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finance_lady Archive

View 17 posts and 241 comments by finance_lady on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
592

THINGS SCROTES SAYfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 12:53 AM
228

LEVEL UPfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 12:01 AM
217

STRATEGYfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:25 AM
136

DISCUSSIONfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 08:57 PM
125

LESSON LEARNEDfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 03:56 PM
89

PICKMEISHA HALL OF SHAMEfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:28 AM
88

MINDSET SHIFTfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 04:51 PM
53

LEVEL UPfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 01:55 AM
46

NAH, SISfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:36 PM
38

LEVEL UPfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 01:41 AM
36

STRATEGYfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:56 AM
22

SEEKING ADVICEfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 12:54 PM
18

NAH, SISfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 02:06 PM
13

DISCUSSIONfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 11:29 PM
12

SEEKING ADVICEfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:31 PM
1

SEEKING ADVICEfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:22 AM
1

LEVEL UPfinance_lady/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 06:15 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
67

I love all the same things as OP and so many of the commenters here about living alone! I like having 100% thermostat control, especially at night. I am very particular about my sleeping temps and conditions. I need the thermostat turned to 65 (no matter if it's heat or AC), a box fan on for air circulation/white noise, and blackout curtains with zero lighting - not even a night light. I have specific Alexa bedtime and wake-up routines too. Then, I need weight/security from my blankets. I truly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:13 AM
22

Not only that, The Office ended in 2013!!! If a guys loves it, that's great but can't they mention something a bit newer? Nope, apparently not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:00 AM
6

I lived in another state for a while and after moving back I learned one of my best friends that I met there was in my sorority too! Never knew it til she changed her profile pic to our letters on social media on International Badge Day. We had been friends for over 5 years by then and the topic had never come up. I wish I would've found that out before I left, def would have been crying before I left for good!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 11:53 PM
11

but I will say the networking has been insanely helpful. This. I got my last two really good jobs thanks to sorority sisters from my org. The first job, a sister from my undergrad chapter passed along my resume for a job opening I saw at her employer, and I got a call to interview within 24 hours and was hired. It wasn't my dream job, but it held me over for a few years while I looked to change careers. My current job is in a different field (the career change I mentioned above), but when they c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 11:41 PM
4

Love this too!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 10:30 PM
9

This is true, but maybe we can add some flexibility by scenario? For example, I don’t want to damage a working relationship with a coworker because they asked, by being rude in my response. It’s way better to be more polite when dismissing it in a case like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:32 PM
9

I disagree, I’d rather be the bigger person instead of stooping to their level
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:19 PM
30

Hmm, to me, smiling involves projecting confidence, in addition to reducing awkwardness in the moment. For example…I’ve been asked this at many weddings without a plus one, and if I’m rude right back, it’s not like myself or the other guest can just get up and go home at the beginning of the reception because of the fact that it’s a wedding? Being polite and the bigger person can go a long way 💯 they asked a rude question but I responded gracefully and with class Edited to add: also - with cowor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:15 PM
6

I love this! Tough to pull off if you know next to nothing critical about their spouse/boyfriend though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:13 PM
38

Love these!!! 😂 I’ll remember them for when people are really insistent about this topic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:23 AM
3

Same here!!! Not my team...but they have been an underdog for so long and I hope they win. I am also super excited for the entire Halftime show lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:34 PM
7

That’s awesome and so sweet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:23 AM
10

That makes sense! I’d def still want to do something just us, outside of the Super Bowl, but I don’t want to feel like a pickme just because I like football 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 12:42 AM
46

Serious question: I’m not arguing but I’m a huge football fan (not to be a “cool girl,” always have been, single or married or in a relationship) so what should my expectations be? I’m single right now, not even currently casually dating, but personally I’d really enjoy watching the Super Bowl with a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day if that’s how it happened to fall. I don’t really want to skip the Super Bowl for a fancy dinner, spa trip, etc. I’d be happy with all that a day early or late but I th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 12:23 AM
7

Good idea about the coating or film! I’ll look into that. I plan on getting a dash cam too. 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:10 PM
4

Yes good point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:05 PM
10

My ex husband didn’t have a license or a car when I met him but I ignored it bc I just wanted to be married. 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:04 PM
49

I have no advice really but I have an MBA/career track employment and have the same issue. So I think we just need to keep holding out for a man who loves our education/career instead of feeling “less manly” over it. If they have to neg, they’re insecure and not worth the time of day 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:11 AM
12

I’ve been called intimidating because of my ambitious goals and independence. I’m not gonna lie, it frustrates me because I feel like both things are why I’m single (and I would really like to meet someone). Does anyone have advice to feel better about this? I tell myself it’s better to be single than be with a man who will put me down or neg me about my goals but I don’t fully believe that if that makes sense. It really bothers me that there aren’t very many men who look for someone who is a go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 12:20 PM
9

My ex husband def looks for me on Facebook a couple times a year. He will message me when he does, always from a new account. I block those accounts and don’t reply. Every time he messages me I screenshot it, save it on an external hard drive, and tell my dad and at least one other trusted person so that there’s a witness trail kinda. My ex is the type who is all talk and no action (that’s why he’s my ex…always talked about getting a good job and earning six figures but all he did was drink and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 03:23 AM
20

I am friends with a couple who just got divorced, and this was totally the husband. He hasn't done multiple degrees, but: When we were undergrad age, he was kinda like a Van Wilder (took him 6 years to graduate) After he graduated, he kinda floated from min wage job to min wage job Married his long time girlfriend He finally got a normal career job in another city. They moved. He quit that job after like 2 months. Blamed stupid excuse reasons. Worked minimum wage again while his wife found a car…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 10:32 PM
2

I think it depends on the situation. I'm in my 30s and I am at a very good place in my career. I earn ~50k per year with great benefits at my full-time job but I also make another ~8k from freelance income and have multiple real estate assets where I'm on the title with other family members. My net worth is pretty high due to the real estate but I think my actual monthly income from the job and freelance projects is about average. I'm not pulling in any cash from real estate. I think at my age a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 02:03 AM
29

Personally, I doubt I’ll end up meeting someone to marry - I’m divorced and my first marriage was a huge mistake. However, I would like to marry because: 1) I’m an only child - one parent died 10 years ago, and when the other dies I will have no immediate family (adult orphan) 2) of the family I do have (extended family via my parents): one side lives out of state, the other who is local to me claims they can help me out with whatever I might need…but everyone on that side is married w/kids so l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:45 AM
49

I won’t date a man who games AT ALL. No exceptions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:33 AM
7

I simply don't date anymore. I've been single for 1.5 years. Much of my lack of dating after my last relationship is because of COVID but in that time I've upleveled a ton! I don't need anyone treating me badly bc they are insecure that I have a grad degree, found an excellent job this year, and landed a coveted leadership role in an organization I volunteer with. Plus the more of a leader I am in my community the more likely I feel it is that I'd have to play mommy to whoever I date while they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:40 AM
11

Noooooo! My ex husband was like this. Always broke and no car when we first met. This then turned into him wanting to spend 100% of each paycheck on stupidity after we married. Don’t be a 🤡 like I was!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 12:26 PM
11

Great job! I was stuck in a $40k job (American) after over 10 years experience and earning an MBA and couldn’t get a raise/promotion in the field I was in despite all that. Changing employers in that same job title wasn’t gonna change the pay either. Higher ups were frustrating me by refusing to sign off on documents I spent hours preparing over minor changes that they couldn’t bother to proofread ahead of time. I finally had enough and started looking elsewhere. I landed a government job relate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 02:37 AM
13

Not only will men try to force you to eat things you are allergic to or don't like, they get weird about normal food choices too. Like, if you eat clean all the time they're like "come on dude, eat a cheeseburger, live a little!" But then when you do eat a cheeseburger or ice cream or candy, then next thing you know you're dumped because "you're eating junk so you're going to get fat" and god forbid women aren't model skinny!!! I hate eating on dates! It fucking sucks and you really can't win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 08:45 PM
13

I have a smart lock and my ex boyfriend had a code for it. I deleted his code IMMEDIATELY. My model of smart lock also has a keyhole but I never gave him a physical key. This was over a year ago - no issues with him since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 02:23 AM
3

I am a single child-free woman (mid-30’s) and I have a 3 bed 1 bath house. It’s about 1200 square feet not counting the basement on a big corner lot. Not the biggest by square feet but def plenty for just me! I’d love to move into a 3/2 or 4/2 down the road but I’m so happy in my little oasis. No one has criticized me for it. I’m encouraging you to just do it! I support you. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 01:44 AM
11

I'm 36 years old. I like anime, old school cartoons like Transformers, etc. There is nothing wrong with that of course, but from ages 18-28 or so, I played it up because I thought men would be into a "nerdy" woman. Man do I feel dumb for that! I still like those things, but it can organically come out over time as something I enjoy instead of, like, trying to use it as a reason they should be attracted to me. LE SIGH. Also: I have an ex who was in the military and he deployed to the middle east …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:19 PM
6

Facts. I own my house and because of that I would never let a guy move in with me. I’d only move in with him if we married and bought a new place TOGETHER. 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 02:58 AM
13

This pandemic totally ended up in me being a level-up queen, so yes! I lost a bunch of weight, taught myself makeup/fashion, and landed a new full time job with a 5 figure pay raise. I've been hanging around FDS/FLUS for a year now, since my ex unexpectedly dumped and ghosted me just as COVID really hit the fan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:45 AM
28

The best part about owning my own house is that if a do meet someone and he wants to move in, I have no qualms about saying NO! I can afford it on my own salary and I won’t need to split bills with a boyfriend to make it work. If he is that serious about living together, he can propose and we can find a house to buy TOGETHER to live in and I can keep my own house as a rental. 💯 Edit: I’m in my mid 30’s now but in early 20’s I had a low paying job & let a boyfriend move into my apartment just to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:56 PM
98

Their message to women is to pick men we aren’t attracted to because they’re “nice guys” I hate this message from men, because they also assume that an entire group, women are only attracted to 6'4", chiseled, and male model-level fashion sense because they think that is all we want with no consideration as to whether the handsome guy is nice. If a guy meets that description but turns out to be an asshole, I'm not interested! Same for an ugly guy, if you are not nice things go no further with me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:46 AM
12

My ex-husband was in the military and we ended up only being married < 2 years. We met after he was already in, and he had done one combat deployment already. HOOOLLLLLYYYY MOOOOLLLLLYYYYY did he gaslight me to the extreme, and constantly! I really shouldn't have married him but I didn't see those behaviors as much until after we were married & moved in together...prior to marriage, I had my own place & he was living in barracks. 24 hours a day together was beyond eye opening and while FDS doesn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 01:34 AM
1

I’m keeping my maiden name if I ever get married again . The first time I took his name and ended up changing it back. I have an MBA now and too much that I’ve built independently to put someone else’s name on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 02:35 AM
1

Condos are often a first choice for singles but I’m so glad I ended up with a single family home instead in a non-HOA neighborhood. HOA fees can be very high and they can raise them at any time. Plus depending on the type of condo, they can charge additional assessments on top of the normal HOA dues, like if they decide to renovate the community pool or put all new roofing on all units or something. Everyone has to split the cost and cover it. There are also a lot of HOA bullying nightmare stori…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 01:29 AM
20

Agree on all points here! I’ve worked too hard for all I have...house, small biz in addition to a normal full-time job, etc. I haven’t done all that work to have to divide it up with a cheating husband. 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:20 AM
22

Why is the MIL involved in their decision making anyway? That’s bizarre. I’m divorced but even during my unhappy marriage I never breathed one word of problems/disagreements to ANYONE. It’s nobody’s business AND on the chance we were able to work through it all and have a happy marriage then no one would be the wiser and eye rolling and telling me “you should’ve left anyway” and etc. I only announced we were divorcing when we knew that was definitely happening and had filed and everything. If th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:48 PM
8

"Want to go for a walk?" as a first date. Oh hey sure, I guess I'll call you by my dog's name!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:06 AM
5

First of all, merry Christmas! I am a white woman. During my most recent relationship from Jan 2019-March 2020, I weighed about 275 lbs most of the time and when he broke up with me I weighed 263 lbs (which is about 100 lbs overweight at 5'10"). However, I was never either criticized or fetishized for my weight by him. He always told me I was beautiful without mentioning my size. My ex was relatively inexperienced sexually until we became a couple and I think he enjoyed just getting to experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:09 PM
1

Thank you! I can’t believe Christie did what she did. SMH. 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 09:28 PM
1

Much appreciated! ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:09 PM
1

I had no idea. I legit never even heard of this Clymer person, just thought it was verified account so I went with screenshotting. Sorry for unintentionally choosing the wrong tweet about this topic and not doing my homework about the author of the tweet?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:21 PM
1

I have no idea who Clymer is, I just saw the retweet and then went digging further for the Elle article. Then I was like "oh my word..." Sorry for unintentionally choosing the wrong tweet about this topic and not doing my homework about the author of the tweet?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:20 PM
1

I have no idea who Clymer is, I just saw the retweet and then went digging further for the Elle article. Then I was like "oh my word..." Sorry for unintentionally choosing the wrong tweet about this topic and not doing my homework about the author of the tweet?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:20 PM
1

Sorry about that. I have no idea who Clymer is, I just saw the retweet and then went digging further for the Elle article. Then I was like "oh my word..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:13 PM
73

TL; DR: Christie Smythe was an extremely prestigious journalist at Bloomberg. She fell in love with Shkreli while covering his court case beat. Left said job and a husband to be in a relationship with him, and now from prison he’s ghosted her because she talked about how they became a couple to Elle magazine. Their first kiss was in a prison visit room that smelled like chicken wings...lololol Also: he bread crumbed her BEFORE prison as she tried to get his side of the story in general. Just so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:46 AM
19

Elle Magazine story here: https://www.elle.com/life-love/a35021224/martin-shkreli-christie-smythe-pharma-bro-journalist/ 👀👀👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:29 AM
6

Lane Bryant bras are AMAZING!!! They last forever and make my figure look so good. :D :D :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 04:15 PM
3

I love Reddit too! I have the Reddit, Insta & Twitter apps on my phone bc I can use those in healthy ways & they don’t negatively impact my mood or self-esteem. Facebook isn’t on my phone though...prob never will be again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 02:49 AM
34

My own instant cure for no longer worrying about what others think: Reducing my social media activity. I deactivated Facebook and it's improbable I will ever create a new one or log back into my old account to turn it back on and post. I made a brand new Instagram so I can follow certain influencers but I do not post anything on it. I use Twitter a little bit, but Twitter is the only platform I've used where I do NOT feel inadequate and/or worried about people's opinions. I only backed off of so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 10:31 PM
22

I wish all fitness studios would black out their windows or have frosted glass windows. Some do, some don't, but at ones that do it, people can't sit in the parking lot and watch like a bunch of creepy pervs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 10:18 PM
40

I'd totally use an app like this!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 10:10 PM
6

I am def not changing my name if I ever remarry. NOPE. It was a PITA the first time to change it to my ex's last name, then after divorcing, back to my maiden name. And now I have a masters degree and all kinds of other achievements under my maiden name. NOPE again!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:35 PM
11

OMG I saw this tweet too today! I almost tagged FDS in it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 11:18 PM
1

I am OK with chain restaurants for early dates though some people here might disagree! I won't do fast food or places a step up from fast food where you order at a counter and then sit down (Panera, Chipotle, etc) early on, but I don't mind chain full-service restaurants with sit-down service. Anything from Applebee's (lol) all the way up to Morton's Steakhouse is fine with me for chain restaurants as long as it seems thoughtful and like he put in the effort not only to plan dinner but plans bef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 10:33 PM
1

Hmm. As a woman, Breaking Bad is my all-time fave show along with its spin-off Better Call Saul. I’d love a man who is a fan of both though it’s not necessary. I hope I’m not doomed to LVM because of that. 🧐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 02:48 AM
36

When I was growing up, on Thanksgiving every year, my female cousins and I (all under age 16, three of us) had to clear the table and wash all the dishes for approximately 25 kids and family members. It took at least 2 hours for us to do that every year. The adults told us, "we paid our dues with clean up our whole childhood on holidays; now it's your turn." My male cousins under 16, two of them, were allowed to go sit on the couch and watch football as soon as we were done eating. They didn't h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 02:32 PM
7

I am not the OP who posted the screenshot OR the victim of this but I was able to find this original thread for anyone who is interested: https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/i-took-out-a-300k-business-loan-for-my-boyfriend-and-he%E2%80%99s-blocked-me.4120497/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 02:51 AM
105

It goes both ways, perhaps the men should be swiping left on the 5’s on a 1-10 attractive scale instead of the 11’s. If they think we should settle, so should they!!! Won’t happen though. 😂😂😂🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 04:46 PM
1

This doesn’t mean you can’t ever be honest about difficult situations, but work with a therapist as either your primary person to help you with situations so that you don’t need vulnerability to feel close to your partner, OR your therapist can help you reach a good balance of honesty vs. over sharing with your partner. That's why I included this in the OP. There is a huge difference between, say, "Omggggg my mom was so abusive, she did X, Y, and Z to me, and I will never speak to her again" in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:20 PM
1

This doesn’t mean you can’t ever be honest about difficult situations, but work with a therapist as either your primary person to help you with situations so that you don’t need vulnerability to feel close to your partner, OR your therapist can help you reach a good balance of honesty vs. over sharing with your partner. That's why I included this in the OP. There is a huge difference between, say, "Omggggg my mom was so abusive, she did X, Y, and Z to me, and I will never speak to her again" in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:19 PM
9

My most recent ex lived with mom and dad due to student loans. I’ll never date someone who lives with parents ever again...I always had to host, and I think his ultimate motive for dumping me was that he was content at home and didn’t want to change that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:04 AM
9

Also: this applies to family drama, bosses/work, and toxic friends, bc all of that can keep you up at night too! Remember to put your own mental health above all, and it’s not selfish to do so. 💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:03 AM
81

It is amazing the difference between online dating and real-life dating. Online dating, 99.999999% of men want a "walking" or "coffee" date but still expect immediate sex and an 11 for beauty on a 1-10 scale while they are no better than a 4 on the same scale themselves! However...for men I have met organically, in real life, who asked me out on dates, it is always a very nice, thoughtful date where they are not cheap and pay for everything. Even if I'm not feeling it romantically, guys who some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 10:09 PM
3

OMGGGG I roared laughing at this thank you xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:27 AM
7

Can confirm; married and divorced an Army guy (I was not actually in the military myself). VOMIT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 02:27 PM
16

Back in March (right as the COVID stuff was getting bad) I got dumped via text/blocked on every social media channel, with no warning signs, after a single minor fight. I had known my boyfriend over half my life. I'm 35; he was 39 (now 40). We had been dating for about a year and three months, but were extremely close friends for many years before that. It's been over 6 months now and not a peep from him. I am in awe that I thought I knew who he was when we shifted from being friends to dating. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:50 AM
30

Same. If that happened, I’d take my ass over to an upscale bar - alone - since I’d be dressed for a nicer night out. 🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 01:19 AM
8

My boyfriend also does all of his own home repairs, including basic things and big projects like floor replacement. I once watched him replace a dishwasher in a few hours, all on his own. I love my dad, but he is in a white collar industry and can’t do much beyond changing lightbulbs and calling a handyman lol. THIS!!! Because my dad was in a trade, he fixes/renovates stuff in my own house all the time himself, for only the cost of materials. I have saved thousands of dollars in costs since buyi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 05:34 PM
199

I may be going out on a limb here but, I have an MBA & the garbage collectors in my city make a ton of money, not even considering overtime they always seem to have, and without an MBA, when compared to my own career. If he treats me right and is a HVM who works in the sanitation department, I’m all about marrying him. A HVM will shower after work so that’s a no brainer for me. Not to mention the excellent benefits/pensions that government jobs have. 🤷‍♀️ My dad was a union tradesmen, made a ton…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 03:04 AM
2

I just don't really care for them, I think "hate" is too strong of a word to describe my feelings. Just not a pet I'd want, I don't like dealing with kitty litter/odors and that kind of thing. I feel like my personality just doesn't mesh with any cats I've met. I *love* dogs and have a dog though! Dogs can stink too, but I'm very particular and clean with my little pup so he usually does not smell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:45 PM
10

I was best friends with my most recent ex for nearly two decades before we dated for just over a year. I thought I knew him, I mean, a 17 year friendship prior to dating surely means no surprises, right? WRONG. When he decided to break up with me, he went about it in the most cowardly and cruel way possible: via a text message followed by blocking my number and all social media along with completely refusal to discuss what we were fighting about. It was our only argument ever, in 17 years of kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:38 AM
3

My most recent ex was about to turn 40 and couldn’t communicate for shit 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:16 AM
28

"I like a girl who takes care of herself" = she better never ask me for anything, ever, and also, she better look perfect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:57 PM
6

Serious question: as a woman, I can't stand cats and I have a severe allergy to them on top of it, and couldn't have one as a pet. So if a man doesn't like them, to me it is a good thing? I would rather just see how he treats plants, or dogs? I hope I'm not doomed bc I am not a cat lover, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:56 PM
1

IAWTC
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 11:26 PM
6

I have had Facebook turned off since July and no regrets. I can't see myself turning it back on again for quite awhile. It's a mental drain and a distraction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 01:33 PM
5

My dog is a HVM too! I love him so much! Yours is a cutie pie. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 01:26 PM
83

The 14 year age gap is gross. That aside: Be careful about judging income and age. Some careers (like teaching) are professional jobs but pay very little. It’s extremely likely that a 38 yo male or female teacher with 15 years experience could make $50,000 or less. The guy in the post here is a LVM but $50,000 at 38 doesn’t always make a LVM. It truly depends on career field and then how he treats the woman in combination with that. (I’m in the United States and teachers get paid shitty here. Ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:25 AM
43

Let’s add “I like a girl who takes care of herself” and “let’s keep things casual & see where it goes” to the list. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:07 AM
3

I have been watching my diet closely and exercising. Weight loss has definitely happened for me! I have watched TV shows and movies that I wanted to catch up on. Snuggled with my dog. Cooked myself nice meals. Learned how to do makeup and splurged on some high-quality hair products. Tried takeout from local places instead of chain restaurants. Caught up on sleep. Took long luxurious showers. Zoomed or FaceTimed with friends. I hate being socially isolated but I have also learned to enjoy my own …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:33 PM
3

I have miniblinds, blackout curtains, and amazing pillows in my bedroom. Also, I don't have a weighted blanket, but I do have a lot of layers of bedding/blankets which basically achieves the same thing. I turn the temp down on my thermostat at night, so everything I listed here makes for absolutely glorious sleep!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:28 PM
17

I'm in the middle of losing over 100 lbs and I am dreading dating when I am closer to my goal. I know I'll get way more attention when I'm close, or there, but I also resent the attention I'll get from people who wouldn't have looked at me at all when I was at my heaviest. I plan my meals very carefully on WW and potential spontaneity regarding food when I'm dating has me really nervous. I do know that if a guy makes any kind of fat jokes, even if we are a few months in by the time he does it, i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:45 AM
46

Say this louder for the people in the back plz and thanks!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 01:30 AM
9

Dead hahahaha omg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 08:31 PM
2

Edited to add: the original pic is still gorgeous though <3 Nooo! The picture in this meme needs to be Princess Diana in the revenge dress. Same message, better conveyance! lolololol https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5b3549b02200007f04eeccd2.jpeg?cache=Fj1Sm1kaPd&ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 12:50 AM
14

If it’s been a few months I wouldn’t text, I’d do phone or video. Just tell him you’ve enjoyed getting to know him but ultimately you don’t feel you guys are a good fit as a couple. Then delete and block. I think texting rejections are super lame unless it’s someone you’ve only gone out with once or twice and don’t feel it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:30 AM
12

Is the Discord server still a thing? I will need to get approved to chat on there instead!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:04 AM
44

I am losing weight for me and me only but not gonna lie I am looking forward to seeing the guy who dumped me 3 months ago again (which I will at some point, bc we have a huge number of mutual friends). Having a revenge body is going to be so much fun for that reason!!! He wasn't unfaithful and he truly didn't care about my size, so that's besides the point, but I can't wait for him to feel like a complete and total regretful moron - if he doesn't already. 🤣 Princess Diana was always so beautiful…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 04:41 PM
75

Current me: nope 🖕🖕🖕 Me prior to FDS: welllll I guess I’m okay with sexonlyzoned because he might decide he wants more! ❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:11 AM
46

I completely agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:08 AM
11

I’m tempted to do an experiment when I’m done losing weight. I won’t “be fat” anymore but maybe I’ll say I’m still married or some other standard dealbreakers and see how often I still get propositioned for sex on Tinder. I bet I’d get a good laugh! 😆😆😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:08 AM
25

Agree...my most recent ex legit didn’t care about my size. That I’m 100% sure of. But before him when trying OLD only like 0.00000000001% of guys wanted to chat let alone meet. I’m losing weight now for me but I still wonder what dating will be like after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:01 AM
30

I know!!! This was the first time I've ever seen it and it needs to be a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 01:11 AM
9

If he says he is 5’8” he’s really 5’5”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 07:54 PM
19

I haven't shaved my legs in probably 15 years! I shave under my arms but that is it. No one has ever commented on my unshaved hair, ever, not strangers, friends, relatives, or even men I have dated/married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:33 PM
4

Are you me? Except I’m 35, but like you, it’s been a few months since getting out of a relationship that I thought for sure was leading to marriage. I’m not OLD right now bc I really do need to work on myself. I’m losing weight finally, even though that was not a reason my ex broke up with me. I’m going to therapy to hopefully develop increased confidence, self-esteem, and boundaries. I’ve found an organization I’m passionate about that I’m going to be volunteering with soon but it’ll be easier …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:03 AM
33

Me on Twitter: Hey Apple, will you please update FaceID so that it works with a mask on? Please and thanks 🙄 Guy on Twitter: ProBaBLy WoN’T HaPPen, they’d have to WeaKen STaNDaRDs and aLLoW LeSS eXacT FacES!!! Me: I know, it’s called a joke 😬😬😬 He also got himself blocked. SMH. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:42 PM
3

I love this!!! I love journaling in general so keeping this also helps to keep the process lighthearted and not so frustrating. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 10:09 PM
3

Yeah, I'm sorry for your loss. I truly did not mean to come off like HVM don't deserve really good treatment. They do! I was more talking about women who do that stuff for men who aren't even remotely on the same page about the relationship. Or do it hoping the guy will pick them (so pickmeisha behavior). <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:50 PM
24

Valid! If I had a HVM husband, I would spoil him every now and then :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:14 PM
3

I’m going to therapy for these exact things. I’m only 2 sessions in but it’s already helping so much. You should go too. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:51 AM
2

I could go either way on kids. I’m mid-30s so unfortunately my clock is ticking as I don’t want to be pregnant after age 40. If I never meet someone who is HVM that I marry, then biological kids are a nope for me - I would struggle as a single parent on my current salary & my field isn’t gonna allow salary growth unless I move into a position I REALLY don’t want. However, I might consider foster parenting or adopting an older child (already school age) where I won’t have to spend as much on day …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:50 AM
14

Omg I’m dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:06 AM
24

I agree. As a date prior to defining the relationship, a nice home-cooked dinner at his house is a ploy to get laid and/or setup for date rape. If the relationship is defined, then no issue!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 06:24 PM
14

And, I say this all the time and prob in other comments I have left, but these same dudes won't accept lower than a 10/10 woman as far as her attractiveness even though they themselves are completely disgusting!!! They overrate themselves so much!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 06:21 PM
10

Hahahahaha! Short guy probs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 06:09 PM
5

If they expect me to “take care of myself” then I expect absolute perfection in every possible way from him too. It’s not a one way street, pal! 🙃🙃🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:44 PM
19

I've been told many times that I look like I take care of myself. It's not a compliment. It's a major turnoff to be visually assessed like a racehorse. I don't workout and eat healthy for useless comments like that. It's actually quite delusional for them to think that I've been putting all of this time and effort in for a guy I never met. I do these things because being sick and unhealthy is painful. Yes!!! I really do not want to receive "compliments" like that when I am finished losing weight…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:09 AM
12

Yes!!! So much this, too. If this is his mindset I don’t need him anyway! 👋👋👋
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 10:25 PM
60

Men definitely overvalue themselves appearance-wise. I mean, look at all the 45 year old men on Tinder where they write "I'm 45, not 35" because they put 35 as their age on the app to try to match with younger women...and then they're 50 lbs overweight and balding. Also, these same men expect the younger woman to be 100 out of 10 for physical appearance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:41 PM
2

All of this is definitely a dealbreaker! No question and no overreaction on your part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 07:23 PM
13

This is legit the oddest combination of food for a meal I have EVER heard of. Like ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:51 AM
42

Holy crap!!! That's scary, but I am glad the dogs could tell!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 08:45 PM
72

The MBA in me is giving this pst a standing ovation. 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 01:48 AM
2

Thank you! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:50 PM
2

Thank you! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:50 PM
2

Thank you...I have a lot of work cut out for me, that's for sure! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:50 PM
3

Thank you! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:50 PM
21

There is nothing more disappointing than being on a date and realizing/wishing you’d rather be at home with unshaved legs, eating snacks and watching your shows. I love this! I could def use it as a standard for when I am ready to date again - "is going out with him going to be more fun than being by myself?" and if it's a NOPE, then I have my answer. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 07:22 PM
5

Sashimi is wayyyy > sushi!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 07:15 PM
3

I love this so much, and all of this is what I am trying to do now! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 10:22 PM
9

I. Am. Stunned. You deserve so much better. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:45 PM
26

I'm divorced and my ex-husband would pull that shit. Not about proposing (he proposed without being pushed) but after we were married, if we got in a fight he'd be like "well, I thought about doing (fill in something I had been asking him to do) but now that we fought I changed my mind." It was manipulative and beyond awful - the goal was to make me keep my mouth shut 100% of the time out of fear that he'd "change his mind."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:42 PM
6

This Twitter account has been one of my fave follows for a lonnggggg time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:28 PM
1

I posted this as a reply just above, but I am re-posting it because it is relevant to this sub-thread too. :) I used a ring that was my mother's for my engagement/wedding to my first husband. It was very important to me, so I don't feel that it was low effort. Unfortunately my ex was a LVM, but even had he been a HVM I would've wanted the same heirloom ring! Plus divorcing didn't matter, I still got to keep my mom's ring even though I don't wear it anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 12:18 AM
2

I used a ring that was my mother's for my engagement/wedding to my first husband. It was very important to me, so I don't feel that it was low effort. Unfortunately my ex was a LVM, but even had he been a HVM I would've wanted the same heirloom ring!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 12:16 AM
5

I am not into casual sex as it is, but in the past when I've done it I have always insisted on condoms. If they won't do it then it's a hard no on sex, up to and including getting up and leaving or asking the guy to leave. I've done it before! I identify as demisexual (which I only realized in the last few years) and I require emotional connection before I think about anyone sexually so any future casual hookups are highly unlikely. With my most recent ex-boyfriend we didn't use condoms and whil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 01:06 AM
2

This is a good way to look at it. Vague/general is a fantastic idea. I agree that all trauma would be directed to a professional therapist and not a boyfriend. I was just thinking that bc my last boyfriend knew me for such a long time as a friend first, he heard about stuff I may not have told him had we met and gone right into dating. But he had a background on me as far as some family issues and other trauma bc he was a best friend first - but it wasn't a one-way street, I knew negatives about…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:39 PM
11

Yes, it will definitely be an accomplishment when I am all done! My most recent ex didn't care about my size and he was nothing much to look at himself, but I want to feel good about myself and that is way more important than what any man might think. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:39 PM
33

Nothing surprises me anymore...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:27 PM
64

I'm dreading this when I am ready to date again because I am currently losing weight. I am doing it for me, but the whole "used to be fat" thing is scary. I know if the guy has that kind of attitude, he's not worth it, but still! I don't want a guy to be paying attention to if I eat ice cream or a cheeseburger. Even if I'm thinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:25 PM
31

Say this louder for the people in the back plz!!! 🗣🗣🗣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 01:57 AM
3

Gotcha! Now I understand the point of view you were coming from. I will need to check that out! Thanks for the recommendation! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 12:28 AM
6

I subscribed to Ipsy Glam Bag Plus! Nothing like feeling beautiful. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:11 PM
1

I’m convinced my most recent ex did this because in his lame ass breakup text he said he’d been having doubts for a few months but sure as hell didn’t mind sleeping with me that whole time! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:59 AM
2

I love this, and I’ve been working on getting to this point myself!!! I can’t wait to be there. ❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:41 AM
3

Exactly! I didn’t want to sound like I was being a jerk about my ex because he qualified for a disability rating. If that was me I’d be thinking wow, tax-free money each month on top of a paid job...I’m gonna work! No brainer! But he didn’t have that mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:14 AM
7

This is not quite the same situation as yours, but my ex-husband was med boarded out of the military while we were still married. He was rated at 80% on the VA disability scale - so he would receive $1,795 per month (which is the pay rate with a spouse). The VA also found that he WAS able to work and DID NOT qualify for unemployability. He, unfortunately, had the attitude that since he would be collecting that disability, he didn't need to work. I felt that he should at least do something even i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 11:20 PM
6

This comment really hit home for me. I'm still recovering from my devastating breakup that happened 2 months ago, and you nailed it. We had been dating for over a year, and I think a lot of mystery/fantasy about the other was gone. Not that I was unhappy (definitely not) but as a couple, we were comfortable. As is expected, I can't always be in full makeup, a little black dress or cute skinny jeans, and shining bright with humor/personality. There's also pajamas when lounging at home, no makeup,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 01:14 AM
27

My ex-husband messaged me on Facebook under a different name last week and said “I hope your doing well because I’m not. This is your ex-husband BTW” I didn’t respond, just blocked. I’ve been divorced for 5 years. Byeeeeeeee loser!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 02:39 AM
4

For 3 months or so before my most recent ex dumped me with no warning, my dog was peeing in the house in the same spot anytime he would come over. After he dumped me and stopped coming over, my dog stopped peeing in the house. My dog knew something was up and was trying to warn me. It is amazing how perceptive animals can be!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 02:40 PM
9

Yes and like...you’d never guess men have sex hang ups from how they behave with OLD!! Hahahaha Once we had sex he was like “I totally get it now, I feel so in sync with you!” SMH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 02:03 AM
20

My most recent ex was horrible with #3 (the sex communication stuff). He kept avoiding sex for the first 6 months we dated, then blew up when I confronted him. He was scared bc he hasn’t had sex in years so he wasn’t confident but he didn’t communicate that at all. Then once we finally did it, he had a perfectly normal sex drive & pleased me quite well. But...when I finally confronted him about avoiding sex I was majorly eye rolling and angry. 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 01:48 AM
16

This video is a great reminder that we should be madly in love with ourselves, and focus on how people make us feel. Be your own best friend and love YOURSELF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 01:43 AM
56

Yeahhhh if I ever do marry again I'm getting a prenup. If the man won't do it, he's not the one to marry. Plain and simple. Thankfully with my first marriage, we basically had nothing (not much money in the bank, rented a house and didn't own, no joint debt, etc) so I didn't lose anything with that, but that has now changed. Also I bet this guy makes 75% of the income but makes her pay 50% of all bills, therefore he thinks he gets 50% of the inheritance too. Eyeroll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 11:54 PM
3

I have the same standards you do. I'm also a taller girl, and I would prefer my height or taller. Unfortunately, for OLD, if they put my height as their height, then they're prob 2-3 inches shorter than what they say - so I have to set parameters at 2 inches taller than my real minimum. Also, any guy that has "6 feet tall because apparently that matters" in their Tinder profile is an instant "no" because that means they already hate women for having standards. If it only has their height with no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 09:24 PM
3

Delayed reply here but I LOVE this strategy for if I ever try online dating again. I’ll be keeping this in my back pocket! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 11:12 PM
2

I am sticking to WW like there is no tomorrow! I will have to switch to maintenance mode this week while I will have family staying with me (the visit is COVID-safe, don't worry) but I am really hoping to take off another 50 lbs by the end of 2020. I have lost 20 already this year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:31 PM
10

You totally need to leave! Make a plan without telling him, and then one day you'll just be gone. Make sure you guys don't have any joint bank accounts or etc. If you do, open one without letting him know and use that to get out. Make sure you change your phone number entirely, and block his number, e-mail, social media, etc. You deserve way, way, better. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:14 PM
7

I found this subreddit after my most recent boyfriend, who definitely acted like an HVM and treated me like gold, completely flipped and broke up with me after a single fight about a month and a half ago. We were best friends for 16 years before we started dating and dated for another year on top of that (if you read my post history I've mentioned this guy before). I was thinking, "Oh, it's just one fight, and definitely not over anything deal-breaking, fights happen & it's the only one we've ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 06:51 PM
6

Ah, yeah, that money decision regarding the house would be a red flag for me too (my username is finance_lady for a reason, after all lol). The splitting paying for dates thing also possibly points to some other money issues on his part. Now that you added in those details, it sounds like your gut feeling is right and you should probably leave the situation alone without reconciling. You are very independent and successful, and it doesn't make sense to allow a guy to hold you back emotionally or…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 09:19 PM
8

This comment got really long, sorry! :) Hello! I am not a veteran but my ex-husband was active duty and then got out right before we got divorced. He did not actively look for a job leading up to his ETS date even though I encouraged him to do so. He was med-boarded out, so he had about 12 months notice that the end date was near. He turned into a lost little puppy the closer the ETS date got, and then after he was out, he had no clue what to do. He was not interested in civilian career paths re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 07:32 PM
21

My most recent boyfriend was my best friend for a very long time (like since age 18 or so, and I'm in my mid-30's now) and I really regret that we shifted to dating and slept together. He dumped me out of the blue, blocked me on everything, and shut me out - I wish I could say I did something wrong to deserve that, but I didn't. We got in a single fight and it was his out because apparently he had been having doubts about us for awhile that he never communicated. So now I lost my best male frien…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 04:29 PM
6

Yup! 1) https://twitter.com/cj_isking/status/1226014667836993536?s=21 And 2) https://twitter.com/cj_isking/status/1255237232379727873?s=21 They are both comedy gold with the replies!!! 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 02:22 AM
31

I found the thread and it was absolute gold! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 02:46 AM
4

I do agree that lots of guys don’t want to date you if you’re more independent, educated, and well-traveled than they are. I completely agree! I got a master's degree 3 years ago and I've done a ton of traveling, too. If that makes me too intimidating, so be it. *shrug*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 10:55 PM
24

OK, I am in my mid-30's now and I do not have kids, but I still have a relevant theory about this. When I was like, 22-23, I was just getting started in my professional career, and I had earned a bachelor's degree. It was the height of the Great Recession then, but thankfully my career is in a field that has < 1% unemployment whether it is a recession or not. Anyway...back then while trying to date, I kept running into the same issue over and over, from men in their mid-to-late 20's: Men didn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:16 PM
0

This post is #facts! My most recent ex is late 30's and he hadn't had a girlfriend since his mid-20's. He was HVM the entire time we dated, until he wasn't and broke up with me. I will never, ever date a guy his age again if he's never had a serious girlfriend, or hasn't had one in 10+ years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 08:40 PM
7

I have thought similar to this, and I'm really happy to know I'm not alone. I have earned a master's degree and I don't want the name on my diploma to ever be different than my legal last name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 08:30 PM
6

Don’t date a guy from a lower socioeconomic class I hate to say it, but this is true. I grew up solidly middle class, but my ex-husband grew up poor. He was white trash. It wasn't worth it. I thought he wanted to better himself, but then he didn't want to. Ultimately, he'd act so embarrassing at social events (unintentionally, but I'd cringe), had a drinking problem because his family was full of either alcoholics and drug addicts, and would scream at me for buying clothes in regular stores inst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:52 PM
3

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. Please get out of there and protect yourself and your kids. Keep us updated, but only carefully so that he does not find out where you are and what you are doing. Delete the OP here and your comments if you need to. Thinking of you! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:39 PM
2

COMPLETELY AGREE, thank you so much for implementing this policy! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:23 PM
7

I am so sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 10:04 PM
6

I don't like how eHarmony did away with guided communication in the last few years. 3 years ago I tried it, and it's gone. That was the main selling point of the site for me. I am happy it worked out for you though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 04:20 PM
5

I’m divorced, and I have said exactly that when I started dating again - “We weren’t compatible.” It’s the truth! But I never went into details and I’d state that I don’t wish to talk about it further. My most recent boyfriend knew details but we had been really close friends for a long time before we dated, too. Someone from OLD wouldn’t know details, nor would I offer them. I don’t have kids so that makes it a bit less complicated but I’d just keep saying “We just weren’t compatible” followed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 09:27 PM
12

"Oh? Was someone asking you to be in one? It's obvious you're not ready to be in a relationship with anyone." I love this so much as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:05 PM
28

"Yeah, I've been thinking about it and you're totally right! I don't think this would work out!" I love this and it's going in my file for when I'm ready to date again. :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:04 PM
5

I am definitely working on myself and it feels amazing! Because of the coronavirus, I have way more free time than I usually do, so it is all being focused on me. I'm losing weight thanks to mostly cooking at home now with restaurants being closed, and I have a huge goal about a volunteer organization I'd like to join after all the coronavirus stuff is over, too. Losing weight will help with the volunteering stuff because of what it entails with a lot of physical labor. My weight was definitely …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 12:15 AM
34

This is like to post I made earlier about how goals should be non-negotiable. If engagement is your goal in 1-2 years, then get out if it doesn't happen in 1-2 years! Goal not met, so next please. Love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 11:31 PM
15

Thank you for this post! My most recent breakup was hands down the best relationship I've ever had, or so I thought, but similar to yours, he broke up with me over issues he never communicated about which he was bothered or upset. The fight we had, which led to the breakup, was just the fuel he needed to finally go ahead and break up with me. I am looking forward to when he ultimately pops back into my life to see how I'm doing and I can tell him that I have no interest in trying again or even t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 11:14 PM
3

My god, I feel like some of these posts are just trolling, but I feel like this is #nottheonion :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 10:13 PM
11

I haven't lived with anyone since my ex-husband over 5 years ago, but if I ever remarry I am totally doing the separate bedrooms thing. I am very particular about my sleep conditions and I don't want to have to compromise that. lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:34 PM
2

You're welcome! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 05:16 PM
2

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom (years ago) and it never gets easier. You just kinda get used to it. She sounds like an amazing person. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 04:33 PM
5

I have a master's degree and I don't make anywhere near $78,000 per year (as a woman). My most recent ex made $50,000/year and he was a HVM but he got cold feet about moving forward toward getting engaged and broke up with me. He had an associate's degree, and was still in an entry-level role in his early 40's. It didn't matter to me because he aligned with my values and treated me like gold up until we broke up & there were other factors other than lack of ambition that placed him in the role h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 03:56 PM
25

You don't. Let the man pursue, and if he doesn't, then you didn't waste time and energy on him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 03:38 PM
7

Makes sense! Again, I am not judging and hopefully, I didn't come off as rude. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 01:18 PM
25

Why did you swipe right on him? (I am not judging, just genuinely curious)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 01:08 PM
1

Thank you! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 09:48 PM
6

That can be up for debate, but I think someone can be a HVM but realize it is not the right relationship for him, same as a HVW can, and break it off. People have different ways of breaking it off. It's unfortunate, but that's what happens. Just because someone is high-value (of either gender) does not mean that the relationship has to be permanent, or even end on good terms. Because shit happens. I do not agree with how he handled the breaking off part, but that isn't the point of my OP. Other …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:26 PM
4

Yep! Just keep telling yourself that YOU are not the problem. Because you're not. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 05:48 PM
5

I felt that way for a long time (as in, what I had written down). For like a good 5 years since I got divorced. The only thing that fixed it for me (unfortunately) was things shifting to romance with a really close friend. It didn't last, but that's OK. It proved to me that men exist that aren't losers. But I do think most men still are like what I wrote! For me, I now realize that I do not need to take it personally when they do all the stuff I wrote. It's not me that's the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 03:57 PM
3

I absolutely love this specific Twitter account and I have been following her since forever! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 01:03 PM
5

I am divorced and mid-thirties. If anything, it raises the value of a woman if she is divorced because someone has already put a ring on it. Whereas if a woman is late 30's and never married, a man could think "Hmm, what's wrong with her if she's 39 and never married?" Patti Stenger's book, Be Your Own Matchmaker talks about this concept. Side note: I do not agree with what I just said, but LVM's probably think what I just said all the time and assume that a divorced woman is probably > a single…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 11:53 PM
22

Or a weekly dedicated thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 07:51 PM
14

Another idea...have a weekly thread of LVM-authored stuff that people link to or screencap so that it doesn't clutter up the subReddit with a bunch of new threads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 07:50 PM
8

I knew my most recent ex since I was a teenager and I’m in my mid-30’s now. He was the best boyfriend I ever had as well as the best sex I’ve ever had because of the long-standing friendship. I’m absolutely devastated that he broke up with me. He was, and acted like, HVM but in the end I believe he just wasn’t ready for how serious we were. He didn’t give me true closure so I can only hypothesize about his reasons. I would prefer all future boyfriends start as friends first based on that experie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 02:32 AM
6

How come you can't get him out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 03:23 PM
12

I am in a career that will never pay six figures, and when I was in my early 20s and just starting out, I made < $30K. Now I make around $55K in my mid-30s, but only because I work my career job plus a side business that I own. When I was in my early 20s though, I was a really bad Pickmeisha because I knew I couldn't afford any kind of lifestyle. $55K isn't great by any means but I can be comfortable without a partner as long as I budget correctly and keep working to become debt-free. But yes, I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 03:22 PM
4

As a woman, I only have a Facebook actually. I used to use Snapchat but not anymore. I also don’t have an Instagram, and my Twitter account is protected so that I have to approve followers, and the name on the account isn’t my real name. I also routinely Google my own name and request removal of pages with my info on it (sites like Spokeo and similar). I don’t have a very common name and now when I Google my name, everything that pops up is another woman with my name who owns a business, but it’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 01:44 AM
13

Do you still live in NYC? I have heard terrible things about dating in NYC, like how the illusion of endless choice means that people are always looking for something better so it's almost impossible to get into a relationship (for both men and women).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 01:20 AM
28

Make sure you leave once the pandemic is over!!! My ex-husband had a drinking problem and drank every day as well, and he'd pull the exact same bullshit. He never talked to other women (as far as I know - maybe he did, but I never found out) but he'd definitely call me names, scream at me, and gaslight me badly. I am so glad that I filed for divorce and got outta there. It's been 5 years now and my life has been so much better on the whole. Yours will be too once you remove yourself from the sit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 01:10 AM
2

Yeah it was bizarre. He didn't gaslight or insult, just said there were too many dealbreakers in a text message (without explaining what any of them were) and then blocked me on everything. It was really bizarre. Hopefully one day I'll have some answers, though he's thrown out any chance of being in a relationship with me ever again. I will be OK! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 10:42 PM
3

It sucks all around. I think he will end up looking like the idiot in the end as well. I haven't said a word to our friends about why it ended, but I think he's going to at some point, and our friends will be like "Dude. You majorly went nuclear when it's normal and healthy for a couple to disagree about something once a year and you were completely wrong for handling that way." I mean, when we got in the fight and he asked for a couple days to think, I definitely thought we'd apologize, calmly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 04:25 PM
6

We have a lot of mutual friends that existed before we dated, and given our very long time friendship, I do think he deserves a closure conversation about why he chose to do what he did. Beyond that, I never want to see or talk to him again UNLESS we are both invited to something one of our mutual friends plans. I think it's a good idea to be minimally civil and keep drama out of our friend group. But yes, I am done. I am also extremely hurt. Not attempting dating again for at least 6 months. Ed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 04:14 PM
17

Agree - I had a boyfriend of a year plus who was definitely HVM as far as how he treated me. The pandemic popped up, we got in a single fight over quarantine issues related to it (after not fighting at all the entire time we were dating, plus never fighting during a lengthy 10 year friendship before that) and he completely flipped and then broke it off with me within 24 hours. On top of which, he blocked me from every possible method of contact. I was and still am in disbelief, because it's so u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 03:59 PM
21

If you like him, and he is a HVM, keep dating him. If you guys become exclusive then you can be his first sex. Sure, the first time will probably be meh, but it'll get better. One of the perks is you will get to train him exactly how you like it and help him discover his own likes, and then it'll get really, really enjoyable and fun for both of you! :) I'm in my mid 30's, and my most recent ex-boyfriend was almost 40 and while technically not a virgin, extremely inexperienced because he hadn't h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 12:36 AM
4

I am personally not doing any OLD at this time, until the pandemic is declared over. However, in past experiences with OLD, I'd try to meet men quickly (like no more than a few days of texting) because 99% of the time, I don't want to see them again after meeting, and neither do they. I would not want to text with anyone or even video call them with 12 weeks or more until we could actually meet in person. I'm not here for someone's temporary entertainment when OLD odds are so low as it is. I'm i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 12:06 AM
10

Yeah...bye!!! I'd unmatch and block
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 11:14 PM
36

This is interesting, but I will admit as a woman I am not big into reading even though I'm an educated person. I probably should read more, but I don't. It's just not one of my main pastimes. Therefore I wouldn't think to ask a guy his favorite book or talk about books in any way. Hopefully, that doesn't hurt my ability to weed out LVM too much. :/ (edited to add: I totally understand if I get downvoted, but different people have different hobbies, and reading just isn't one for me very often)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 07:00 PM
3

I dislike ONS and definitely will not have them again, but I can totally empathize with where you're coming from, OP! I dislike them for reasons stated here...it lessens the value of sex, it's risky, and ONS men don't care about my pleasure. I have never had a ONS where I was sexually satisfied after. But that doesn't mean other women can't. Now that I am single I am dreading the lack of real sex since I don't do ONS. Masturbation/vibrators just don't do enough for me, but I don't want a FWB whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 04:53 PM
8

I have a master's degree and my most recent ex only had an associates degree. I choose men based on if they act like a HVM in the relationship. I don't choose men based on education because that's too much like using a resume to screen them. I care more about work ethic. A guy with no degree who works in a skilled trade could make 3x as much money as someone with a bachelor's degree and I could still have a ton in common with the skilled trade guy and a fabulous relationship with him. Intelligen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 04:35 PM
9

It’s a particular level of immature fanboy obnoxiousness that I cannot stand. Being a petty douchebag about team rivalries and getting actually mad about losing are symptoms of a man who is almost certainly low value in general. To no one’s surprise they are often blatantly sexist as well. This. I'm dreading when I am ready to OLD again, because I am a huge fan of my city's rival team. I'll prob have men ruling me out just over that stupidity instead of, you know, personality and attractiveness …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 11:48 PM
2

I know. I have a plan in place to pay mine off ASAP, but not everyone does that. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 06:54 PM
8

NO! NO! NO! My ex-husband could not manage money and I married him anyway. Like I'm talking, he spent every dime on payday and had nothing for the next 2 weeks. When we got married he really got mad at me when we combined finances and I told him we have to budget and we cannot live that way. While dating I never gave him money but I did pay for dates and etc. because he couldn't. This was obviously while I was still a pickmeisha (like 8 years ago). His family also constantly asked if they could …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 02:52 PM
0

I think if I use apps when I'm ready, I'd like to use Hinge or maybe Match.com. I have heard good things about both. I know several people married to guys from Match.com. I plan to attend Meetup groups and community classes that relate to my interests too so I can increase the chance of meeting someone in person. I'd rather do that if I can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 01:46 PM
7

Yeah, my closest friends are honestly not great for meeting men through. Two of my best girl friends live out of state, and then the other 2 who are local don't really have active social circles or boyfriends so I only seem to hang out with them 1:1 when I do see them. I also don't meet men through work, at least none I'd ever want to date. I prefer online dating because I DON'T want the guy to meet my friends. My most recent ex-boyfriend was definitely a HVM, but we had a ton of mutual friends …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 01:44 PM
9

I agree. I’ve had times in my life while in a relationship, I’ve been upset and sex follows. Sometimes it’s make-up sex. Other times, my partner supported me while I got my emotions and then I asked for sex. If I was single and cried to a guy friend it’s never ended in sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 02:20 AM
47

When you start messaging the men on apps, make sure you re-emphasize that you are looking for LTR. People don't read bios so it is what it is. :( You also might want to try having a pre-date on the phone! The question might come up there again, and then if y'all don't align on that you don't even have to waste time out on a date. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 12:41 AM
1

I think when I am ready to OLD again, I will stick with only match.com - I know many people who have met a significant other on there who are happily married. One of my college friends met her first husband AND second husband on it, after she divorced the first guy. Tinder is a cesspool and I'm pretty sure I will stay far away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 10:43 PM
7

Oh I’m definitely not! Nothing in my comment was aiming to look down at you or make you feel bad. Your list is awesome. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 01:41 AM
7

Here are mine: I am educated and have a B.S. and master's degree I am career oriented and can live independently without marrying for the rest of my life, if I choose to I have wonderful family to lean on My dog is awesome and loving I'm a homeowner while most men on Tinder are either mom's basement or studio apartment still when they are 40...eyeroll I am financially responsible Well-traveled Well-rounded as far as hobbies and interests (arts, culture, music) Actively working to lose weight and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 12:57 AM
29

Two high school seniors in a house alone “working out.” I don't want to be that person here, but I am in my mid-30s here and you're 17 or 18 years old. You have so much time to date, and you'll have plenty of jerks and a few HVM. Your boyfriend is not the last guy in the world. Your feelings are valid, and if you communicate them to him and he ignores or downplays them, you should break it off. It's almost the end of senior year now, so if you see him a lot, that might stop anyway. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 01:18 AM
31

LOL, I would've thrown that back in his face. "What do you mean 'made it exclusive'? I agree we aren't there yet! Not sure who was putting ideas in your head!" That would make him think. Sometimes I think they say this stuff for emotional control. A cool response like that means that he didn't get to you emotionally, and then afterward, you can block him and move on. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 08:24 PM
28

What is your boyfriend like? Is he anything like his family? Here's the deal with this...my ex-husband's family was absolute trash. They did not want to better themselves, his siblings just wanted to sit around with weed, and his dad was just...not in a good situation either. I ended up splitting up with my ex-husband because of how his family was because I couldn't stand them, and it became clear that my ex wanted to be like them instead of bettering himself. We had gotten married quickly, whic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 07:09 PM
1

Thanks! This is super helpful. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 06:07 PM
1

Well then what should I write, when those are actually things I like, and would want to go do on a date? That would be more helpful than saying "no, do not write this" lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 04:22 PM
1

Thanks! The reason I made my post was because that is what I USED to write, like 3-4 years ago, when I was really “pick me.” I do not want to sound like that anymore, so thanks for your feedback. (I haven’t used OLD since like 3 years ago, and don’t have a profile on any site or app currently) It sounds like once I’m ready, I should put 1-2 sentences about things I’d like to go do with a potential boyfriend such as: “Let’s go try some downtown restaurants, nothing like a good filet mignon and a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:45 PM
1

OK, thanks! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:13 PM
4

Thank you! Yes, I am definitely losing weight. I want to do that for myself, and I know it will increase confidence a lot as well. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:13 PM
1

Yeah, OLD is definitely much sex only. :( What kinds of solo pics are best? Should I have a friend take pics of me or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 02:54 PM
1

What do you think would attract a man to a woman?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 02:40 PM
1

Bonus assignment: create a super honest bio of who you are and what you want, then read it and fall madly in love with yourself. Then take yourself out on a date and fall even harder. Make love to yourself and enjoy your own sensuality at a time when no one else is privy to it. Love yourself until you reach the point that you're insulted by the suggestion of changing your bio or yourself to attract anyone other than yourself. HVM love this kind of thing because it's a HV thing to do. I love this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 02:39 PM
1

At the time, yes, I think it was my size (overweight) in photos. Unfortunately, it’s superficial but online dating you HAVE to be in shape to get any attention. Wondering if THAT trumped my bio even if bio was written well. I’m definitely doing that now (started while still dating my ex so it’s improved some - I fixed my teeth with aligners, lost 15 lb) but I still need to lose more weight before attempting OLD again. Which I’m definitely doing now! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 01:30 PM
2

I’m scared...mid 30s and will eventually be trying to date again. What kind of expectations do they have of 30+ women???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 12:10 PM
15

My comment mostly focused on the type of men I want to date/have dated, but I should've mentioned my dad as well. He supported his family wonderfully and has so much love/respect for my mom. Even now that I am an adult, he would do anything for me if I were to need help. He's always been so responsible and had a solid work ethic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 08:27 PM
12

I like this too, though I didn't mention it in my comment. My most recent HVM ex frequently talked about his parents and treated them well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 08:25 PM
31

OK, so, here are my thoughts, but there may be different opinions from others. What stands out to me the most is how he treats me. So, he is not leaving me wondering where I stand - he tells me he wants to be exclusive and doesn't fuck around while he decides that. In fact, it's decided within a few dates, not all the way at 3 months in. Then, he shows we are truly exclusive by introducing me as his girlfriend to friends, family, coworkers and etc. I don't feel like a big secret. Then, of course…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 06:44 PM
2

I actually read that book a long time ago! A refresher wouldn’t hurt but I remember the concepts in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:58 AM
1

I need a wardrobe and makeup overhaul myself...those are good things to have on a list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 01:25 AM
1

(Edited slightly to remove details that could potentially identify me if my ex came across this subreddit) I just went through a BAD breakup that I never saw coming, and it was a semi-long term relationship (just over a year or so) and I really, really thought he was a HVM but I was wrong. Or maybe he was just wrong for me. Anyway, I will be working on myself now for a while to make sure I remain a HVW and so that I am the best person I can be when I am ready to try dating again. Here are my pla…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 01:23 AM
5

Cool, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 12:38 AM
10

Hello! I think the less you say, the better. Next time you talk to him say something like, "It's been great getting to know you, but it appears we are on different wavelengths, so I have decided to move along." That's pretty much what the issue is here, so keep it simple and classy. No need to get emotional with him, and if he doesn't handle it well, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've decided to move along." Then delete/block. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 11:39 PM
1

Thank you! I am not gonna lie, it is going to be awhile before I attempt online dating or even open up to talking to men just as friends at classes I might take for fun or other events. This has really violated my trust badly and I'm worried about it affecting giving other men a fair chance in the future as long as they prove themselves. Hopefully making sure I take enough time for just myself will help that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:49 PM
7

I have never had a prenup before, but I'm divorced and at the time thankfully there weren't really many assets to split, and of what we did had, my ex let me take it all. However, now that I am 35, I have more significant assets...owned house, 401(k), savings accounts, future inheritances. I'd want to protect all that and also somehow write in it that any inheritances received that were for me, following the wedding, stay with me and don't go to my former partner should we split. Also, as far as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 08:59 PM
5

Thank you! We got this, and I'm a queen, so once I'm ready I will give a different HVM a chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 08:55 PM
10

Thanks for the support, ladies! I am editing to remove all details of what I wrote on the off chance he came across it browsing Reddit. The details would give me away to him. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 01:25 AM
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