Tough time this morning

ZealousidealFarm3954 · 2025-03-22T20:22:17+00:00

None of these feelings are bad. Feel them completely, grieve, cry, don’t let it bottle up.

alifeofpeace · 2025-03-19T11:28:50+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation. I have a very different background than most. I was very abused as a child by my mother I suffered physical attacks emotional attacks even some incest. I have never trusted women. I had them in my life for their purposes, but never trusted them. When I hear these stories, I’m not surprised I don’t believe that women truly love men. I believe women are emotional creatures and when they are in their feelings, can do nice things, but their feelings change as they always do. It takes a very strong, stoic woman to stay in a marriage, even as her feelings change.. There aren’t very many of those left out there.

You can find support from other men. There are some good women out there too that can help you during this time as friends. Do not think about dating not for a while as you are very vulnerable right now and you can find yourself picking a very bad option as a future partner. I have seen men exit long-term marriages, and before they know it or shacked up with a new woman and she’s pregnant. Try to stay single as long as you can. Learn about attachment theory. Learn to live alone learn to meditate and learn to find peace in solitude.

As for myself, I think I’m just too wounded to ever trust a woman ever again. Not that I ever trusted them, but I think for short periods of times I allowed myself to trust them more, but I was always on guard and always on alert watching and waiting for them to fuck up. I intend on staying single for many years going forward I’m living in peace. I hope you can find your own life of peace. Take care, brother and feel free to message me privately if you want to talk.

TheDawnWillCry · 2025-03-18T13:28:27+00:00

Out of the town, "finding herself". C'mon bro, you know what's going on.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-03-18T03:00:58+00:00

Why the fuck are you sharing a bed with her? Come on man have some self respect. She's out banging other guys while you a playing free babysitter at home.

She has told you loud and clear she no longer wants to fuck you. There is no coming bacl from that. Ask her to leave the marital home and go file for divorce.

Fuzzy-Delivery799 · 2025-03-17T17:54:23+00:00

“Wife out of town finding herself” ……

Definitely focus on acknowledging your current emotions, but I’d be planning an exit without a doubt.

Scary_Board_8766 · 2025-03-17T17:39:17+00:00

I'm 6 months into divorce and it has been very difficult. I have been extremely depressed and I'm still working through it. But If she doesn't love/want you anymore, you just have to let go and begin to heal. The quicker you can let her go and accept your new life, the sooner you will be able to heal.

soontobesolo · 2025-03-17T17:30:00+00:00

You need to prepare for your future. Taking action and focus will help you feel much, much better. It'll keep you from wallowing in the past and it'll help you to look forward to what will, eventually, be an excellent life.

First, general divorce tips: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f4yhuc/my_advice_to_those_starting_down_this_path/

Follow these strategies, because it's important AND will make you feel better.

Get to the gym, especially a social one. Good for the body and soul.

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "The Unplugged Alpha" and "The Rational Male" and similar books. Prepare yourself for your future!

Eventually you won't give a crap what she does. You have your own life to live and you'll find your happiness.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-17T17:26:37+00:00

I shared the same bed for about a week and the anxiety almost killed me. I moved into the guest room to save my sanity.

FYI, she's out of town most likely with her man. While she's finding herself, use that time to review phone and bank records.

I know it hurts to hear this but she's probably been planning this for a while.

Trust your gut. Look for the clues. Get a lawyer today and work towards a separation agreement.

You're going to have a million thoughts running through your head. That's normal. It's called grief and everyone handles it differently.

She's checked out. Grieve and protect yourself.

LonelyNC123 · 2025-03-17T17:26:12+00:00

I am a man, trying to get a reasonably friendly Grey Divorce. For ages I listened to my wife proclaim 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'. I politely told her 'that is a not a recipe for 'till death do you part'.....it is a recipe for Grey Divorce'.

She always scoffed and ridiculed me. Our baby is done with college, I want out.

Anyway....I had a therapist tell me 'Every relationship you have in life will end'. The therapist was right.

Try not to look at this as loss - look at is as change.

And, join a Divorce Support Group - they help.

yeldellmedia · 2025-03-17T16:34:08+00:00

Bro, still sharing bed? With all due respect. Man up. Ive been where u are, but she isnt finding herself….life isnt a fairy tale where people magically “find theirself”…… Shes buying time , while enjoying herself and tryna cushion the blow a bit instead of just ripping the band aid off….or better yet, already seen an attorney

Get focused asap and start prepping your case

Vegetable_Ticket7024 · 2025-03-17T16:13:57+00:00

You should assume she’s “finding herself “ with another man’s jizz. That’s what they do. That should help you focus .

DevinB12 · 2025-03-17T16:09:36+00:00

I'm going through the same thing brother. My wife over the last month/6 weeks has slowly been pushing away. We've had some issues in the past but everything had been great. Even the sex had been otherworldly, always great but had been better lately. Then she broke down and told me she was needing to find herself, she had been depressed and couldn't do it anymore. She felt like our relationship wasn't trustworthy anymore...you can read more of my post if you want, it's on here from the other day.

So far, I wake up in our upstairs bedroom...4th night was last night. I go to be missing her breathing. Even up till 5 nights ago, she still reached out to me in our bed just to touch my hand or shoulder. It was always so good...until it wasn't...and now I'm missing her more and more.

Everyone i've talked to, on here or not, says it will get better but will be a while. I've even started going to AA meetings just for support if nothing else. And backstory on that...and why AA... I always have enjoyed a drink but normally a few was fine. There have been times where I would drink to excess and I couldn't remember what went on... I've had some people say that alcoholism is about losing control as much as anything else...so that is why I chose to go...

I'm here for you man...it is a very very difficult road right now for both of us.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2025-03-17T16:00:39+00:00

“Out of town to find herself” - sorry man, she’s with someone else. Been there and heard that.

I hope I’m wrong, but often it’s the same story. Start looking out for yourself - health, mental, spiritual, physical and financial.

Look up attachment theories, read some self help book, start consulting a few lawyers to prepare yourself. Find a therapist or a group.

You’re not alone, it’s okay to get help and talk about it.

Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Don’t play the Pick Me Dance. Don’t fall for the hysterical bonding. Be strong, if you chase she runs farther. If you don’t, then she’ll come back but by doing all of this at that junction you get to choose.

Title	Tough time this morning
Author	midlife-madness
Upvotes	22
Comments	48
Date	March 17, 2025 3:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jdfzrn/tough_time_this_morning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/tough-time-this-morning.1546848 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546848

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