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conker574 Archive

View 12 posts and 219 comments by conker574 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

"Do you want to do anything for our last anniversary?" She's going to say no. "Yeah me neither" This is a fun lil passive aggressive approach lol. But for you man, definitely try to do something you enjoy. Get some friends together if you can. Gonna be a rough day. Cheers man.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:38 AM
2

This too... do this. It's clichè, but it works
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 04:59 PM
3

Talk to other women. Be open and honest. Tell them you just want to go with the flow and take things slow. But... do NOT vent to them. You can Tell them you're struggling with the seperation of your family, but do not talk about your ex. Things will get better, but I get the feeling of wanting physical touch and emotional connection. There's probably 200 freshly divorced moms in your area that you can bond with. Just be open and honest. (Just don't use them as your therapist!!)
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 04:58 PM
6

It's hard. No other way to describe it, no sugar coating, no easy way out. It's hard. It sucks. There's alot of tears. But... you're not the first devoted, loving, caring and dedicated father to go through this and survive (and thrive). You will find a way to cope, (blah blah blah blah work on yourself blah blah blah.... clichè) It's tough man. Hugs. I'll raise my glass to you for feeling this way. I was the exact same way. It's devastating. You're a good dad. Don't ever stop being a good dad. L…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 02:42 AM
4

Dating lightly. But, personally I want a family. Not to replace my old family, but i want to enjoy life with someone. Hard part now is finding someone who's equally or less damaged as me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:51 AM
1

Also, what the first guy said. Next time just give her a heads up text if you can. Yes things should be black and white, but clearly it's impossible for everything to be black and white. There's scenarios like this when you're actually at the Dr's and presented with medical advice and suggestions. Getting your kid vaccinated isn't going to make you look like a bad dad. Her arguing with you will make her look bad. So don't argue.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:06 PM
9

She's making noise. Find your agreement and see exactly what the wording is. She can try to file a motion in court agaisnt you blah blah... but it all depends on the exact wording of your agreement. And considering they have all other vaccinations, she will have a hard time trying to prove you acted in sort of ill will or in any sort of violation blah blah blah. Send her an email, clearly detailing why you got the vaccinations, don't admit any wrong doing, but also point out that co-parenting is…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:02 PM
1

After re-reading, I understand you don't appreciate the dates of the letter and when you got knowledge of it. But... you are away for a month at a time... you definitely should get notice right away, but it's also arguable that she doesn't need to tell you right away considering you're gone for extended periods. Just food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:31 PM
1

Are you looking to dismiss your co-parents concerns? Are you worried she's trying to pull something in the courts and make you look bad? I'm not really certain what your issue is, I do understand being defensive about allegations about your kids mental health though. It won't look good if you try to say that she shouldn't have booked an apt with a Dr. She told you about the apt. What more do you want? Just make sure you attend the Dr's appointments. You also can communicate with your co-parent a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:30 PM
9

Lol I was only mentioned in one of the groups. I got lucky, but my ex had her pictures posted plus screenshots of messages she was sending to dudes. Morale of the story, dating in 2026 is weird, don't get caught dipping your dick in crazy, and also be sure to be subtle with your dating. Some things are within your control, some things are not. Be cautious and wrap your tool. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:28 AM
3

I admire your dedication to being a father, But dude, you work away from home 60% of the time. The only way you'll get full custody AND be able to keep your job is if mom quite literally signs off on this. If you really want full custody, you're going to have to find a different job.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 05:06 PM
3

Sorry bro, I think alot of us had similar experiences in the early stages of seperation. Unfortunately, I don't know if the feeling ever really goes away. It just gets a little more tolerable as time goes on and you get to make your own special memories with your children. I feel you 100% man. I still remember the days my kids would say things like "hey look everyone's together!!" When we were separating. Still breaks my heart.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:32 PM
3

There is absolutely an upside. Not like they can use it against you. Just like if you have a long term illness... tell them you're dealing with shit
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:56 PM
3

I did. It effected my work schedule and my sanity. So I was transparent.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:55 PM
2

Single moms ain't that bad lol. You'll equally find trouble with childless women. But Definitely have your guard up
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:57 PM
4

Depends on if you ask them out of If it's a mutual hang. Some dates I knew it was going bad, but I Still paid just for the sake of chivalry. Others, we agreed on splitting. Depends how desperate and how romantic you are.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:15 AM
2

Lol my ex moved another guy in the same month I moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:29 AM
3

Yeah them only seeing their dad once a month will have a bigger impact than them having 2 homes. Get your shit together, respectively.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:41 AM
2

Yeah I think this guy Is either not wanting custody or is simply the most naive man ever to go through a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:08 AM
4

Serious question... did you actually talk to a lawyer... THATS REPRESENTING YOU AND NOT YOUR WIFE... Where did you get that info from. That seems like something her lawyer is telling you. If you don't want custody, then continue on your current path.. If you do want custody, then smarten up and do some homework on your situation. Call around, talk to other lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:07 AM
1

Yes. Or 2-2-3. 50/50 custody. Standard for most seperations. Assuming no crime or domestic abuse is involved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:03 AM
2

The courts favor the women, yes.. but NOWHERE near as much as they used to. I'd talk to another lawyer, one of your own... tell him you're getting fucked. You might wanna do a little homework on what the standard is. Only a breif post and one reply, but, I don't think you've really put forth an effort here to protect yourself as a father.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:02 AM
1

So.... why don't you go for shared custody?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:00 AM
3

Did you talk to a lawyer? Did he explain it all? Did you not fight for custody? There's hope, but it's like climbing out of a shark tank while having bloody diarrhea. You best find a support system buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:55 AM
1

All you can do is ignore the comments. A simple "do whatever you'd like" response is more than enough. I'm sure atleast half the guys here can tell stories of their ex MIL being less than civil with them. Just gotta ignore it. Clearly you see that she is a potential problem moving forward. Therefore the less communication the two of you have, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 01:06 AM
4

Yeah this exactly. It smarts, but this is the best way as long as they have been amicable towards you through the divorce. Don't tell them anything personal you wouldn't tell your enemy. That's not a joke either... Be friendly and civil and it'll be fine, but like someone else said... the first sign of conflict, go no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:25 PM
1

Lol that would lead to farrrrr worse problems
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:26 PM
1

I had no shortage of fun after my split. I had everything from the mega-slut to the ultra conservative bedroom type. I also had to deal with the consequences of all of what comes with that. It was a big time learning curve that's for sure. Especially when you're looking out for yourself and your kids. Some girls were even inviting me over to their place "while their husband's are at work" or while the kids were napping. It made me realize that some girls these days have ZERO morales. Would I do …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 08:08 PM
3

Yeah buddy. I'm 2 years out. Still in court and I couldn't care less about the lawyer fees or the hostile ex compared to the fact that I don't get to see my babies daily. Even at 50/50, I see them 5/7 days a week. But it's still not enough. Stay strong man.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 07:36 PM
12

Start documenting things. Daily. Your wife's only plan is to take all the assets and the kids. Don't leave the house. Consult a lawyer. Don't tell her a word of it
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:02 PM
0

Wait what? No you've got it wrong
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 05:37 PM
-1

Wasn't too fast. Been dating a year, introduced to my kids after 6 months of dating. We did things very slowly, responsibly and progressively.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:27 PM
3

Because it's the reality of the economy today. I make 100k a year and I can't afford to live on my own in my city, let alone live alone and pay child support to my ex. I would love to be able to be financially independent but It's simply not in the cards. And yes, I need child care. I don't have unlimited resources. Part of dating is a prospect of a step mom who I want to help raise my kids with. That, plus being in love, obviously. I haven't taken dating lightly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 09:40 AM
0

No, it was prompted by the kids mom. It was a polite conversation. Otherwise it's all minimal contact. Just pickup/drop offs.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 09:35 AM
3

Literally just fucking survive at this point
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 03:26 AM
2

I agree with this. But it's all unfair to her. She has a right to he annoyed and at her wits end. My ex really is a nightmare. I'm sure there's worse, but I'm at her mercy, and will be for years to come. Equal rights, eh
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 02:44 AM
1

I get that and I've been living by what you said for 2 years now. My depression now is because it has caused my girlfriend to have burnt out. She has a hard time seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 02:06 AM
9

Red flag.... tell her to work for a couple years and then she can be a SAHM once your mortgage is paid off
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:13 AM
2

Either take your portion of the house and go your seperate ways... Or leave her with everything, take nothing and go your seperate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 12:29 AM
2

This makes no sense
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:02 PM
3

Good to see that. Tread lightly moving forward. Get in writing custody now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:12 AM
2

Not a great idea. Better invest in a pen camera or something. You're heading for disaster If you don't keep level headed. Its a marathon, not a sprint. I've been right where you are before. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:11 AM
1

That sounds like a schedule to me. Easy to plan for
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 02:39 PM
1

If you have a set schedule, you should be fine. But.... do everything to protect yourself. Whatever she can use against you, she will. "We have a good co-parenting relationship, she wouldn't try to screw me over like that" - every guy who ever got screwed over. Start a journal if you haven't already and document daily where the kids are/activities/key events.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:03 PM
1

Bro.... withdrawal your money NOW.... everything that's inside the accounts is shared. Take out even just 50%... say you went shopping. It's legal. She's winding up and is about to fuck you
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 04:04 PM
3

Post update tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 02:46 AM
1

They offer free consultation (some do atleast)
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:09 PM
1

Consult a lawyer NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:09 PM
6

Sounds like the repercussions of young love. No kids? No assets? Be open and honest with her, say you might wanna split. But now is the time to either decide to be together forever and fully commit.... or split.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 02:18 PM
2

You're young still. She's going through her early 20s depression/finding direction girl era... Did you marry her to tough it out through the hard times? Or were you both just young and naive when you got married. Try everything you can to save it, but yeah get your own secret money stashe and start prepping for a split since you're clearly un happy. No kids means a clean split though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 06:23 AM
1

Yeah ever since she initiated the split with 3 young kids I've been playing the calculated long game of chess. Appreciate your input.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:09 AM
1

The order says if one parent is unavailable (like her going to work, plus a swap day regardless) then they go to the care of the other parent. Exchange to happen in a netural public agreed upon location. What she's doing is sending the kids to her mothers (who is incredibly rude to me and also NOT a neutral agreed upon location.) even after I've expressed to her that I would like the kids directly, and not to have to chase them down. It's a subtle violation, but its there. In her eyes, the order…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 06:56 PM
1

I got one dog she got the other. They were best friends. It's sad. The other dog cries and cries when I come to pickup the kids. The dog is getting neglected. Nothing I can do. Tis sad
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:32 PM
4

Truth
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:12 PM
1

Most of what you're saying really won't have an effect unfortunately. Unless you're recording and reporting cases of abuse or neglect, it won't matter in the courts. Because it'll be washed as an -unhealthy relationship- that didn't work out. Nobody will care If mom went to bed before dad did. That's irrelevant in the eyes of the law. Keep your nose clean, don't give up time with your kids and start stashing money away that she does NOT know about. Take out a couple hundred or even 50/month. Cas…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 06:29 PM
1

Might be good closure. If you're amicable....
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 08:13 AM
6

Sorry dude. Best thing you can do now is buckle up and treat this like a chess match moving forward. Everything you do, can and will be used against you. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:22 AM
5

Yeah unfortunately this is the case. Even if things are all settled down and you don't have to worry about custody or alimony etc etc.. Still, these people aren't your friends. You can be courteous and civil with them, but don't tell them anything you wouldn't want your enemies to know.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:10 AM
5

Right of first refusal. In my agreement, a right of first refusal means my ex can SWAP time with me with the kids. It doesn't give her extra time. Just SWAP time. You should read your agreement carefully and see if this is the case.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 01:42 AM
3

This is the only answer. Lawyer up asap
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:35 PM
10

She's doing what the majority of women do. She's not thinking of her kids or family. She just wants instant gratification. It's amazing at how heartless and cold mothers and wives can be. The fact you're still living together, dude this woman is pure gutless. Do whatever you need to do to start mentally detaching. Take care of your kids, yourself and your home. But don't catch a police charge in the process. Best of luck buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:16 AM
8

Lawyer up now
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 06:36 PM
2

Make all the eye contact dude... you must. I climb all inside my exes AP's vehicle whenever he tags along with her for pickup and drop offs. Make him as uncomfortable as you are.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:44 PM
1

That's almost too obvious. Just make sure he knows that you're present. Always and always. Big waves and big smiles. He doesn't wanna see you. So make sure he always does.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 05:04 AM
1

Yeah this.... she's planning something. Don't agree to it
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:51 AM
3

Hit him with the "what are you doing here?" That's what I do. It's a genuine question and they are always dumbfounded by it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:50 AM
3

Yeah I'm fucked
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:53 PM
22

They find a way to get a financial/emotional gain from destroying the family. (Abuse/infidelity aside) Too many single friends telling them the grass is greener on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 04:53 AM
1

That's confusing. So... it's 50/50 but you only get them 2 days a month? That's tough man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:16 PM
1

Why didn't you get 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:05 PM
1

In canada.... youre together until you move out. If you're divorced/sperated but still living together then you still file together. (There are exceptions, but this is general rule of thumb)
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:18 AM
3

Do not leave until finalized. Absolutely not
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:23 PM
3

Ahh, so you left voluntarily. Yeahhh that bites. You did the morally correct thing but legally it hurts you. That's tough man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:44 PM
1

How did you get kicked out? Wasn't it your house too? She have you arrested? You must have done something wrong? Respectfully speaking my man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:17 PM
2

But you're right. It's tricky. My ex called the police and there's multiple reports. You need an escape route, but you have to do it properly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:03 PM
2

The problem arises If you leave prematurely and your ex tries to fuck you over. If you're amicable, it doesn't matter. But if you leave with nothing in writing, the courts can see it as abandonment. You left the kids house, why should you get custody after that? It sounds stupid, but its accurate
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:01 PM
2

Messaged you
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:41 AM
3

Yeah don't leave the house. Stay as long as possible..document EVERYTHING. Daily journal. Where the kids are, which parent has them, etc... I'm on fay 400÷ of my journal. It's already saved my ass a dozen times
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:23 AM
7

Freeze your accounts asap. Get to a lawyer. While you're married.... it's both of your money. She can spend 6k on a purse every week if she so chooses. (Generally speaking, not California specific)
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:08 PM
2

Daily journal. Document where your kid(s) are, whose Care they are in, pickup times/drop offs, document any significant details of the day. A journal is admissible in court if you can show that its been properly detailed and accurate. Be stoic towards your ex, and never.... EVER.... give up your time with your kids. Never.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 06:53 PM
10

It's fucking shitty. Most have no sympathy or empathy or nonsense of fairness. You have to accept the shit kicking you've taken, then move on. Sorry bro. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 06:26 PM
0

This is the way its always been. I always give the kids mothers the option to drop off the kids directly to me at 9am (I live with my parents, both retired) so that doesn't fly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 11:16 PM
2

My schedule varies. Sometimes I work afternoons, nights, days. Which is why it says "as needed"
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:17 PM
1

The agreement says "grandparents will be used AS NEEDED"
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:46 PM
2

That's exactly what I'm thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:29 PM
1

Right. I've made a point to pick them up early as often as I can..never any later than 2pm. Some days as early as 9am immediately after they're dropped off. It's always discussed prior and its never been an issue. All documented of course. I fear the moment I "allow" her to say no, is when I set the precedent that grandma is allowed to dictate when I can and cannot pickup the kids. And grandma is white trash, and absolutely is not mature enough to stay in her lane, clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:28 PM
3

Their mother is taking me to court for sole. I have them more than her at this point. All documents. Daily journal. I was told specifically do not ask to pickup the kids... but politely tell her when I will be there to get the kids. I do it all through text so it's documented.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:13 PM
1

No it just says grandparents will be used as daycare --until pickup-- or something
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:12 PM
2

Yeah I'll be there at 845 am on the road haha
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:55 PM
5

This is true. I was answering as if g-parents were just a short drive away.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:52 AM
6

Well.... I don't know the law... but... You're taking your kids to visit/sleepover with their grandparents.. a common occurrence. If she makes a scene and calls the cops.. let her. Get a copy of the report where she called the cops for that reason. Start a journal. Daily logs. Document everything. Goodluck bro
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:28 AM
1

Key thing is to do this silently, properly, discretly and humbly. I haven't lost my cool around my ex whatsoever. She knows nothing of what I have on her
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:44 AM
2

I believe this is it. She committed tax fraud (CCB) and the govt is clawing back thousands from her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:13 AM
3

Nahh her new man is still around
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:12 AM
2

Nahh the new guy is still around. Docile as fuck and cowardly but he's still around. Otherwise yeah her recent behavior fits the bill. Somethings up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:12 AM
1

Nahh the new guy is still around. Docile as fuck and cowardly but he's still around. Otherwise yeah her recent behavior fits the bill. Somethings up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:11 AM
6

I have all my phone calls auto-recorded
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 02:26 PM
7

I have a hidden pen cam that I turn on for every pickup/drop off exchange.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 08:32 PM
17

You have a long road ahead. Document everything. Daily. This isn't advice, this is nessasary.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 08:31 PM
5

Because there are children in the situation. You owe it to them to give it your all to see if reconciliation is possible. Whether or not OP has already figured out if it is possible still is the only question. I wouldn't take back my ex. But I Often wonder what would happen if she came to me in the same situation as OP's ex did. I don't like seeing my kids 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:45 PM
4

This is the only logical response to this post
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:30 PM
2

Youre in for a Long and wild ride my dude. Buckle up. Play smart, best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:44 PM
4

I cannot express this enough... the journal isn't a good idea... It's a MUST. It is legally acceptable for evidence if you have a daily log. Start documenting.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:43 PM
2

Honestly man... sounds like she's going nuclear soon. It's a game of chess now. Honestly. Assume your every text and every interaction is recorded and being used against you. Also, make sure to document EVERYTHING. Day to day..keep a journal. My log book has helped me drastically. Both legally and mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:40 PM
5

Silence speaks louder than words sometimes. Everyone knows there's 2 sides to every story. Fewer people understand that there's 3 sides to every story. His side, her side... and the truth. Don't let it phase you. Just be a dad. Let your actions speak for you. Be a good dad and take care of your kids. Time to turn stoic and grey rock her. It's tough man but you can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:30 PM
8

Keep your nose clean. Document things. Don't react to others negativity. My ex did the same. Eventually all your common friends will see that she is just playing the victim card. It's important that you do not respond to the bullshit and lies though. Just let the woman cry, people will know who the aggressor is in no time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:25 PM
2

This is correct. If you leave your kids home even if you keep seeing them, your ex could be spiteful and claim abandonment of the children and she would be awarded full custody. Ira stupid. But it could happen. Stay in the house until it's in writing 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 11:03 PM
11

Yeah this ain't true at all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:28 PM
11

Do no leave until things are in writing. Bottom line. Let her self destruct. Document everything, keep your composure... get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:27 PM
0

I feel like a movement needs to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:32 PM
1

I get all that. What I'm asking is what would it take for the laws to change. Because the laws were put in place ages ago when things were very very different.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:58 PM
1

I mean, you are correct. It sucks because life is not the same as it was 100 years ago. Or whenever marriage certificates became legal things. Whatever. But yeah, it's in the interest of you upholding your vow to support your spouse no matter what. It's bullshit without a doubt. I'm so glad I never married my baby mama. 9 years of common law. So lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:00 PM
3

You be fighting demons my man. Stay strong. Do what's best for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 06:23 PM
2

This. Get your feet wet. Be reserved. Some chicks like it nowadays when you're not just sending pics and chasing tail. Go out for coffee and build a foundation for down the road
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 05:10 PM
1

I've literally been calling it chess since day one. And she makes it easy too. Giving me extra days, accusing me of this and that then contradicting herself on shit. It's almost embarrassing on her part. Definitely a long game, but still miserable when I'm without my little buddies
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 02:28 PM
2

In my province (Ontario Canada) If you offer a settlement amount.... and they decline... then it goes to court and you're awarded a higher amount, then they are required to pay for the court fees
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:12 PM
6

Preach buddy. It's ridiculous. They sabotage their own family then treat you like you're the worst enemy in life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:11 PM
4

Oh she's definitely taking advice of her ratty single mom friends. None of this has gone how she planned initially.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 07:52 PM
3

Unfortunately if custody isn't settled yet then make sure your kids have a bedroom of their own. They can share for now. But if your STBX wants to be vindictive she can approach the courts and say that your living situation isn't suitable for the children. So, yeah. Unfortunately this does complicate things
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:33 PM
5

It's tough finding proper emotional intimacy where you can effectively get it up and have passionate sex after a divorce. But.... take your time bro. It'll "come" in time
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:23 PM
1

Its a chess game now.... Don't worry about being right, or winning arguments... You're only goal is to -one way or another- persuade and convince this woman not to take you to the cleaners.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:44 AM
12

My ex tried the same. I don't know what her therapist is trying to use against you but my exes councillors called me an abuser too. It was all BS. Meant nothing. Just keep your nose clean. Don't fight don't text don't yell don't do anything that validates that claim. Then, when she instigates fights over text, you still keep your cool, document it all and show that this so called "victim" is antagonizing her alleged "abuser". Very contradictory. Gray rock her. Don't sweat it. The courts are awar…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:28 AM
8

Unfortunately, this is going to cost you alot of money. Talk to a lawyer asap. Get allllll the free consultation you can. Seriously, from every lawyer you can. Sorry bro. She's got "entitled woman" syndrome. Start protecting yourself. Try to save your marriage, but start working on protecting yourself
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:52 AM
3

Do everything over text aswell. Sorry to hear about your divorce, but from now on, assume it's you against her. She will use whatever she can against you. So you have to be prepared to protect your ass
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:22 AM
2

Document.... document document document
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:14 AM
6

Document.....daily.... Where the kids are, who is caring for them, where they sleep, who takes them to school, picks them up... etc etc etc. Spend as much time as you possibly can with your kids NOW. Do NOT give up a single hour of your time with them. Document Document DOCUMENT. Set the norm now.... when it goes to court, they will see that you have always been there and it'll increase your odds for 50/50. Set. The. Norm.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:13 AM
15

Women suck like that. Once they get it in their head that it's over they don't wanna talk or fight for it. They'll put the blame on you aswell. I'm simplifying it; but that's essentially how it is. Sorry bro. Don't leave anything on the table. Fight for it. Do what you think is best. Do whatever you can to jeep it, dating sucks these days. Haha Much love
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 01:58 AM
3

Following because I need more money too lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 01:14 AM
1

Yeah buddy I wouldn't mind a DM..
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:56 AM
2

Can you direct me to the post?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:46 AM
2

Yeah? Pretty neutral based? I don't wanna bash anyone here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:45 AM
1

That's my beliefs. Trying to stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 08:22 PM
3

She does have me blocked, but I'm doing my part to document everything. I have people looking out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:14 PM
3

Thats literally what multiple people have told me about her posts. They actively have spoke out agaisnt it to her and have praised me for keeping things private. Every once In a while I feel like making a short post saying "2 sides to every story people, remember that"
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 05:10 PM
3

I'm trying to refrain from confronting her because realistically that'll only end in hostility. Plus.... I'm also trying to let her dig herself her own hole... let her incriminate herself essentially.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:51 PM
1

NEVER give up time with your kids. Not once. Take the sick day, cancel plans... Safest to assume she will go full nuclear and use everything agaisnt you. Imagine every step you take is under a microscope.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 06:14 PM
3

You canadian? American? Start documenting everything. Spend as much time with the kids as possible. Never give up your time with the Kids. SET THE STATUS QUO. I'm in the exact same boat. She's trying to take them away but I see them more than her. Make sure you see your kids Get a journal, and every day document where the kids are, who brings them to school/picks them up, where they sleep, pickup and drop off times. Set the norm. Once the norm is set, it'll be harder for her to take them away
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 06:38 AM
9

Yeah buddy Shits hard and every day it hits me like a brick that I don't get to give my kids the happy life that they unknowingly had taken from them by a bitter selfish poor excuse of a woman that is their mother. Hang in there man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 03:46 AM
3

Start documenting everything. If you wanna see your kids more than once every other weekend, start seeing your kids more often NOW. SET THE NORM. unless you're just okay with being a POS part time dad. Youre going to get fucked for alimony and child support, but.... nothing you can do about that. Start documenting where the kids are, who theyre with DAILY...
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 06:24 AM
12

The most important thing is the hardest thing.... You have to keep your cool. Don't stop fighting now. You can get your kids back. It'll be a process, but don't stop. For the sake of your kids
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 03:24 AM
6

Same situation here. Same ages too. They talk about a new guy taking them places. Meanwhile I haven't even let a new woman come around my kids whatsoever. Nothing you can do except be a damn good dad and make your time with them so good that all they do is talk about you when you're not around them. Feels bro. Chin up. Also, throat punch.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:24 AM
2

This..... it'll be harder to prove a change down the road and get them to change the status quo after things have settled. Fight now. Don't stop fighting for your kids
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:57 AM
3

Believe me, I stayed there as long as I could. Still in a lengthy legal Battle. Countless police reports made before I moved out. All against her favor. Once something was in writing about the kids I moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 01:33 AM
5

With my job, there is no way I would be given even 50/50 custody when their mother works a nice koshur 9-5. So living with my parents is literally My only option.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 01:32 AM
9

It gets better, then worse, then better , then worse and worse and worse and worse. But somehow it gets better. I'm 34 and back living at My parents and paying for a lawyer all while my ex is keeping the house, giving me nothing and trying to take full custody by using my job (days/afternoons/overnights) as a reason for unfit parenting. Shits hard man. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 01:07 AM
6

Nothing I can do about it. Bitches be bitches. My ass hair is garunteed still in the bed and behind the toilet. Shows what kinda guy he is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 02:13 AM
4

Chin up. Remember to eat, drink water, you're not the first guy and you're not the last guy this will happen to, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:52 AM
11

Buddy I feel you. My ex has a new man living in my old house and she posts pictures with him and My kids on social media. I've only been moved out for 2 months..... All the while I'm living with my parents again trying to figure out how to afford a place on my own while paying her 700 a month child support . It isn't fair.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:51 AM
1

Do NOT leave do NOT do anything irrational and from NOW on start documenting everything!! Everything matters. Start spending as MUCH time as possible with the child. Do NOT give up any time. Especially under no circumstances do NOT text or document anything where you are stating that you are okay with/asking her to take the child while you work or ANYTHING like that.... Right now... you need to spend more time with your child than she does. I know this doesn't answer your question, but your move…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:22 AM
2

Called just "call recorder" red background and a green phone symbol
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:59 AM
3

I downloaded a free app that automatically records ALL incoming and outgoing phone calls. It's already saved my ass
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:49 PM
3

It only matters when she tries to say that you haven't been involved with the children. Then you can pull up your notebook and say that you have been and you can pull up all the drop off times and pick up times and everything you need to prove that you've been present
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:20 PM
10

Starting right now... document everything. Most of it won't matter, but what does matter will save your ass in the long run Document where the kids are during the day, night, which parent is staying with them. If she's drinking, document it. Make most important decisions over text so it's documented. I'd even consider turning on your phone camera everytime you have a discussion. I know I'm not really answering your question, but START DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:43 PM
2

What did you do for this to happen in the first place. Be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:52 PM
10

Dude.... go to the police and plead your case. Take a couple days off work. Call your parents. Friends. Get help to watch the kids. Call any lawyer. Exhaust every resource. If you have evidence of abuse, then get something happening NOW
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:53 AM
1

Dude... I'm sorry. That's tough. Tougher than my situation. She's done, unfortunately. Still be nice and amicable. But the tough part is the more you push the more she's going to back away. Do what you can bro. Take notes of EVERYTHING MOVING FORWARD. Get a notebook. Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 08:07 PM
1

Yes. That's the one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:34 PM
2

I have enough to prove that he was not a landlord. And tenants aren't allowed to upgrade the house... by law... I have proof that I did the work myself. I paid the property tax, insurance, mortgage.. have proof of it all. Plus texts and statements from years ago stating that we own the house now. So.... it's called something like "unfair trust"
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:22 AM
0

So what you're saying is sue the bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:39 PM
1

Yeahhhh. Just sucks that it'll be minus court fees and a damaged relationship with my kids mother (Not like it wasn't already broken)
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:38 PM
2

Yeahhhh. You should see what she's posting online about me. Cops have already made reports on her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 08:36 PM
3

Well her dad doesn't work. He's on disability. Hense us taking over his house 8 years ago. He couldn't afford it any longer. But yeah she would be out on her ass. She would potentially be able to move in with her mother..but yeah the whole idea is to move out and take a little something that helps me afford a place down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 08:02 PM
2

Man neither do I. She thinks she can profit off a divorce/separation. I keep telling her nobody wins in this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 07:54 PM
1

Her dad will sell the house under both of us to try and prevent me from getting the house. He was the best FIL for a while. Now he's out to get me. He's an old fashioned red neck. He won't be reasoned with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 07:54 PM
2

That's exactly what I'm doing. She's called the cops a few times and they tell her this is a civil matter. For context, I told her I'll move out once we put a custody arrangement on paper. She has refused and said we well do that once I'm out.... this is why I believe she has malicious intent.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:44 PM
2

I suggested that. She declined hard. She's offered me 10k to walk away. I provided her with about 25k worth of statements of the work that I payed for on home improvements. She's refused to give me even a shitty deal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:37 PM
1

It's a lonnnnnnng story. She's tried to evict me, created a lease agreement and left me off of it (this actually helps my case) Her dad openly said he would rather sell the house from under all of us rather than me take the house, and her mom when I talked to her said "well you make enough money to move out and keep paying the bills, you won't see the kids much anyways" - white trash MIL for 9 years..... Her and her family aren't very educated or empathetic. Because I'm a hard worker they believ…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:23 PM
2

Well she says no.... but...yeah
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:15 PM
3

Her family is telling her to give me nothing. Everyone is saying I should leave and take nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:13 PM
8

That much is definitely true. Just trying to save myself some court fees.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:55 PM
9

But the kids love their home. I know. But she doesn't deserve for me to "just be nice and move out"
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:53 PM
1

Have kids though?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 12:22 AM
4

Ohh so all still in the works. Shit man, women are fucking awful
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:12 PM
1

Why hardly any contact?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 02:32 PM
4

Don't divorce unless you literally have no other choice. It's not worth it to see your kid 50% less of the time just so you can find bigger tits. The kids lose. You don't win.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:40 AM
8

That's helping me through my separation too. Multiple of her + my friends told me personally that she was always the miserable one. Women just don't have compassion or empathy in a relationship anymore it seems. One day at a time. It still sucks. Any kids?
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 04:15 AM
6

Police escort. Schedule a time with her and the police. That's the ONLY way to do it if you're going to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 04:59 PM
1

She'll have 18 years of it. Youngest kid is 2.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:55 PM
1

Yeah I get that. Just sucks. Cripple the dad so mom can be a strong independent woman.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:52 PM
1

Oh.. and she said if I quit My job just to see my kids more often then she will come after me for the full amount.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:37 PM
1

Right just child support. But I'm just saying she knows how much I could make at this job if I just show up. So... not telling her about how much money I make is not an option.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:37 PM
2

We decided for me to accept this job while we're still together. Then on day one of me starting said job she initiated the divorce. She planned this. We were looking forward to making 6 figures a year. She knew all this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:30 PM
1

Because we talked long and hard before I accepted this job offer about the risks/rewards to making more money and working wild hours. It's unionized so I know how much I'll be making... And yeah this year she won't get much money. But next year she will just have to file a $400 attorney/court fee where the re-evaluate your income and make the new calculation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:26 PM
1

I get that. A slightly different situation here. Similar, but different. She's an only child, and we had an arrangement with the house moving in. Now that she's trying to kick me out she doesn't get to change the arrangement. That's the argument. And that Is unlawful. I have a case 100% yes it will cost me money but what do I have to lose
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:57 PM
7

I feel your pain man. 9 years down the drain for me. 2 YOUNG kids and I caught her with arrest 5 different dudes in her DMs. And I HATED the support comments I get saying "it'll get easier man just work on yourself" Fuck that man. Grieve the loss of your family. It's hard. It's never going to get good, but it will get better. I feel you man. I cry every night still for the breakup of my family. Raising 2 kids on your own even at 50/50 custody is hell. The kids don't get the attention they deserv…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:54 PM
0

I know, it's an uphill battle. But what have I got left to lose
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:49 PM
-1

The lawsuit would basically say (i have bank statements showing payments for 8 years) that indirectly paid his mortgage. The EXACT amount each month. And I would sue her/him to say THAT WHEN she inherits the house, she pays me a portion. I'm not trying to go for half, I'm only asking for like 100-120k. That's fair for a 400k house that she's about to be paying only 88k mortgage on when she inherits it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:34 PM
2

Maybe not 10 years. There's probably a limit. But.... the courts cannot deny the childs right to support..... that's the law
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:29 PM
1

Thats the whole case, yes. It's called something like "unjust enrichment" And I'm not a Tennant. It's the marital home. A tenancy would require a contract
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:11 PM
2

I'm in canada. Multiple lawyers have told me this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:10 PM
0

Unfortunately... backpay CAN happen....
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 09:40 AM
1

Yeah. Just... how do you save money when you pay 2k/month plus child support plus all other expenses. All on a single income. I know that's being a pessimist, but that's also the reality
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 02:04 AM
3

I understand that I can get away with certain things. I don't view this as a "luxury" though. I want to give my kids routine and stability. Them sharing a room/sleeping in the living room isn't exactly a long term solution.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 02:01 AM
1

Yupp... 3k a month for a 3 bedroom. Plus utilities.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:57 AM
3

The shitty part.. that even if she agrees to 0 in writing... and signs.... by law... she can come back after me at any time and be awarded back pay for all the years she agreed not to ask for it. I understand what you mean though. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:56 AM
2

Houses in my area are easily 4-500k for a 3bedroom with a yard.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:49 AM
13

Sure... but dude... I wanna focus on raising and providing for my kids. And enjoying My time with them. Hard to do that from a single bedroom appartnment for 3k a month. I'm definitely bitter and hurt and angry and PIsSED. But it's not as simple as just "working on myself" This isn't a breakup of 2 people. This is the loss of a family and the dad being cast out. I am fine mentally... I need a future for my kids. Not a future where dad works to support the kids in moms house.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:48 AM
0

It was the exact mortgage amounts but paid into his account bi-weekly. So when interest rates changed, so did our payments. There is absolutely a way to prove that we paid the mortgage and NOT rent.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:39 AM
2

As far as the house goes... technically, you're right. But... all I have to do is prove that the intent was for us to inherit the house. And that gives me claim. And I have texts/pictures proving that. It would be a battle, but... yeah. For the child support calculator... yeah. At 50/50 I'm looking at around 900-1100 a month. Crippling when you factor in work schedule + cost of living currently. Our mortgage right now is only $1000/month.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:37 AM
1

My man. Message me. I feel you. I'm fucked too
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:02 AM
1

Thanks my man. Will pin this. Much respect
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 04:00 AM
13

They're not good men. They have no interest in raising those kids. They're there for easy rent and a place to stay. It's sickening that women leave their kids fsthers for a guy who couldn't care less where her kids are as long as they aren't in the house with them so he can try to fuck their mother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:52 AM
3

My man.... I'm there with you. In the very early months of it. Kids are 4.5 and 1.5 I cry every day. Every single day. I don't know how to cope.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:49 AM
1

I appreciate the sentiment. I just 100% disagree that I'll be happier in any way shape or form without my kids around. I fucking hate life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 12:05 AM
2

Yes and no... we never fought. Wife is just saying "grass is greener I want a hot girl summer" But I know what you mean. I also argue that 2 parents together is infinitely better than 2 separated parents who co-parent excellently even.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 02:52 PM
1

She works but I make double her income now. And my job has the potential to bring in 100k. But it would be me busting my ass. Debating even keeping the job at this point (horrible schedule, hard to do even with a stable home) And yes, I've talked to 5 lawyers (so she can't talk to them) and they all said that child support can be clawed back even if she says no right now
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 02:23 AM
2

She can finally ruin me. I'm terrified of that. She's not asking for any support but even if she signs on that she can change her mind in 5 years and I'll be required to backpay it all. If she wants, I could literally just be living and working to support her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 02:13 AM
2

Well that's obvious lol....
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:57 AM
8

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:56 AM
1

D-day is coming soon for me. Can't afford a place on my own with the market right now so moving back in with My parents. I just know the dick parade is going to start the moment I hand over the keys.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:20 AM
5

My man... I'm sorry. I feel you. My wife was involved with another guy the day she said she wanted to end it "I'm single now I can see whoever I want" Meanwhile we're still sharing a bed and making breakfast with the kids together. 50% less time feels like a death sentence to me. I'll never do it.... but I know why guys commit suicide after a divorce. Fuck man. I feel your pain.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:17 AM
5

There's alot more to it than that. But yeah I'm only looking at negatives. I don't see any silver linings now. No more yard, dog, deck, outside running around at random. Just all the fun things I do everyday with them now.. fuck I just wanna be the best dad I can for them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:49 AM
2

Preach man. Glad you're in a better spot now. I hope I see the light soon. Much love.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:39 AM
1

You're not wrong. I appreciate it. But fuck me man, I just can't bare the day when they're in my tiny ass apartment with Me and they just wanna go back home to mommy's big house that I helped build and create.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:30 AM
10

Dude... don't leave her. Work on it. Is it worth the heartache to see your kids literally 50% less than you are now just so you can start dating in your late 30s again? Don't... do... it...
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:14 AM
18

I feel you man. These women now are absolutely horrible. My wife is doing the same. She doesn't even care about the kids anymore it seems.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 01:02 AM
44

It's the kids for me...they're 4.5 and 1.5 Being a dad is the best thing inn the world and now I'm being a dad 50% less of the time. I'll never forgive her for doing this to me. I miss my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 12:23 AM
1

If I have to write off the house and the money sunk into it then I'm okay with that. The issue is the child support. I Will Make sure my kids are provided for, but even at 50/50 custody she can still ravage my paycheck. She has me by the balls. I can't do anything about it either.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 08:02 PM
2

Side note.... I live in Ontario Canada.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 01:48 AM
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