Settlement hearing

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-05T04:40:30+00:00

4-ways only result in settlements if the parties want to settle and offer things the other will accept. I had exactly one 4-way in my divorce. We walked in having no idea what they wanted, they wanted me to agree to reduce my time 60%. I walked out of the room because my ex kept interrupting me and making accusations. The conference ended shortly therafter.

4-ways CAN work, but the variable is, does your ex-wife want to settle and is she willing to offer something you are willing to accept? If it's clear she's trying to propose something preposterous, cut it off. No sense in paying the hourly clock to listen to something unreasonable. If you want that, just take her out to dinner. At least you'd get a good meal and what you save in legal fees would more than cover the food and bar tab.

bkdad75 · 2024-12-05T03:22:17+00:00

These conferences pretend they're about debating this point and that point. But nobody's listening, there's no arbitor, and nobody trusts anybody, so true debate is impossible. The arguments are a complicated cover for two people haggling over the price of a carpet. The main leverage is who wants it over the most. I stopped doing them. They were several grand a time, and they got nowhere. Stopping all the debating and just sending offers over email was what worked.

Puzzleheaded_War922 · 2024-12-04T21:57:29+00:00

Cheat sheet.

Write down what you think a judge would do. Write down your absolute worst acceptable offer (the one where you say "No way, I'm taking this to trial"). Aim for something better than both but know how far back you're willing to retreat. Be realistic about this.

Know the cost of trial. Weigh this against the value of any holdout items. Likewise, don't be afraid to communicate that a trial will cost a lot. Emphasize that everyone will be worse off.

I think there's a human tendency to strike a deal then immediately feel like it's not a good deal. It's probably a good thing to recognize this. Think through all the scenarios you can.

Get a cap on everything. Leave no loose threads. "Alimony ends on this date"

Be prepared for a shock and awe campaign, aka a low ball. Someone saying you get 10% of the house is a game of getting you to accept 40% of the house.

Definitely keep your cool. Poker face.

cschoonmaker · 2024-12-04T20:33:04+00:00

Best advice? Let her and her lawyer start. Let them show their cards first. That should tell you everything you need to know as to whether she's going to be reasonable or not.

captainjacksparrow84 · 2024-12-04T16:44:19+00:00

Most of it should be split 50/50 Assets and Liabilities. Where it gets tricky is if you have kids and you both have different views on schedule and split.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-12-04T16:22:21+00:00

Just listen. She’s going to ask for the moon and the stars.

Approach it as a business transaction. It’s like buying a car. Those aren’t your kids, they are widgets to be bargained with.

You’re going to see a part of her that you’ve never seen. Be like Fonzie

Title	Settlement hearing
Author	conker574
Upvotes	6
Comments	16
Date	December 4, 2024 3:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h6j1kp/settlement_hearing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/settlement-hearing.1537624 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537624

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