It hit me yesterday. Casual sex doesn't serve me.

Took me a while to internalise this because in the Milennial Gay Scene, pretty much all relationships start out as (drunk) hook-ups. I was doing mental gymnastics thinking: "I don't have to fear pregnancy or physical harm like the other FDS ladies, because I only have sex with women! And sex is fun! So why not?"

It doesn't serve me to get emotionally invested in a complete stranger, because of the hormones and illusion of intimacy caused be sex. It doesn't serve me to chip away at my reputation, by sleeping with people who barely put in any effort to get in my pants (a reputation as 'easy' will absolutely make it so nobody sees you as relationship material, I've paid attention to the gossip in my dating pool). It doesn't serve me to crush my self-esteem, when I find out I was used for sex by someone I grew to have feelings for. It doesn't serve me to subject myself to (valid) guilt, when I've used someone else for sex while I didn't truly care about them.

It makes absolutely no sense to have casual sex with someone I actually want to have a relationship with. It just puts me in a position where I'm vulnerable, anxious if they reciprocate my feelings, hooked on having sex with them, and get put in a total PickMe mindset. I will have gone all-in emotionally and physically, while they haven't put a single chip on the table. Even if a relationship blossomed from the initial casual hook-ups, THE RELATIONSHIP WILL HAVE BEEN BUILT ON SEX, NOT EMOTIONAL INTIMACY/COMPATIBILITY.

It makes absolutely no sense to have casual sex with someone I don't want a relationship with either. It's not the sex I crave, it's intimacy. Sure it feels exciting and fun while we're having sex, but afterwards it just feels awkward and empty. Potential HV suitors that I actually want to have sex with, will likely be put off by me having a FWB/fuckbuddy. Heck, I wouldn't want to date someone with a FWB/fuckbuddy either!

Not having sex outside of a monogamous relationship, and having a vetting period before relationship potential is even on the table, is the bare minimum to ask. It'll weed out LV dweebs who are just after using me for easy sex, are emotionally unavailable, or won't commit. This vetting strategy truly protects my interests.

Here's to voluntary celibacy, Queens! 👑