So I'm that 21 year old MRA writing a book. I've finished a rough draft of the circumcision chapter if you'd like to read it.

RawrSicle48 · 2014-02-06T05:16:29+00:00

I found it very interesting to read (I read the entire thing). I highly recommend you refrain from using all caps to emphasize your opinion(MUTILATION, instead of mutilation), and I highly recommend you don't use multiple exclamation or question marks to create a sense of emotion (mutilation!!!!?!?!?!?!!!!). Please also remove any word that could be interpreted by the mass populace as a swear or curse (Shit, motherfuckers, hell, bitch etc.).

Also, I know it is your first draft but do an extensive tidy-up of your spelling and grammer in this chapter, because I found many many uncapitalized 'I's, and I found many words that used and apostrophe to signify that that word is plural. An apostrophe should only ever be used at the end of a word to show possession of an object by that word/subject/thing (Rebecca's instead of Rebeccas [when signifying Rebecca's possession of something] and forums instead of forum's [when making that word a plural word instead of singular]).

Remember also to not repeat yourself, as you repeat yourself one or two times and kind of droned on about feminists and FGM near the end of the chapter. Refrain from repeating yourself excessively (which you didn't really do this chapter) unless if you wish to put emphasis on that fact or opinion, or simply want to remind the reader of a statistic.

I again put emphasis on not swearing, using excessive amounts of exclamation and question marks, and on not capitalizing entire words for emphasis. If you don't do those things you will increase the reader's respect for you, and increase your chances in publishing your book.

Other than my above criticisms, this was a good start, and I highly encourage that you keep writing! If you ever need someone to proof read (although I'm not an expert, I can help with small things with grammatical errors and spelling), just ask me and I'll be happy to help!

Good luck, and happy writing!

StoicSophist · 2014-02-06T03:05:41+00:00

So do you have any source for your assertion that circumcision "causes a man to lose 90% of his pleasure", or is that merely speculation on your part? You would think that if it were really such a drastic change, then men who were circumcised would find it much more difficult to achieve orgasm than men who were uncircumcised, but this does not seem to be the case. Furthermore, if this were true it should be trivially easy to do a scientific study of men who were circumcised as adults. A tenfold difference in sensation ought to provide a pretty unambiguous result when they evaluated their sexual response before and after the operation.

rg57 · 2014-02-06T06:11:40+00:00

" The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings specific to sexual sensation. ... the foreskin has 20,000 of these specialized sexual nerve endings, 250% more that the clitoris."

No.

8000 * (100 + 250)% = 8000 * 3.50 = 28000

Also *"more than"

2014-02-06T03:43:31+00:00

endorphins from the brain react to these nerves been stimulated, creating the effect of feeling

wat...

Your writing sucks so hard you'd fail English 101 with that shit
L2citations

rightsbot · 2014-02-06T02:52:16+00:00

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BlindPelican · 2014-02-06T03:04:13+00:00

I haven't read what you wrote yet, but you might consider using Google Drive for your drafts. It formats docs nicely and has several other cool features as well.

RawrSicle48 · 2014-02-06T05:21:37+00:00

Oh! I forgot something! Try to include the extended abbreviation, or whatever it's called, to remind readers what that abbreviation stands for. For example, instead of M.R.A., write out Men's Right's Activist/Activism, to clarify to the reader what that abbreviation means. Also remember to put periods/.'s in between each letter (instead of MRA, M.R.A.)

Title	So I'm that 21 year old MRA writing a book. I've finished a rough draft of the circumcision chapter if you'd like to read it.
Author	WilliamShadow906
Upvotes	12
Comments	13
Date	February 6, 2014 2:50 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1x58ac/so_im_that_21_year_old_mra_writing_a_book_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-im-that-21-year-old-mra-writing-a-book-ive.1004064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1004064

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