Dad is My life.

AirSailer · 2023-07-30T00:46:25+00:00

Your kids will be OK if they are loved, get a good education, and aren't exposed to negative influences.

You will have time to give them attention, but they don't need your attention 100% of the time either, they need a safe environment where they can explore, not have you hover over them. In fact, a small apartment is a good place because they can't go far and you have more control over the environment.

I think you're overthinking how negative your children will think about your apartment. I live in a small apartment and I make sure that we have fun in the apartment, and in general when my kid is with me. Personally I don't think he cares about the size of the home, hes more interested in the fun he can have, and I know he has more fun at my apartment because I make it fun.

Divorce is hard, you need some time to work on yourself, all men need time during and after the divorce.

sicrm · 2023-07-30T01:46:46+00:00

I just started a new job that potentially pays 6 figures If I do OT, so I'm going to be fucked by for child support.

then don’t do OT unless it has significant benefits to your career.

also never move into a home in someone’s parents name again.

savage_cabbages · 2023-07-30T00:27:47+00:00

Sorry you're going through this mate, it's hard to adjust but you'll get used to it eventually.

The fact you want 50/50 and just wanting to be a dad indicates the love you have for your kids. You need employment to support you and them also and you'll find a work life balance with you new job and home life.

You may want to work out a parenting plan with your ex, many templates online. You can figure out the way you will have your kids and have an agreement of sorts with your ex on how your scenario is managed.

Everything seems huge right now but try and see each progression as a step. Step one you move out, next step, working out when and how you see your kids with your ex....each step you take you become closer to being your own independent man.

Don't compare what you do and don't have, with your ex or anyone, it's a dead end road and will drain you mentally. Just focus on getting your shit together and securing a property that will accommodate you and your kids.

Divorce is life admin, it can be emotionally negative and positive and it's a big ball of shit but you'll get through it. Stay strong man.

pandatitanium · 2023-07-30T01:14:50+00:00

Brother, I 100% feel exactly the same as you. My wife had an affair and is a lost cause. I didn’t want any of this but do realize we have less than 5% chance of making each other happy at this point.

And yeah, I do not want to fucking leave my kids, for even one second. People say things like I need to find someone that treats me better, or my favorite - that the time with the kids will be more special. No. If it’s 50% less, it’s a fucking spectacular loss and there’s no putting a spin on it.

berzerker5000 · 2023-07-30T01:16:37+00:00

It sucks man, but time is making me numb to it. I just focus on using my alone time to make myself better in something like working out or business. The time I do get to spend with kids is extra special. Focus on acceptance. You are still grieving a loss of your former life. It takes time.

lesdansesmacabres · 2023-07-30T02:21:46+00:00

r/divorce_men r/divorceddads

Ingest as much as you can.

Bazz27 · 2023-07-30T14:50:38+00:00

It’s not gonna fuck them up for life. It’s going to be different than what it was, but if your wife wanted the separation there was probably some undercurrent of tension that they would have grown up around anyways. They’ll only be fucked up if you don’t make the most of the time you get with them.

turbor · 2023-07-30T15:34:45+00:00

You’ll be a better dad at 50/50 and alone than you would be with her. It’s a trip, but I promise it’s true.

cdjohnny · 2023-07-30T01:24:01+00:00

The pain your feeling is adult pain...dad pain...and I get it, I've been there too. Your kids won't feel this. Love them unconditionally, stay positive, make every minute count with them and let them feel secure knowing you are always there for them. This will last for them long before you're dead and gone.

Thebadmamajama · 2023-07-30T03:45:10+00:00

Good advice in the sub.

The kids get less time with you, but also less time with mom. So it works both ways.

What's important is you're the best dad you can be when you have them. It's about quality not quantity anymore.

Use the extra time you have solo to enrich yourself. If your healthy and happy that's good for your kids.

Title	Dad is My life.
Author	conker574
Upvotes	22
Comments	31
Date	July 30, 2023 12:12 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15d74o8/dad_is_my_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dad-is-my-life.1226872 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226872

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