~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 3 | Men need to stop being celebrated for the bare minimum. 👏🏼 All neurotypical/able-bodied adults should know how to take care of themselves & have their basic needs met. The coddling needs to stop.I really wish it was. . . 🤦🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 04:50 AM |
| 19 | What are some tell-tale/subtle signs of a LV/NV man “warming” you up to physical abuse?Overly woke in a very performative way | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/21 11:13 PM |
| 2 | "friend" refuses to accept "no means no".https://youtu.be/eQj2WV6N4q4 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/21 10:55 PM |
| 2 | Ladies, don't forget to heal your own wounds before entering into relationships. Sometimes, Pickmesha behavior is a symptom of unhealed trauma. Take care. 💙Try to have patience & compassion for yourself. Healing is a process & a journey. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 07:55 AM |
| 14 | Ladies, don't forget to heal your own wounds before entering into relationships. Sometimes, Pickmesha behavior is a symptom of unhealed trauma. Take care. 💙It doesn't necessarily mean you can't be in a relationship at all until you've fully recovered. Healing is a journey, & it's not always linear. It's more so about recognizing any unhealthy patterns your traumas may be causing you to play out, & ensuring that those aren't going to hurt you in a relationship. Only entering into a relationship when you're ready, willing, empowered, & able to establish boundaries. 👌🏼 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/21 08:32 AM |
| 6 | Stay awareBasically my ex. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/09/20 12:33 AM |
| 5 | The audacity these men have. Haven’t even gone out with him and already pulling the attitude card. Fair to say I will be cancelingI'm going to directly insult you with a rude tone while simultaneously possibly bailing on you, & then wonder why you wouldn't want to date me. WTF!? These men are such trash. 🙄🗑😑 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/20 08:33 PM |
| 3 | It's been 6 months since I kicked my emotionally abusive, NV ex-BF out. I have been enjoying improved health in all domains, & happiness like I've never known! My home is now a sanctuary for me to enjoy peace, quiet, & cleanliness. The amount of growth I've experienced in this time is unparalleled.It's AH-mazing. 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/08/20 09:47 PM |
| 8 | 😘I've actually spoken to quite a few of my female friends & we've established that we literally taught many of our ex BFs how to do these things. They didn't know how often to brush their teeth, do laundry, when to replace clothes, how to use deodorant, etc. It's ridiculous how little men seem to know about hygiene. IDK if it's the failure of their parents or what. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/08/20 07:28 AM |
| 8 | Shout out to all the invincible mommas out there cause the way society is set up...living life like Rihanna is looking REAL appealing lately ☕️LOL, I'm 27 & I've been watching my high school classmates start having children & get married since I turned 18! 🤣🤣🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/20 07:11 AM |
| 9 | Oh wellOr they get angry & upset at YOU after they hurt YOU!!! I hate this sh!t. 😒 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/20 12:57 AM |
| 1 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️That's so disgusting! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/07/20 09:54 PM |
| 1 | proof one red flag should be enough. NEXT🤮 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/07/20 03:50 AM |
| 1 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️That's wonderful, I wish that for all of us here someday! 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 09:11 PM |
| 6 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️That you're introspective, interested in gaining self-awareness, & improving yourself. I'd say this is a healthy form of self-reflection/gaining a deeper understanding of yourself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 03:14 PM |
| 4 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️Yes, a lot of what you said resonates with me as well. My ex-BF couldn't emotionally connect at all. Conversations were a chore for him & intimacy was a joke. Like you said, I never felt more alone than when I was in his presence. His mood was extremely unpredictable & erratic, he'd often get violently upset over the most trivial things. (Like not knowing how to fill/sign a pdf file, for instance) I often felt more like his mother than a GF since I had to care for him, calm him down, & teach him… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 03:09 PM |
| 2 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️I've had the same problem! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 02:57 PM |
| 9 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️I really appreciate you saying this because my last relationship was with a man that was suspected to have Asperger's. (Both his mother & I felt the diagnosis was accurate for him, & I am a mental health professional) He would constantly do things that were emotionally abusive & neglectful to me, despite several conversations I had with him. He always used it as an excuse & claimed to "try" to not hurt me, but it was a toxic, never-ending cycle. I've had PTSD flashbacks & nightmares because of i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 06:41 AM |
| 10 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️You're welcome. 😏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 02:00 AM |
| 11 | For all you former trauma bonders! 🙋♀️🤦♀️A friend just told me whenever she starts rehearsing scenes or having conversations with past abusers in her head, she starts telling herself "don't play into the soap opera!" And I've started doing it, I like it a lot! 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/07/20 11:54 PM |
| 3 | girls are out here with standards lower than the 9th circle of hellIt's sad that most of the time, we're treated so poorly by LVM in our lives, that this type of gesture is viewed as "so cute" & relationship worthy when it's the bare minimum. But we wouldn't know any better, because we're tricked into thinking it's all we are capable of getting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/07/20 06:28 PM |
| 9 | This kind of thinking does need to stop.I have always said this & gotten crap for it. I don't willingly fight with anyone. Having a disagreement & discussing it is fine, but I'm not about arguing, & I cut off anyone who is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/20 12:03 AM |
| 1 | She had me in the first half 😂I used to really feel/think this way until I dated so many LVM bums & realized they are all trash. They will all treat you like crap, neglect you, & emotionally/mentally manipulate &/or abuse you. Not worth it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/20 10:51 PM |
| 4 | By pitying your abuser, you do a disservice to yourself & your healing. Don't bother doing it.Disclaimer I will add after having read through all of the comments: I am a former foster youth & went through a ton of abuse & neglect growing up, but I don't use my dark past to hurt others. I love myself through establishing strong boundaries & not tolerating toxic, destructive behaviors from others that are detrimental to my wellbeing. I am a huge empath, but I understand that toxic people/abusers usually have no remorse for their actions, think they've done nothing wrong, purposely try to m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/06/20 12:10 AM |
| 35 | Proof that FDS works , husband cheats wife with younger woman abandons her during her pregnancy , wife goes full FDS instead of cOmuNIcaTE and cOUnseLIng ,demands all and half of his paycheck , scrote regrets comes back begging .Notice how he makes so many assumptions. Saying things like "I didn't think I could talk to her.," "I was worried she'd become accusatory/defensive," "supportive in ways I didn't think my wife could be." Had he stopped playing mind games, going off of a perception he had of her rather than who she actually was, & actually had an open, honest talk about his feelings with his wife, the affair would have never happened. So many guys do this. They fall into the mind reader cognitive distortion & jus… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 12:56 AM |
| 5 | Really felt for this woman. I just hope she keeps her standards high and knows her worth now.Thanks girl. Yeah, it was def disgusting. I had to explain to him that he stood me up a 2nd time, & his response was "I don't think I did anything malicious, & I already apologized." Really showed his LVM true colors with that one. I hope I find someone worthwhile too. But there's def no rush. I'm busy working on my education, career, & health. For now, I'm content with myself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/20 11:08 PM |
| 6 | Really felt for this woman. I just hope she keeps her standards high and knows her worth now.This actually just happened to me as well, back in January. I had been single for over a year, I enjoy my solitude, but I was missing companionship & affection. So I thought it would be a good idea to just go out & try to meet a potential FWB. I went back on dating apps for the 1st time in 3 years. I was skeptical, because I've had sooo many bad experiences & have met sooo many jerks through OLD, but I gave it a shot anyway. The first guy stood me up. We were supposed to meet at a cafe, I got th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/20 09:58 PM |
| 19 | This is a great way to look at it, & a much needed reminder.This applies to everyone. Just because someone is biologically related to you doesn't give them an excuse to be abusive or harmful. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 09:02 AM |
| 5 | And this is how you spot HV relationships: 💚🚦💯You should strive to grow & develop these qualities in yourself first. Love comes to you when you learn how to love yourself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/05/20 11:04 PM |
| 3 | This subreddit has saved my life. I’m looking back at the red flags I ignored and I just can’t believe I put up with them!It's about having self-compassion & making the realization that you didn't know then what you know now. Maybe you were loving blindly & didn't see the red flags, or maybe you saw them but chose to ignore them. (I've definitely been recognizing this in myself.) Regardless, you have wisdom now, personal growth that will prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future, & you should be proud of yourself for that maturity. It's kind of like inner child work, looking back at the old you the wa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/20 09:01 AM |
| 18 | Don't spend money on men who don't do the same.Oh, I def learned this the hard way in both of my previous relationships. My 1st ex was from a Jewish family, not trying to spread stereotypes here, but it was def ingrained in him to be very cheap & spend very little. For our anniversary, I bought him a pair of glasses for $325 (not including tax or S&H), a box of his fave chocolates, a hardcover scrapbook I digitally designed of our best pics together, & other gifts, for a total of $500. For me, he got me a box of my fave chocolates from See's… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/04/20 12:00 AM |
| 34 | Imagine being quarantined with someone who doesn’t even consider youOh, my low value ex did this regularly. Once, I had a friend sleeping over for a few days. She came to me in LA all the way from SF. While I was sleeping & she was up watching TV, he got up, cooked pancakes for himself, & sat there to eat them in front of her. Didn't offer her breakfast or anything. I got up to witness this & was outraged & disgusted with his insensitive & inconsiderate behavior. I'm so glad I kicked his ass out last month. So glad I'm not quarantined with a LVM like that. So se… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 10:51 PM |
| 3 | Don't be afraid to let your voice be heard!I don't think it's saying that being quiet is wrong. If that's who you are naturally, that great. It's about not feeling pressured by societal constructs or toxic people into being silent. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/20 08:19 PM |
| 8 | Don't be afraid to let your voice be heard!In those moments, just pause, step away if you can, take a few deep breaths & compose yourself. Rehearse the message you want to convey in your mind a few times when you are calm, & then the right words will come to you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/20 04:50 AM |
| 3 | A reminder that my pick-me self could have used.Couldn't agree more. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/04/20 11:46 PM |
| 6 | Eventually, the mask begins to slip...For one ex, an entire year of our relationship felt like paradise. We cuddled multiple nights per week, made love often & went on fun dates. We had great conversations & similar interests. But after that year, he became devoid of emotion when I was going through health crises. When I needed his support, he was cold & detached. He literally told me he couldn't "hold" me when I cried because it was against his "nature." There were times I asked him to participate in an activity I enjoyed, such as … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/03/20 02:30 AM |
| 42 | Eventually, the mask begins to slip...In my last relationship, the honeymoon phase definitely ended after 3 months, but I still didn't realize I was with such a LVM until several months later. And by then it was too late, we were already living together & I was stuck. Never making that mistake again. But I've been in 2 previous relationships with what I believe were true psychopaths. They hid their true nature from me for 6 months to a full year. It wasn't until then that I saw their selfishness, arrogance, & lack of empathy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/03/20 04:28 AM |
| 6 | I don't know who needs to read this today, but your happiness is worth everything. don't let useless men dictate your life. let them go.Thank you, I really appreciate it. 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/20 12:29 AM |
| 10 | I don't know who needs to read this today, but your happiness is worth everything. don't let useless men dictate your life. let them go.I'm currently in the process of kicking out my ex-BF who has lived with me for the past year despite the fact that we've been broken up the entire time. He's incredibly emotionally/mentally abusive. I haven't spoken to him verbally for the past 5 weeks. It's been rough, but I know disassociating with him completely is what's best for my mental health. My psychiatrist, therapist, & case manager have all validated how toxic it is to live with someone like him. I'm just hoping he keeps up his end o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/20 09:53 PM |
| 33 | No lies detected. Block. Delete. Move on.Some men (& just people in general) are toxic, & toxic people always claim that they're "not." So they will come into your life & deplete you of all of your natural resources until you cut them off completely. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/20 10:16 PM |
| 2 | Want this to be me one dayIt will be me next year. 😏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/20 02:35 AM |
| 8 | What a high value male looks like in everyday lifeToo bad I have no idea where to find 1! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/20 10:47 PM |
| 4 | I recently discovered this Gladys Knight power ballad from the 90s, "I Don't Want to Know" & I couldn't vibe with it more! It's how I feel about all of the LVM that walked in & out of my life.No, I'll have to check that out myself! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/20 06:03 PM |
| 15 | If empowering my fellow sistahs is wrong, then I don't wanna be right! 🤣Oh, don't worry. I reported & blocked him as soon as I saw it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/20 09:14 PM |
| 28 | If empowering my fellow sistahs is wrong, then I don't wanna be right! 🤣People project their sh*t onto others, that's nothing new. It just cracks me up that he would make these outrageous claims about me. If you look at my posts, they're all inspirational & empowering for women or funny. He doesn't even know me. I grew up poor on welfare, went to churches & food banks for donations. I come from nothing. I had to earn everything I have. I'm as humble as they come, that's why it's effing hilarious to me! 🤣🤣🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/20 09:05 PM |
| 38 | If empowering my fellow sistahs is wrong, then I don't wanna be right! 🤣I LMFAOd when I saw it! 🤣🤣🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/20 08:46 PM |
| 6 | Amen.👏👏👏👏👏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/20 08:44 PM |
| 0 | Have y'all heard of R.C. Blakes Jr.? Aside from the outdated religious aspects & lack of inclusion for LGBTQ+ relationships, I think this is stellar advice. 👌 What do y'all think?I agree with many of your points, especially the one on beauty. In this video, RC Blakes made that comment, "Not if you're walking around with curlers in your hair @ 1pm." Obviously, you should be presentable when you're leaving the house, working, or entertaining company. But if you're home alone together, just waking up, or even ill, I think the "right one" will still regard you as beautiful, with or without 'curlers in your hair." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/20 08:38 PM |
| 55 | Listen up ButtercupI did this for an ex-BF LVM who didn't deserve or appreciate it much, but with his favorite thing: bananas. Got him all types of banana flavored treats, accessories, toys, a book about the fruit, etc. The lesson I learned from that relationship was to only expend that type of generosity & thoughtfulness on a HVM who's worth it & will reciprocate. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/20 12:26 PM |
| 2 | "Never apologize for the space you occupy in this world."I love being 5'9" so I can often do that with or without heels! 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/20 12:11 PM |
| 3 | "Never apologize for the space you occupy in this world."Your mind is telling you that because it's been programmed to by society. You must learn to reprogram your mind. Easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/20 12:06 PM |
| 1 | You are under ZERO obligation to be the “cool girlfriend”Ok, but I totally had the opposite happen. I'm Pansexual & I had an ex-BF (who ended up being a total psychopath, BTW) get super mad at me for taking my friend who was Bi-curious to her very first strip club. I wanted her to explore her sexuality, & I enjoyed our time there. But he got sooo mad at me & banned me from ever going back or seeing a stripper ever again, even if it was at a Bachelorette party!!! We had just started dating, had only been together for a few weeks, & it felt like he owne… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/20 08:06 AM |
| 9 | Truth!That sounds like what we call in therapeutic terms a "corrective emotional experience." I'm glad you found a HVM! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/19 08:54 PM |
| 5 | The mindset of a LVM. Never let them break you!I always protect my phone with an Otter Box Defense series. IDK why other people don't. Our phones are expensive investments, why not protect them? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/19 08:40 AM |
| 34 | Truth!It sounds to me like all of those men who tried to make you feel insecure about your blemishes & were too shallow to date you were all LVM. I'm sure if you found a HVM, they would adore you regardless & see you for the queen you really are. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/19 11:11 PM |
| 28 | Truth!I think that for the sake of this group, it is implied that a "grown ass man" = HVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/19 11:09 PM |
| 6 | What snapped you out of Pickmeisha mode? Would you have believed a resource like FDS if it had existed, or do you think hitting rock bottom is the only way for many?Feel like I had to hit rock bottom, but for a different reason. I was extremely insecure, lonely, & desperate. (Due to child abuse, neglect, bullying, trauma, & gaslighting.) I thought no one would want me & I would have to settle for whoever liked me. It took several failed relationships to realize how fucking awesome I am & know my worth. I think had I known of FDS in my youth (or if smartphones existed with reddit back then) it would have helped me a lot. But I'm glad I found it now. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/19 04:26 AM |
| 3 | It always does & it’s expensive sis!Yup, learned this the hard way! IDK if it was blind love or willfull ignorance, but I'm glad to have put my pickmeisha days in my past. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/19 11:06 AM |
| 63 | Who else is ready for a completely #FuckboyFree2020? 🙋♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏿♀️It's like I always say: I want a partner, not a project. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/19 11:05 AM |
| 2 | Had this conversation on tinder this morning. I truly can’t believe some men are like this about self confidence.This is the complinent phenomenon! An awesome HVW on Twitter posted a social experiment telling other women that men cannot accept if you validate their compliment! If you act like you already know it to be true, they will usually find a way of trying to take it back. I did it once with a co-worker. He complimented my boots & I said "I know!" And he immediately said something backhanded like "Watch it now!" Or, "don't let it get to your head!" It's a LVM way of degrading women for ever being abl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/19 10:01 AM |
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