Not an asshole

allcity28 · 2018-07-10T06:55:58+00:00

I just don’t care what she thinks about me. I am honest and clear with my intention. Its take it or leave it. In my opinion, holding frame is execution with confidence and not caring about the outcome.

[deleted] · 2018-07-10T06:59:26+00:00

There's a difference between being an emotionally abusive asshole (dark triad game) and holding frame.

Holding frame is essentially just being firmly planted in your own reality and unaffected by shit tests. You don't even have to speak to hold frame.

dcabrerasa100 · 2018-07-10T05:25:45+00:00

Are you trying to spin a plate? Nothing wrong with coming off as a complete asshole, in fact one could say it's preferred.

Are you trying to LTR? Balance it out, let your beta shine a little.

It's all about what you want out the situation. React accordingly

vandaalen · 2018-07-10T07:58:30+00:00

is there a way to eat my cake and have it too

Well...

Read No More Mr Nice Guy

Victor-James · 2018-07-10T07:29:26+00:00

You need to stop caring if she thinks you are an asshole or a dick. Maintaining frame is creating your own reality and having you decide what you will and will not tolerate. Some people are going to hate you for it just because you are setting boundaries.

Its out of your control how she reacts and frankly it isn't important. She won't however think you are beta. Thats for sure.

Jsieijejeieokkd · 2018-07-10T12:11:22+00:00

You have to be a bit of an asshole to brush her back a bit.

Push-pull gets you in-out.

bruiser18 · 2018-07-10T10:07:47+00:00

You don't have to be an asshole to maintain frame. You can't be a nice guy either. Be a good guy, but always have one foot out the door. Abundance, if she doesn't like you, that's her loss.

Lambdal7 · 2018-07-10T10:19:13+00:00

Provide value at the same time through making her laugh, rewarding her, teaching something.

Don't actually be an asshole, just pretend to be one for fun, keep it lighthearted.

thesmithofwords · 2018-07-10T12:37:37+00:00

You gotta give a little bit (and by a little I mean like 1 or 2 positive comments all night). Can't just push.

Bhunnah · 2018-07-10T15:44:13+00:00

Law of least effort.

[deleted] · 2018-07-10T11:37:11+00:00

Look up the differences between being dominant and domineering. It'll give you a more intuitive idea of what you're asking here.

boy_named_su · 2018-07-10T14:32:54+00:00

It's better to be an asshole than a pussy

Try to be cocky AND funny

[deleted] · 2018-07-10T20:50:51+00:00

cenie · 2018-07-10T23:25:14+00:00

Learn to tease.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-07-11T12:17:55+00:00

Holding frame doesn't mean you're an asshole, it means you have good boundaries and don't base your behavior around satisfying other people. That doesn't mean you can't be decent, funny, creative, entertaining, observant, open-minded ect, it just means you come as you are, enjoy yourself, and go home unaffected by whatever the evening's outcome was.

dulkemaru51 · 2018-07-11T23:20:58+00:00

If you, for instance, are a conventionally "good" person with values A, B and C and you stick to those values unapologetically and with absolute conviction and casual attitude without DEERing your points or getting riled up for having those views, you are by definition not a total asshole and also in your frame.

ddbsirt · 2018-07-10T10:53:14+00:00

without her ending up thinking I'm

Outcome independence. Who cares what she thinks?

Title	Not an asshole
Author	chaselikesfood451
Upvotes	12
Comments	30
Date	July 10, 2018 5:10 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8xlss3/not_an_asshole/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/not-an-asshole.102293 https://theredarchive.com/post/102293

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