I was just thinking about a problem I used to have before FDS when I would online date. I’m worried about slipping back into the same “pick me” pattern, but I don’t want to.
Here’s the thing: I want to include important things about me in my profile, and I should, but in the past, men would be intimidated or turned off by those things. I’m proud of these things so that really affected my self-esteem. For example, I’d include in my profile:
-Graduate degree -Work full time in a career I enjoy AND a side business I own (freelance clients) - but I also try to avoid sounding like a dating bio is a resume so I limit my degree + career statement to like one sentence -Speak a foreign language as a hobby -Like a certain genre of music (many men put “anything but that genre” in their profile...sigh) -I’m a fan of the top rival sports team for our city :/
I know if they are turned off or feel insecurity and don’t choose to connect, that’s on them and it’s weeding them out and i shouldn’t take it personally plus they are a LVM, but I’ve also had zero luck being honest with OLD so I can find a HVM. I’ve never lied or downplayed my qualities in OLD, to be clear. Everything is so superficial and everything has to be perfectly laid out and written. If I was friends first with a guy and he learned the things I’d put in a dating profile over time and then asked me out, it would be no sweat. That’s what happened with my most recent ex. But in the past, prior to my HVM ex, I’d get so frustrated at the lack of interest that I’d waste time talking to ANYONE. I don’t want to fall into that trap again.
Anyway, I’m almost thinking I should talk about myself honestly like I always did, and not worry about it if it doesn’t pique interest with 99.9% of men. What kinds of things do you ladies include in a Tinder/Bumble bio or in like, a match.com profile as the written text portion?
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Yeah, OLD is definitely much sex only. :(
What kinds of solo pics are best? Should I have a friend take pics of me or something?
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Thanks! The reason I made my post was because that is what I USED to write, like 3-4 years ago, when I was really “pick me.” I do not want to sound like that anymore, so thanks for your feedback. (I haven’t used OLD since like 3 years ago, and don’t have a profile on any site or app currently)
It sounds like once I’m ready, I should put 1-2 sentences about things I’d like to go do with a potential boyfriend such as:
“Let’s go try some downtown restaurants, nothing like a good filet mignon and a glass of cabernet sauvignon” or “Let’s go to a sports bar, have some wings with hot sauce and beer, and crack jokes about being fans of rival teams” or something. Even just writing that sounds like fun! :)
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Well then what should I write, when those are actually things I like, and would want to go do on a date? That would be more helpful than saying "no, do not write this" lol
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What do you think would attract a man to a woman?
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OK, thanks! :)
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At the time, yes, I think it was my size (overweight) in photos. Unfortunately, it’s superficial but online dating you HAVE to be in shape to get any attention. Wondering if THAT trumped my bio even if bio was written well.
I’m definitely doing that now (started while still dating my ex so it’s improved some - I fixed my teeth with aligners, lost 15 lb) but I still need to lose more weight before attempting OLD again. Which I’m definitely doing now! :)
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I love this so much! This is all a fantastic idea. :)
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