So this is my 1st christmas where I won't be waking up with my kids.

truthjusticeca · 2012-12-23T13:49:27+00:00

I had christmas morning last weekend, they opened most of their presents already.

Just preparing a few more for christmas day and a major outing for boxing day.

anachronic · 2012-12-23T19:46:01+00:00

Make the best of it... walk around nude, drink whiskey for breakfast... burp & fart whenever you want... watch loud porn followed by gory war movies all day... poop with the door open.

Don't wallow if you can avoid it.

mr_happy28 · 2012-12-23T16:31:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

coochiesmoocher · 2012-12-23T19:24:44+00:00

BlackKnighter · 2012-12-23T17:46:06+00:00

Hey mate. I'm just a random bloke, but I think what you're going through sucks.

I don't have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't want to be away from them. All the best.

bsetfree · 2012-12-23T18:56:08+00:00

As a recently divorced father of 4 I completely feel for you and know the pain you are going through. Here is what I can tell you and how I've approached it. You first need to take all former "traditions" and literally throw them out the window. Reality is no longer and until you can break from that, you will suffer deep inside. For example, this is my second Christmas without having my children on Christmas morning. Last year sucked ass and I literally pouted in my head the whole damn day and let it get to me. I get my children on Christmas at 10:30 and now, Christmas night is where it is at! I've got my kids so jacked up for Christmas night at dad's they can't hardly contain it. Waking up Christmas morning without them (as I did with my parents) is an amazing feeling don't get me wrong. But I'm happy for them they get a great morning with their mom, but I KNOW, they will have an even better time with me Christmas night :). We have started new traditions based on my visitation schedule, and I go over the top with them, making them specifically dads. Another example is father day. Once a day about me, is now a huge party complete with a pinata and a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. When they are older and adults I want them to look forward to having a party with dad wherever that may be down the road. Hang in there, create your own traditions. It's not about the quantity of time, but about the quality of time. It's not about the date, but what happens on the date! Merry Christmas.

2012-12-23T17:30:50+00:00

I feel your pain on this one. I don't get to see my kiddos on xmas either. I get to have them for the majority of the day on xmas eve so we'll do our whole present opening bit that day. :)

I've gotten to the point where I'm ok with this though. It took me a couple of years to work through that meh feeling that comes with the holidays. Why people feel the need to end a relationship near the holiday season is beyond me... :-/

I hope you get to see your kids, even if it's just for a bit, on xmas. Let them know that you love them, and that won't change just because you can't be there on xmas! As hard as a split is on the adults involved; it can be just as hard, if not harder on the kids.

Peace and love to your and yours this holiday season my friend. Know that it does get better with time. :)

mr_happy28 · 2012-12-23T16:13:37+00:00

Will your ex let you talk to them on the phone? I was always excited to talk to my dad on christmas day.

awarren8 · 2012-12-23T16:46:36+00:00

My parents are divorced and when i was younger we always spent christmas eve with my mom, woke up there opened presents, then went to my dad's for christmas day. I know my step siblings did the same with their dad. Maybe you can work an agreement similar to this out with your ex. My father has told me it was very difficult for him and lonely on those special holidays when we weren't with him, and waking up christmas morning alone. But he loved us and tried to be with us as much as he could. He is still going to court with my mom over things between my brother and I so he can make our lives happier. You have to keep fighting for your children. It's a long and grueling battle, but it will get better. As for christmas this year - stay with others that you love, and try reasoning with your ex if you can see your children just for a few minutes even. I hope you have a merry christmas.

Unfuckwithable69 · 2012-12-23T19:19:39+00:00

I feel you man, first one for me too. I have been very fortunate that, so far, my soon-to-be-ex has been civil. I'm getting my kids overnight tonight and all day tomorrow. I'm also going over to their house early tuesday to be there for christmas morning. I don't get to wake up with them, or eat the cookies they leave out for santa, but it could be worse for sure. Are you going to/did you have the holiday visitation schedule spelled out in the divorce? If it's not too late, get it in there. Every other holiday, alternating odd/even years.She can be a bitch all she wants, but she can't defy a court order or it's her ass...

Arby01 · 2012-12-23T21:16:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

whootsley · 2012-12-23T21:23:28+00:00

I am in the same position, I got a new job to give my son health insurance. Our old court schedule doesn't fit my new job work hours so I no longer see him. I thought she would be understanding that I got a new job to help our child but like you said her bitterness is to great. I have to wait until my motion to modify our old agreement goes through and I get joint Custody. I basically just suck it up and keep being polite and record it all for court or future use. The only thing you can do is ask to see them, and take her to court if your sick of being treated like shit. It's hard and like me you will probably lay in bed crying for ten to twenty minutes because you are missing out on your child's smiles and laughs and losing a memory of his or hers favorite holidays. I would take her to court so you can be in your child's life, you have rights too and you have to fight to be in your child's life, it isn't fair but that's the game we have to play. Good luck, keep your head up.

ss_camaro · 2012-12-23T16:30:36+00:00

First off you have to realize it has nothing to do with you individually. It is not your fault that the culture and the legal system got flushed down the gutter. Secondly, there is a big world out there beyond paternal responsibilities. A man can start over well into his 80s or do something else with his life. I am actually enjoying my 'anti-holidays' this year.

2012-12-23T17:05:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rightsbot · 2012-12-23T13:44:18+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

mr_happy28 · 2012-12-23T16:39:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

UnoriginalMike · 2012-12-23T22:44:06+00:00

I know it's hard, but you can get through this. Your kids know who you are and love you. This isn't your last, nor their last Christmas together.

Maybe I'm an asshole, but for whatever reason, it makes me feel better if I know someone has it as bad, or worse. If they can get through it, so can I. Just think of all the servicemen who aren't getting to see their kids wake up to Santa's leavings.

Or people like me, who get to work through the holiday because I got short straw, while coworkers without kids are off.

2012-12-23T23:02:56+00:00

For me the hardest part of the holidays is the family/friend parties. She "got" most of our friends and I find myself pretty alone during the holidays. I get a bit sad when I see people heading out with a bottle of wine to a Christmas party.

McIanAvelli · 2012-12-24T00:37:36+00:00

Some excellent ideas here, especially from bsetfree. I will add another. Schedule your time carefully during this time of year. Make sure you have a "next" thing to do, especially after what would have been ritual times, like wrapping presents, going to holiday services, or Xmas morning. Having a next thing to do will (help) prevent tendencies to feel anger and remorse. From my experiences after divorce with my four kids.

tectonic9 · 2012-12-24T06:32:04+00:00

Very tough. Don't know how old they are, but if they know the effort that you're putting into being a part of their lives, that matters a lot more than a date on a calendar. Celebrate with them on the days you're able.

Title	So this is my 1st christmas where I won't be waking up with my kids.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	104
Comments	43
Date	December 23, 2012 1:42 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/15bqdh/so_this_is_my_1st_christmas_where_i_wont_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-this-is-my-1st-christmas-where-i-wont-be-waking.1005882 https://theredarchive.com/post/1005882

Comments