I need some advice...

Malice1108 · 2014-04-02T02:23:44+00:00

After talking with her some more, she wants me to see him as much as possible and she thinks that I am an excellent father. She doesn't want to be married anymore. She put forth the idea of 50/50 custody. She wants us to have a month a piece with him for now.

I really have no way to afford a lawyer or anything so I'm screwed on that front right now. I have employment lined up and a place to live though.

DatOnes · 2014-04-02T08:01:52+00:00

As everyone has stated here:

Lawyer up with expedience.

What no one has stated so far:

Spend time with your child. Quality time. He's a synthesis of two beings in motion, evidence of some whimsical moment.

As to your marriage:

I told her I would get back on my anxiety meds and make more of an effort, but she doesn't want to hear it.

It sounds like she doesn't want to make the effort. I don't understand the exact nuances of the relationship but to claim that

She feels like im drowning her.

while you both vowed to get wet is kind of a cop out.

She wants to come to NC and get our son and go back to Texas and leave me here.

REDFLAG REDFLAG RED-MOTHERFUCKING FLAG.

So what I know so far is that

a.) She is not happy. For how long is unknown but something like this is a big decision.

b.) She decided to text instead of making a phone call about essentially softly guiding the marriage into limbo. That's rather impersonal for such a big decision. There are zero excuses for that.

c.) currently on vacation which is usually something that is planned well in advance.

That is quite a brew of circumstances to suddenly make the decision to be separated (while ironically separated) and to whisk your child away-promising that you'll get to see him but to be left in NC.

Again, not sure of the nuances of the relationship (frequencies of trips, length of marriage) but something reeks in the state of Denmark.

So you said you want your marriage to work:

This may be the most backwards advice you will hear to win back your wife's heart but here it goes.

You need to STOP caring about her. You are going to have to don some thick cold steel armor for your son. Nothing matters other than your sons well being. You know it. I know it. He knows it. Let everyone know it firmly.

Codependent? Fine, then polish your shield/résumé and go for what you can get. Start thinking about living on your own, doing your own thing. Appear to be invulnerable, cold, distant. Really, isn't that what your wife is already asking for?

Forge your own path. Now is the perfect time to consider how you stand on your path.

If your wife is serious about divorce then her attitude about mere separation will be unchanged. If there is a change in attitude there might be hope. This strategy also works to YOUR benefit no matter what happens.

I hope everything works out for you. There are so many potentialities and we are but strangers on the internet.

jpflathead · 2014-04-02T02:05:40+00:00

See a lawyer, and hey, possession is 99/100th of the law in setting custody. If you want to see your child after the divorce do not your child out of your sight now.

When the judge comes to determining custody, your ex and her lawyer will say that during the separation period she cared for the kid and took the kid to school and the doctor etc. And then the judge will give you almost nothing.

YOU as the father want to tell the judge, during the separation I took care of the kid, I took the kid to school, I took the kid to the doctor, and so I want 50% custody of the child.

YOU also want your new lawyer to write up papers for your ex establishing now that YOU want joint physical custody of the kid and during the separation the kid will stay with you at least 50% of the time, and then get her to sign that and agree to that.

Best of luck.

kronox · 2014-04-02T04:06:56+00:00

This is the epitome of, get a lawyer immediately and don't lose access to your son. I went through the same thing. The sooner you get on it the better. The courts are clogged with this shit so the first person in the pair to file for custody is assumed to be the first individual invested enough to be responsible for children.

I filed for custody when my son was 1 month old (random fuck buddy who promised up and down that she was on the shot). My lawyer, the mediator, and the Judges i dealt with all confirmed that had i not done the legal work then they would not have considered my opinion, i would have been written off and would have received the amount of custody my son's demon of a mother suggested.

Get. A. Lawyer.

MPCLS · 2014-04-02T04:58:33+00:00

If she wants "seperation", then she is probably cheating on you.

Do not give her access to your son; no time alone, nothing, until something is worked out with the Courts and appropriate agencies.

Be sure to file first, and do not leave the house whatever you do.

Also, here are some reading links:

Divorce Self Defence 101

Top Ten Divorce Attorney Dirty Tricks

Take this to MGTOWHQ and Dad's Divorce ASAP.

Keep posting too.

2014-04-01T20:47:08+00:00

Get a lawyer. Yesterday.

One that handles primarily family law and is supportive of MRM.

All I have on hand is FL lawyers but, it's a start.

Bartab · 2014-04-02T00:35:22+00:00

and go back to Texas and leave me here.

She's already left you. There is no recovery for the marriage.

Malice1108 · 2014-04-02T15:09:58+00:00

I have an appointment with a lawyer and I'm ready to do this.

MisterScalawag · 2014-04-01T20:52:10+00:00

Like everyone else said: contact a lawyer immediately.

On a side note what kind of mission goes on in Wisconsin?

DougDante · 2014-04-01T22:38:01+00:00

Get a lawyer.

Have you considered that she may already have another lover?

AnotherDAM · 2014-04-01T20:48:04+00:00

All I can say is see an attorney immediately. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.
As is common advice WRT homes, the moment you move out is the moment you lose. I would think a similar thing applies WRT your son, the moment you let her have uncontested custody, especially letting her transport him across state lines you may be seen as having forfeit certain rights, but IANAL and you need a lawyer, one who is familiar with military protocols.

rightsbot · 2014-04-01T20:22:18+00:00

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Cousieknow · 2014-04-02T02:19:36+00:00

Move to Texas. Go to court and get the best arrangement you can.

Title	I need some advice...
Author	Malice1108
Upvotes	10
Comments	27
Date	April 1, 2014 8:20 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/21yc60/i_need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-need-some-advice.1002120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1002120

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