If my girlfriend and I are going to have a baby, what is the rationale behind my not having a say in whether or not that baby gets born?

ullere · 2012-04-20T17:08:29+00:00

Your second example would force the girl to bring the child to term, force her to remain pregnant against her will. I know that abortion is a fairly hot topic but thats the only issue I have with your examples.

I feel you'd be pro parental surrender.

2012-04-20T19:19:25+00:00

The rationale the courts use is that they are looking out for the best interests of the child.

The real reason is because the government gets a cut of the money they take from the non custodial parent.

BinaryShadow · 2012-04-21T05:51:12+00:00

She has the baby, so she gets the choice.

That being said, she shouldn't have the right to force you to 18 years of child support if you don't want to be a father yet (and alert her with enough time for her to still make her choice legally).

ghebert001 · 2012-04-21T00:42:49+00:00

You don't and should not have a say in whether the baby gets born, but you should (and don't) have a say in whether or not you get to become a parent, just like she does.

2012-04-20T21:44:38+00:00

I personally agree with 'financial abortion' - giving the 'father' the oppurtunity to not become a father, even if the child is born. The problem is, this raises some important questions and things to consider.

It may be punishing the child. It's okay if the mother is financially secure, but what if she is not and needs financial help in the upbringing of her child? You may not have chosen to have that child, but the child certainly didnt choose to be born (and it didn't conceive itself) and the government didn't conceive the child either. As much as you didnt want a child birthed, you put your penis in that woman and conceived a child.

Again, as I said, the above isn't a problem if the mother wants to keep the baby and is in a good financial position to do so alone (or with other family). The child will have its needs fulfilled in that case.

My other would be the same issue I currently have with how custody etc is sorted out - what about the father as a male role model? We all know that many children are missing out on their fathers as role models now when they needn't.. Would financial abortion - which I would assume means the father does not see the child - mean another child is missing out on a father as a role model? Since the father has no reason to have anything to do with the child?

And then what about when the child grows up? Does the father now just pop into his/her life, despite never caring during the raising of the child? Never helping? Do we tell the child, when they hit 18, 'No, you are not allowed to search for and find your father'? How can we do that, if they want to, AND the father now wants to be involved because now it's easier.. The mother would have spent 18+ years raising that human beig singlehandedly (perhaps), working her butt off, paying for everything.. just for the father to jump back in when the child hits 18. And there's not much we could ethically do to stop that despite how glaringly unfair it would be on the mother. The child deserves to know his/her father.

For this reason, you'd probably get men who want to reproduce 'financially aborting' their children just so they don't have to do the hard stuff, but can still be happy in knowing their offspring somewhere down the line.

So yes. I agree with financial abortion. But these kinks must be worked out.

As for this part here:

If I want the baby and she doesn't, why can't I raise the baby after it's born myself?

I dont agree with this.

Yes, that may sound unfair, but it's completely wrong to make a woman remain pregnant when she does not want to. It is her body, she is a human being and not a vessel. I don't think a woman should ever be forced into remaining pregnant and giving birth just because her partner wants the baby while she doesnt.

rightsbot · 2012-04-20T16:36:21+00:00

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NiceGuysSTFU · 2012-04-20T17:06:20+00:00

It just seems like a decision that both people should get a say with- legally I mean.

I agree that both parties would ideally on the same page, but the fact of the matter is that the fetus grows inside a woman's body, not a man's, and that trumps all else.

If she wants it and I don't, why can't she raise the baby herself?

Well, she can, if that's how you want to play it. She is also entitled to financial support for the child you both participated in making.

the conversation came up today and I was curious what you guys thought.

You'll find a lot of support here from people who advocte for "financial abortion" or "legal parental surrender." That amounts to "leaving the person you knocked up and shirking any obligation with regards to raising/paying for your child," and IDGAF who gets their drawers in a wad about me saying that. If you and your GF are on the same page regarding parenthood, you should each separately use contraception (her, hormonal of some kind, you, a condom). If you choose not to wear a condom, you need to discuss where the each of you stand in the case of unplanned pregnancy. If either of you change your mind if that ever happens, well, you need to do your best to be prepared for that too.

2012-04-20T20:42:15+00:00

The primary rationale is biological: she is the one who is physically affected by either abortion or carrying to term. The secondary rationale is social: women are seen as caregivers by the law and society, men as providers.

Both go against traditional feminist thought that the genders are equal.

Title	If my girlfriend and I are going to have a baby, what is the rationale behind my not having a say in whether or not that baby gets born?
Author	DashFerLev
Upvotes	0
Comments	11
Date	April 20, 2012 4:35 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sjvul/if_my_girlfriend_and_i_are_going_to_have_a_baby/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/if-my-girlfriend-and-i-are-going-to-have-a-baby.1023546 https://theredarchive.com/post/1023546

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