Trauma Bond vs. Authentic Love: yearning for the intensity of toxic dynamics? (see comments for text post)

Catz10000 · 2022-01-12T00:25:36+00:00

Drama is addictive. The cycle of abuse with its predictable highs and lows is just a form of conditioning.

Once you recognize THAT, and truly internalize HV principles, healing starts.

I am guessing you haven't truly internalized being HV. No shame, no judgment here. It is much easier to intellectually commit to something/someone than to be vulnerable with your true emotions. As a former people pleaser, I also found it SO hard to accept help or to be spoiled. I was so scared I would devolve into the entitled assholes and narcissists around me.

Forgive yourself.

Something you could try practically, that helped me with my dissociation, is to try just looking at yourself in a mirror. Start with a couple of minutes until you can do it without flinching or dissociating. Your mind will wander. Eventually you will realize you exist, you have value, and you deserve all of the love you give to others.

Good luck, Queen!

Source: Am a psychologist who has had my share of trauma.

Fourteenkoalas · 2022-01-12T01:29:08+00:00

I was being baited by a narcissistic abuser type from OLD recently and he said to me "I want to be like a drug to you" and everything was intense, lovebombing, possessive, too fast. Luckily it was one sided and I saw through it and got out, but I'll admit there was a pull to the drama and intensity, even though I knew it would turn out horribly.

LadiesOpinion · 2022-01-11T22:52:26+00:00

Queens, I seek your input and guidance. I seem to be LOSING interest with each incoming Green Flag. My hypothesis being, that I have become addicted to the emotional intensity of toxic relationships. I'll refer to these as 'Trauma Bonds' (see image above).

After a lot of hard work, I've internalized having High Standards. Subsequently, I've dumped many LV dating prospects at the sight of a Red Flag.

My first potential HV dating prospect has presented themselves. During the vetting process, I cannot help but notice however, that my sexual attraction seems to dwindle with each incoming Green Flag. My knee-jerk reaction is to friendzone this potential HV person, so I can run back to the familiar, more stimulating, sexually charged LV drama (🤡).

I feel like a dog who has been trained all her life to traverse an obstacle course before getting a reward (affection). Only now, I've been offered a treat without having to 'work' for it. It feels ...wrong somehow. Unfamiliar, empty, boring, but also like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Does anyone recognise this issue, and do you have any tips to Level Up so Authentic Love feels satisfying? Is this something one needs to Level Up on solo, or does it simply take some getting used to in a dating context?

UPDATE: Will not be going on a second date. Seems like a stand up lady, just not my stand up lady.

She seems to have a near exact copy of my personality. I noticed I felt like I was continuously competing for the spotlight in my strong areas, whereas we were both waiting for the other to take initiative in my weak areas. Very tiresome.

I knew what she was going to say before she even finished her sentences. Same opinions, same ideas, same life experiences, same emotional responses. Nothing surprised me. Nothing challenged me. Nothing fascinated me. Next.

Snugglyy · 2022-01-12T02:30:06+00:00

It gives me so much hope to see the term “trauma bond” explored in this way. This is why we do not share our own traumas or other past experiences with abuse with men, LVM and predators will use it to disorient and manipulate a woman who thought that level of emotional candor and vulnerability was normal.

w0rmsongs · 2022-01-12T00:03:07+00:00

Oh sis do I feel you on this one. What helped me and may help you too (and anyone else who's struggling), is a book by Dr. Nicole LePera: How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

Muffcakelord · 2022-01-12T10:14:51+00:00

Emotionally phobic but highly sexual is the exact label for me lmao. I thought it was ok to be like that but it's probably stressing me out. Many trauma bond symptoms seem like individual traits like any other but they're still worth removing for the sake of health

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-01-12T11:45:14+00:00

Trauma bond = basically every other love song

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2022-01-12T03:13:08+00:00

Thank you

Title	Trauma Bond vs. Authentic Love: yearning for the intensity of toxic dynamics? (see comments for text post)
Author	LadiesOpinion
Upvotes	1047
Comments	22
Date	January 11, 2022 10:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s1q3a6/trauma_bond_vs_authentic_love_yearning_for_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/trauma-bond-vs-authentic-love-yearning-for-the.1211762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1211762

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