to be LOSING interest with each incoming Green Flag. My hypothesis being, that I have become addicted to the emotional intensity of toxic relationships. I'll refer to these as 'Trauma Bonds' (see image above). After a lot of hard work, I've internalized having High Standards. Subsequently, I've dumped many LV dating prospects at the sight of a Red Flag. My first potential HV dating prospect has presented themselves. During the vetting process, I can…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 10:52 PM
44

Thanks. Ofcourse he complained regularly about lack of sex during this period too. Wanted me to switch meds because it might boost my libido. They were the only thing keeping me sane. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 05:29 PM
191

My God I literally did all of this for NVX while I was burnt-out at home, recovering from a highly traumatic psychotic episode, and tranquilized 24/7 on too high a dose of anti-psychotics. He felt entitled that I should run the household and help manage his life, because he was super stressed and I was "just sitting at home all day". Finally snapped and saw the light that being a Mommy BangMaid McTherapist isn't love. Dumped him like a sack of shit and my life blossomed from that day onwards. Li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:10 AM
4

Queen, yes! These scrotes CHOOSE excuses and gaslighting. They CHOOSE to be dead weight to their partner. They CHOOSE to shut their partner out for purely selfish reasons. Even the thought of being an energy leech disgusts me. I'd sooner break-up and get myself admitted to a mental ward, than drag my partner down with me. Not a single cell in my body feels entitled to consistently diminish someone else's life, just to serve my needs (I speak from experience because I have been excruciatingly, cl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 11:54 AM
21

Queen, YES! Being single is sooo much more fulfilling than allowing yourself to be treated like a worthless pile of crap, whenever they're having an Avoidant shut-down episode that got triggered by HEALTHY INTIMACY. Loving directing all the energy I used to waste on my Avoidant LVX towards my greatest asset: ME! Steadily Levelling Up left, right and centre because of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:22 AM
54

Agreed. Securely attached people are at serious risk of developing Anxious Preoccupied tendencies in response to the stressors of a relationship with an Avoidant. Not only will Avoidants suck energy out of you during the relationship; they may even screw you up emotionally and sabotage your future relationships for months or years to come!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:09 PM
37

Excellent examples. All the little moments where they turned away from your subtle bids, build over time until you snap. Then when you CoMmUNicATe and provide examples such as "YOU DIDN'T TEXT ME BACK THAT YOU LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING ME TOO!" guess who looks like the emotionally unstable, overreacting, hysterical woman? You! It is bizarrely common to gaslight women when it comes to their bids frequently being ignored. Common tactics include: "You should have asked." "You can't expect me to read…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 08:53 PM
54

Don't care about his depression. That's his problem to solve. Don't care about his attachment issues. That's his problem to solve. The end result is the same: you feel invalidated by this guy. No matter what reasons, explanations, excuses supersede it on his end-- you feel invalidated. No matter how many times he promises to do better in the future. No matter if he has therapy planned. Right now, in the present reality, you feel invalidated. He is not adding value to your life. You're dating for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:18 PM
36

This mirrors my experience with my Avoidant LVX. She wasn't consistently dismissive, otherwise I would have left way earlier. There were tender, loving, addictive highs. The performative nature of those highs became painfully apparent after 2-3 months. And by the 4th month, she had grown mostly stone cold. Leaving me an anxious mess. That was when I got off the rollercoaster ride. I now ruthlessly vet on the LOWS of the relationship during the honeymoon phase. Why would I waste my time and effor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:07 PM
44

LVX pulled this crap on me. The negs increased in frequency and severity over time. Very disrespectful. Any 'joking' judgemental remarks on my personality are now an instant 🚩 and such a turn-off I have a physical reaction to it. Was considering dating someone until they said "You're so intense, it's kind of exhausting." when I got pissed, they tried to save it with a "...in a good way!" 💩 Sure honey. Bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:24 PM
48

IMO advice is best viewed as one possible viewpoint to consider. Input, food for thought, etc. Not as an objective truth or instructions you should follow without a second thought. Personally I view nothing anyone ever says as well thought out (unless it's like, a PhD defense). People contradict themselves all the time. Rarely do we put in the time and energy to fully think about and verbalise every nuance of a situation, and even when we do, our opinions are based on our personal experiences an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:12 PM
420

This pube shaving trend isn't a thing among gay women. I've had eight female sexual partners in my life, only one was fully shaved. Most trimmed. Have to admit the fully shaved lady bits turned me off, because I associate it with pre-pubescent girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 11:57 PM
26

FDS made me see the light with revolutionary concepts (for my too-kind-for-my-own-good conditioned mind at the time). Such as: Someone telling you they really like you isn't enough, they need to act the part too. Struggle love isn't worth it, so if you're putting in more effort than you receive, LEAVE. Endless CoMmUNiCaTIOn won't solve anything. Compromising on your needs isn't love, it's self-sacrifice and the price is a whole lot of shit. Etcetera.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 04:33 PM
45

My LVX did this all the time. It was enfuriating and emotionally draining. I felt like everything she did was for 'points'. Like the goal wasn't to enjoy my company, or to actually make me happy. She merely hinted at performing the needed behaviours, so I wouldn't leave immediately. Putting in the absolute bare minimum of effort she could get away with. And using the few things she did do, to gaslight me into making me feel clingy/high maintenance for wanting more. "I texted you back!" ...after …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 11:07 AM
82

Truly the most elaborate, succinct, complete description of Low Energy partners I've read on here. They're nothing more than leeches. How many of us must have thought of our exes as uniquely troubled? Either temporarily due to circumstance, or fixable if nurtured back to health? 🤡 Until fellow FDS Queens provided us with patterns such as these, describing them with eery accuracy. Told us to run. Bursting our spoon-fed Disney bubble that 'love conquers all'. Because your unrestricted love, will m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 10:07 AM
61

I'm gay. So I'll never date a man, but I'm still active on this sub because most concepts apply to WLW relationships as well. While most users are heterosexual and thus writing about their experiences with men, I have never been shunned for sharing my experiences with my female LV exes. FDS is not about men. It is about our relationship experiences, our journey to Levelling Up, our strategies to ensure our own safety and happiness in future relationships. As a woman who loves women on an emotion…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 06:51 PM
416

Too many straight men feel entitled to have access to women they find attractive. Too many straight men ignore the agency of women. She's not really uninterested in his advances, she's just playing hard to get! She doesn't not want sex, she just needs a bit more foreplay to get in the mood! She's not actually being stalked by him, he just knows they're meant for eachother and she's taking a little dedication to realise it! She's doesn't want to file for a divorce, she just got brainwashed by her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 11:28 AM
97

Queen I'm finally levelling up in this regard thanks to FDS! Found out the person I was potentially going to date after lockdown, still keeps in touch with their ex. Texting their ex, goes on walks with their ex, is friends with their ex 🚩 Former PickMe-me would probably view this as a green flag of maturity, making amends, and would definitely not want to be 'controlling' over who they hang out with. 🤡 New FDS-me views this as a Red Flag that they probably still want to fuck their ex, are hopin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:53 AM
84

Saving this. Printing this. Putting this in my diary. Tattooing this on my soul. This interaction happened to me and I submitted my needs to not appear 'clingy', convinced they just needed a bit more time to step up the intimacy. It never got better. They sure as shit didn't feel shame advocating their needs unapologetically, so I was always the one to adjust to them. Never again will I sacrifice my needs for a 100% optional person I'm dating. I betrayed myself everytime I diminished myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:28 AM
101

Being with my emotionally unavailable LVX eventually made me feel lonely in a deeply hurtful and desperate way, that I've never experienced while single. I've cried myself to sleep at night while LVX lay asleep in my arms. Because this person, who should have made me feel loved... made me feel confused, drained, empty, unworthy, unseen, and unloved. The one person on Earth who I chose to give access to my heart, body and soul... took that precious gift and stomped all over it. Didn't cherish me,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 09:46 PM
55

Can confirm. Came within a minute or two with the first SO I found extremely attractive, when they were fondling my nipple. Didn't even touch my genitals, only touched my nipple. I was THAT turned on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 02:10 PM
21

I am my own light. My light, with all my and love and strengths and authenticity, shines naturally. When my light is on display, I ooze a magnetic confidence and charisma. My light does not need love or validation from any one individual to feed it, since the source and fuel of my light, is me. Anyone who threatens to diminish my light with their presence will be denied access to it, undeserving of the bounty it provides.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 01:26 PM
31

🔥🔥🔥 Ex on household chores: I just don't remember it, I get distracted easily, pretty sure I have ADD. Me: Time to go to a psychologist then! Get meds if necessary? Ex on fixing mental health: I just don't remember it, I get distracted easily, pretty sure I have ADD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:51 AM
117

🚩 Red Flag if they mention mental health issues early on, while it isn't relevant to disclose this information. They'll use it as an excuse for shitty behaviour and will hide behind the fact that they ToLD yOU aBouT tHEiR isSuEs so now you cannot complain about anything that may be caused by their diagnosis. They will avoid responsibilty and accountability, blaming it on something 'out of their control'. They're possibly also (subconsciously) creating a false sense of intimacy by sharing persona…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 10:21 PM
105

You beautiful soul, absolute Goddess of a Queen 👑 Good on her for leaving an abusive scrote! You never know who you can save from drowning by throwing a little support buoy their way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 09:52 PM
130

Queen, the right match should cling to you like they've got a winning lottery ticket. If you're feeling clingy, ruminating, timing your texts back, he ain't it. Dating should be easy and fun. This sounds stressful. /AvoidAvoidants2022/ (no hate to Avoidant people who are actually working on their attachment issues, just make sure you Level Up to a fairly healthy Secure point before you start dating)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:36 PM
161

Same issue. I don't think you can easily vet for this in the early dating stages, since normal people will also be on guard and emotionally closed-off in the very beginning. Be sure to not cling on whenever it comes apparent they aren't matching your preferred energy. Do not adjust your behaviour to their preferences either. I fell into the "am I too clingy?" trap with my Avoidant ex and it took me months to emotionally recover from doubting myself all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:19 PM
1

Same issue. I don't think you can easily vet for this in the early dating stages, since normal people will also be on guard and emotionally closed-off in the very beginning. Be sure to not cling on whenever it comes apparent they aren't matching your preferred energy. Do not adjust your behaviour to their preferences either. I fell into the "am I too clingy?" trap with my Avoidant ex and it took me months to emotionally recover from doubting myself all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:14 PM
1

Same issue. I don't think you can easily vet for this in the early dating stages, since normal people will also be on guard and emotionally closed-off in the very beginning. Be sure to not cling on whenever it comes apparent they aren't matching your preferred energy. Do not adjust your behaviour to their preferences either. I fell into the "am I too clingy?" trap with my Avoidant ex and it took me months to emotionally recover from doubting myself all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:14 PM
1

Same issue. I don't think you can easily vet for this in the early dating stages, since normal people will also be on guard and emotionally closed-off in the very beginning. Be sure to not cling on whenever it comes apparent they aren't matching your preferred energy. Do not adjust your behaviour to their preferences either. I fell into the "am I too clingy?" trap with my Avoidant ex and it took me months to emotionally recover from doubting myself all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:14 PM
9

Please, for your girls, teach them to not take this crap from him or anyone YESTERDAY. Please tell them what respect they should demand, and what behaviour is unacceptable. Parents are rolemodels, and I'm still trying to reprogramme myself every single day to not be content with less than the bare minimum, because that was what was modelled to me by my parents. It has affected every relationship I've ever had. It has made me vulnerable to accept and even expect abuse. Please, do everything withi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:49 AM
12

Shocked that this is such a common scrote trope. The absolute kicker in my case was the projection: he'd left me in charge of my own bedtime by the age of 12, so I could "learn to self-manage and that my choices have consequences", fully expecting me to abuse this privilege and start sleeping in class. Instead, I demonstrated to him that a 12-year old has more discipline than his middle-aged ass. Ofcourse he never held himself to the same standards as he did a literal CHILD 💩 Behold, the superio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 11:38 AM
13

Did he also flip his shit whenever you took an interest in something he was interested in 'first'? Both my Avoidant exes would get extremely defensive in these situations. One would be rather aggressive about it ("Stop copying me! Stop trying to be me!") and the other more on-guard ("You don't have to like everything I like, you know?"). They'd compartmentalise 'me' and 'them' as two completely separate entities. Any perceived 'fusion', however small, was cause for alarm. Ordering the same food?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 02:07 PM
285

When contacting customer services I make sure to use only my initials and last name, for this very reason. They'll assume I'm an old white male and take me seriously. Sincerely, N.Y. Exampleton
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 12:45 PM
786

My father used to be "unable to wake up", unless pestered/begged by his wife. After they divorced, teenage me took over this task. He'd have ten or so alarms set, shut them all off one by one, and rolled back into bed each time. This started at 6 a.m. and they always woke me up, one hour before my alarm clock, so I could never sleep in. It took me half an hour each morning to drag him out of bed. He'd never thank me. In fact, he was moody as hell when I woke him. Eventually I, sixteen years of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 03:14 AM
206

Imagine being the friend of one of these scrotes. Scrote brings this random (probably way younger) dating app woman he just matched with to your NYE house party during a pandemic. Literally including the whole group in their first date. Cringe. Oh wait, LVM stick together and view women as dolls who exist solely for their amusement. Probably rating her appearance the minute she goes to the restroom on a scale of bangable - bag-able. Highfives for Scrote if he manages to 'hit that' at the end of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 02:51 AM
24

"It doesn't even have to take that long!" "How can you be too tired if you just have to lie there?" "Don't you love me?" "Well, I don't feel loved when you act like this..." "Why won't you put any effort into fixing our sex life?" "I'm not the issue, I'm always up for sexy times! "Figure out how to get yourself in the mood then!" "You're not normal." "You need to see a doctor." "Why don't you just get a toy if it's so hard to cum?" Ladies, I'm getting as wet as the dirty dishes they were suppose…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 02:29 AM
162

That is intense. Happy you are alive and well! My spidey senses tingled when on the first week of uni, a guy insisted on escorting (extremely drunk and naive) young me home "just to make sure I was safe". I told him that wasn't necessary, but he insisted. I thought "how chivalrous, what a gentleman". He escorted me to my street. I said "Thank you, I can find it from here." He insisted to take me to my building. We reached my building, I thanked him again, said he should go now. He then insisted …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:33 AM
1

There is a deep sadness and internal turmoil within insecurely attached people... My Avoidant LVW ex had an expectation of abandonment and was very closed off from day 1, putting me in the position that I had to 'open her up'. She was so closed off that she fulfilled her own prophecy: "Why be vulnerable? Everybody leaves" and I left hurt and frustrated, after trying to get her to open up for 4 months. I got crumbs for my effort and she triggered my Anxious attachment style by her scarce and unpr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:44 PM
19

He sounds salty AF. Like he's so used to being rejected immediately, he's gone into a prepubescent "Whatevs, like I even care" mode. This scrote is grasping at straws, wasted hours of his life reading up on PuA crap out of desperation, and is now trying to neg and argue his way into women's pants. You literally SAID that asking someone on a walk date signals disinterest to you. You gave him a Red Flag on a silver platter to dodge. He knowingly caused his own demise. What a feeble, desperate, dum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 09:57 PM
74

I've been at both ends of the spectrum (higher and lower libido) in WLW relationships, and the best strategy for the higher libido is, in my opinion: Either do everything within your power to become more sexually attractive, accept the situation and don't bother your partner about it, or break up if it really is a deal breaker. Resent never helped anyone, and begging/pleading never gave any woman the hots. That said... If I had a wife who was pregnant with our child for 9 months and gave birth, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 09:30 PM
107

Feels overwhelmed and suffocated by normal intimacy levels (though they won't communicate this, they'll likely shut down)🚩 Calls themself hard-to-get or difficult-to-read🚩 Will not respond to texts in a timely manner, and will not excuse themselves for extremely late replies🚩 Rarely initiates communication🚩 Doesn't share personal information, or will immediately regret doing so afterwards🚩 Won't compromise on lots of things (over-rigid boundaries)🚩 More comfortable with sex then a deep conversat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 07:40 PM
9

Love your point on ignoring agency in relationships. Every action is a choice. Not taking any action, is a choice as well. Indeed like not course-correcting. I feel like ""you can't force it" started as genuinely well-meant advice for people who'd obsessively throw themselves at their love interests. So a warning to PickMe behaviour. Now it has been weaponised: "You have to accept low-value behaviour, otherwise you're a high maintenance b1tch who is forcing it". Not getting a text back for 24 ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 06:06 PM
6

I confidently and unapologetically advocate an FDS viewpoint among my friends and acquintances. Sometimes, I can hear the click of a mindset shift in others. So my solution is similar to the FDS forum: empower eachother. In my experience, people are most receptive to the message when they are themselves anxiously attached, or in a situationship with an avoidant, and being OUTSIDE of a group setting helps the most. Otherwise everyone will just start parroting the dominant hook-up culture dogma ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 05:50 PM
4

Thank you so much for your answer, your Queen Energy is a true inspiration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 05:05 PM
9

Ah I see you too have read up on Attachment Theory! Great, then I can provide you with the lingo version: the anxious-avoidant trap is real across all genders. And let me assure you, WLW relationships aren't the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. ...though we do have the most orgasms during sex, lower divorce rates, no unwanted pregnancies, etc. I've also noticed hook-up culture caters to avoidant attached individuals. And it seems to have been romanticized in a way among most millennials. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:57 PM
450

Shame on him to think this an outrageous boundary "Because I'm twying wheally hawd! It's j-j-just i-it's wheally hawd to do! And s-she takes pills and.. and they make it even mowe hawd! SO UNFAIW!!!' wehh wehh, man baby 💩👶 He should thank his lucky stars she's giving him the opportunity to learn, and rise to the occasion. Reverse the situation and he wouldn't be eager to have sex either where she always gets to cum, and he gets the world's worst handjob without finishing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:47 PM
10

I'm WLW, as are many of my friends, and I still see a similar pattern emerge. It seems to me the more emotionally unavailable person takes on the 'male archetype': low-effort, avoiding commitment and real intimacy. While the other either starts showing PickMe behaviour in an effort to 'earn' love and attention, or lowers their standards and convinces herself she's a Cool Girl to accommodate the low-effort partner. The end result is always: situationship limbo with the female archetype (secretly)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:18 PM
9

Interesting. If you don't mind sharing, do you have a certain timeline in your vetting strategy? FDS does promote not being a forever girlfriend, which to me implies an aspect of long-term view in vetting: dating with the end goal to find a HVM or HVW life partner, and nexting those who refuse to commit. I know people who 'date' the same commitmophobe for months, without any perspective of getting a relationship. I know people who date expats who'll certainly move back abroad within two years. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:04 PM
16

I have to feel good about the relationship in the here-and-now, AND be confident in its long-term potential to feel secure and stay invested. Why would I waste my time dating someone who won't be compatible with me in the long-run? If a partner DEFINITELY wants to live abroad later, and I absolutely DON'T, but it's fun dating them right now... Why bother if it sets us both up for heartbreak in the future? While my acquintances argue you shouldn't ignore a connection just because it is finite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:56 PM
63

Queen, your hang-outs at home instead of going out on dates observation is too real! It's like the effort drops the minute they know sex is on the table, which is most likely available at home, so why go out at all and 'waste' money right? 💩 The misplaced feeling of guilt is also extremely relatable, like I owe them attention and loyalty because I slept with them... My WLW Strategy: Up to one month of non-exclusive trial dating. Followed by at least one month of exclusive dating, before sex is a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:36 PM
330

All my previous adult relationships started by having sex within 6 hours of meeting. I'm WLW, so I didn't fear for my safety or unwanted pregnancy. Still, it complicated everything. Unclear intentions, no commitment, and no chance to vet before throwing hormones into the mix. Sex early on created an illusion of closeness, and I'd get heavily invested in terrible matches. It also made it so that the foundation of our relationship was sex, not real emotional connection. No anticipation, no courtin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:18 PM
15

For the WLW FDS members out there: this vetting strategy also applies to women's OLD profiles! I gave my LVX a shot because she was in my area (rare) and I found her to be the most attractive person I ever laid eyes on. In swiping right, I broke my own vetting rule: no low effort profiles (no 'about', no height, etc.) 🤡 NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE! While chatting, I chased. She "forgot to respond" right when I tried to set a date, so I 'saved it' with a joking reminder after…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 12:08 AM
107

Scrotes hate 'high maintenance women', but will proudly own LITERAL HIGH MAINTENANCE expensive HOBBY ITEMS like sports cars, gaming set-ups, useless toy collections... They simply don't prioritise their relationships and resent they have to spend time, effort and money to have access to pvssy. Resources they'd rather spend on the latest PS5 game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:20 PM
67

FDS saved me from months, possibly years of disappointment and frustration with the "mirror their effort" strategy. The second I thought about matching LVX's behaviour/effort, I realised: I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the bar is that low. I don't want to stoop to their level, I don't want to be the one always giving giving giving, and they'll never rise to my level. If mirroring behaviour is childish, then the behaviour you are mirroring is childish. I wouldn't mind it one second…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:45 PM
31

I'm WLW so I thought about what "counts" a lot, since there are zero penises involved. I count it as sex if either my or her genitalia have been touched directly by the other party, underneath clothing, with intent of mutual pleasure. No penetration or orgasm required. Could be touched with a hand, leg, mouth, toy... Grey areas like mutual masturbation, or touching genitalia over clothing, I'd count as sexual experiences, not sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:02 PM
71

HV to me is the absence of Red Flags judged through continuous vetting and the presence of valuable traits. With a big sidenote that many people can seem HV during the honeymoon period. So if there is ANY doubt about them being HV within 6-12 months of dating, for the love of God, next them. They never improve over time. This is the best you're gonna get honey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 11:19 AM
84

You know what Queens, I'm going to admit I use Strategic Incompetence myself at times. I need a hole drilled (no pun intended) once every 5 years maybe, so why get an expensive bulky power drill if scrotes flock to do it for me? Notice however, how women's version of Strategic Incompetence is often directed at things that need to be done once in a blue moon, that the scrote enjoys doing, and how the scrote expects his ego to be stroked for completing the task. Men's Strategic Incompetence is dir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:03 AM
322

Notice how men usually only care to protect women when there's a benefit to them for doing so. His bro will get punched in the face for calling "his woman" a skank. Yet the same bro will be wished good luck when getting a "random skank" drunk in a bar in an attempt to coerce her into sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 09:42 AM
59

OP please take this solid advice to heart. I was in a similar situation with my LVX and I chased her (I'm WLW) for months, hoping to win her trust 🤡 so she'd finally love me fully 🤡 I gave it my ALL. Still, her mixed signals only grew worse over time. As I grew more desperate for attention, she grew more cold and distant. That relationship made me question my sanity in just a few months. After I broke up with her (I couldn't do my job anymore because of the anxiety that relationship gave me) I e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:25 PM
120

I like to think if it's meant to be, the relationships will naturally happen. If he wanted to, he would. As a recovering PickMeisha who is WLW, I struggle to translate the FDS "let him take the initiative" rules to a WLW situation. It is a common stereotype that both women will wait passively for the other party to make a move. Thanks to this sub however, I have learned to match energy 50/50, never chase, and stop trying to prove my worth. My new approach is much more relaxed, take it or leave i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 11:38 AM
45

I believe truly good intentions will almost always lead to good actions in HV people. People saying they had good intentions, but their actions don't reflect it, are LV manipulators who hide behind an excuse. Example: a HV partner listens, knows your preferences, what makes you happy. If they intend to throw you a great birthday party, they will follow through and succeed. A LV partner will know the expectations of being a good partner and wants to be viewed as such to receive the perks, but is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 09:47 PM
6

Sis I'm working so hard to internalize this, a lifetime habit of Trauma Bonds is hard to kick... I've grown so accustomed to the emotional rollercoaster, that a healthy bond instantly registers as 'friendship' and any attraction/chemistry vanishes. FDS and posts like this one really help keep me grounded and alert for potential future dating prospects. For which I cannot thank you enough!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 10:34 PM
69

My HV friend does not get hit on by men in public. She is very attractive, very well groomed, fashionable, young, fit, educated-- And she radiates Queen Energy. She shuts down approaches before they even begin by fully ignoring their existence or shooting them a glare. Fools who dare engage are met with a sigh, an eyeroll, and she walks away. The only men she is approached by are those who she allows to approach her by signalling her interest. LVM are not interested in engaging with Queen Energy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:41 PM
201

Just a simple "Yes I'd love to". Not "You're SO considerate! And SUCH a good listener! Who's a good boy? Yes YOU are!" 🐶 Amazing insight. From now on, I will expect human levels of courtesy and not reward them like a puppy when they jumped the lowest bar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:29 PM
33

She got it from internet sex therapists. I can understand the idea of scheduling sex to a degree, if both parties are extremely busy and need a lot of preparation to get in the mood. Like, Beyoncé on tour level busy and wanting to be perfectly groomed, candles, light dinner, flirty texts, massage, the works. Pretty sure NVX's intention was to only put in the 'effort' of reminding me we agreed on sex in a specific timeslot, lie down, and expect me to rock their world though 💩💩💩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:20 PM
157

My female NVX (I'm WLW) was 100% a man child in regards of household chores and cognitive load. She would do nothing all day, complained incessantly about the few responsibilities she had and the few chores I forced her to do, then expect KiNKy SEx from me. She OBLITERATED my sex drive to the point where I wouldn't even so much as masturbate neither felt a hint of desire for anything, for 4 months on end. If I did masturbate and she found out, she'd feel robbed 💩 Ofcourse she cried and begged an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:24 PM
112

My standards demand someone who will make up their mind about me within a month of dating. One month trial for initial vetting, then either dating exclusively to vet for relationship potential, or I'm moving on. I will not waste my time on people who want to keep shopping around for better options. Either I am without a doubt your FIRST CHOICE, or I'm gone. This isn't an episode of The Bachelor where I'm jumping through hoops, competing with other contestants, gagging to be the Chosen One to rec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:01 PM
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