I don’t want this

6-demon-bag808 · 2025-02-27T13:45:04+00:00

Fight like hell brother. My divorce isn't even final, it has destroyed my life. My kids are gone, my home is gone, everything I spent decades building is gone. I left my home with a backpack and a suitcase.

There's always a path through if she's willing to take it. If you file first, you'll have the advantage and you can always drop it.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-02-27T05:26:06+00:00

My now ex wife went through same scenario. Started mid 40s and by 48 decided she wanted out. It got worse because I was the nice guy which you seem to be so she needed to justify it to herself by basically making crap up once she decided to pull the trigger to move forward with divorce. In reality she decided a year before clueing me in and filing. Did the counseling thing 2 years before and it made things worse because it was just an expeditionary mission for her to create issues that did not exist. Even the therapist called her out which only made things worse. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best but be prepared. I had two teenage girls and you need to build a great bond with them now and keep it that way no matter what or else you will lose them from your life. Once they find out about divorce it will hurt them. Every guy I know that went through this with teenage girls lost the connection with them. It’s sad but from their perspective their family just blew up. Don’t let her control you. I always ceded to her and it was a big my mistake. Everybody is different and maybe you get to the other side without divorce.

hazalo9 · 2025-02-27T02:33:09+00:00

I feel what you going through. Look, the only way I've seen guys get the girl back is to go all or nothing. If you're at their disposition and they know you are trying to get back it pushes them away more. They respect a man that respects himself. For now find your footing and start moving on asap, if she gets back with you, good. If she doesn't, at least you started the process without waiting or suffering as much. Good luck bro!

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-02-27T02:32:37+00:00

Protect your assets. She will slaughter you.

Malcolm_tent8 · 2025-02-27T00:54:11+00:00

If this goes anything like my own scenario, it’s over, protect your assets now, lawyer up, do not say a word to her, do not leave your home, and make a post about what your next steps should be, the boys on here are very smart and will know how to guide you

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-02-27T00:41:55+00:00

As someone that was the fence sitter, it’s hard to come back from that. You can’t make her happy, only she is able to be happy. Focus on what is within your control and allow her to make whatever decision she needs to make. It’s hard to let go of the desire to fix and control, but once you get go and look at you and what you can do to better yourself and find yourself again, it will feel better no matter what happens. Be the best dad you can be, be the supportive and loving husband (don’t go overboard), we calm, be mindful and focus on number one.

Emotional-Change-722 · 2025-02-26T23:59:38+00:00

She’s checked out.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2025-02-26T23:50:02+00:00

She probably wants everything that you can provide except you. She is probably plotting how she can get that and getting her ducks in order.

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Consult with a good local divorce attorney to educate yourself on what is likely to happen.

Don’t do the pick me dance or try to appease her. Your efforts will likely backfire and you will look weak and pathetic in her eyes, not an attractive sight.

IC from a good therapist can help you.

Delay is not your friend with this.

Show strength, take control of your life.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-02-26T23:19:51+00:00

It is financial suicide, for sure. I will now have to work many additional years before I can retire, and the children’s education will be different. She walked out on me and found a new man - the hurt is terrible. Same as you, no abuse, no philandering, no addiction - just decided she was done. I’d encourage you to try counseling, think of your children first, and try to make it work. Read Judith Wallerstein’s book about the effect of divorce on children, which lasts for decades.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-02-26T23:06:05+00:00

It’s the perimenopause, and her entitlement. Don’t tempt yourself with thinking if you did something different, it would’ve changed the outcome.

She is on the way out, and dragging it out until she is ready. I would give her an ultimatum, but you have no idea if she will file behind your back. To control the narrative, once needs to file first.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-02-26T22:11:29+00:00

This scares me hearing this as I too went through a long period of time that was miserable and only in hindsight did I confirm I had been cheated and gaslighted the entire time. Could never figure out why I just couldn’t make my wife happy, no matter what I did, and it was because she made sure that was the case. Be careful, as I didn’t think she’d ever do that to me.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-26T22:01:41+00:00

She's either all in or she's not. The fence sitting is just her delaying and plotting.

I hear you, it's rough and painful and emotional. You have to talk with friends or family that you trust.

ImportantRecipe3087 · 2025-02-26T21:26:56+00:00

I think it’s unlikely she will fall back in love with you and there’s certainly nothing you can do to make it happen. Most of the things you think will work will likely have the opposite effect. I think you need to give her an ultimatum. Either she chooses to do the work to get the relationship back on track or you explain you will walk away and not look back. Be calm but explain this is her last opportunity to have you and in her life and if she chooses she wants to go her own way act completely indifferent (regardless of how you’re really feeling). The ball has to be in her court and you shouldn’t wait indefinitely or agree to any trial separation. This is it. She wants you or she doesn’t. Yes it will be terrible financially if she decides she wants out but you’ll recover and the sooner you start that process the quicker it will happen.

Title	I don’t want this
Author	midlife-madness
Upvotes	11
Comments	27
Date	February 26, 2025 9:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iyy9jo/i_dont_want_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-want-this.1545052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545052

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