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midlife-madness Archive

View 6 posts and 154 comments by midlife-madness on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
119

Need Supportmidlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:06 AM
67

Rantmidlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:10 PM
22

Need Supportmidlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:53 PM
11

Need Supportmidlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:05 PM
10

midlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 06:08 AM
3

midlife-madness/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:18 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

Why not force the issue with motions if she’s stalling? Genuinely curious. I’m in the same boat.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:06 AM
4

Exactly!! It’s all about your character and mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 07:43 PM
2

That’s my / our plan too. Try to work through it ourselves on how to split stuff. Atty will need to calculate payments to her based on disclosures. Then we sit down in his office for an afternoon and sort it all out, sign, get it notarized and submitted to court.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 08:50 PM
1

Yoga can only help :-) not the same as a church though. As they have stuff going on all week outside the Sunday thing. You could try a Unitarian church. It pretty chill. Non-dogmatic.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:32 PM
2

I’m in the thick of it. Honestly Church has been really good. I’m not super religious, but grew up going to an Episcopal church. Super welcoming and I feel like it’s a great community. I joined the early morning men’s Group weekly too. To me it feels kind of like meditation. And honestly the sermons have been lining up with exactly what’s going on with me. I realized a couple of years ago when I was separated that the thing that I really lost, that I want and need is Community. But I have to mak…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:45 PM
1

It’s common for both men and women to lose or shed their friends and community because they rely on each other for that in the marriage, especially if there are kids involved. The key is to get out there and start building community. Church is a good one, volunteer organizations are good as well, activity groups, hobbies, etc. it takes time to get yourself back and build that community.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 10:26 PM
4

Running is great! I’ve also been mountain biking a ton. Have my kids 50/50. Broke as fuck, probably will lose more in the divorce, but I am starting to believe that we’re broken down for a reason. To create the opportunity to build back stronger. So I have the divorce that I’m dealing with. And also the emotions from my girlfriend breaking up with me after 5 months of a wonderful relationship. I just had my first good night sleep in weeks. Granted it was medicated. But the medicine wasn’t touchi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:45 PM
1

The marriage was 16 years. I deleted those. Recent gf breaking up with me I deleted those. I need to get her out of my sight so I can heal. Not in a punitive way to her ( I still love them both actually) but for a path to healing for me. Let my nervous system heal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 03:35 AM
1

Possibly. There were definitely issues on her end that led to the rift.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 03:32 AM
1

Delete it was the first thing I did when she broke up with me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:41 PM
9

I’m in the 50% crowd. I became resentful. My needs weren’t being met and I didn’t know how to communicate that in a way that was about “us” and building vs her seeing it as an attack. By the time I realized, it was too late.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:32 PM
4

I’ve been there. And my recent relationship taught me that I need to sever my STBX’s hold on me. I’m learning about setting boundaries and holding them. I blocked her on social media. I muted all of her text messages. I sent her an email noting. Phone calls for emergencies only. Text messages for non-urgent items as I have time. Im not doing this to punish her, im just doing this to protect my peace and compartmentalize her to kids + divorce business.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:54 AM
3

I hear you. First Solo Easter in like 19 years. It’s a weird feeling. Feeling sad. Crying. Letting it out. Being gentle with myself. Slowly packing my things.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 09:17 PM
1

I mean there are two sides to every story. A man’s perspective is that if my STBXW gave me everything in the split, we would probably be pretty good friends. Or at least super cordial. For you? I would lawyer up, not to destroy him. Just to get what’s fair. It sounds like you’re making a lot of concessions. And you just want to have access to your kids. Have a lawyer work that out for you if he’s not being reasonable. You can’t control his behavior though. He’s going to tell the kids what he’s g…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:51 AM
2

I would stop the weed. Numbing is ok for a short period, but the long term effects suck for mental health. I would suggest joining a local mens group for support. You can find them at churches or the Man Kind Project. Pick a hobby, the one you hate the least. Force yourself to do it, then join a community that meets up and talks about it. I have MTB, music, poetry, and other ones on deck if those fizzle. You need to get out of your comfort zone a little for your mental health. My 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 01:38 PM
1

I’m planning on AMEX platinum. Just for emergencies. If emergency fund can’t handle. Not using day to day at all. Just don’t know how F’d I’m going to be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:36 PM
3

It’s what I’ve done and I have a wonderful woman that chose me because I’m a “cool dude”. I was broken, emotionally unavailable, resentful, angry, etc. I jumped into therapy, mens work, exercise, focused on silver linings. I can see and feel real change. This divorce, arguably, was the best thing that ever happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 02:14 PM
2

On iPhone down in People, you can choose to “feature this person less”. Then start saving out pics without her that you do want to save. Into a different album.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 10:06 PM
15

I mean just don’t give up your friends, your interests, your hobbies, your beliefs, your peace for a marriage. Don’t put all of your eggs in that basket. I still believe in love. And I still believe in marriage. Though I’d rather get married by some Druid in the forest than have government paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 09:54 PM
3

I wasn’t fully into my marriage because I was always afraid of her leaving me. There was a small part of me that wasn’t able to be open and vulnerable with her. When I finally was, she left. So it’s a big fear of mine that I’m pushing through. I naturally build walls up to try to protect myself, but it really pulls me away from the level of intimacy that I want and deserve. It’s a constant effort to realize that and keep those walls down and challenge myself to be more present, more vulnerable, …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 01:28 PM
11

You’re not divorcing the kids. They need stability. Maybe it’s not fair, but might be the right thing to do. And they will appreciate the stability eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:19 AM
7

1/2 that 401k is yours if she earned it while in the marriage. She shouldn’t be cashing it out for plastic surgery. It’s there for your retirement as a couple. If you file now, you document the date of separation. If she liquidates marital assets at that point forward, she would owe 1/2 the value back to you. No sex and she’s getting in better shape. The writing is on the wall brother. Get therapy and a lawyer. And a men’s group. You need a lot of support right now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 02:42 PM
4

If she says she’s done, believe her. It’s time to focus on yourself 100% and strive to be the best version of yourself for YOU. Do what makes you genuinely happy and fulfilled. If you like travel, make it happen. Solo vacations are great if nothing more than a change of scenery. You’ve got to let her go. Therapy and men’s groups can help with that. No contact for 30 days will hep you to neurologically disentangle from her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 02:35 PM
1

Got it! Yeah I’m trying to move out but can’t pay child support AND the mortgage on the house she’s in. It’s a pickle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:11 AM
1

Have you tried Feeld? Also, I detect some self loathing. Have you been working on yourself? Therapy? Men’s groups? Meditation / Church? Hobbies that you’re excited about? One’s state of mind has a lot of impact in this area. A book that changed it all for me was I Don’t Want To Talk About It, by Terry Real. Really helped me to open my eyes and focus on my own work. My own healing and growth. The women I’ve met have half been in the wild and half on Feeld. But I was brutally honest about where I …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:08 AM
1

What state are you in? How are you going to pay for a new place and the house your wife is in AND support payments?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 02:33 PM
2

This is horseshit! Divorce is full of silver linings. Dating around for me was super healing. Women that were recently separated, divorced, or lonely were all over me. Not the best option for long term obviously, but they were really healing for me. They helped me to realize all sorts of things about myself and helped me to shift into a growth mindset. Anything is possible! Our best years lie ahead. You have to keep telling yourself that even if you don’t believe it. Every day. Positive self tal…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 02:25 PM
6

The woman you’re meant for is not going to need to be begged and pleaded for. She’ll want you for you. It’s better on the other side. Focus on yourself, your healing, your growth. Exercise, eat right. Hang out with friends and family, get therapy. Get into a regular mens group focused on doing men’s work. Just keep on keeping on. The best years are ahead!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 06:04 AM
2

From the time I knew we were in trouble and tried to fix it, about a year. I stopped missing her when I finally let her go. This may sound out-there, but I felt such trauma and was in a really bad place. I had a mushroom trip (5grams), and it really let me grieve the loss of the marriage. The loss of my friend. The loss of my old life. I basically cried more than I have ever before. Going through that, on the other side it allowed me to see more of the truth that was there. What was actually hap…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 02:59 AM
5

Sometimes you need to kiss a few frogs before you find your beautiful princess. (My grandma used to say that) I decided that I’d rather date for friends / friendship. It took pressure off and allowed me to be open and vulnerable and just be me. And it allowed my friends to be the same. You get a better sense of character that way. Over time. And then a match developed. She’s not healed. Nor am I. But we’re healing. On our own through our own work. And together through communication, tenderness a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 02:20 PM
1

I just keep thinking, at least the trailer I live in down by the river will be all mine and peaceful. I don’t know what my future holds. But I’m going to do the best I can. I’m past being angry. It’s just lives in me and I need to let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 05:44 AM
3

I have an amazing girlfriend who popped up out of the blue. Started out as just friend when I was casually dating a bunch of people. I have 3 kids. Late 40s. I didn’t think it could happen either. I was so impatient too. But quickly realized that I didn’t want to date casually anymore. Just felt empty and too risky. So I tired attention to “just looking for friends”. A lot of women are into that as it takes the pressure off. You need to do your own healing work. To fix whatever trauma may be lur…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:13 AM
2

This is what happened to me. She remembers the downfall of our marriage completely differently than me. Then will gas light me and ask why my version is the correct one. I just want this finaled.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:25 PM
2

Yup. This is it. Right here. I’m separated, but we hopefully will be amicable enough to share or split holidays. Maybe we can all be friends. I’m doing Xmas over at my STBX’s and the kids are staying over there. We don’t yet have a parenting plan in place. They mostly live with me right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:07 PM
3

I’m 9 months separated. But we’ve been done for about 18 months. Still not final. I met girls on dating apps just to get te trained in talking to new girls. It’s been a while. 17 year marriage. I went out on some dates. Got laid a bunch. Then got dumped. I was basically used for sex. Which actually kinda sucked to be honest. I then realized that I wasn’t looking for a new partner, I just really wanted friendship and to build community. I’d rather have that than these crash and burn flings. As so…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 12:41 PM
1

Yeah. The settlement will probably be painful. Painful for you both. Splitting a household is not easy. These conversations are coming up for me after the first of the year.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:54 PM
2

A few grand. It’s worth it. If you think of how a gym membership adds up over a year or two, it pencils. MTB saved my life. Literally. I was going to end it. It grounded me, showed me community, got me in shape, and helped my mental clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:31 PM
1

See if she’s open to counseling and mediation. One of you needs to move out. But if you have kids you need a parenting plan agreed upon, signed, and notarized first. A lawyer or mediator can help. Counseling should be able to soften the fight. There are a lot of emotions. You might have to work with her instead of against her. Sometimes described as conscious uncoupling. Boundaries and needs can be addressed through counseling. While living together, it’s going to be hard for both of y’all to da…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:28 PM
2

You’re welcome. I’m not final yet. Separated for 7 months, filed. Therapy, some serious mens work, and rapid fire frivolous dating helped get me to where I am right now. Still not perfect, not healed, have plenty of moments / days where I’m feeling shitty. But I just keep doing what I know to be right, fun, rewarding anyway. Can’t be happy all the time. A book that was a game changer for me was “I don’t want to talk about it” by Terry Real. So good. Really helped me to process.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:49 AM
5

So much. Kicking ass at work tomorrow. Time with the GF, having my kids all week, so sweet. More decorating for Xmas. Reading, working out, MTB, meditating. Looking forward to all of it. Even the dark clouds. Cause Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Has silver linings. Haven’t found one that doesn’t. Stay strong brothers! Great question!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:21 PM
2

Keep it going!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 09:17 PM
4

I’ll second MTB. I got back into music, bass, guitar, and synth, I’ve been working out, taking myself dancing, poetry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 11:37 AM
6

The future is not bleak, your best years are ahead of you and divorce is really a way to set both of you free to be your true selves and heal trauma. It can be collaborative and loving. When a marriage falls apart the symptom (cheated, anger, substances) isn’t the problem, but it’s what gets the spotlight. The marriage ran its course. Time to let go, heal, and move on with life. It’s going to feel shitty, like walking across a hot bed of coals, but there’s also a lot of transformative beauty in …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 05:14 PM
1

I think hookups could be classified as “growth relationships”. You’re healing. You’re learning what you want. It’s not a permanent thing. Fun and maybe a new friend too when it fizzles out. Try Feeld. Great app. People are pretty open and honest about where they are.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:10 AM
3

Call your friends and family if they aren’t close and tell them you need their help. Just to talk. When I was in your spot, I went back to church. I knew they’d be welcoming. It’s ok to reach out to the priest / minister. Glad that you’re staying away from the bar scene. See if there is a local “Man Kind Project I Group” you can join. So many men go through this. I got out of it just day by day, exercise, therapy, one day at a time, one breath at a time sometimes. There are silver linings to thi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:29 AM
6

Claw yourself the fuck out of that hole. I know it. I’ve been there. It does get better. Surround yourself with friends and family. You’re going to feel lost, spiral, etc. friends and family will help keep you alive while you slowly start to feel better over time. It will be Ok. Even better. Your best years are ahead of you. Tell yourself this shit in the mirror every day. I’ve been there. I feel for you. You will be ok just keep going!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 05:19 AM
6

It’s ok to not finish. Just make sure she’s taken care of. Just try to stay outta your head about it. Eat right, exercise, meditate. Abstain from masterbation. It’ll happen. I get in my head about it. I’m about to start something with a new girl and I’m nervous. My plan is just to start out slow.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 01:36 AM
5

Everything the divorce process and dating has taught me is that women have a whole different operating system than men. I’ve stopped trying to come to conclusions about what thing mean and I’ve started to get curious about how certain actions and situations make them FEEL. Like I would just straight up ask my STBX, “How would you not coming over without permission make you feel?” “How would me not disclosing my dating life to you make you feel?” And to the dating ladies, “How would/does my ex po…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 10:56 PM
1

Wonderful to be honest. This divorce has turned out to be the best thing for me. I’ve done such an amazing amount of mental and physical work on myself. At first it was really dark. I had to claw my way out of that hole and it was hard to see any future through the fog of the pain. The worst of it was probably a year ago September. From last Sept to March it was Hell. Honestly Mountain Biking saved my life. It’s physically challenging, requires extreme mental focus and it’s helped me to build co…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 04:05 PM
1

Late 40s
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:52 AM
2

Hey man. You’re going to be OK! I would HIGHLY recommend the book “I Don’t Want To Talk About It” by Terry Real. It really helped me to better understand myself. It may sound dumb or weak, I feel stronger than ever from going down the path this book set me on. I could go on and on about it. But just get the book, you’ll be glad you did.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:48 AM
10

I’ve found that freshly separated women are volatile. In both fun and possibly unhealthy ways. But it worked for me for a while. I had never previously just been used for sex before and it was fun at first, but then I realized that I prefer some exclusivity. I want to have fun, but also don’t want to catch something. Also I realized that I can’t really be intimate without my heart getting involved. So I’m in a phase now where I’m just down for friendships and growing / deepening my community. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 10:10 PM
1

Take up Mountain Biking. Tons of divorced dads in there. Might even find a divorced mom or two ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 04:02 PM
2

Tell me more about this “dating up” you speak of :-)
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:05 AM
4

Some yeah. Like dinner, but I offer to buy coffee.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:04 AM
5

Get in shape, eat right, try not to numb through substances, build your community. Deeper existing relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:50 AM
4

You’re young. If you are eating a lot of veggies, lean meat, healthy fats, low sugar and are exercising regularly (cardio, weights). All should be good in that dept. I get performance anxiety sometimes. It’s usually an indicator that maybe this woman isn’t the right one for me if I can’t completely relax. For instance was recently with this great woman, but I learned she was being intimate with multiple partners (we weren’t exclusive, but I didn’t know to what extent), it was an instant boner ki…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:14 PM
2

I found it helpful to get a life coach who’s been through a divorce. I have dated, but more as a way of discovering what I want, what I need, where my boundaries are. It’s been helpful to talk through it with someone else who has good advice and will put some loose accountability on me. Write down what you want in life. Repeat it back to yourself (sounds lame, but it works). Do that periodically. You kind of have to proactively build the life that you want. Keep working out. Keep eating right. E…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:35 PM
2

Exactly. One day at a time. One date at a time. You don’t need to have it all figured out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 08:44 PM
1

“To become a Jedi, you must confront Vader”
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:59 PM
3

I used Feeld to basically say, “I’m going through a divorce, amicable (ish), 3 teens, looking for some connection, conversation, see if we vibe and take it from there. Not looking for a LTR currently.” And there are women in the exact same boat, looking for the exact same thing. I do want to say that since the breakdown of my marriage about 18 months ago, I’ve been working out and eating right… obsessively and I feel great physically and mentally, which has really helped in these non-LTR connect…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:58 PM
1

Amen brother!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:42 AM
4

It’s ok to go hook up. I did it. It was healing both for me and the other woman. Old friends. Still talk a lot. I’ve moved on since then too. Not looking for the one but it’s good to see who’s out there. What you like. What you don’t. Waiting for a year because ppl tell you to is lame. Let your inner voice drive what’s next.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:40 AM
11

Focused all our energy on our kids and not each other or our relationship. Didn’t know how to communicate needs with each other. That’s kind of the core of it. Tried to change / control each other, etc. similar thread to what you wrote.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:31 PM
3

Talk (type) to AI. It doesn’t mind the same old stuff or even wild new stuff. It just listens 24/7/365. (Not using as therapy, just a place to vent)
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 04:30 AM
1

I’m 50:50, but still will need to pay Child support and spousal support because I earn way more. If we earned the same, then there would be no CS payments with 50:50 and no spousal support needed. (Depends how contentious things are though)
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:39 PM
8

It started as an emotional affair (my pov, my truth, hers is different). Then we separated and they got physical. ( I also got physical with other women ). I met the dude and hung out with him a few times. I was actually completely un-triggered by him / it. Completely took all (ok most) of my feelings about it away. And let me move on. My anger and resentment were towards her, not him. And anger in a good way. Somewhat like a Sith Lord. I was focused, not mean, not emotional, I directed it into …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 06:09 PM
2

You nailed it! It took me a while to see it too. The transformation aspect of divorce. You are not the same man. You’ve gone through a metamorphosis. Having new women definitely helps. It’s reassuring to feel wanted and know it’s still possible. Even if these new women are just temporary (mine were), there’s growth and healing there. To be honest, I’m not sure there’s ever a “fully healed” state. I feel like no matter how far I’ve come, I still have more work to do. I still have more to learn ab…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:02 AM
2

Yeah, it’s a kink app, but it’s also set up for asking for what you need. Casual, monogamous, poly, ropes. Whatever you are looking for. It will take a while to find a match. Make sure you send pings to the ladies. A lot of them won’t see the likes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 12:22 PM
1

Feeld
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 05:22 AM
3

I find women on the apps to talk with and then we meet up. Sometimes it works out for a tryst. Sometimes it doesn’t. Also shoot your shot with hot ladies in real life too. Respectfully of course. I’m finding that there are ladies that are also looking for some company on their journey and not really a relationship. Poly women also will be way more understanding of your situation than a woman looking for a long term relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 03:43 AM
1

Yeah. I’d still put yourself out there and then also work on self love, shadow work at the same time. love yourself as you are bro!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 05:01 AM
1

Just the expense man. There are ladies in a similar spot that just want to get laid.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 04:59 AM
1

Don’t go the prostitute route! There are ways to find women who are just looking for casual as well. Hit up the apps. Be clear about what you are looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:24 PM
4

It’s almost a poem! I’m finding that over time these feelings soften and resolve into grit and focus for the life that you want. I was stuck in limbo emotionally and mentally. And some things happened on the part of my STBX, where I finally allowed myself to feel anger. In probably the most healthy way ever. I’m calm, chill, but now dialed in. I took that energy and just laser focused in on what I want and I’m driven to get it. A vision of my future for me and my kids. Nothing will stop me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:01 PM
10

Again with this question. Walked into Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mt. Doom.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 02:15 AM
1

I wasn’t thinking pen pal. Female friends you can go out with. But no pressure for anything more. I find that women are cool with that sort of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 01:40 PM
1

This would be the best, shortest to-the-point book about how to survive divorce! I would add, you could also use dating apps just to find female friends going through similar. Adds some emotional support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 12:44 PM
6

It’s going to be hard, but you will find that eventually you focusing on you and not her will bring you peace. It may take a while to get there. I found therapy and men’s work / groups really helpful. It got me a lot of the way there. But then feeling some feelings for a new girl pushed me to the finish line. I have still a little anger towards her for dumping me, but at this point, I’m really liking the new me. She can do her. And I can do me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 06:00 AM
2

Going great! My STBX is too. It’s largely amicable at this point. I don’t know if it’s a sign from God or what, but I’m really enjoying dating right now. Some logistics to figure out, but I talked about it with my kids. They seemed OK and had a few boundaries. Like no public making out, etc… I’ve met some on apps, but the best have been more organic. Just out and about. Counting my blessings!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 11:21 PM
3

I’m not sure if they do speed dating in your area, but I did that once when I was younger (before being married) and it was a really fast way to plow through a bunch of women to see if anyone clicks for you. They also have midlife singles / divorcee meetup groups that have parties. Find a local place that’s doing a paint and sip. Lots of ladies there. Just go to have fun. I’ve been going out on solo dates with no expectations of meeting any women or of if I do, just talking, not trying to score …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:47 AM
8

I had the opposite experience, but was worried about the same thing. It might be that you’re not really that into her. It took me going on dates with a few women that I actually could feel aroused again. It just took the right ones. I felt pretty numb that way for months. So I was glad that I felt it again with someone. It will happen. Give yourself time. Date around a little to find the chemistry.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 01:34 PM
2

I tried to meet her needs and really give it my all. So much that I’m a changed man now permanently. A lot of self work and men’s work. Really wanted to save the marriage. Fell back in love with her, but she wasn’t having it. She was done. She kept saying that she didn’t want my retirement or alimony, and I asked to go to mediation. She said no. So I hired a lawyer and filed for divorce. Not as an attack, but more as a shield. I don’t know what I don’t know and if she really wants to not screw m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 10:35 PM
2

I used to think that and kinda knew it wasn’t the right move at the time with that energy. By the time I filed, months later, it was more like “I’ve let go fully and I’m ready to move on to the next chapter of my life.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 07:05 PM
3

Feel free to message me too! You’re going to be ok. The only way to get better and heal is to sit through it. Sit in the pain and grieve it. Cry. It’s ok. It does help you heal. Please also see a therapist if you’re not already. A lot of us men have been right where you are and are on the other side of it. Be there for your kids. They need you so much.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:02 PM
9

I love when this question pops up. Walk through the black gate of Mordor and throw it into the fires of Mt. Doom.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 06:16 AM
2

If you can be chill and nonchalant, it might work in your favor. If it’s triggering you, and I’m thinking that might be the case since you’re posting here, then might be best to move on. I can relate a bit, but I know that behavior is triggering for me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 04:58 AM
3

Just saw this and it made me think about your comment and my response. https://www.reddit.com/r/selflove/s/fTONAyIEIS
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 08:27 PM
2

I think you just need to be on that path. Therapy, exercise, eating right, build your community of friends and family. Take yourself on solo dates. Then DL an app and go meet women. Not with the intention of banging, but just for a drink and some conversation. Maybe even just a new friend. Edit: you don’t need to wait to be completely healed to go meet new (or old!) women.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:29 AM
6

Yeah, you might need to do some healing first, but then go meet other women take your healed self to them and don’t look back!
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:38 PM
3

I’m trying not to be angry or resentful. She’s fine. Just not for me. And trying to carry the marriage for the both of us with no help was just too much.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 04:11 AM
13

Threw it into the fires of Mt. Doom.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:57 AM
5

Yup! The waves. Dear lord I hated / hate them. But they always pass. You just have to sit in the shit and know the wave will pass. That’s where the growth and resiliency comes from. There’s a cool podcast, “A Man’s Journey Through Divorce” mostly an ad for his coaching sessions, but there is A LOT of great stuff in here. Some hard to hear, but it’s really great.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:58 PM
1

Look up Man Kind Project in your area. Lots of open, welcoming men who are all going through some shit!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:46 AM
1

This is hilarious!!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 06:08 AM
11

Build community. Reach out to other ppl going through similar. It takes a while but the more real and open you are with others, the more you’ll realize the amount of support you have. Ppl in my circles know what’s up and they know it’s unwanted by me. I’m not bad mouthing her, but I want to make sure my ppl know what I’m going through. I also keep saying to myself that POV of Mel Robbins. “What if everything is going to work out ok?” And “ what if you knew that you were going to meet the love of…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 01:54 PM
2

Depends on your state. You should do an initial consult with an attorney. They might charge, but it’s worth it. List out all of your questions ahead of time and use the hour to bang through all of them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 03:40 AM
1

Yup!! Yeah. I think it’s important to look at how you showed up or didn’t in your marriage, but it takes 2 to tango. I think women that leave focus on the bad to justify their actions. There’s likely plenty of bad to go around. Don’t let her gaslight you. I definitely could have showed up differently. I can’t change the past, but I can carry that knowledge and lesson into my next relationship. How I want to show up, essentially.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 05:25 AM
3

All I can say is that I feel for you! That’s gotta be so tough. I’m not there yet, but I have a feeling it’s going to be in my future. I’m learning that the shitty feelings pass and it’s OK for a while. Then it comes back. Like waves. Some are big and scary, but they pass. And I continue to bob along. You are so strong to endure this!! Remember to be compassionate with yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 05:20 AM
2

Here here!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 04:24 AM
6

Keep going with the Krav. My understanding of Krav-Maga is to de-escalate and escape, not direct combat to the death. I’m sure you’re doing a ton of conditioning, but being able to out run him can help. I think training for training sake is good too. Try not to think about him being the sole motivator.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 01:05 AM
1

Poetry is my outlet too. Save them and share them! Thank you for sharing here! I find that I get really anxious and that turns to depression / sadness, then I let it out in grief, crying, and then I get this really neat creative spark. Pretty cool.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:50 AM
1

CA and yes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 01:55 PM
7

The only possibility of a cure is to learn from your mistakes, live your own truth, and be the best version of yourself, for yourself. Whether she comes back or not.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 03:35 AM
2

What’s the book title?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 12:15 AM
1

Yeah. My wife’s parents are totally going to help her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 06:56 AM
4

I didn’t know how deep that sinking feeling could be.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:12 PM
5

I think I’m warming up to the idea. I have an appt with a lawyer with great local reputation. I have all (maybe all) financial docs. Printed, on a flash drive, and up in the cloud where she has no access. What does being plaintiff do for me?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:31 PM
5

Yup! You are right. How does one secure an amicable divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 09:42 AM
4

Really hard for me to not forgive, but I think it’s easier now after this for me to go ahead and end it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 09:40 AM
2

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it. I’m meeting with an attorney. My wife doesn’t want to use attorneys. My brother said that mediation is far cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:55 AM
2

I told her that I want to stay in the house. I’m not the one breaking hearts and destroying the marriage. I don’t want it at all. She said that she understood. But who knows.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:45 AM
2

Thanks! I’m in a couple.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 08:32 PM
3

Yeah. I feel like I may be an actor for a while. Cry my eyes out while she’s gone, numb up & put on a chill smile when she gets home. Like the world is aight.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 08:29 PM
4

I don’t want to leave the house. I’d like her to move out since she’s the one blowing up our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 08:07 PM
2

Thanks brother!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:12 PM
3

How did you handle the emotions? Logically, it makes sense to not want her back at all after all of this. But I’m hurting bad.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:03 PM
1

Yeah. I’ve got all of our assets and debts with accounts / properties listed out. Along with all of the statements / paperwork. Trust info, life insurance policies. I’m ready. I’m just emotionally and mentally exhausted. I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking about our family that she’s destroying.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:45 PM
4

Talking to my brother, he really stressed mediation as it’s far cheaper than attorneys. I’m in CA so if she wants to, she could really hurt me financially.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:38 PM
1

The only thing I know is that we are not alone. There are so many men that are going through this. It’s just hard to focus on anything else. Looking forward to my therapy appt later.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:30 PM
3

It’s so hard. Kids are taking it rough. She didn’t even contact them while out of town. She’s due back tonight and whether with another man or not, I’m just losing it!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:29 PM
2

Thank you! Sorry you’re going through it too! I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Hard to focus at work.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:22 PM
2

I like your perspective. It’s REALLY hard to not think about her and feeling sad. It doesn’t really matter to me whether she is cheating. No snooping and finger pointing is going to change anything. I mountain bike regularly. I run a few times a week. I do Pilates and lift weights. I look pretty fit. Mentally I’m a wreck. I’m in therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 02:48 PM
2

Yeah. She can either talk herself into this with me or out of it with me. It’s broken my heart and my family. The kids (teen girls) are all like “WTF mom?!?”. I’m not really talking to them too much about it, but they know their life is about to change.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 02:44 PM
2

I’ve been looking at and using NY Times cooking recipes. I search for stews and risottos that have a lot of servings and are easy to make ( they’re rated in stars).
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 11:19 AM
1

So sorry to hear! Know that you are not alone. It seems like there is a whole generation of me going through various incarnations of similar situations.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 12:36 AM
1

Yeah. I’m really trying to push my focus on to my kids and myself. But she and what she’s doing / not doing and the “why” keeps creeping back in. Still sharing a bed, so it’s really hard.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 05:57 AM
2

Oh man! I’m sorry you are going through this! It seems the majority of these separations are initiated by the wife. I don’t want separation. I don’t want divorce. She is changing and no longer feels any desire for me. Her vocal intentions are wildly different than her actions. It’s like she’s a teenager rebelling against me. Question - What state are you in? Was there an advantage to you filing first? Or did you just file because you were done?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 03:53 PM
4

Did they wish it different or were they like “oh well”?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 05:45 AM
10

She attacked me when I suggested that she was developing too much of a friendly connection with her clients. One in particular.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:44 AM
5

I’m going to try to stay in the house with the kids. I want her gone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:42 AM
1

Yeah. I understand no one is trying to upset me. I’m upset enough. Honestly if she was cheating and I knew for sure, this would be so easy. I don’t know though, but on the lack of feelings alone I think it’s done. I can feel the apathy from her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:41 AM
5

I appreciate your post. Unfortunately, I’ve probably mugged myself too many times for her to think I’m worth being attracted to. I honestly just want her out of the house. Part of me wants to take her back. The other part never wants to see her again. She’s lost me at this point. I just want my private place to break down. It’s hard to feign indifference when I’m broken inside.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:37 AM
5

All I can say is get support. Literally reach out to all of your friends and family and fill up your calendar with meetups, coffee, lunches, etc. Get a therapist asap. You shouldn’t go through it alone. The reason I say to all of your friends and family is because you want to distribute your breakdown so no 1 person is doing too much holding up. I’m reading I Don’t Want to Talk About it (uncovering the secrets of male depression) and The Mindful Way Through Depression. Good books. Also reach out…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 01:33 AM
-10

I don’t think so. She’s honest to a fault.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:18 PM
9

I am so sorry this happened to you! I’m 48. I’m trying to not think of it as starting over, but starting fresh with all of the wisdom and growth I’ve gained in this relationship. Kinda like rolling a new D&D character but at level 48 instead of level 1.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:18 PM
5

Yeah, I’m starting to get excited. I just want her out of my home so I can really focus on this new life. A complication is that her parents own our home. And my wife and I own her parents home. Her mom said that I should stay in the house with the kids because they need a stable parent figure. But I don’t know what’s going to happen when this all plays out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:15 PM
10

I’m buffer than ever. Was working out even before this all started a year ago. I mountain bike around 50 miles a week and go running for maybe about 7 miles a week. I eat right. Rarely drink. None of the showering her with affection worked. Even though she said it would. I’m at my limit. She knows it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:13 PM
3

Thanks. That’s what I’m going to do. It’s hard to we still share a bed and It’s been really hard to sleep at night.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:10 PM
9

This will be my last marriage. Unless some planet alignment miracle happens. I can’t really think that far ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:08 PM
5

Thank you. She said she enjoyed herself, was happy, and that she has no regrets, but said she had no romantic feelings for me after kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:07 PM
6

Sorry you had to go through the back and forth. That can’t be easy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:06 PM
8

Totally! I know I will be happy and you will be too. The longer this goes on, the more of a stranger she seems to me. It’s pretty unreal. I’m going to try to stay in the house with the kids. That’s my only focus right now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:05 PM
5

Yeah. Something changed. She said she doesn’t see her with me romantically in the future, that she needs to realize her authenticity and true wants and desires. And that she hasn’t really felt romantically about me since we had kids. But that at the time she was happy and has no regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 06:59 PM
1

What episode?
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 12:33 AM
1

A good friend told me this just yesterday. It’s good advice!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 06:51 AM
1

Why not? My wife and I live in a home owned by her parents. Her parents live in a home owned by us. We’re like each others tenants.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:54 PM
1

Thank you for sharing! Means a lot to see what you and others have gone through.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:23 AM
1

So hard, but I hear you. I love them to bits. I love her too. We just laid looking into each others eyes and touching and smiling for like 30 mins. I don’t know why we’re them talking about divorce at other times. I’m so confused!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:21 AM
0

I’m collecting all financial info. Real estate, accounts etc. Then will speak with an attorney. I want to just go get an Airbnb for a couple of months to get distance. Is that advisable?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:11 AM
1

Thank you for you candor! I think the kids is probably a place we can agree on. I don’t want to badmouth. I’m not mad and I don’t blame her. I genuinely feel that she has no idea what she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 04:40 AM
2

I’m the product of divorced parents. I can attest to how devastating it is. All I wanted was to see my parents together. I don’t blame them. My dad abused my mom. Our kids are going to be devastated.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:45 PM
–

Some days are ok. Some days aren’t. I’m trying to challenge what thoughts pop in, while still acknowledging and validating the feelings that I feel and sitting with them. Just letting them be there. Sometimes uncomfortable feelings fade in minutes. Sometimes they fade in a day or two. I learn more that it’s all temporary. Everything. Love, hate, happy, sad. Observe and honor what comes and goes and understand that it’s all the ebb and flow of life. Zen is there and it’s easer to describe and und…
/r/MenSupportMen27/01/25 12:07 AM
2

I miss my dad too <3
/r/MenSupportMen11/01/25 06:29 AM
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