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NotSoSmartChick Archive

View 2 posts and 347 comments by NotSoSmartChick on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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32

It’s time to make it clear that you’re not interested in dating someone who prefers to split the bill. He can choose to resume paying for all dates, or he can decide that he’d prefer someone who doesn’t mind paying her own way. Just be prepared for him to choose the latter. If he walks, it doesn’t make either of you right or wrong, just financially incompatible. And for the record, I’m with you - I expect the man to pay when we go out.
/r/askFDS17/04/22 02:09 PM
24

Same thing happened to me, it’s been over a month that I’ve been banned and no response to my message to the mods. It’s too much effort to switch back and forth between accounts. The automatic ban is stupid. My comment in cringetopia was about how exposure of babies to germs is good for their immune system. I feel I was a good contributor and being 50 and a widow after 20 years of marriage, had some good insight to share. Oh well.
/r/askFDS01/03/22 01:15 PM
93

The only thing you can do is a two-fold approach. When the topic of previous relationships come up, say that fitness is very important to you, and your previous relationships ended because it became less important to them over time, and you’re not attracted to men who don’t make fitness a priority. Then follow up by having a one strike rule - when their gym time starts slipping, give them one warning. When/if they start slipping again, leave. If a man knows right off the bat what your expectatio…
/r/askFDS08/02/22 04:03 PM
10

I don’t enjoy connecting online, I hate messaging back and forth. When I match with someone, I unmatch if they don’t ask me to dinner within the first couple of exchanges. It’s at dinner that I can see if there’s a connection.
/r/askFDS01/02/22 04:24 PM
24

Someone to go have fun with on occasion. I’m pretty busy, I am involved in a lot of women-centered social activities and I’m traveling abroad frequently, and I just want someone to occasionally take me on dates and be satisfied with little bits of my time.
/r/askFDS25/01/22 08:58 PM
35

A one off, while dealing with grief, that left him disgusted with himself is way different than casually dropping that he used to see sex workers and thinks it’s no big deal. I’m generally in the dump him camp, but this is one I could move on from. However, you need to do what’s best for you. Take some time to really think it over before deciding what to do.
/r/askFDS10/01/22 11:59 PM
6

I was married almost 20 years and one of the best things about being a widow is having the house to myself. Never again could I live with someone. I'd like a long term companion that doesn't expect to spend the night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:33 AM
10

Roasting or negging is hitting you where it hurts - jokes about things that you’re sensitive about. Playful teasing is joking about stuff that doesn’t bother you, maybe you joke about it yourself. As an example - I’m always joking that the Alzheimer's is setting in, so teasing me about my poor memory is fair game. I think I’m a great cook, so joking that food I make tastes like shit wouldn’t fly with me. I’m also a good driver. Joking about me almost running a red light on accident would be ok, …
/r/askFDS22/12/21 03:52 AM
7

Some of my exes were better men than others, but I’d have been miserable in the long run. I’m exactly where I was meant to be, and I’m grateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:54 AM
74

The state I’m in, a woman gets one year of alimony for every 3 years of marriage. Your only hope of really making out is if the man started a business after you married, and that business really took off - then you’d be entitled to a large portion of that. Every state is different. I can tell you from experience, the best way is to outlive him and inherit it all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:44 AM
40

He wasn’t really bragging. He knew I was a prize, and he wanted me to know what he brought to the table. He was dating for marriage, and was pretty direct about what he wanted and what he could offer. I was at the age where marriage and kids were now or never for me, so to cut through the bullshit was refreshing. That being said, our courtship is generally the exception to the rule, not one to be used as a guidebook. I was more making the point that men can say they have all sorts of wealth, but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:07 PM
226

I’m wealthy. I don’t brag about it, but I don’t hide it. I’m usually much wealthier than the men I date, and I never pay for a date. u/herbivorouscarnivore is correct, income does not equate to good financial health. A person's whole life can be a house of cards. When I met my late husband, he told me about his success and what he had, and I basically told him I wouldn’t take his word for it. Our next date, he brought all of his financial documents to prove what he’d told me was true. For years,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 04:34 AM
8

I’d be tempted to say something about being disappointed in him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:31 AM
113

I feel sorry for young women today. In my 20s, men were thrilled with receiving oral sex, didn’t expect to ejaculate in your mouth, and were satisfied with what is now considered vanilla sex. It wasn’t about that extreme shit from porn - anal, fisting, spitting, chocking, facials, degradation, bondage, crazy positions, threesomes, etc etc fucking etc. Oh, and AIDS was still a death sentence, so men were more agreeable to condoms. The downside was consent wasn’t spoken about as much. Date rape wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 11:25 AM
13

This happened to me. I was widowed last year and I’m not yet 50. It worked out for me, but I’m the exception. My husband was very successful, he'd lost a wife so he knew people die, and he made sure everything was set up so that I would be taken care of and never have to worry about money. Too often, the men die and the women are left in financial ruin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 04:25 AM
2

My point is there are certain non-negotiable for me. I won’t be doing any of that “I feel” and “I need” touchy-feely communication and hoping it works, I’ll be telling the man this is a non negotiable for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 03:17 PM
1

It’s not “just communicate”, it’s “put your foot down”. Make it clear what is and what is not acceptable. They don’t need to know why you feel that way, what happened in your past that led you to set these boundaries - they just need to know what will cause you to walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 04:18 AM
5

I go through spurts where I hate it, but OLD has actually been a positive for me. I’ve met some interesting people, and that’s how I met the guy I'm currently seeing. If this ends, I’ll eventually get back on the apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 04:15 AM
13

I have enough money to last until I die, barring me losing my mind and blowing it all on dumb shit. I’ll never remarry, ever. Anything that’s left when I die is going to my son, not some man or his children. I think marriage is for having children, and those days are behind me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:52 AM
4

That is savage! But a man who is head over heels would treasure the paper clip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 03:22 AM
2

I haven’t read Getting To I Do since before I married, I’ll give it another read. I used to be very active in an online forum dedicated to The Rules, and this book and The Art of the Love Affair were both must reads at the time. Much like she has her story about the umbrella in the rain, I’ve just reconnected with someone with a story that has stuck with me since it happened a year ago. This man who I’d been on 3 dates with (and not so much as a hug) did something that was just above and beyond,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:27 PM
4

Tell them to go on prostrate medicine and you’ll consider it. My late husband was something that left him able to orgasm but not ejaculate. I swallowed once with my first boyfriend and learned how awful that shit is. 40 years later and the memory of it still makes me wince!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:04 PM
5

I wasn’t in a serious relationship with him, but there was a guy I was dating at a point when my dad had full blown dementia and my mom and I were providing round the clock care between the two of us, mostly my mom. This man bought a spa package covering two spa days, one for me and one for my mom. We took turns watching my dad while the other went for a full day of pampering. That was some thoughtful shit. My late husband surprised me with a sports car once, that was fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:00 PM
8

Buy amazing gifts for your family and female friends. Give your man something simple, and not something that requires a ton of thought. Money clip, nice pen, bottle of wine, etc. Your presence is present enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:52 PM
3

I don’t care how much money a man has because I’m rich. However, if he doesn’t pay for dates, we won’t be dating. If he complains or brings up what shit costs, we won’t be dating. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:46 PM
2

The guy I’m kind of seeing now had heard of my late husband's business and apparently asked around a bit about him, and has said nothing but respectful things about him. He actually admires how successful my husband was, and that he built his business from literally scratch. He said what impresses him most is how my late husband made sure that I’d be provided for for the rest of my life because that’s what men are supposed to do. And this man insists on paying for every date, btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:37 PM
12

When he’s still in the honeymoon phase, get your name on EVERYTHING. Within a week of marrying my husband, my name was on all of his bank accounts, his house deed (not the mortgage), the car titles, and I was made the beneficiary of his life insurance policies. Within a couple of months, I wound up taking control of all of the finances, so I knew exactly what was coming in and where it was going. I refinanced our house and had it paid off within 5 years. When he died, I didn’t have to file the w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:28 PM
36

I behave the same with a guy I’m abstracted to as I would a man who is happily married. Friendly, not flirty. Zero effort into trying to make encounters happen. Men who aren’t that interested will pursue you if you make it clear you’re interested enough that you won’t be a difficult conquest.
/r/askFDS09/11/21 01:59 AM
11

I was a SAHM and it worked out really well for me. My husband passed, and left me enough money that I doubt I’ll ever work again, and I’m traveling and enjoying my life. I got lucky, really lucky - I took a gamble and it paid off. It’s not a risk I’d advise others to take.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:05 AM
1

I owned a house when I met my late husband. I refused to even list my house until we were married. Within a week of us being married, I was on the deed to his house, I was the beneficiary of all life insurance policies, I was on all of his bank accounts, and I was soon added to all car titles. I then sold my house and gave the proceeds to my beloved mother, with the full blessing of my husband. My husband paid all of the bills, but I managed the money. There was an age difference (not recommende…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 02:32 AM
57

My only catfish was the guy who said he was 5’9”, but in actuality he was 5’4”. The worst part was that height isn’t one of my criteria, but I won’t date a liar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:30 PM
8

I just can’t. If a man so much as says “I'll get it this time”, I’m out. I don’t pay for dates, period, and a man saying that tells me he believes in taking turns or going Dutch. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:16 AM
3

It really is. I never dreamed life could be this sweet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 06:57 PM
14

That screams trauma. A different approach is to say you're in no rush because life is pretty terrific as is.
/r/askFDS26/10/21 02:33 PM
18

One of my favorite social activities now is an older ladies' group I joined. I’m the youngest member by a few years (I’m almost 50), but there’s something going on every week, and it’s on a regular schedule. There’s a book club that meets for lunch, there’s a group that just meets for lunch, one meets for lunch and a movie, there’s bunco, Majong, and euchre. The women are fantastic, a d between the different groups, it’s a nice variety of women. I also go out dancing once a week with a Meetup gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 11:36 PM
18

My mom ghosted her first husband and her family in the 60s. She didn’t need the last word, revenge, justice - she just needed to be done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 04:03 PM
15

If he did everything else right, at the end of the next date I’d say something like “would you mind walking me to my car? It's just something I’m used to.” It lets him know there’s a standard that’s been set by his predecessors that you expect him to live up to. I also think saying it that way is better than saying it bothered you the first time. And never EVER tell him that an ex used to, then stopped - that’ll let him know that you’re willing to accept less effort once some time has passed.
/r/askFDS10/10/21 06:45 AM
12

You haven't even met him yet and he’s butthurt over a very reasonable boundary you set. Reminds me of the dude who was pissed that I didn’t want to talk on the phone before meeting. I never do, I prefer to meet in person to decide if there’s chemistry. If the man doesn’t like it, he can unmatch me and move on. This guy tried to lecture me about why my boundary was inappropriate.
/r/askFDS30/09/21 09:42 PM
18

This is what I want, but with travel. I want to just show up and have the rest planned out for me! Anyway, I’m proud of you for leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:34 AM
255

I’ve dipped my toe back into online dating (I know, I know) - I’m looking for a man with similar wealth and free time who can travel. Anyway, I have found one guy that has that potential, and in asking about my late husband, he asked if I had a happy marriage. I responded that my dad had set a very high bar, and my husband devoted himself to meeting and even raising that bar - and that I’ve actually always been treated quite well in my relationships because I was able to weed out men not worth m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 01:22 AM
9

Good for you for setting expectations and then not letting them be dropped. He didn’t want to marry you, he was actually ready for things to end, and he used the pandemic as a cover. You do exactly the same thing next time. You let your expectations be known, and you don’t let a man drag things out for years and years.
/r/askFDS14/09/21 12:28 PM
3

Enjoy life when you can, no matter the age! I really had a great time ages 18-30. Then I married, had a child, and my husband developed serious health issues. Those years weren’t bad, but I was left feeling like things were on hold. My husband passed when I was just shy of 50, and now I’m back to living my best life, and I plan to ride this wave until I drop dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 12:56 PM
1

I’m sorry you have a seemingly disinterested father. Every girl deserves one like I had. At any rate, it sounds like attempting to keep him in your life is doing more harm than good. Protect your mental health and stop trying. Men don’t change, whether it’s a lover or a family member. You’ll never get the father you want. I'm sorry for that.
/r/askFDS06/09/21 11:11 AM
8

I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. Her words were “you’ll regret it when your father isn’t alive anymore, he won’t be here forever” I hate to say it, but she was right. I’d give up a kidney to have some decent pics of me as an adult and my dad. I resisted pics, ducked out of the way, and my dad died when I was around 26. I only have a couple from when I was over 18. I get it, you don’t like her, but her saying your dad wouldn’t be alive forever wasn’t psychotic - she was speaking the t…
/r/askFDS05/09/21 06:06 PM
12

For the last several years of his life, my husband was pretty much unable to drive, so the driving all fell on me. I can tell you that it got real old real quick. We liked to vacation 12 hours from our house, and we had to drive because we had dogs, and yeah - I dreaded the trip there and back, because I’d be doing all the driving. My husband had serious health issues and between those and the meds he was on, he really couldn’t drive. That was annoying enough. I personally would walk away from s…
/r/askFDS04/09/21 11:18 AM
153

We had plans for the future. Places to go. All that is down the drain and I don't how to deal with that loss. I went through this. Then I fell in love again and we made plans for the future. When that ended, I fell in love again and made plans for the future. When that ended, I fell in love again and made plans for the future. When that ended, I fell in love again and got married and had a child. That ended when my husband died. The moral of the story is you pick yourself up, you dust yourself o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:11 AM
20

Save your traumas for your therapist or best girlfriend that you know will take your secrets to the grave, never share them with the man you’re dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:37 AM
12

I’m in it for the girlfriends, and I’ve met some spectacular women. Only a couple of them were odd. With the men, they’re odd more often than not!
/r/askFDS13/08/21 07:58 PM
25

In my age group, it’s often women who focused on raising kids and their kids are now grown. I’ve had 99% positive experiences with meetup. The men can be weird though.
/r/askFDS13/08/21 07:05 PM
6

How do you tell if someone is faking it? It doesn’t matter if they’re faking it or not. I’m not Dr. Phil, I’m not going to be dating someone with anxiety, and I won’t date someone who uses anxiety as an excuse for bad behavior. So, fake or not, it’s a hard pass for me.
/r/askFDS09/08/21 02:56 PM
80

To be fair, sometimes we need to hear something a few times before it sinks in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:37 PM
25

No mental health issues or addictions (active or not)
/r/askFDS26/07/21 03:59 AM
12

I’m too busy meeting new people to get caught up in the weeds. If someone's a pick me, that’s fine because I’ll be having lunch with a group of ladies the next day, and I’m sure there’ll be a gem in that bunch. I am very active in a local women's group, actively attending lunches and dinners with women though meetup, and I go out to dance at least once a week with a different meetup group. Plus I am traveling, both with my son and alone, and soon I'm traveling abroad with a group of women, and I…
/r/askFDS22/07/21 04:40 AM
8

If you Google the book, the Wiki page has a general list of rules, and I think they are all spot on except the last one of be easy to live with They say no to married men - separated is still married, going Dutch, don’t open up too fast, don’t ask a man out, etc
/r/askFDS20/07/21 12:51 AM
34

In the late 90s, the book The Rules was pretty popular as a dating guide, it’s very much in line with FDS. Anyway, one of the things they drilled down on was never accepting a date that wasn’t set well in advance. I believe their deadline was Tuesday for a Friday date was the absolute limit. A man who is interested in you will fill up your social calendar before anyone else gets the chance.
/r/askFDS19/07/21 06:36 PM
10

He wasn’t the one for you, he was more like practice. You needed this one under your belt so that when the right guy does come along, you’ll know not to overshare. You’ll save that for your therapist and good girlfriends.
/r/askFDS17/07/21 03:28 PM
68

Same thing happened to me. I was dating guys left and right, had narrowed it down to one guy, and just wasn’t feeling the whole dating thing anymore. He bowed out gracefully, and I haven’t been on a date since. Instead, I’ve focused on enjoying my son for what is likely his last year home full time and on building female friendships. Occasionally, I’ll get a twinge of thinking it’d be nice to be dating, but 99.9% of the time, I’ve never been happier. I’m going out all the time still, only it’s w…
/r/askFDS16/07/21 01:42 AM
6

Block them, delete old messages, consider destroying or throwing away all mementos that remind you of him. Beyond that, be prepared for it to take some time. You have to white knuckle your way through some of it, much like if you quit smoking. It gets better, slowly. The attachment you feel will slowly fade and life without him will get brighter.
/r/askFDS15/07/21 04:28 AM
40

This has actually been my focus lately. I took a break from dating and pivoted to building a circle of female friends. It’s been amazing, and I only regret not doing this sooner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 02:00 AM
148

Ladies, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Save your trauma for your therapist and maybe your best girlfriend who knows how to keep a secret. As far as the men you date? Your past was sunshine and roses. I tell men my dad treated me like a princess, my late husband treated me like a queen. I set the standard early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 08:50 PM
35

He’s probably taken advantage of a girl at some point, thinks he’s fully innocent, and that’s why he was doubting your story. Women are usually asking for it, amirite? Now he’s had time to realize you’re not a cheater, he misses having access to your body, so he’s trying to regain access. He’s not proud of you, he wants to get laid. He’s shown you who he is, believe him. You’ll find your joy again. Trust me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:15 AM
12

It’s never to late to delete a loser from your life. He doesn’t deserve one more second of your time. Block and delete - then get in here and start reading all the posts and the handbook, and try not to cringe too hard when you look back at this post in the future. We've all been there.
/r/askFDS08/07/21 04:25 PM
3

This is why you keep your sexual history and traumas locked in a fucking vault. A man only needs to be told if you have a disease and what your firm boundaries are, not what your sex life was like before him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 03:23 PM
47

I think they can become a HVM with a new woman, but not in a current relationship. Once a man has crossed those negative boundaries with a woman, they’re more than likely to cross them again. However, I’ve seen a few examples in my family where LVM learned from their mistakes and displayed HVM traits in the next relationship.
/r/askFDS07/07/21 02:24 PM
131

Block and delete, fight the urge to respond with the laughing emoji Edited to add, next time, bounce before the Pokémon Go bullshit. Just yuck.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 12:33 AM
14

Never pay for yourself. You’re establishing that now, and never revert back. If this relationship ends, never pay in the next one.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 08:25 PM
37

Some of it's age. With age, my tolerance for bullshit lowered, my self confidence increased. I remember when Oprah had an epiphany - she also tended to say yes in the moment. She trained herself to instead say “let me pray on it”. Then she took her time to work out how to say no. Never forget it’s ok to say “you know what? I know I just said yes, but I'm realizing that won’t work for me” or something to that effect. Don’t apologize for saying no.
/r/askFDS04/07/21 01:25 AM
1

It’s stunning, congratulations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:32 PM
130

I mentioned this before, but my late husband had his first heart attack when our son was very young. His only worry about anything was that if he died, I needed to be super careful about any man I dated. He said beyond sexual abuse, he was especially worried because some men have issues raising the sons of other men. I can’t count how many times he brought that up, and I think it’s part of why he fought so hard to live as long as he did - he wanted to be sure our son was older and less vulnerabl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:35 AM
19

I love dining out alone, glad you had a great evening!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:28 AM
21

I love the headphones and “let me know when this is over” thing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 03:50 PM
40

Even then - didn’t George Lopez's long time wife give him her kidney, they later divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 03:45 PM
5

One thing that was so subtle that it didn’t hit me until later in the day - the guy who said his ex had been pretty open to anything sexually. I didn’t appreciate him spilling secrets in the moment, but later it hit me that what he was trying to do was to get me to try to “one up” his ex. He was hoping I’d tell him he hadn’t seen anything yet and get super duper freaky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:49 PM
4

You can boost your confidence by talking to people, preferably women, in public. I don’t know why, but complimenting a woman, helping a woman that clearly is lost or looking for something, or just making a funny comment as we're standing in line is a confidence booster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:24 PM
1

Especially if he dumped her vs she dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:55 PM
7

I don’t care how fantastic someone is, how much you love them, how much you trust them - NEVER send anyone nudes. You have no way of knowing how they are at being an ex. Some people are respectful, can be cordial and will delete nudes. Some people will plaster them on billboards along with your phone number. Always assume you’re dealing with the latter and protect your future self. That’s why we don’t spend nudes, we don’t buy a house with someone we’re not married to, and we don’t co-sign shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:52 PM
134

No men who grab the rejected parts of a steak (pure fat) off my plate, shove halfway into their mouth, and chew as half of the piece dangles against their chin. Had this happen with a 40-something physician.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:06 PM
14

Sometimes it’s to gain access to victims. Like the man who leads a scout troop or volunteers to coach girls basketball, or the youth leader who ministers to young women - and it’s later discovered these men were sexual predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:57 PM
97

Another key is being clear in your body language at the end of the date. I’m enthusiastic if the date went well, but there is nothing I say or do that can me misconstrued as leading him on or implying that any physical contact will be occurring. If you doubt yourself, a man will use that hesitation to act. A broad smile and “hey, thanks for dinner, I had a great time!” as I’m walking away towards my car, that generally makes it clear that they’re not getting a hug, a kiss, or laid. 9 out of 10 t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:55 AM
20

You’re not overreacting. Time to ditch the dude. As for your friend, she clearly isn’t into FDS, so maybe don’t ask her for relationship advice. I can only imagine what other advice she’d have that directly conflicts with FDS. I’d bet money she thinks going Dutch is cool.
/r/askFDS24/06/21 04:10 PM
13

If you'd “tried harder”, you’d have just been stuck in a living hell longer. Celebrate being free and open to new possibilities instead
/r/askFDS23/06/21 08:52 PM
84

You need validation? Here you go - you’re much better off without him. He didn’t deserve you. Your life will be better now that he’s gone. There is nothing for you in contacting her. For all you know, it'll make her reach out to him and open a whole new can of worms. Men rarely change, so you can safely assume he treated her poorly as well. Her confirming that will not feel as good as you think it will.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 06:04 PM
9

I preferred the ones where you had to match to chat. The others, I was overwhelmed and couldn’t really manage everyone.
/r/askFDS20/06/21 03:19 PM
17

The most I ever did is give the name of a shopping center that’s close to my house as a guide they can use when searching for a restaurant, and I’d ask that they pick a place that offers something beyond bar/fried food. Men aren’t as helpless as they let on, they can figure it out if they want to.
/r/askFDS19/06/21 02:28 PM
2

Yeah, I’m 50 and the 4 groups I’m more active in are geared to the 50 plus crowd. There are groups near me that are specifically for the 20-30s crowd, they seem pretty active.
/r/askFDS16/06/21 03:58 PM
18

What happened with me was I got on BumbleBFF first and met one really fantastic woman my age, we had a dinner together and agreed to do it again. Then I matched with someone else about the same time I signed up for my first Meetup event. The 2nd BumbleBFF BFF match messaged me and said she saw I was going to the meetup thing, she was too, so we met early for dinner and clicked. At that first meetup event, I not only met my BumbleBFF match, I met a bunch of fun people - many of whom frequently go…
/r/askFDS16/06/21 08:13 AM
15

A majority of women have had experiences in their youth that they would never allow to happen once older. But look at you, you survived. You’re doing the work now. You’re learning how to set and enforce boundaries. You’re changing old patterns. You’re sharing your story so other young women won’t feel so alone. Not all women are as strong as you. Some women are victimized their whole lives. Not you, you’re growing stronger as you age. You should be proud, not ashamed!
/r/askFDS10/06/21 04:46 PM
16

It can happen at any age. The documentary Some Kind of Heaven about old people in The Villages showcased an 80+ year old hobosexual who was living in his van and in a desperate search of a woman who'd house him. Gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:33 AM
35

99.9% of the time, he’s friends with you because he’s hoping that you’ll fuck him at some poin in the future, he’s hot for one of your friends and using you for access to her, or he’s using you as bait like some men use a baby or puppy - to disarm the women he does want to fuck.
/r/askFDS08/06/21 12:22 AM
158

If you're younger and want to have children, you can’t just enjoy the journey. You need to be laser focused. It’s at my age where you can do the hippy dippy enjoy the journey bullshit. I’m almost 50, my husband is dead, my son is an adult, I’m financially set... and now I’m enjoying the journey. It just so happens that this leg of the journey is a solo trip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 05:34 AM
2

That’s not living. I feel like I’m living. I’ve got it so good that it’s hard to darken my great mood. It’s always been my dream to be able to do what I want, when I want, and not to have to answer to anyone. If I wanted to fly to to Egypt or Mexico or Hawaii later today, I could. It just so happens I plan to stay home and relax.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 04:18 PM
2

That’s me, a life idiot! Actually, I’m quite content to be a lady of leisure. I don't have any real goals in life, except to avoid ever being married again and just stay happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 06:37 AM
29

Call the police. A guy was arrested in my town for exposing himself. He was later arrested for murder. He’d stalked an ex, murdered her and disposed of the body. When arrested, dozens of videos were found on his phone. He’d been stalking joggers, filming them and following some home. Always call the police. You could be saving someone from being sexually assaulted or murdered by getting their ass locked up or at least on the sex offender registry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 06:03 AM
2

This was the arrangement my late husband and I had. Plus, my name was on all the bank accounts, I was the beneficiary on all life insurance and retirement accounts, my name was on the house, and all our cars except one were solely in my name. Plus, my husband owned a business that I’d have gotten a large chunk of had he tried to leave. My husband was good at making money, not so great at managing it. I had myself positioned to where if he’d have tried to leave me, I would have fucked his world u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:44 AM
7

Honestly, I think she’s wanting you to doubt yourself so you’ll cover up, will kind of withdraw into yourself when you’re out together, and allow her to fully shine. Never let anyone dull your shine.
/r/askFDS30/05/21 05:16 PM
4

It’s not just men that neg women. Men do it to make women more emotionally vulnerable and desperate to prove their worth through sex. Low value women do it to make themselves feel better, bring their “friend” down a peg or two, and to dull the other woman's shine so she'll feel insecure when out together. It’s a low value trait. Low value people are all the same - unworthy of your time or energy.
/r/askFDS30/05/21 04:30 PM
145

I watched it when it first came out. The poor woman with dark hair who chased the guy, I think a golf cart salesman, like a desperate love-sick puppy dog, she made me sad. I’m middle aged and a widow. I dipped my toes in dating, but I pivoted to expanding my social circle of female friends, and I’m having the time of my life. I’ve got a group that's older, and they do old lady things like euchre and mahjong and lunches out, and I eat that shit up. I have a group of women my age that I gathered f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 03:38 AM
36

He seems like a good person in his interviews Him being a good person doesn’t mean he’d be good to or for you. he's good friends with a pick-me friend of mine She’s a PickMe, that’s always great for the ego. Based on his dating profile, he loves a good ego stroking. my pick me friend is always boasting about how he has a crush on her He probably leads her on in private I am not attracted to him That’s the only reason you need to pass on him. When we give someone we're not attracted to a chance b…
/r/askFDS25/05/21 09:27 PM
10

Go to fastpeoplesearch.com/removal Fastpeoplesearch had an insane amount of info on me, addresses I never had any mail sent to, even. Anyway, I went through the removal process and that site completely removed it all. I just entered my number on the site in this post, and nothing on me came up, so that removal must work on various sites. According to the internet now, the cell number I’ve had for 15 years is still owned by the previous dude. My home phone now comes up as my dead husband's deceas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:23 AM
7

I’m middle aged, so I'm into some boring shit, but I found groups near me that play euchre and mahjong, and I love both. Is meetup.com active near you? In my area, there are a ton of groups that do everything under the sun - there’s something for everyone, and it’s a great way to meet new friends.
/r/askFDS17/05/21 04:36 PM
29

He literally said he hates you. He meant it. Leave.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 10:10 PM
2

Devour all the posts here and our other subreddit. You’ll find encouragement and ideas that you incorporate. Each stumble, file that away and make adjustments in the future. Don’t strive for perfection, focus on growth/improvement.
/r/askFDS06/05/21 01:04 PM
3

I’m assuming you’re much younger than me. You’re still growing into your womanhood, finding your strength, your boundaries, your voice. Don’t live with regrets - this is the perfect opportunity for learning and growth. Next time, you’ll see this shit for what it is sooner, and you’ll nip it in the bud. You’ll have your missteps this time to thank for it.
/r/askFDS06/05/21 12:33 PM
23

You need to practically live and breathe this and the FDS subreddit. Before long, you’ll be thanking your lucky stars that he’s gone and you’ll be able to spot the LVMs from a mile away.
/r/askFDS29/04/21 05:05 PM
15

You’re allowed to break up with someone for any reason, including you don’t like the way their nostrils flare when they breathe. It’s your life, be very picky about who you allow to take up space and time in it!
/r/askFDS28/04/21 03:37 AM
14

When I first started at 13, my periods went a few days. At 16, I went on the pill, and I didn’t have any periods from 16-30, when I went off the pill to get pregnant. After giving birth, I wound up with one day periods, but that one day was super heavy, like change my tampon every hour heavy. Now that I’m almost 50, I had a light pink day, one heavy day, then a light pink day. I think menopause is approaching, as I missed a period on January.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 01:53 AM
23

My late husband preferred not to have sex when I was on my period, but he also had no issues with going to the store to pick up tampons for me. Maybe if my periods had been longer, he would’ve had period sex, but at the time, my periods only lasted one day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 10:54 PM
6

I found a couple of good girl friends through BumbleBFF, and meetup.com is very popular in my area. I’ve met a ton of people that way. It’s actually so popular here that there are events literally every day that offer chances to meet new friends.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 12:34 PM
26

Men can get very ugly, especially in the first few weeks after a breakup. They’ll do things you never thought them capable of. They’ll use anything they have to hurt you emotionally, damage your reputation with family/friends, and will try to hurt your finances by fucking with your job. When you give a man nudes, you’re giving him ammunition to use against you after you break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 12:01 AM
85

I’m in a position in life where nudes can’t be used against me - parents are dead, I’m financially secure enough to not work, my son's grown and wouldn’t be embarrassed by it, etc and I still won’t send nudes. Ladies, if you set this as a firm boundary and a man won’t stop asking, block and delete his ass. ‘No’ should be the end of the discussion, you don’t need to justify your boundaries. Besides, any reason you give, I guarandamntee he'll ‘Not All Men’ you. If you say a friend was blackmailed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:16 PM
228

25 years ago, I was friends with benefits with this really good guy, our situation ended when he met someone he wanted to marry. A few years later, he was on the front page of our newspaper, he’d shot and killed his wife before killing himself. It was timed so that her teenage daughter found them when she came home from school. You truly never know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:19 AM
33

My parents had to use as sperm donor to conceive me in the early 70s. There were two fertility docs in the city they went to. The one they did not choose, it came out in the 90s that the doc had used his own sperm and had fathered over 100 children. Thankfully, my parents went to a reputable doc who chose the perfect donor (parents had no say in those days), and so far we’ve only located 6 of us donor kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 05:55 AM
41

Never ever, ever. Any man you date, you tell him your dad treated you like a princess, all previous men you dated treated you like a queen. Save the trauma for your therapist
/r/askFDS10/04/21 03:56 AM
4

The best one I’ve seen is fastpeoplesearch.com. When Googled my cell number, nothing came up. I searched it on fastpeoplesearch, and got the living bejesus scared out of me. I couldn’t believe how much info it had on me. Anytime I have a number to lookup, that’s the site I use now.
/r/askFDS09/04/21 10:32 PM
47

Men will sometimes change after being dumped, but you’ll never benefit from that. It’s that next woman who will benefit. Once a man has crossed a boundary you set, that thing will happen again if you take him back. Whether it's cheating, stealing from you, hitting you - if he does it once and you stay, or leave and come back, it will happen again to you. I have a friend whose boyfriend had restrained her during an argument after two years of dating. She said she was done, and I explained that if…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 09:20 PM
139

You play it out in your head. He got away before those little quirks went from cute to annoying to justifiable homicide. He got away before he lost his job but hid it from you and developed a gambling habit and pawned your heirloom jewelry. He got away before his secret desire to wear diapers and call you Mommy came to light. That’s what works for me, anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 02:57 AM
16

Not too long ago, I tore into some poor girl in another forum, she was saying something about setting rules in “our” house, but “our” house was solely in her boyfriend's name. She was still in the “he’d never do that to me” mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:58 AM
36

If he was serious about making changes, he’d seek counseling on his own and he’d grow as a person before moving onto someone new. He’d learn from the mistakes he made with you and not make them with the next woman. What he’s doing now is trying to suck you back in. These counseling sessions wouldn’t last long, and then you’d never hear the end of how he went to counseling for you, so he deserves to be cut some slack. I guarantee, every argument, he’d throw the counseling in your face.
/r/askFDS05/04/21 06:47 PM
41

These men are kink shaming you. Your kink is fart free sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 06:59 PM
19

I regret not pushing him off me asap but I was worried I could have escalated things. We all have this fantasy of kicking an aggressive man's ass and making him regret his actions. That’s sadly usually just a fantasy. You actually did everything right, what matters is you got away in one piece. I’m proud of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:58 PM
5

You’re allowed to dump him because you don’t like the way his nostrils flex when he breathes, and you’re most certainly allowed to dump him because your goals for your future aren’t in alignment. You’re doing both of you a favor by dumping him. He should be with someone who’d be satisfied with small town life and fewer financial resources. You should be with someone inclined towards city life and a more high powered career. As for your friends “we just wanted different things” should suffice.
/r/askFDS02/04/21 03:17 AM
15

How can I get over the regret? What matters is you’ve changed while you still have time to reap the rewards of that change. Our mistakes makes us appreciate our wins and growth.
/r/askFDS01/04/21 02:20 AM
244

When he was fairly young, I told my son that many of the women you see in porn were abused as children and are often drug addicts. They’re not doing porn because they enjoy it. I also made it very clear that porn should never be used as an instruction manual, because what you see in porn is NOT what women like in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 08:10 PM
8

They do this shit because it works in the movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:41 AM
108

Story time. I don’t know all the details, but my mom's first husband was a real piece of work. To the point where when she found out she was pregnant, she literally disappeared off the face of the earth, even cutting off her family because they thought so highly of him. My sister wound up dying as a toddler, but that man never knew she existed. Age softened my mom's stance a bit, and when I was 35, she reconnected with her sister. I was all set to meet my aunt until I learned that this b!tch had…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:34 AM
14

Even if you’re not having sex, get a pap every year. No exceptions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:51 PM
18

A man near me was arrested for flashing a woman in a parking lot. It registered with me because when I heard the name, I realized I’d gone to school with his mom. Fast forward 2 years, he’s arrested for murdering his ex girlfriend, and he’s being looked at in the murder of another young woman. He had videos on his cell where he’d been peeping in his ex's windows and filming her. He’d also been going to a local park and filming female runners. Flashers don’t just flash - there’s a deeper sickness…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:59 AM
25

Late night texting is often a pretty good indicator of a cheater. They wait for their wife/girlfriend to fall asleep
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 05:21 PM
14

This man wants to hurt you and he wants you to hurt. This man hates you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 05:17 PM
9

It’s a long story, but the adult son of a woman I was friends with in school was recently arrested for murdering a woman and dumping her body. Tons of videos were found on his cell, he would casually film women in our area that were going about their business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 05:59 AM
84

If a man and I are “just dating”, I’m also dating several other men. I’m not sleeping with them, but I’m going out on dates and e joying their company. If a man hasn’t asked me for exclusivity, I assume they are also dating others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 05:01 PM
10

I would’ve been tempted to respond to this with a request for a tl/dr because life is too short to read page after page of drivel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:44 PM
67

What I wouldn’t give to have found this mindset at your age! Glad you’re here :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:28 PM
84

I owned a house when I met my late husband. He lived in a better neighborhood than me, so we agreed we’d live in his house once married. I made two things abundantly clear - I would absolutely not list my house until we were married, and once we were married, I expected him to add my name to his deed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:20 PM
23

The most closure you should be willing to give is “this is no longer working for me” before blocking. I personally prefer to fall off the face of the earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:43 AM
48

Very insightful post, thanks for sharing your story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:40 AM
45

Never Settle Again is the kind of NSA relationship I can endorse!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 11:30 PM
27

Do you know another word for someone whose actions don’t match their words? A liar. Do you want to be with a liar? I don’t, that's why I dumped a guy who made promises and never delivered.
/r/askFDS14/03/21 09:09 PM
79

My parents did the opposite, but it had the same result. I was always told I was prettier, smarter, better than my peers. That left me feeling like wherever I went, I needed to be the prettiest, thinnest, etc. It took years before I could genuinely celebrate other women and not compare myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:28 PM
41

Yeah, I’ve got money so I’m always on high alert for any whiff of potential financial dependence on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 06:24 AM
109

I just watched the documentary Some Kind of Heaven, about elderly people living in The Villages retirement community in Florida. One of the men on there was some 80 something year old man who apparently had been running in Hollywood circles when he was younger and very attractive. He said he spent his life sleeping with women and basically getting by on his looks and personality. In the film, he’s lost everything, and is living in his van, attending Villages events desperately trying to find a w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 05:59 AM
36

It’s interesting to be involved with someone when you discover FDS and realize the dude you’re with has got to go.
/r/askFDS13/03/21 03:08 AM
7

The man could give two shits about you or your trauma. He wants to fuck you, and he’s willing to pretend to care in order to secure the sex. Anything you tell him will be used as a way to gain entry to your vagina. Once access is granted, that trauma will then be used against you to make you feel worthless and to keep you under his thumb.
/r/askFDS12/03/21 08:19 PM
4

I was too distracted to all that fucking jewelry and to even process one word of that video.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:32 PM
137

This is part of why I’m on a break from dating. If I can’t do it myself, I can afford to pay to get it done. That, and I'm enjoying not having to take a man's wants/needs/schedule into account when I’m making plans for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 03:29 AM
8

You want to know your future? You paying all the bills while he sits home and smokes weed and plays video games, and he gets fat and his hygiene goes to shit. End it and save yourself years of misery.
/r/askFDS10/03/21 04:59 AM
10

I got my son vaccinated the week he hit the minimum age, which I think at the time was 11. Maybe 13? Either way, I insisted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 03:58 PM
65

Actually just went through this with a fifty fucking year old man. Keep in mind, we’d only been on a few dates, nothing more than a kiss on the cheek had happened, and I already was close to ghosting him. I was out with friends, and he says “send me a selfie”. I send him a pic of the dance floor and said I don’t really do selfies. He had the fucking nerve to text back “Selfie! Now!” Honestly, I was too amused to even be mad, but in that instant I knew I was done. I did respond that the last time…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 03:50 PM
73

Drugs or cam girls - probably cam girls. That’s where his money is going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 03:22 PM
25

You keep it as light and breezy as you can. Something like you love your parents and they love you, but they have issues that made you realize life is easier when you’re not in contact. No fuss, no muss. Or keep it even more simple - “we're not close”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 04:38 AM
371

My husband was in poor health for years before he died. This was the one thing he really was panicked about. He said he wanted me to be happy, but to keep an absolute eagle eye on any man that was in my life, and be damn sure he never hurt our son, whether sexually or with physical violence. His concern was not only related to pedophiles, he said many men have issues with the son of another man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 04:20 AM
127

Exactly. I’m taking a break from dating right now, but when a man asked about my past, I always said my dad treated me like a princess and my late husband treated me like a queen. End of story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 04:12 AM
27

He’s using you to entertain himself until Covid restrictions are lifted. You’ve heard the saying ‘If he wanted to, he would’. He doesn’t want to, so he hasn’t.
/r/askFDS04/03/21 03:39 PM
110

I have an all time favorite. For privacy purposes, let’s say we're talking about making barstools. Some scrote had on his profile that he had a barstool empire. I wasn’t at all interested, but I had to match him and ask him what the name of his empire was. “Huh, funny that I’ve never heard of it. My late husband and I owned Smart Barstools, which was the 7th largest barstool company in the US, perhaps you’ve heard of it?” I never heard from him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 04:23 PM
4

I haven’t run into that, maybe it has to do more with my age group - 50s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:25 PM
38

Switch to BumbleBFF - I have found 2 sisterhood soul mates so far. In fact, I just got a text from one confirming dinner tomorrow, and I’m seeing the other again this weekend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 11:54 PM
94

Three things are sure in life - death, taxes, and I will NEVER remarry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 08:05 PM
246

“What are your dislikes?” Anything learned from porn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 01:57 PM
35

I don't see women as my enemy anymore. I want to see my sister's succeed. This has been such a radical shift for me. I always wanted to be the prettiest, thinnest, richest, most desired whenever I was in the presence of other women, and that’s all gone. I can genuinely celebrate other women now without comparing them to myself. And I feel you on the not wanting a man. I’d been dating, and met several guys that I was enjoying dating (no sex), and it finally hit me - I was enjoying the outings and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 08:29 PM
10

That book changed my life in the late 90s. There used to be a very active message board for women that had read the book, hundreds of ladies and I think about 30 discussion forums (like subreddits today). When I stumbled across this subreddit, it took me back to that time. Enjoy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 07:45 AM
32

I’ve been getting paps for 33 years, so I’ve had a wide range of ob/gyns. That woman was the most abusive, but the two most incompetent were men. One left a sponge in my vagina when I gave birth, leading to infection. The one after him was a fucking nut who said I’d never have gotten that infection, and I'd be guaranteed never to get cancer, if only I drank more water.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 01:43 AM
130

Naked images and secrets - two things you never share with a man. When shit goes sideways, both will be used to punish you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:14 PM
3

No, it was something I’d heard elsewhere and it clicked - and for me it’s the rule of Gary because that’s who I slept with too soon. For you, it’d be the name of the guy in your post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 06:56 PM
7

Been there, done that. That’s why I implemented the rule of Gary. No matter how strong a connection I feel, the rule of Gary forces me to slow the fuck down. Haven’t made that mistake since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 06:46 PM
104

That’s me now, a solo dweller. It occurred to me recently that what I was enjoying about online dating was trying new restaurants with new people. The thing I wasn’t enjoying as much is that these new people are men! So, I am now on Bumble BFF, I joined meetup.com, and I joined a social club for women in my town. I’ve decided to surround myself with fabulous queens, not a pack of LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:47 AM
72

You know who’ll appreciate this? His next girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:42 AM
15

Haven’t seen it, added it to my watch list, thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:34 AM
73

I noticed he was quick to insist everything was consensual and legal, more than once. He’s upset he got caught. Oh, and saying he’s a sex addict provides an excuse for future indiscretions - which you know this will happen again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 09:42 AM
12

I’m dating a few guys, but I’m actually more focused on developing friendships with new women. I got on Bumble BFF and met the most amazing woman, I joined a local social club that is comprised of mostly 55+ women - even though I'm younger, they’re fun, and I joined a few groups on meetup.com and will soon be attending some of the activities. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier and more content than I am right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 12:33 AM
258

My kink is to be worshipped like a goddess, not slapped, spit on, or degraded. Telling me to accept less is kink shaming me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 12:26 AM
3

I read his autobiography, which he wrote while married to his previous wife. He actually raves about McPhee and her talents in that book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:10 PM
13

Loved the post! One of my favorite songs popped into my head as I was reading, Moby's One of These Mornings. The lyric is ‘One of these mornings, won’t be very long, you will look for me - and I’ll be gone’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:35 PM
2

I don’t get into the chatting with OLD. If a man isn’t inviting me to dinner within a few messages, I unmatch and move on. I like to interract in person, I don’t enjoy talking to a man via text or on the phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:28 PM
20

I had a dad like this. There’s a certain comfort in having been loved so deeply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 11:17 AM
10

I only drink on vacation. I happen to be on vacation now, and while I’m having an amazing time, it’s reinforced why I don’t drink regularly. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Twice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 05:32 PM
13

If a man isn’t asking me on a dinner date pretty quickly, I unmatch and move on. There are enough men vying for my time in person that I can’t waste it on a Chatty Cathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:17 PM
15

Yeah, I’m getting ready to drop a guy I met that’s really nice and super thoughtful, but he has type 2 diabetes and he eats like shit. I can’t respect that he’s literally killing himself with food. I won’t be a witness to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 01:51 AM
2

You can never go wrong investing in yourself. Congrats!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:26 PM
1

I might try these, I have a minor issue with my lower teeth that I wouldn’t mind correcting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:25 PM
25

This week will be my first wedding anniversary since my husband passed, then comes my first Valentines Day alone, then the 3rd anniversary of my mom's death. I leave tomorrow for Key West, which will make for a nice distraction for those milestones. I already set all of my dinner reservations, so I’ll spend my days exploring, then have an amazing meal before going out for drinks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:22 PM
22

From now on, I plan to say “Please don’t Not All Men me; that's a given, thanks”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 06:09 PM
77

This right here. Especially if there’s no children to pass the ring to, you’d definitely be expected to return the ring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 02:15 PM
21

Between this incident, him throwing Janet Jackson under the bus, then being caught frolicking publicity with a woman that is not his wife, JT is a garbage human
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 02:16 AM
3

We need a level up check in thread or something - where we can post the positive changes, big and small, we're making. I love reading stuff like this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 02:14 AM
9

Yeah, I've been on 3 dates with a really sweet guy that I’m going to have to cut loose. He's a bit overweight, which doesn’t bother me visually, but he has diabetes - and what he orders for dinner is absolutely inappropriate for someone with diabetes. So, when I’m looking at him, I see the health issues that he’s doing nothing to resolve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 02:43 PM
54

I have that male mentality towards illness after what I endured with my husband. He was sick for the last 10 years of the marriage. I took care of everything and literally saved his life a couple of times. I don’t have regrets, because he left me with the financial resources to live the rest of my life on my terms. However, I will never ever go through that again. I was dating someone I felt a physical attraction to. He dropped something on the ground and when he bent over to pick it up, he had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 03:59 PM
330

You can’t be just friends with a straight man. They want to fuck you. They may not even realize it themselves, but it’s there. I came to this realization by being a woman who wound up having every guy friend eventually realize they were attracted to me. I’m now friendly to men, but not friends with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 01:08 AM
74

My theory is that while he was with Rose and Dita, he refrained from abusing them because they were famous and connected, and could have hurt his career had it gotten out. Maybe he had women on the side during that time and he saved the abuse for them. I read his autobiography, he’s a sick fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:27 AM
56

Dita Von Teese and Rose McGowan both say he never abused them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 02:26 AM
75

My state gives one year for every 3 of marriage. I told my late husband his only escape would be in a body bag, as that was insufficient.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 08:17 PM
310

I notice that the two he didn’t outright physically abuse were the ones with fame and power before they met him. He gets off on preying on those he sees as weak or beneath him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 05:06 PM
167

Just had this happen to me. Had a nice date with someone, he was clearly more into me than I was him. However, he never did ask me out again, he’d reach out here and there, hint at going out, talk about future activities (trip to a cabin), etc. I found it comical and wanted to see how long this would go on... but after 3 weeks, I got bored and unmatched him without warning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 04:40 AM
8

Looks good. I’d supplement the part about addiction. I personally wouldn’t date an addict, but I’d suggest your criteria include that they’re actively working to stay sober. You don’t want someone who's just white knuckling their way through. You want someone who maybe attends meetings, talks regularly with a sponsor, reads about how to maintain sobriety, makes sure he avoids people who still live the lifestyle he used to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 06:37 PM
85

Do what you need to do to walk away unmolested and alive. If a giggle gets you out safely, then giggle like a freakin schoolgirl. Sometimes, it really is better to say you have a boyfriend instead of saying you’re not interested. I was well above average in looks in my 20s. I giggled and “have a boyfriend”ed my way out of countless situations. It worked for me then. Now that I’m approaching 50, it happens less often, but I have less patience for and less fear of men - I am more direct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 01:30 PM
27

That comment about divorce sounded like negging to me. The comment about her abuse? A massive red flag. I guarandamntee he’s got a “crazy” or “psycho” ex that he would expect pity from your friend about, and he’d get mad if she said she didn’t want to know because there’s two sides.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 04:12 AM
19

Most women aren’t abusive. They’re nurturing. They assume men have the same thoughts. They would never use a man's trauma against him; if anything, they let it justify their bad behavior. It really doesn’t occur to most women that if they share their trauma with a man, it’ll be weaponized. Women have to stop believing men think the same as them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 01:15 PM
63

I was in another subreddit when a commenter said a potential match has asked her why her last relationship ended. She said he’d hit her, and this asshole jokes “what, you don’t like it rough?” I replied that such personal information shouldn’t be shared so easily, a man will often use it as a guide to what he can get away with. And of course, I get slapped upside the head with the “not all men!” response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:49 AM
4

On a side note, Chantix worked like a dream for me. It didn’t work for my step son, so I told him to get the book The Easyway to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. He read it and instantly quit without any issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 02:13 AM
14

I didn’t either, honestly. I’d had my share of partners, but this was miles beyond anything I'd ever experienced. I’ve never done heroin, but I think it was the sexual equivalent of shooting up that first time. It felt so good that my brain almost couldn’t process that much pleasure. After I ended things, I went through a brief depression, knowing I’d never feel that good again. The man was a sexual chameleon - he could instantly adapt to whatever turned you on the most. A positive response made…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 12:35 AM
34

I’ve had sex that was so good it made me believe in God. Absolutely mind blowing. However, the man who provided said sex wasn’t worth a minute of my time outside of the bedroom. Basically, I feel I’ve climbed Mount Everest. I’ve achieved it, I don’t need achieve it again. Now, I’d prefer a scenic stroll along a hillside covered in wildflowers or the ocean as seagulls soar in the air. In other words, I want a good companion, not hot sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 03:46 PM
102

This is it right here. I can look back at every ex I was nuts over when I was younger, and I shudder to think how miserable I’d be now if it hadn’t ended. One ex in particular, he’s truly a wonderful person - but I’m so thankful we didn’t work out, he’s too hippy dippy for me; after I dumped him, he went and found himself a hippy dippy woman and they’re living in hippy dippy bliss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 03:52 AM
16

I’ve met some really great guys since I began dating again. But with FDS, it’s easy to let them go once I know they’re not right for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 08:21 PM
95

Yeah, I’m almost 50 and my late husband left me well off. I’m not supporting a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 08:18 PM
7

For me, if the profile is really appealing, a comment like those is strike one. I don’t respond and all and see if they change the subject. If I swiped a little less enthusiastically to begin with, it’s an instant unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 03:44 AM
48

Ask why they’re vegan. I met a guy who said it was to prevent hardening of the arteries, which would hopefully result in better erections. Seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 02:09 PM
122

He’s looking for a ride or die, someone who will look the other way when he cheats or shows his ass, and most importantly, will always pay her half of everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:52 PM
16

Nope. Nope. Nope. His comments about YOU spending money on YOURSELF alone is a no go for me. Putting your life on hold for SIX YEARS so he can level up? Nope. He’s already setting you up for disappointment by saying your standards for him are too high. He’s wanting you to say “it’s ok that you’re not living up to them, I’ll live with it”. Nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:50 PM
2

Lol, I mean it probably didn’t matter to her. She was a take charge and take no prisoners personality. He was a bit more meek. If she had wanted him to, I’m sure he would have. My assumption is she didn’t care
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 04:23 PM
14

Don’t be fed up, be done. If you can’t immediately be done because you live together or are married, then start taking the necessary steps to be done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 01:17 PM
1

No. Knowing her, she must not have asked him to, or else he would have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 08:40 PM
4

When two of my old teachers married, she hyphenated her last name and the two kids they had have the hyphenated last name, which I thought was interesting. I took my husband's last name. I think it’s really cute with my first name, and the added benefit now that my husband is dead and I’m dating is that my married name is super common, so I’m hard to stalk online. I don’t plan to remarry, but if I did, I think I think I’d keep my current name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 02:40 PM
20

My boundary is I don’t talk on the phone or video chat before meeting. If you’re interested in me, you can take me to dinner. I’m at an age where that’s not that unusual, and it’s almost never an issue. I matched with one guy who seemed really great and fun until he basically commanded “let’s talk on the phone tonight”. Well, I had a date for one, and for two, just no. So I told him I always meet for a meal because phone chemistry often doesn’t translate to real life, and I find it to be a time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:31 PM
3

I dated a NVM who was just a ton of fun to go out with, the conversation flowed easily. We went a couple of places he’d been to before, and he was an amazing tour guide. Beyond that, he’s a garbage human. Completely unworthy of my time or attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 03:00 PM
5

I think it’s ok if it starts as revenge. Just keep in mind a true NVM will likely not even give two shits about your transformation. Anyway, as you make progress and you see tangible improvements in your life, I think the notion of revenge will dissipate as you become too wrapped up in enjoying the new you to worry about that loser. On a side note, if you haven’t already, consider adding a Vitamin D supplement. It takes a couple of months to really feel the full effect, but it’s known to improve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:44 PM
35

In fairness, he was right, there was nothing to talk about. He showed you who he is, and that’s all you need to know. Now, just think about all the time he’s saved you - instead of wasting it on a NVM, now you’re free to focus on you. You’re now free. Lesson learned - never ignore those red flags! They’re NEVER innocuous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:09 PM
148

That’s one thing I’ll say about my late husband. When we married, I was more like the dude in the video, a slob. My husband was a neat freak, and so he did all the chores. I found I enjoyed living in such a tidy home, so I eventually developed habits similar to him. Now, there’s no way I could be with someone like this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 02:03 PM
6

I kinda have to say something early on, because I don’t work, and that’s unusual at my age. Also, I’m going to show up in a very expensive car. Plus, my ideal match would be able to afford to do things that I can, like travel and go to nicer restaurants. But yeah, I did match with someone that I wasn’t attracted to after we met, but he was fun to talk to - but me having money turned him off, his manhood was tied to being able to wine and dine financially weaker women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:48 PM
34

Maybe because I’m older, I’ve met some decent guys. Not right for me, but I’m a super picky one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:48 PM
18

I do better with one. It’s technically intermittent fasting. My dinners are generally 900 to 1300 calories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 12:09 PM
156

I haven’t been asked on a walking date, but I have been asked for coffee or lunch, and I always say I prefer dinner. I only eat once a day, so I don’t want lunch, and I don’t do coffee. A walking date? Walk your ass the hell away from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 12:54 AM
60

I’ve always been someone that used it as an appetizer, not the full entree. Any man I ever dated knew in no uncertain terms, that ejaculating in my mouth would result in me clamping down, hard, with my teeth. I don’t swallow, I don’t do anal, and if you spank me, you’ll have the police called on you. Honestly, I think because I made it so crystal clear up front, I never had anyone (that I was dating) try to push those boundaries. It was always the one night stands that would expect the porn move…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 06:58 PM
24

There are certain interests, moves, techniques, or kinks that are straight from the porn playbook and are indicative of a pornsick NVM. Back in my 20s, I was pretty experimental sexually (ok, I had lots of partners), and I can’t tell you how many times a guy would do something and I’d think “oh, you learned this from porn”. It’s always disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:40 PM
10

Just purchased, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:32 PM
6

I’m on my second full round of online dating. I was on for a bit, had several dates, then took a break for awhile, and now I’m back at it. I don’t work, so it’s a little harder for me to meet someone. What generally works for me is matching with several possibilities, then hiding my profile for a bit while I sort through those guys, then unhiding my profile for a week or so, etc. Otherwise, it’s just too overwhelming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 09:45 PM
10

Proud of you! When I see a post in other subreddits from women I know would absolutely thrive if exposed to the guidance of this group, I send them a private message. I hope one day someone I reach out to levels up the way you have. Way to go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 02:52 PM
12

I’m almost 50 and am absolutely overwhelmed with guys swiping right on me, whereas I swipe right on maybe 1 out of every 25-30. I could literally have a dinner date every night of the week. It’s a bumper crop of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 03:16 AM
7

Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:54 PM
28

My late husband surprised me with a new Corvette once! Among the more thoughtful, when my dad was dying when I was in my 20s, a couple of guys who were trying to woo me bought sweet presents for my mom. One guy gave me a spa package that paid for me and my mom to get a massage together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 12:07 AM
1

I was the one to have to do pretty much everything around my house for several years, down to driving - and dropping my husband at the door and then parking out on the lot if we went anywhere. Because he was in very bad health. Could barely walk from the house to the car bad health. Flatlined twice, 2 heart attacks and a massive stroke bad health. Bled out and flown by helicopter to a level one trauma center bad health Unless a man is at death's door, I'm not doing stuff that should be his job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:48 PM
2

Congrats! Savor your freedom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:47 PM
4

The eyebrows are an immediate Next. I disagree on the shaved head, I admit it’s a weakness for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 01:30 PM
7

I don’t wear jewelry other than watches, but if I were to buy a ring, I’d go to my authorized Rolex dealer. Mine carries some beautiful rings, and they even have a small bit gorgeous collection of estate jewelry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:33 AM
2

I have had sex that felt so good, it was as if God gently opened my skull and lightly kissed my brain. Even sex that mind blowing wouldn’t be worth putting up with this shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:33 PM
2

What she should have done was just dump him. If you feel like you’re competing with a ghost, you need to move on. Don’t delete videos and pics or throw away mementos. I say this as the widow of a widower. So, I’ve been in both positions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 07:43 PM
14

A restraining order makes his name being on the lease not matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:17 PM
6

It’s been my experience, based on men in my family, that men will change - but never for their current woman. Once bad behavior has been tolerated, there’s almost no hope. A man will sometimes change, but only when the next woman sets a clear, firm boundary from day one. My dad is a perfect example. I found out after he died that he’d been awful to his previous wife. He wasn’t like that with my mom. My mom was a bad ass who had dumped her first husband (and cut off her entire family) when pregna…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 02:59 AM
11

This was my husband. He loved showering me with nice things, from designer bags to Rolexes to expensive sports cars - that he put in my name only.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:11 AM
53

Congrats! Always love seeing a woman buy herself a home. I’d love to read any non identifying info about the house and process that you care to share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:19 PM
55

I can’t tell you how many women told me the moment they laid eyes on tier newborn, every cell in their body changed. I was expecting that. That did not happen for me. They laid my son on my chest, and all I could think was “get this THING off of me”. It took 6 years for me to really feel a deep attachment to him. Now that he’s 17, he’s everything I dreamed of and more - it just turns out that small kids and babies are not my thing. Oh, and If I could go back and do it again - I’d go the surrogat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:10 PM
60

Excuse the bluntness, I’m on vacation and drunk... but if you don’t feed me, you don’t fuck me, PERIOD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:06 PM
96

“I’m handy!” Maybe he meant handsy, cause he sure as shit wasn’t handy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:45 PM
7

You did nothing wrong. They realized you’re of a higher caliber than they are, and they threw in the towel. Much better than them trying to fake it or belittle and attempt to make you feel less than. It’s like if I realize someone is a super intellectual over achiever - I’m just not. They’re giving you the “it’s not you, it’s me” line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 01:56 AM
11

Personally, I’m too fucking old for emojis. When a man my age uses them, I can feel my interest in them disappear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 12:40 AM
24

I wanted to be a housewife, and my husband wanted a housewife. I didn’t want to wind up stuck, so I made sure my name was on everything from the house deed to car titles to all bank accounts. My husband used to brag about that to people - that I was no dummy and I made sure I had myself sitting pretty financially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:55 PM
27

I didn’t move in with my husband until we married. Within the first week of marriage, I made sure my name was added to the deed (and not the mortgage). I refused to list my house for sale until that was finalized. If nothing else, it made things much smoother when he died - the process of getting his name removed from the deed was simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:42 PM
30

It’s natural to cringe at your old self, but I don’t think I really regret anything. Each LVM that entered my life added something that I carried forward. Even as simple as the one that introduced me to New Orleans, which led to many great solo vacations there. The one that made me realize I was not meant to be a step mom, so I never again dated men with young children. The one that had certain boundaries with me that he didn’t have with the next girlfriend, who had set higher standards for hers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 09:09 PM
271

I have over $300k set aside for my son to use for college and travel. My late husband earned that money, and we set that money aside together, my husband was so proud that our son would have opportunities he never did. I think I’d literally rip the face off of any man who even hinted at taking that money for any reason. I can’t imagine continuing to allow such a man access to my vagina.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 08:40 PM
16

Yes, this is the extreme - but always be careful about trusting people with anything that can be used against you in any way. I have ONE friend I occasionally share with, and I’m sunshine and roses to everyone else. I’ve learned to work through and manage my shit on my own, as opposed to how I used to need to talk it out with someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 05:49 PM
11

The first thing that popped in my head was that his idea of cleaning was probably licking his plate clean!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 09:40 AM
31

My marriage was the first time I’d cooked for a man, and I had to break my husband pretty damn quick. He’d make minor complaints about this or that, and I finally said one more complaint and I’ll never cook for him again - so I went a few years without cooking for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 02:13 AM
23

I agree. Honestly, he’d said something a few messages prior that made me 90% sure he was a NVM, so at this point, I thought “fuck it, let’s see what he says in response”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:57 AM
76

Good point! Besides, I'm a clean as I go girl. By the time I’m ready to sit and eat, the only thing left to clean up is the dishes I’m eating on. The pans and utensils are in the dishwasher, the countertops are wiped down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:29 AM
146

You gotta love when they weed themselves out within the first few messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:15 AM
93

Great news for my belly! I cook for me and sometimes my son. That’s it. I get no pleasure from cooking for others, so I don’t do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:14 AM
1

I’ve had better luck with male doctors in general, but I’ve specifically had bad experiences with female ob/gyns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 11:55 AM
39

This is why I’ll never marry. I have a fairly high net worth and it all goes to my son when I die.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:55 PM
7

My dad had his moments, but was pretty great overall. He was older, so he retired when I was young. So, I always had two parents at home, and he never missed a single school function. His whole world revolved around me and my mom. I only ever had a babysitter twice. He set a high standard for me as an adult. In his mid 70s, he’d drive an hour each way to my house just to mow my yard because “my baby shouldn’t have to”. I have dozens of similar stories. After he died, I found out he’d been a LVM …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 12:16 PM
20

He just looks like someone that would be hitting on a teenage daughter's friends. Yikes. And you’re right, his only shot at her was when she was a neglected minor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 12:36 PM
45

Well, you were 100% in control of that convo. Good for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 12:11 PM
19

Pee soup. Gross and divorce worthy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:38 PM
1

People who have nothing to hide hide nothing. I don’t want someone snooping through my phone looking for something, but if I’m in a relationship, there’ll be nothing inappropriate on my phone. I expect the same in a man. I don’t want to look, but I expect looking to be an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:37 PM
-2

Um, me and my 20 year age gap are gonna sit this one out! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:46 AM
10

I’m in the same spot! Life is pretty damn sweet for me right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:32 AM
17

Very impressive! Good for you for setting yourself free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 02:10 PM
10

Yeah, this one's always tough for me. I’m much better than I was, but still I feel myself slip sometimes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 12:32 AM
57

Yes, he’s going to be the type that has her pay half the mortgage, half for repairs, then boot her out when he finds a replacement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 12:26 AM
66

I’m too old for potential. If you’re not there yet, I’m not interested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 09:08 PM
83

Yeah, I don’t think I could live with a man again. I went on a trip and shared a rental home for 3 days with a man. As nice of a guy as he is, I don’t know if I had another day in me. I wanted my own bed, my own tv, and I wanted stuff arranged how I like. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it, and not have to accommodate someone else’s wishes. I’m greedy, selfish, and stubborn in all the ways that work well for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:58 PM
5

I'm not really keto, but I am avoiding flour and sugar. I used to be a marathon sleeper - I’d sleep 12 hours and still need a nap. Now that I’m eating better, I’m good with 6-8 hours, and I wake up alert and refreshed. My stomach issues are gone, as is my chronic diarrhea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 01:48 PM
11

If I eat foods heavy in refined carbs (I’m looking at you, pizza), I need a nap within 30 minutes of eating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 01:41 PM
165

He’s fetching her fucking snacks because he’s thrilled he’s not going to have to deal with that aborted baby for the next 18 years. “You just saved my ass, here’s a snack and a hug”. Seriously, fuck off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 01:36 PM
4

I once bought a stunning ring at the Off Saks 5th Avenue outlet. The main stone looks like a canary yellow diamond flanked by two white diamonds - I don’t know what the actual stones are, but it looks very expensive and I paid maybe $250. Macy's also carries pretty jewelry and often has sales.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 11:41 PM
39

Fuck that! I’ll never change my last name. It’s the same last name as my son for one, but it’s also really cute with my first name. I also like that it’s a common enough last name that I can’t easily be found by Googling. I’m taking this name to the grave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 07:04 PM
6

My late husband developed some serious health issues when our son was 5. He mentioned many times over the years that he wanted me to be very careful about what man I brought into our son's life in the event my husband died. My husband wanted me to be happy, it he said many men have a hard time raising another man's kids, especially boys. As for me, I became a step mom when my step kids were adults, so it was a little different of a relationship, but both kids have said I was a good step mom. I a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:16 AM
54

Who’s house is it? If it’s not his, go over. He can bark orders all he likes, but if his name's not on the lease or deed, he has no say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:05 AM
7

There was a dude like that in my town, I live an hour from where I grew up. Anyway, he exposed himself to a woman in a parking lot and was arrested. I recognized the name, turns out I went to school with his mom, she’d been a good friend in elementary school. Fast forward two years, and he’s arrested for murder. Turns out he’d been stalking an ex, and he murdered her and dumped her body in a field. Then, videos are found on his cell - he’d been filming female joggers at the local park and clearl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 03:45 PM
10

I saw this one too. The other day, a woman posted about her boyfriend's mom being too bossy about choices they made for their house. Well, “their” house was his house that she bought the furniture for and is paying half the mortgage of, with NO ownership. She’s ok with it because he refers to it as “our house”. I said that sounds so sweet, but she’s legally a tenant of his. Don’t pay his mortgage, don’t bear his children without being married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 03:33 PM
18

One thing to keep in mind dating a dad is he gets to parent his current kids however he wants, and you have no say. He may expect to parent your future children exactly the same, but these will also be your children, you may want to do things differently. There may also be resentment between your step kids and your kids. Also, your firsts will be old news to him. Your first time finding out you’re pregnant, the first sonogram, first kick, childbirth - he’s been there and done that, with someone …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 02:20 AM
10

This is me now too! So grateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:40 AM
47

Whoever he was with after you has dumped him, and he’s seeing if you’re still an option. Good thing for you, you’re not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 10:14 PM
44

It’s been long enough since my husband died that I’m finding myself where I was right before I met him - blissfully single, and just absolutely joyous at living each day on my terms without having to make adjustments for a partner. I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt. I’m glad I married and had my child, but I don’t see myself in a serious relationship ever again. I want to be greedy and selfish for the rest of my days!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 03:01 PM
4

It’s Hollywood. The plot twist will be she did it because bitches be crazy, amirite?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 01:53 PM
15

He’d never given so much as a hint of ever being suicidal to me. This happened maybe 3 years after we were out of contact. I don’t know what happened that caused him to snap, but after that, I got real skittish at the thought of maintaining contact with someone who says they’re suicidal, especially a man. Too many murder suicide cases out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 01:52 PM
22

I had a FWB in my 20s that went on to commit a murder suicide. For me, once the idea of suicide is mentioned or hinted at, all contact would immediately end. I wouldn’t risk it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 12:41 PM
56

I believe it. In my misguided youth, I dated a guy who asked me to shit on him. Sorry ladies, the opportunity to literally shit on a man was too good to resist. And yes,that was our last date
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:30 PM
135

A man with filtered pics is an automatic no for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:24 PM
77

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Don’t feel bad in any way, this man did this to himself. Had he left you alone once you made it clear you were NOT interested, he’d still have that job. He made it clear he would never respect your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 09:00 PM
31

I’m too fucking old for emojis. I can hear my vagina drying up when a man uses them with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 07:46 PM
10

All I can tell you is that as far as any man I meet is concerned, my childhood was ideal. I was never molested. All my relationships were healthy, and they treated me like a queen. My marriage was as close to perfect as you can get, and my life is just shy of sunshine and rainbows 24/7. I’ll never admit anything different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:50 PM
9

I’ve readjusted to being single after my husband died this year, and I think I’m doing better than ever. I’m dropping the last few pounds I’d gained when my husband's condition got really bad a year ago. I’m living my life for me, on my terms, and not worrying about what anyone else thinks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:42 PM
5

Congrats on the weight loss and especially for quitting smoking! Both are super tough!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:39 PM
5

Congratulations on your sobriety! So glad you found your way back to your true love, making music!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:37 PM
2

Juggling being a mom and working your way up the ladder? That’s amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:36 PM
2

Congratulations, that’s fantastic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:35 PM
5

Congrats on the house!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:34 PM
12

Never get cocky or let your guard down. I’m 7 years away from smoking, and I know just one puff will send me back into full blown addiction. Congrats, I know how hard it is to quit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:33 PM
64

I’m especially impressed because of her age. At that age, I would have considered it a challenge to “win him back” and I’d have upped my game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 03:27 PM
1

It’s beautiful, a great reward for your success!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:54 PM
52

Yeah, you miss the fake version of himself that he presented to you early on. It’s natural. You just can’t lose sight of the fact that it was not his true self. Much like if you’d fallen for a character in a movie, then found out the actor was nothing at all like that character. It’s always a letdown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:29 PM
6

I thought the same, was devastated when the ultrasound showed I was having a boy. God knew better than me, because my son has been the light of my life. He’s sweet and sensitive and I couldn’t have asked for a better kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 02:28 PM
7

Ah, the old lather, rinse, repeat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:33 PM
139

This is one of biggest mistakes we as women often make. I know I’ve danced to this tune more times than I care to admit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 09:34 PM
56

Yeah, a lot of men don’t realize they’ll have a happier marriage if a stay at home wife has a life beyond being in the house with chores and children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 09:01 PM
66

Exactly. When my son was aged 1-5, I had a nanny and a housekeeper, and I was a housewife.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:13 PM
5

Amazing self insight! Easier to demand the best from others when you’re your own best self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:53 PM
10

I’m 48. Starting over after my husband died. Slipped back into old habits in the immediate aftermath, but at the 6month mark, something clicked and I’m back on track. I’ll be moving in a year and a half, and I’m glad I found my way back before then. Where I’ll be living is a smaller community, and it’d be hard to bounce back from being a total pickmeisha if that’s how I was at the beginning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:51 PM
5

He certainly had his moments, but he gave me 18 good years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:13 AM
35

Oh man, if a man ever dared to spit on me, especially in my face, I know I’d wind up in jail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 12:49 AM
89

No, I’m saying it was a real shock to see how much expectations have changed, and how quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 10:19 PM
580

I always say I’m so grateful I am just old enough to have not had to put up with the shit you younger ladies do. In my dating prime, men were just grateful for head, you weren’t expected to offer anal, swallowing, threesomes, open relationships, or any of that other bullshit. One Tinder match mentioned something he was into and I laughed and said I’m too old, too attractive, and too rich for such nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 09:16 PM
45

Also never take a man at his word as to his financial situation. It can all be a house of cards. I’d seen enough Lifetime movies and ID channel shows to know to verify. When I met my husband and he told me about his situation, I made it clear his word wasn’t good enough. God love him, the next time I saw him, he brought me ALL his financial records - mortgage statement, bank statements, credit card statements, tax records, even several pay stubs. He even brought the death certificate of his prev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 04:09 PM
11

Ride or die should mean you’ll hang in there if they get sick and you’ll stay with them until they die. I did that shit. Ride or die should not mean you’ll come back for more if he fucks every willing woman, hits you, or generally abuses you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 03:54 PM
35

My late husband was the worst. He spent it as fast as he could make it, I think it stemmed from growing up poor, but his dad found some success when my husband was a teen, then money was something to flash. Anyway, I found this unacceptable. My husband was older, so I knew I’d outlive him, and I didn’t want to be a broke widow. I took over managing the money, making payments. I refinanced the house and went from 20 years left on the mortgage to having it paid off in 5. I created a secret bank ac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:33 PM
9

He’s a big boy, you owe him nothing. The best thing you could do for him is let him figure this all out for himself. He'll sink or swim, and if he swims, he'll come out stronger on the other side, and maybe he'll eventually be able to be a decent partner to someone else. In the meantime, move on and focus on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 05:00 PM
8

No, this was 30 years ago and I was broker than broke. I couldn’t have afforded a cab. I was living with 4 guys at the time, once he brought me back I knew I was safe because those guys would have my back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:22 PM
8

Yes, that was our last date!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:16 PM
18

No, and I was expected to put out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:48 PM
42

Not when you’re starving and expecting to be fed real food, and this fucking farm was a 90 minute drive each way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 01:16 PM
49

This reminds me of when I was maybe 21 and a guy wanted to take me somewhere special. That turned out to be a farm that sold milkshakes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 01:04 PM
10

Always date who you want, and for your own reasons. Never ever stay with a man because the reason you want to leave would be unpopular, or because the reason wouldn’t bother most other people. You’re not most other people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 12:15 AM
6

So you know the name of the poor woman who is now headed down a road to misery. Poor girl, but at least it’s not you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 11:15 PM
4

Yeah, I had one guy set up the second date before our meals had even arrived on the first date. Interested men don’t leave you guessing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 11:12 PM
3

That one would be a tough one for me. I personally wouldn’t hunt, nor would I clean or cook (or even eat) the animal, but I think I could be with a man who hunts. However, if it’s something you feel that strongly about, then hunting is a red flag for you, and you’re doing what we’re supposed to do for red flags - move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 11:09 PM
43

I’m 48, and watching my husband die really made made it sink in that life is too short to put up with bullshit. You really think you’ll be my age and regret making changes and thinking maybe you should have hung in there a little longer - be it relationship or a friendship, or even a job? Hell no! The regret will be having waited so long to extract yourself from the situation. With any luck, I have a few decades ahead of me, and I’ll live them on my terms, in a way that makes me happy, and I don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 09:54 PM
54

That’d make a great band name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 09:43 PM
2

When you know better, you do better. You’ve seen men at their worst, and now you’re learning that you deserve better, and hopefully you’ll demand better. The bad makes you appreciate the good. Hopefully, you’ll one day be in an amazing relationship with a wonderful man, and you'll look back on your bad experiences and be able to better appreciate how far you’ve come. Even if you’re single, you'll hopefully feel so content and complete that you’ll be able to honestly say to yourself that being wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:00 PM
12

Before I met my late husband 20 years ago, I’d been an active member of an online community dedicated to the book The Rules. Someone on another subreddit said something about a post in FDS, and it struck me that it sounded very Rulesy, so I poked around a bit and realized this is where my people are!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:51 PM
54

One thing I do is play the relationship out in my head. I was crushing on a guy, but I went over everything he’d said with a fine tooth comb and then thought about what it’d mean in the long term, and that broke the spell. For example, he said he wanted to take me paddle boarding, but he never brought it up again. So, I thought about if that was a pattern, what other empty promises would there be? He made a throwaway comment about how his ex wife (married 20 plus years) was really wild. So, I to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:19 PM
12

Jesus Christ, my late husband's previous wife was a saint of a woman who died after they’d been married over 10 years, and he was able to move on better than this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 09:43 PM
30

Who cares that he’s with someone? Do you think either of them is truly happy? Meanwhile, you’re working on yourself and building yourself. You know when I found someone? When I realized I was too good to put up with a bunch of crap, when I finally felt truly content being single, and when I decided I’d likely always be single - and was ok with that. And now that my husband has been dead 6 months, I’m right back in that same spot, so I’m nervous that I’ll wind up meeting someone - I’m ready to en…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 09:35 PM
8

I don’t give a shit who's looking, I’m going to dress for my own comfort. I wear leggings in cold weather, and thin comfortable tshirts with no bra in the summer. I refuse to ever be uncomfortable in my clothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:53 PM
0

I care about my appearance in that I want to like what I look like. If I were dressing for men, I might wear makeup, curl my hair, wear a dress. I like to look cute (to myself) and be comfortable - so I just wear my hair as is (long and stick straight), I don’t wear makeup because I don’t need it. I wear leggings and a men's button up shirt. The only jewelry I wear is an expensive gold watch, either one of my Cartiers or one of my Rolexes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:10 PM
3

If it were me, I’d get a case of amnesia. I’d act like the dates never happened - they couldn’t have, because he’s not my type.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:28 AM
16

I'm the queen of the flipped switch. I’ve done it with men, friends, family. Something will hit me the wrong way, and it literally feels like a switch is flipped in my head, and I’m just done - and I’m out. It’s why my one sister is so careful with me nowadays. I once stopped talking to her for 20 years, and she knows full damn well I’d be happy to go 20 more if she pisses me off. No need for blowups or confrontations, the final word, or closure, just be done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:45 AM
146

I just finished dealing with an “I'm HANDY!!!!” dude. Spoiler alert - he wasn’t. Besides, I'm rich as fuck, I can hire that shit done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:03 PM
4

There shouldn’t be shame in your past, especially when you’re making changes towards a better now and tomorrow. As for me, my husband died 6 months ago after a decade of health issues that caused him to be unable to have sex. My libido went into hibernation during that time, but came roaring back with a vengeance after he died. Fast forward to today, I’ve hooked up with 5 guys, had a ton of low value fun, and now that itch has been scratched. I got it out of my system, and now I’m looking forwar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:28 PM
8

He fucked up, and instead of saying it’s cool, not everyone is ok with dating someone with small kids, he had to claim you had a major flaw. That would have been your life in every future argument. You dodged a major bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 03:03 PM
26

Maybe he wanted an “aww, I LOVE a kids!” - type of reaction, and when that’s not how you reacted, “too opinionated” was an easy out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:40 AM
18

Thank you. No matter how bad a date is from now on, I’ll be thankful it wasn’t as bad as this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:30 PM
40

Eh, to be fair, my husband died 6 months ago and I was dating within a month, and I only waited that long because restaurants were shut down. I think it’s about the circumstances of the spouse passing. Mine had been in bad shape for over a decade, and nothing was left unsaid or undone, and he made it clear my obligation was over the second his heart stopped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:24 PM
42

I spent ages 27-29 very happily single. It was really a great time for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 02:43 AM
3

That’s exactly why - although I trusted my husband, I made damn sure I’d be fine if things went south, and he’d be the one hurting financially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:57 AM
8

This was always my nightmare, whether we ended in divorce or death, that the money would be gone without me realizing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 07:08 PM
5

This one hit me in the feels. My dad died in 2000, but when he was in his late 70's, he insisted on driving an hour each way to my house to mow my yard because “my baby is too precious to be doing such things”. I have so many great memories like that. He definitely set a high standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:44 AM
43

I refused to sell my house until I was married and my name put on the deed to his house, where we'd be living. Within a week of being married, I made sure we had new wills done, my name added to all bank accounts, car titles, and I was made beneficiary on all life insurance policies. My husband wanted a stay at home wife, and I wasn’t going to risk devoting my best years to making a happy home only to be left with nothing. It paid off, because when he did pass, there wasn’t a big financial mess,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 11:45 PM
106

Yeah, my husband said he spent his life working so that he could achieve his goal of spending his days alternating between sitting on a balcony staring at the ocean and laying poolside staring at women in bikinis. When he died, that torch was passed to me. And yes, I intend to stare at women in bikinis by the pool in honor of him. Nothing is more appealing than a life of leisure.
/r/PussyPassDenied08/05/20 04:39 AM
77

My former sister in law pulled this stunt on my husband's brother. They'd been married over 20 years, and he gave her a very substantial settlement, voluntarily. I felt she deserved it, she’d helped him build his business. She should have been able to live out her life quite comfortably, but the money was gone within 2 years. She had a new boyfriend whose favorite hobby was spending her money. She conned my brother in law into getting remarried, which lasted maybe 2 years. She was entitled to no…
/r/PussyPassDenied06/05/19 04:07 PM
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