Worthlessness

darmitage55 · 2026-05-05T11:11:40+00:00

Bro, I've been exactly where you are. Studio apartment, no friends, waking up feeling like I was already behind before my feet hit the floor. What you're fighting for is on the other side of this. It doesn't feel real yet. It will. You're not worthless. You're just in the worst part.

slimypeters · 2026-05-03T08:12:32+00:00

I use to be the biggest playboy in my younger years, socially drank with friends and had a good time. Then I got married, moved away from my hometown, now I only keep in touch with one friend, I manned up and I just love being a Father to 2 of my kids. Nothing else really matters for me. I just want to imprint enough of myself onto my son and daughter, and I want to be there for them till they could stand on their own and beyond. And I'm juggling all this while being diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. Just keep your head up and keep pushing forward.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-05-02T21:07:02+00:00

Most of us defined ourselves by the role of husband and provider. When that rug is pulled out from under us, it’s tough to get traction. Especially if you married young or have been married a long time. The roles don’t define you. Double down on the fathering and recapture your interests, hobbies and things you did before you were married - as a starting point. Your identity remains, you just need to find it again.

BuddhistChrist · 2026-05-02T20:01:34+00:00

I’ve been where you’re at. And there’s no magic pill or quick fix to your current predicament. The time it takes to resolve is the time it takes to resolve it. Your path might be 3 steps forward, 1 step back. But it does get better. Aside from caring for your child, don’t occupy your thoughts with anyone else, but you. Focus on yourself getting better, join a gym or MA studio. Exhaust yourself there so you’re not using your energy to sulk, bc that could be draining. Plus, the more you exercise, the better you’ll feel. Read books and get therapy.

chrisalanw0111 · 2026-05-02T19:29:03+00:00

You are not alone. I actually just turned to Reddit to try and make sense of my life and the way it has turned out. We have a very similar set of circumstances. I'm damn near too depressed to even type this out. I have no energy and no zest for life anymore. TBH, I would probably end it if it wasn't for a healthy fear of the afterlife, leaving my autistic daughter behind with only her mother to "raise" her, and leaving my mother behind. Choices that we make in our life that we think only affect us are not ours at all. They affect so many people. But here I am, feeling like a complete burden and wasted space on this earth. I don't even feel like I can articulate my feelings very well anymore. I'm just... I don't know what I am anymore. I just know that I'm tired and don't feel like fighting anymore. It doesn't help me to know that I'm not alone, It just hurts me to know that there are many other people feeling the same way. I'm not sure what happened. Years ago I used to love my life and looked forward to what was next. Now I just feel like I'm bottom of the barrel and forgotten.

Bonsai-ninja · 2026-05-02T19:02:52+00:00

I'm financially stable, in good shape with a good job and I struggle with my value everyday. God and my kids are the things that keep me putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm still cohabitating and hopefully finalizing my divorce here in the next few months and I'm honestly terrified at what my life is going to look like. The struggle is real brother. Just gotta keep fighting as best as you can and don't give up.

Fit-Plenty8777 · 2026-05-02T18:53:04+00:00

The studio. The anxiety before your feet hit the floor. Fighting for something you can't even name yet. I know exactly what that feels like. What I can tell you is fighting for something you can't name, that's not weakness. That's the part nobody talks about. You're in the middle of it. The middle is supposed to feel like this. You're still here. That's not nothing.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T17:02:46+00:00

Don't worry about things that are out of your hands.

Divorce takes a toll on everyone. Many people who end up homeless, or drug addicted became that way due to divorce.

Focus on what you have to be grateful for. Work on your social skills and make friends. Grow your brain, get fit, build confidence, upgrade your career.

It's all hard. But like David Goggins says, "Do something hard every day." Suddenly hard things in life just become the normal.

Divorce can be the worst thing to ever happen to you or the best. It just depends on if you do the work.

Get out there and do some hard things, so you can look back in 3 years and say " That divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me."

You may feel like you're at rock bottom. That's okay. You will come back better and stronger than ever.

No_Card_9958 · 2026-05-02T16:09:57+00:00

I often think of the Tom Hanks scene from “Sleepless in Seattle. “Well, I'm going to—get out of bed every morning, and breathe in and out all day long. And then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed in the morning and breathe in and out. And then, after a while I won't have to think about how—I had it great and perfect for a while".

True-Masterpiece7372 · 2026-05-02T15:38:39+00:00

Normal thoughts. Each day gets better. Go do something when you are down. A walk, coffeeshop, casino, bar to play darts etc

123flocko · 2026-05-02T15:04:06+00:00

Same. It's overwhelming, but this group is really supportive. I have found a lot of comfort in our discussions.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-05-02T14:41:54+00:00

Feel the same. My first wife had an affair when my daughter was 2. I spent the next 3 years trying to recreate a family so my daughter would feel “normal”. So I would feel “normal”.

Met my current STBX and thought I hit the jackpot (ignored tons of red flags bc of my desperation). My daughter and I blended with she and her 4 kids for 7 years.

My first marriage taught me to be a pussy and avoid conflict. That compressed me into the world’s biggest simp with my second wife.

She’s been gone 8 months and appears happy. I’m left with no purpose, rumination, humiliation, and shame. What a way to start my 50s. I thought I was doing it right. Can’t seem to do any relationship right no matter what version of myself I give

DarDarRules · 2026-05-02T14:36:38+00:00

Don’t focus on what you can’t control. Focus on what you can, and that is you. Build tiny habits that become routine. Those will become small wins. Momentum is everything so don’t stand still. It’s hard, but force yourself to get out and about. Recognize the feelings you have, don’t ignore them. But work through them so the don’t own you.

You got this, brother.

vervii · 2026-05-02T14:33:09+00:00

Fight for your kid. Its an extremely difficult moment to get through. I'm 7 months in and still wake up with terrible anxiety, guilt, fear, shame and find little to no joy in anything but I just take another step forward. There are some really terrible moments and each one I get through in a healthy manner gives me more tools and confidence to get through the next. Try some divorce support groups, meetup.com helped me find some friends groups, I started running and got on strava, chatting with rando's on reddit, being as kind to myself as possible. This is as close to hell as I ever want to get but as they say the only way throughout is to keep going. I'm sorry its so tough man.

Cool-Lavishness-1955 · 2026-05-02T14:24:40+00:00

OP, i’m really sorry this is happening. It is a dark period that is shared by many here. Losing the house, losing time with the children, and obviously the financial aspect of it is overwhelming and can be crippling. I was in your shoes a couple years ago, doing much better. Just remember, you have kids that look up to you. I still struggle with the financial aspect, but making it back slowly. What’s even more disturbing is that your ex-wife may gaslight you if you say anything about your financial situation or loneliness. For some reason, my ex-wife thinks I’m a money, hungry person, and when she was spoiled during our marriage, she thought that I was love bombing her as a narcissist. Just know, if you acted in good faith, don’t listen to any of the garbage that she may spew out. Gray rock her as much as possible.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-02T13:50:17+00:00

I struggled with this for the first year of our separation. The thoughts still creep in from time to time when the responsibilities get heavy. I have to remind myself that these are thoughts I’m generating myself. That if I let my mind spiral it will take me to a place I don’t need to be.

When I recognize it happening, I find some time to be still. The thoughts typically come when I’m alone—not having to produce at work or parent my kids. It’s definitely not a coincidence. So when it happens, I find a place, typically my bed or my favorite chair a set a timer on my phone, usually for 10 minutes. My commitment in those 10 minutes is to think about nothing. Clear my mind entirely.

It’s usually just the need for some stillness that helps me settle.

If I can’t do that, then I set a goal. No matter how bad I think it is, my goal is to get through today. Or the morning. Or maybe the next hour.

Regardless of how worthless I might feel, there are two kids who, if I did do anything to harm myself, would wonder for the rest of their lives why they weren’t important enough for me to stick around. And they ARE that important.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-05-02T13:48:40+00:00

I have felt like my sense of worth was stolen from me. I tried to do everything I could for my wife and my family, and it wasn’t enough.

But how much of that had to do with me? I have been able to work hard on myself, through therapy, reengaging with 12-step work (been sober for 20 years but hadn’t been doing meetings/program for a decade), reading self help books, meditating, exercising, and being purposeful about how I spend time with my kids, my friends, and my family (siblings/parents).

And through that work, I acknowledge my problems and faults, but I also acknowledge what wasn’t my fault. That’s been really helpful. My sbtx had an emotional affair with an ex she’s never really gotten over. Should I have not married someone who still felt attached to someone else? Maybe. Did she tell me she was over it? Yes.

My mistake was believing her. Not only on that, but a lot of things. Now I trust myself, and it is working out okay. I don’t feel like killing myself or disappearing into a hole anymore, at least.

Do the work. Discern your faults. Discern what wasn’t your fault. Build a foundation to grow on.

It sucks. But you can get through this. Millions of other men have. You’re no worse than the rest of us.

IrresponsibleInsect · 2026-05-02T13:24:12+00:00

I don't mean to minimize your situation, and I'm half joking but generally speaking, the courts and the ex are the biggest sources of your worth. When they take everything you have and give it to her, it's an eye opener- Damn, I didn't realize I had that much to give!

Get out and meet people! There is more to life. Join clubs, talk to people at work, go to a bar (don't drink), sport event, or something else. Become a regular somewhere.

Start reading some books like how to win friends and influence people. Make interpersonal communication your new hobby.

Adaptable_Path · 2026-05-02T13:24:10+00:00

Take care bro. It's a long journey in a wild world. Can't control people or the world. Just try to enjoy yourself. Allow yourself to feel. For something powerful and practical, try a nervous system reset. A lot of stuff feels like chaos at the start. I'm 6 months in and I'm just now starting to develop an identity that I feel comfortable in.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-05-02T13:10:34+00:00

I am in the exact same situation. Not with worthlessness as with loss of identity, purpose, drive and unable to form any new meaningful connection with anyone for the last year. I have one supportive friend to talk to, and that's it. Completely alone in the world, in a financial situation that will keep me living paycheck to paycheck forever. I just exist. Need to change something soon but unsure what.

Antique_Relief_804 · 2026-05-02T12:59:02+00:00

Yes…. Every day. 1 week post. I have huge regrets over my part in the failed marriage. I feel like I’ve failed her and my two kids. I don’t know how to get past this. All I can do is walk laps of my local lake. It’s raining here all week this week and I don’t know how I’m going to cope.

I dream about her…. That everything is fine… then I wake up, realise it’s not and experience unimaginable pain for the next hour until I somehow manage to start functioning again.

Title	Worthlessness
Author	No_Chemistry8953
Upvotes	27
Comments	36
Date	May 2, 2026 12:55 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t1p4u2/worthlessness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/worthlessness.1579417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579417

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