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Secure-Outcome8687 Archive

View 10 posts and 84 comments by Secure-Outcome8687 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

That final line was poetry
/r/seduction29/06/26 08:23 AM
1

I can soldier on through approach anxiety. What I really struggle with, even after gaining some experience, is losing my composure once the interaction begins. It's like my IQ is suddenly halved moments after I open. The whole thing will go for about a minute (feels like the longest minute of my life) before I bail without having gotten a phone number and then, just 5 fkn seconds later when my brain re-activates, I suddenly now have all these ideas of what I could have said to keep things tickin…
/r/seduction21/04/26 04:08 AM
1

Just so we understand, are you suggesting that you made a mistake by prompting a call? If so, why is that a mistake?
/r/seduction20/03/26 02:12 AM
9

So sorry to hear about your childhood. You deserved better, brother. You've obviously done a bit of homework on the matter of trauma. I could be wrong but I suspect that more insight into the origins and effects of unmet childhood needs shouldn't be your number one priority. I'd do two things: 1 - Get the basics right. Sleep is the most important facet of health. Make sure you're getting enough quality and quantity. Then also make sure your diet, exercise and social life are in order. 2 - Therap…
/r/seduction07/03/26 03:55 AM
0

A 'nice guy' in the negative sense does nice things largely to win people over and hence, get something to return (reciprocation, approval etc). He can be either too nice or not have any boundaries. A nice guy in the healthy sense does nice things primarily because it makes him feel good. Wanting people's praise or approval is either a secondary reason or doesn't matter at all. And if you violate his boundaries, he'll speak up - not yell, swear or anything, but calmly and sternly put the foot do…
/r/seduction14/10/25 08:47 PM
10

Brilliant post. Everyone should bookmark it. Through natural selection, each man is born with this skillset. Sure, you might need to finetune things a little and some are smoother than others but it's largely innate. Most of us, myself included have simply forgotten or have been conditioned to think/feel otherwise. When you dial back your fear, anger, shame, guilt or whatever negative energy is plaguing you, what comes to the fore is your playful side. The most attractive men are the ones that h…
/r/seduction03/09/25 03:20 AM
1

We may be talking about two different things. Let's not confuse porn addiction with porn consumption. It's hard to know exactly where the line is and the strength of an addiction is scaled. But suppose someone is watching porn once every third day; ideal? Perhaps not. An addiction? Probably not. But you can certainly get addicted to porn and given mainstream medical establishments woefully inadequate understanding of addiction, I wouldn't put weight in whether or not it requires a diagnosis. Do …
/r/seduction27/08/25 04:13 AM
1

Psychologists would agree that problematic porn consumption is an addiction and like all addictions some type of emotional dysregulation, or what is commonly known as mental illness, is the catalyst. Best bet is to look into the work of Dr Gabor Matè and Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk. Plenty to see on youtube. The science on this is clear.
/r/seduction27/08/25 03:04 AM
3

Porn addiction is absolutely real and is pretty common. 'Normal', even. But it ain't healthy and is a sign of something else out of kilter underneath.
/r/seduction26/08/25 10:01 PM
1

You don't sound like you have a clean bill of mental health. Those that do don't act this way. It seems like you don't feel as if you have power over your own life and that you alleviate this pain by reaching for unhealthy power over others. That isn't your fault and isn't something you should feel shame over. I strongly suspect circumstance has shaped you, especially your childhood. So beating yourself up over it too much isn't gonna help. In the same breath, it's on you, for the most part, to …
/r/seduction26/08/25 06:20 AM
3

'Past the point where shallow strategies work' Amen, brother. I'm 40 and I want a woman of substance, not one that's insecure or won over by cheap parlour tricks when she's tipsy. Sure, there's overlap and some basic stuff is universal but I'm not looking to go to pubs on the prowl for boozehags and barsluts.
/r/seduction26/08/25 04:52 AM
1

Why did you avoid responding to the idea that we all learn differently and that being shown creative and witty responses can train a mind to pick up those traits?
/r/seduction12/08/25 07:57 AM
1

I didn't think it would be relevant. In person you're not competing with dozens of different guys in the same way you would be on an app. More importantly, you have the element of body language, eye contact, vocal variety, vocal pace, tone and any other component of communication that doesn't come into play over an app.
/r/seduction12/08/25 07:21 AM
1

This is the advice I'd expect if chatting to a woman in person. Whole different ball game on apps.
/r/seduction12/08/25 04:06 AM
1

True. Only problem is you'd get smart arses that would set you up to fail (which, in fairness, could be hilarious)
/r/seduction12/08/25 04:04 AM
2

Don't think it's miraculous to say it would work. Different perspectives can prompt new ways of thinking. We all learn differently
/r/seduction12/08/25 03:54 AM
3

The call is legit, boys. I was on it last week and I'll be there today.
/r/seduction08/08/25 08:15 PM
2

Sorry to hear you got it. Been there. It's probably psychological. How's your mental health? Your sleep? Your social life? Makes those things a priority my man
/r/seduction01/08/25 01:22 AM
1

Good post. Thanks. Basically, switch into an abundant mindset stop giving a fuck. Problem is, if I do that I become either boring or vulgar.
/r/seduction29/07/25 09:35 PM
1

Thanks for that. My first impulse when I read the 'Damn girl' quote was that that would only work on young, immature, tipsy women that are easy to get into bed. Sounds kinda sleazy. But I might have that all wrong. If so, I'm happy to be corrected.
/r/seduction29/07/25 12:26 AM
1

Yeah, I'm not sure what gives there either! Nothing wrong with having political opinions or being politically minded. In fact, I love discussing that stuff. Some women see their political opinions as such a prominent feature of their being that they feel the need to staunchly espouse them in their bio on a dating app - it smacks of intolerance. This type of woman has a much higher chance of lacking emotional maturity and is less likely to be the light hearted, fun type of woman you're better off…
/r/seduction29/07/25 12:21 AM
2

Great insight. Any suggestions on how to build sexual tension?
/r/seduction28/07/25 11:43 PM
1

Would love to hear more on creating sexual tension if you have the time. Or if you can recommend resources, that'd be great. TIA!
/r/seduction28/07/25 10:00 PM
5

You weren't asking me but... Once the fear, guilt, shame, anger and loneliness (or any other negative energy you can think of) is dialled back to healthy levels, what comes to the fore is your unique variant of charm and masculinity. It's in you right now. It's just being masked.
/r/seduction28/07/25 09:57 PM
-8

Yep. Even as someone who leans slightly left, women posting their political opinions on dating apps (and they're almost always left) it's a huge red flag. Nobody should give a fat rats arse about another persons political opinions; just their values.
/r/seduction28/07/25 09:28 PM
1

'Be that guy'....sure, no problem. I appreciate that you're trying to help your fellow man and for that, I thank you. But I have no idea why anyone would actually find this post helpful.
/r/seduction27/07/25 04:32 AM
1

Excellent post. This sub needs more talk like this
/r/seduction27/07/25 04:28 AM
2

Yep, the truth is that this forum is full of young men that have a lot of growing up to do. And I don't say that in a condescending, shaming way - *I* have a lot of growing up to do too. The tough love that's administered around here is well meaning but often scornful advice that serves no purpose other than for speaker to feel empowered. There's a lot of dating coaches out there (and here on reddit) with good intentions that are falling short of the mark because they don't understand what's *re…
/r/seduction24/07/25 10:16 PM
13

Very sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch mate. It's not your fault and you deserve so much better. Prioritise the basics. Sleep (number 1), diet, exercise and have a chat with your gp regarding therapy and medications. Also, for the sake of insight, I'd look into childhood trauma. A compromised childhood explains half the mental illness in the USA. Go to google or youtube and look into the works of Dr Bessell Van Der Kolk and Dr Gabor Mate. Good luck!
/r/seduction24/07/25 10:50 AM
136

Had this same dilemma recently. The answer is no. Not that it's a big deal but you're doing a disservice to both her and yourself
/r/seduction24/07/25 09:47 AM
3

I agree with this. Take speaking over the phone; by doing that you remove the elements of eye contact and the many different types of body language. But you're still left with tone, pacing, pauses etc. So it's a compromised means of communication but it isn't all bad. But texting has none of the above. Humans aren't built to communicate this way.
/r/seduction21/07/25 09:41 PM
2

And. Here. We. Go.
/r/seduction18/07/25 08:05 AM
73

Some people consider going up to a woman and simply asking for the time an approach. Whether or not it is is up to you. A few weeks ago I saw a guy speak of how he's been on hundreds of dates... but he was including the hundreds of speed dating dates he's been on which, to me, don't really count.
/r/seduction15/07/25 03:43 AM
1

Sorry that you're doing it tough, brother. The negative view about yourself is the catalyst of being a kissless virgin. IE - the mindset came first. It's not your fault. Heaps of men, including men on this very subreddit, are in, or have been in, a similar boat. You didn't ask for it and you deserve a whole lot better. It probably stems from a compromised childhood. Speak to your GP. Get back to basics (sleep, diet, exercise, socialising). See a therapist.
/r/seduction12/07/25 01:14 AM
1

I've got looks. They help but not that much. Nowhere near as some believe. You still need at least moderate game to attract women even if you've got looks.
/r/seduction11/07/25 04:31 AM
4

Sorry to hear you're doing it tough, mate. Some women that are also not doing well inside will be more at ease in this scenario. Generally, the woman that are doing well inside will, sooner or later, detect that you are not, likely prompting the beginning of the end of her attraction for you. Get back to basics, my man. Sleep is the most important aspect of good health, including mental health. Make your sleep your number 1 priority (including getting a sleep study from your GP to rule out the p…
/r/seduction28/06/25 03:08 AM
1

I appreciate your efforts but it seems you don't understand the conundrum I'm in. It's not about whether or not I'm procrastinating or trying to read her. Why would I take action if I don't feel motivated? She doesn't give off any sexual energy. That's the problem. Do I persist? I sure as shit don't feel like it. But if I do, there might be one helluva pay off.
/r/seduction27/06/25 04:14 AM
1

We've only ever been out. Never back at someone's house. But even then, I don't think you understand the problem I'm facing. My concern is that I don't see a sexual side in her. Maybe I need to persist and it will soon present itself. Maybe I should sever ties and move on. Not sure
/r/seduction27/06/25 01:27 AM
2

Accountability and self reflection are absolutely masculine because they come from a healthy place and/or a desire to improve as a man. Apologising is a little more complicated. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself and don't overthink stuff to the point where you lose motivation. Paralysis through analysis sucks.
/r/seduction27/06/25 12:30 AM
1

Fair call. Maybe you can have your cake and eat it too. I'd persist with the women you're most physically attracted to but then during your approach/courtship, assess them to see if they are also fun, kind etc etc. If they don't meet the criteria that goes beyond what you're into initially, move on.
/r/seduction27/06/25 12:24 AM
2

Might be a breakdown in comms here. You know how guys can be lovely but boring and give off little sexual energy? She's a bit like that. Not sure why this concept is laughable
/r/seduction26/06/25 04:24 AM
1

I never said I was the nice guy in this scenario. The implication was that she was.
/r/seduction26/06/25 04:21 AM
1

Australia
/r/seduction26/06/25 04:11 AM
1

Thanks. Some good points here. But the interactions are not platonic (kissing, face touching, terms like 'guapito') and my intentions are clear. Could be that I'm not that attracted to her yet. Definitely nothing to lose. Tempted to just lay it all on the line. If it puts her off, meh.
/r/seduction26/06/25 04:10 AM
2

Stop having looks as your number 1 value? Maybe I don't quite understand but that sounds a bit like telling women not to be initially attracted to guys that are flirty, funny and charming. Would it be better to advise someone to stop being totally sold on a woman purely and simply because she's beautiful? Have physical beauty as a base requirement but from there she also needs to be funny, intelligent etc etc.
/r/seduction26/06/25 03:47 AM
1

Hit on? Hmm...kinda I had a dude come and engage the two of us. He hung around for a good 10 minutes. It was clear as day that he was interested in my date. I played it cool and was warm and welcoming despite internally thinking to myself 'mate, what the fuck are you doing?' Eventually, he left us alone. She later told me I handled it well. I presume this was because I didn't show that I was rattled and was a fun, chill, not easily threated type of guy.
/r/seduction24/06/25 05:01 AM
3

Must be an age thing. Or by 'thousands' you mean the last handful you've been on. I've been asked the question almost every first date I've ever been on
/r/seduction19/06/25 06:57 AM
1

You've been on thousands of dates and no woman has ever asked that question? FWIW, I'm Australian. May I ask where you're from? Could be a culture difference at play
/r/seduction19/06/25 06:39 AM
1

I appreciate your response but respectfully, you may have misinterpreted my use of the term 'bmf.' It's not a coping strategy or an attempt to make excuses. I'm from Australia and it's common for people to make jokes of themselves. Admittedly, that term is too harsh, even for self depreciating humour. Totally agree with your claim that it's disrespectful, though. Disrespectful to me. Perhaps the first step to being more lively and less in my shell is to eliminate negative self talk.
/r/seduction12/06/25 04:36 AM
8

Don't get me wrong, I can see the appeal but this posts seems suited for guys seeking to bang dirty club hoes
/r/seduction10/06/25 10:26 AM
6

Eat pussy. Get her off that way. Takes the pressure off.
/r/seduction08/06/25 07:22 AM
2

'What would usually you talk about with your gf? Of course things that are fascinating, things that are emotionally and sexually intimate.' Yes. This. This is what I'm asking. What are these things? TIA
/r/seduction08/06/25 12:31 AM
2

Had a feeling this comment would come up. And yes, you're totally right but there's a degree of my self depreciating sense of humour at play here. Sadly, I've spent my entire life in my head and it was only a few years ago that I realised that this wasn't the case with everybody else.
/r/seduction07/06/25 05:16 PM
1

I'm a good looking guy who's in good shape and not short. I'm also lousy with women. Yes, looks help but guys like me cannot depend on their looks to save the day with any woman that's at least moderately attractive. I'd gladly give up my looks for a two things; a) love and respect for myself and b) a strong and playful heart. I think everything you need to succeed with women, or anything else in life falls into one of those two categories.
/r/seduction07/06/25 12:52 PM
8

Surely a polite, composed, self-assured voicing of something you don't agree with is better than 'wtf, I can't believe you like that' The nice guy response is keeping the disagreement to yourself. The 'wtf' response seems over the top
/r/seduction06/06/25 10:18 PM
1

I haven't been through your other stuff so I couldn't say. It look like you've made a helluva effort with your site. Good stuff!
/r/seduction02/06/25 04:49 AM
1

Fair enough. I don't for a moment doubt your intentions. I understand you're doing your best to help people and for that, I commend you. I hope you can take my feedback on board and in good faith, as intended. I'll be more careful with my tone in future. Thanks!
/r/seduction02/06/25 04:11 AM
1

There's some truth in what you're saying but it seems you're underestimating how complicated and varied depression actually is. Even in this post, you've again extrapolated your own personal experiences to broader society. No doctor, therapist or person that is somewhat informed on this matter speaks this way. That you suggest people can simply 'choose' their thoughts confirm this. I'm not expert on these matters either but I'd be very careful about broadcasting your thoughts on the matter. I ca…
/r/seduction02/06/25 03:15 AM
1

Firstly, my response was a bit harsh. I maintain that the article is flawed but how I voiced this concern was over the top. Sorry about that. Perhaps if the article stated from the outset that it was only addressing mild depression and that the content is what you personally found beneficial (and that the reader's milage may vary), I'd have a different take on things. Humans (me included, of course) often make the mistake of thinking other people think, act and will have the same experiences as …
/r/seduction02/06/25 01:40 AM
1

Your post on 'how to break out of depression' is garbage. Stop pedalling that crap. I don't doubt your intentions but you're way out of your jurisdiction on that one.
/r/seduction02/06/25 12:39 AM
1

The poor bloke - his mindset is horrible. This sounds like a reaction I'd have. Have you screened his health overall? How's his mental health? His sleep quality? His diet? Respect the boundary if he doesn't wanna talk about this stuff but if you care about his success (beyond ways from which you can financially benefit) then you'll broach these subjects.
/r/seduction31/05/25 09:01 AM
2

Fair enough. Thanks for that. Where I get confused is that I thought the whole 'push/pull' thing was an idea where you kinda playfully 'reject' her (push) but then not long after later you accept her and I guess, kinda 'bring her in' with a pull comment. But basically, when you feel/are having a lull in the convo you want to shift the conversation towards things that potentiate emotional spikes as opposed to conversation that involves cognitive thought, logic and reason, right? Have I understood…
/r/seduction29/05/25 01:58 AM
1

Ok, but can you not understand why people start screaming scammed?
/r/seduction26/05/25 09:57 PM
1

Thanks for such a detailed response. Who is to say what the right method is? And how are you to spot a scammer? What are the signs of a guy that doesn't want to change? I wanna know if I'm one of them. I'd like to think I'm honest with myself. I suck at dating and I want to change. I wonder how much of my failure and the failure guys are having is due to mental demons that have been hard wired into their minds.
/r/seduction26/05/25 08:25 AM
1

Not to say that it's easy, but would you say that it's easier than guys think?
/r/seduction26/05/25 03:31 AM
35

As a kind, smart, handsome dude also from a very rural, outdated place of living with no clue how to talk to women and zero self esteem/confidence (thank a lot, childhood trauma), this hits hard.
/r/seduction25/05/25 10:44 PM
1

Some good points being made. I handled it well but that doesn't mean I handled it perfectly. I'll know for next time what I can do differently. And who knows - maybe she was given the idea that she needs to be better in future, which will make it easier for the next guy she dates. It's possible.
/r/seduction24/05/25 03:14 AM
3

True. She may have got held up at work, which is as valid an excuse as one can provide. But surely if you had a valid reason you'd express it, right?
/r/seduction23/05/25 10:40 PM
3

Respectfully disagree. It's bad enough that there's a...I dunno...1 in 4 chance that a woman will turn up on time to a first date. (I wonder what the experience is like at the other end. Are men as terrible at showing up on time as women are?) But where do you draw the line? 45 minutes is too much for me. It's subjective.
/r/seduction23/05/25 10:14 PM
2

Cancelling *was* a waste of time but said waste of time had nothing to do with me - that's on her in my book. I made the arrangements and I was on time. 10-15 minutes late? No problem. But 45? I'm not wearing that. She's probably either disorganised or disrespectful. Either are a put off for mine.
/r/seduction23/05/25 10:08 PM
12

Got a question for you and everyone else. We were meant to meet at 8.30. At 8.40 she messages to say she's getting in the uber. She was a bit over half an hour away. For an 8.30 date, she would have been on schedule to arrive a whopping 45 minutes late. I told her that I was gonna bounce and said that we should postpone. I left. In a way, I felt great about the whole thing because this is one way that I can show respect for myself (sorry, but I'm not waiting for a date that's gonna be 45 minutes…
/r/seduction23/05/25 08:47 PM
1

My pleasure mate
/r/seduction23/05/25 05:43 AM
5

Wouldn't mind getting people's take on this one. Often women have a photo of them holding their cat/dog. In that case, I open with: 'Are you gonna hold me as tenderly as you hold your cat/dog?' It usually gets a response and sets a playful, upbeat tone. Or at least, that's my experience. I'm terrible at this sort of thing so am happy for those with more expertise than I to correct me on anything I've said.
/r/seduction23/05/25 12:13 AM
3

Can you suggest an alternative to 'I knew you were a matcha girl?'
/r/seduction22/05/25 04:48 AM
1

Cool. Thank you!
/r/seduction21/05/25 10:19 AM
1

What do you do? What are you up to right now? Legit asking 'cos I suck at dating - Aren't these types of questions a bad idea because they're go-to and boring?
/r/seduction21/05/25 04:18 AM
28

Always push away from thinking subjects. Always pull towards feeling subjects. Can you please explain these two concepts to the hopeless dumbasses out there? I mean, I'm not asking for me or anything but for *their* sake. TIA mate
/r/seduction21/05/25 03:58 AM
2

As someone that has never used AI or chatgp, how can you tell?
/r/seduction21/05/25 03:51 AM
2

I wish somebody had told me this before I started: How's your mental health? How's your self esteem? Nobody is 100% free of insecurity and approach anxiety, to some degree is inevitable. But if you're totally miserable, your progress will be minimal to none. If this is you, I'd get back to basics; Quality sleep (most important thing for health, including mental health), diet, gym (any kind of workout will do) yoga/breathwork/pilates or anything that can strengthen the connection between you and …
/r/seduction20/05/25 10:47 PM
1

Was talking specifically on dating apps. If she's low energy, what is the benefit of also being low energy? Sure, if you're too high energy it can come over as you being too emotionally invested but isn't that a better risk to take than being low energy and coming off as boring and tame? EDIT - I wanted to post some screenshots of convos. I'm guessing that's not allowed, even if I crop out the personal details.
/r/seduction18/05/25 02:59 AM
1

Excellent post with some terrific advice. Thanks for taking the time to share. 'learned how to deal with insecurities' - this one, however, isn't as simple as it sounds. I mean, there's some truth it but a lot of the men that are faring better in life and with women than you are were probably raised in a better environment than you. Sure, everyone has insecurities, but those that had a compromised upbringing (which, depending on the severity, is comparable to ptsd) feel that insecurity, as well …
/r/seduction18/05/25 01:37 AM
0

Thanks but this kind of ignores the point in paragraph 5
/r/seduction13/05/25 04:48 AM
1

See a therapist. This is should be the advice for everyone looking to improve their dating life rather than paying to learn third rate parlour tricks from some arsehole that is more concerned about lining his pockets than he is with helping you. Do you have love and respect for yourself? Do you have a strong and playful heart? If the answer isn't 'yes' to both you might need therapy. Also, look into your sleep. Getting the right amount and right quality. If you experience day time fatigue, maybe…
/r/seduction13/05/25 03:15 AM
3

Dude, cmon, help a man out instead of being a wanker
/r/seduction29/03/25 06:44 AM
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