Are men who suspect that a child they are raising might not be biologically theirs, being selfish?

SteelCrossx · 2012-09-02T06:04:54+00:00

It's unfair to keep the real father away from his child. It's unfair to force a man to raise a child that isn't his, this shows how little reproductive rights men have.

rottingchrist · 2012-09-02T06:10:45+00:00

The best way to resolve a situation like this is to penalize the person committing the fraud. The woman.

Whether you continue to support the child or not, the woman must be made to pay for all the distress and the years of your life lost to caring for a child who wasn't yours.

mikesteane · 2012-09-02T06:19:26+00:00

The woman must be penalised even if it is not in the best interest of this particular child. In the long run making women know that there are serious consequences for this behaviour is the best way of preventing it and all the consequences that stem from it.

AnnArchist · 2012-09-02T17:01:11+00:00

fuck no they aren't being selfish.

the selfish person is the one who cheated and had a kid with someone who isn't in the childs life. thus depriving the child of his real father.

rightsbot · 2012-09-02T05:56:17+00:00

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shitezlozen · 2012-09-02T15:54:10+00:00

Each man (and woman) should be making their own choices and you are asking if men should get a choice?

zyk0s · 2012-09-02T16:34:05+00:00

No, I think you got it wrong. Is a man who lives in a very unhealthy marriage but does not want to divorce selfish? Is it a matter of him needing his wife more than his wife needs him (or replace wife by family, you get the idea)? Perhaps in a very few cases, it stems from a neediness complex, but seeing as the result of the change (divorce or your case of revealing the paternity fraud) is the complete destruction of the man's family, with possibly harsh financial penalties, is it really surprising that a man would not want to go through with this? Could it be because he is not selfish, but afraid? And sure, you can call such a man a coward, but I'd argue the fear is very rational, and it isn't cowardice to be afraid of a bad outcome you have no control over.

cronus85 · 2012-09-03T04:06:00+00:00

My partner and I disagreed on this. I can't remember her position exactly but it was something along the lines of being selfish, that it's not the kids fault and saying this kid was five years old or something, you've made the attachment and you 'are' its father, biology or not. So it got me thinking:

It is a fair point, that all of the emotions that surround this, the deception of the woman, the other guy who is gets off scot-free, you and the 'wasted' resources has nothing to do with this child. As men I think we tend to think about this in National Geographic terms about some bird being tricked into fetching worms for another bird's chick and this bird is the dupe because he is putting energy into the continuance of another bird's progeny, his genes. And this is the core of our paranoia. But when looking at it this way, that our only real concern is about the continuance of our genes it is hard to think of this in a way that is not selfish. It is our desire to pass on genes and become an ancestor is great and what got us all here today but considering our modern context is this not antiquated?

My partner and I have only discussed children in very hypothetical terms, and the idea of adoption as an option has been floated (my family took in foster kids when I was young). So considering adoption is even an option for us (my partner and I), the reasons for our (men's) paranoia, bar the very valid concern of deception, do appear to be selfish e.g. notions of ancestry, social standing, the other bastard.

All this being said though, I am still uncomfortable with the concept on a primal level, but if I knew the situation and I had legal protections against the biological father I would probably manage fine.

TL;DR: We have a biological drive to pass on our genes so we may very well be selfish. But biology doesn't make a father.

Title	Are men who suspect that a child they are raising might not be biologically theirs, being selfish?
Author	dregofsociety
Upvotes	17
Comments	16
Date	September 2, 2012 5:55 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/z7xut/are_men_who_suspect_that_a_child_they_are_raising/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/are-men-who-suspect-that-a-child-they-are-raising.1014445 https://theredarchive.com/post/1014445

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