Anybody else just feel crazy?

TheMasterQuest · 2026-04-28T17:42:13+00:00

I’m a woman. She’s been miserable/checked out and planning this exit for years.

redditrock56 · 2026-04-28T03:11:55+00:00

She checked out long before you even had a clue, OP.

They plot their exit months and years in advance, she's most likely been fucking some other man (or men) during this time.

syro23 · 2026-04-27T21:53:02+00:00

Women get divorced in their heads well before they do it in real life. It is likely she has already grieved. Women are also more engineered biologically to move on. Its why they are the ones initiating 70% of divorces.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-27T21:43:30+00:00

I think you are focusing too much on her. I know it feels awful and invalidating but what is in your control is how you behave. Consider doing some work on yourself like letting her go, accept that she is not who she was when you met and go walk in nature, exercise, etc. Do things for you. Look after yourself and get the basics like finance, work and healthy food with a clean house under control.

At the end of a relationship, sometimes people show their true colors or perhaps they act in certain ways that we don't understand and is hurtful but at this point its better to let go than holding on tighter.

Witty_Pin7210 · 2026-04-27T21:35:17+00:00

You aren’t crazy, the euphoria can last a while m, the harder she is going the more she is trying to replace, forget, and push away reflection.

There are phases to divorce and it hasn’t hit her yet, it will eventually, as hard as it sounds the best thing is to focus on yourself, when the waves of emotion come process them, feel them, let it out in a healthy way and when they come again the waves won’t be as big or long or strong. You feel them because you actually cared and poured your heart into the relationship. As you continue on your strength and fortitude will continue to develop and you will be better. Keep on keeping on!

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-04-27T20:43:03+00:00

Women don’t really love, I don’t think? Not like men do, maybe to their children but Im not even sure about that now. I’m never going to be vulnerable to women again, it’s me first from now on.

LockedInPelican · 2026-04-27T20:17:09+00:00

You aren't crazy. My ex and i were madly in love. She randomly divorced me for some guy she was working with. To be fair I was working A LOT, but instead of working on our relatonship she slowly over time just checked out to the point where she up and left one day. I should have paid more attention but thats why it feels so sudden, becuase it isnt to them. They had this manipulative plan to leave when it was convenient for them.

Keep looking forward it gets easier with time

PostTrenchesDad · 2026-04-27T19:10:57+00:00

You're not crazy. What you're experiencing is the gap between how long it's taking YOU to process this versus how log it took HER.

She didn't move on in a day. She checkout months (maybe years) ago and processed the end of the relationship while you were still in it. By the time she left, she was done grieving.

You're just starting.

What's happening is your grieving the relationshiop you thought you would continue to have. The 15 years. The partnership. The version of her that cared.

But that version doesn't exist anymore. Maybe it never did. Maybe she changed. Either way, the person you're grieving isn't the person who left.

The partying, the glow-up, the "unbothered" acti? That's her moving forward or performing moving forward. Either way, it's not about you.

Your job now isn't to figure out why she's not grieving. It's actually none of your business.

Your job is to stop measuring your healing against her timeline.

She's done, you're not and that's ok.

Stop looking backward at what you thought you had and start looking forward at what you're building without her.

It gets less heavy. Keep going.

akihonj · 2026-04-27T16:32:09+00:00

She's winning the divorce

She's out playing the game that she's having fun, enjoying her freedom and no responsibility and showing everyone she's better off without you while wonder who the hell she is and how she can behave that way.

A study was done a few years ago asking divorced men and women five years after their divorce how they are doing mentally, emotionally and financially and it's surprising

Overall men were better a year after and much better in all areas five years after the divorce

Overall women were the same or worse mentally and emotionally a year after the divorce and ranked themselves the same as they were in the last year of the marriage, after five years post divorce most women were emotionally and mentally stable but financially struggling.

What most women said was the first six months of the split they enjoyed their time, rediscovered themselves and had their phases, you get what I mean, but they found it got old and tiring quickly and missed the Saturday mornings, Sunday afternoons that you get with a long term relationship. They were very jealous of their ex-husband who most often went on to remarry or date long term, even cohabitate but the women didn't.

Many of these women said they couldn't find a long term relationship, mainly because they measured the new guy against the guy they divorced. Many couldn't because the men they were meeting were also divorced and not looking to repeat things, meaning get married again and lose half their stuff. So these women who were used to the security of marriage were not able to find men willing to offer it again because for men it actually means less security, think losing half your life in a divorce and once bitten is twice shy.

This is measured against the men who said they took their time to get back into a relationship and this time refused to ignore red flags, either walking away or dealing with things instead.

This is a brilliant you tube video that talks about what you're facing now https://youtu.be/iLDn60UnxLE?si=CBqs-FHfOY3r4tAJ

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-04-27T15:43:22+00:00

Yes, 26 years together and boom, gone. No real reason either. No abuse, addiction, infidelity. A few tough years with family deaths, illness, work stress...stuff literally everyone goes through. We were very comfortably off, 3 properties, beaituful seaside house, motorbke workshop. All the good stuff

Now I'm in a shabby rental to stay close to my daughter. The whole thing floored me tbh. Nearly two years out, and still not fully over it. I've gone from pining for her to borderline hate., for what she's done to me, but more for my kid now. (13F) Her life has changed irrevocably, and for the worst. She shuttles between two flats every week. I can see the change in her. Can I trust anyone ever again? I have my doubts.

MaineMan1234 · 2026-04-27T14:39:09+00:00

I had grieved the death of my marriage well before divorce was in motion (since my ex wife refused to talk about anything, refused marriage counseling/therapy, etc,). I had to accept that it was dead to be able to start divorce.

So with your wife, it's either that she already grieved, or has framed you 100% as the bad guy in her head and has been ready to move on for a while. It's not an invalidation of you per se, it's just about the coping mechanism. She is far ahead of you in the mental/emotional part of the divorce process and you are feeling blindsided and confused, since you're so far behind where she is.

Sea_Purchase8443 · 2026-04-27T13:55:44+00:00

She has probably been planning it for awhile now.

edu_sysadmin · 2026-04-27T12:07:25+00:00

I absolutely feel crazy too. My wife came out as a lesbian last month and left me after 15 years married. I saw her cry exactly one time, and I think that was only because she saw how badly she was ruining my life. Otherwise she's been happy, hanging out with her besties, being told she's so brave for coming out and choosing to live authentically...meanwhile I'm left picking up the pieces and trying to be the stable parent for our daughter. Oh, also it turns out she monkey branched and has been in a long distance relationship for a couple months now before bothering to tell me.

So to your point, yes it's super messed up and I still can't believe this is real life. So crazy!

twiggyRamirez11 · 2026-04-27T12:01:17+00:00

When you say she has a new glow up, what did she do?

EmbarrassedAge7612 · 2026-04-27T10:57:08+00:00

Women check out way before they admit anything is wrong. They plan behind the scenes so they are ready when the time comes. They go out and party while we’re left trying to figure out what just happened. The only justice we get is that eventually the party phase ends and they have to face reality.

Antique_Relief_804 · 2026-04-27T10:50:31+00:00

Going through this at the moment with my “wife”. Shes completely cold towards me except for moments where I am completely inconsolable and she shows some form of empathy towards me.

Our marriage problems are, and always were, my fault. To others (including her family), she is very much at fault but in her eyes, it’s only me. I’m the one that’s caused the split in the family.

I’m also the one trying everything I can to make things rights and keep us together as a family.

Hardest thing I’ve ever experienced without any doubt.

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-27T10:24:57+00:00

The challenge is that you wanted to end it with dignity and respect, but she would have had to devalue the relationship to zero in order to walk out as 'the good guy' in her own eyes. She probably saw the relationship was worthless or negative by the point you guys actually separated.

I say this as someone with an ex who was already screwing another guy in the family home before she even moved out.

antouzzz · 2026-04-27T09:45:38+00:00

Let her do whatever she wants. Its all reaction Once she realizes the mistake it will be too late. Mine is the same, she even said to me that she was too good for me.. meanwhile she is living in a paid off 2 million dolar house i left her…

serkovavantgarden · 2026-04-27T09:44:34+00:00

She ‘grieved’ the marriage while you were still thinking things were going well

Probably a year before you guys separated

That’s how it works mate

You’re not crazy. You, like the rest of us, had a wife who was communicating her issues to you telepathically.

They’re the crazy ones

TeddyPSmith · 2026-04-27T09:41:37+00:00

You aren’t crazy. You’re reacting to a crazy situation. It’s such a common theme on this sub. Invalidating is exactly what it is. It’s humiliating and cuts directly to the core.

Title	Anybody else just feel crazy?
Author	No_Chemistry8953
Upvotes	47
Comments	48
Date	April 27, 2026 9:27 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1swym6g/anybody_else_just_feel_crazy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anybody-else-just-feel-crazy.1578995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578995

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