Friend from college just found out his month-old child is not his. How can I support him?

ignatiusloyola · 2012-04-12T11:20:29+00:00

If he feels so betrayed by the situation, he needs to get the courts involved immediately to take him off of the birth certificate (if that is even possible). A few thousand in legal fees now is worth it to avoid hundreds of thousands in child support over the years.

Bobsutan · 2012-04-12T10:35:46+00:00

I don't know how the actual process works, but he needs to go to court ASAP if he doesn't want to be held financially responsible for the kid.

theozoph · 2012-04-12T12:39:03+00:00

At the very least, yes, he should try to get his name off the birth certificate. Also, he should see a lawyer to discuss what his options are. Depending on the country and the legislation, he might have a number of options we won't be able to provide info on.

At the personal level, there isn't much you can do except offer him moral support and friendship. If possible, offer him to come visit you on his own, he probably needs the relief.

But first, tell him to start lawyering ASAP. It doesn't matter how much it costs, he isn't rich enough not to afford a lawyer.

Edit: f*cking spelling, man.

TerriChris · 2012-04-12T14:29:10+00:00

Your friend is on the hook for eighteen years of 20% of his net income ($150k+), and maybe college expenses starting 2018 ($150-$200k) plus court costs ($5-$20k), with a risk of prison time, for a child that is not his.

I expect your friend will grow angry, which is a normal emotional response to having $300k+ stolen slowly over eighteen years. Sent him money. He also needs an experienced family lawyer.

babno · 2012-04-12T09:54:29+00:00

Tell him to focus on not that. Try, as hard as I'm sure it is, to think of the positive things in his life. His job, his parents/siblings/cousins etc are doing well, etc. Be there for him to talk to. Of course my and all of us here have our hearts go out to him, and if he is a redditor let him know he has a group of people who will support/console him here.

1Ender · 2012-04-12T17:38:30+00:00

It's somewhat surprising but there is a HUGE percentage of people that are raised by a father that is not biologically related and usually the "father" is unaware. In some communities it's as high as 1/3. There's a good book on this called Sperm Wars. You should recommend it to your friend, it goes into a lot of depth about reproductive selection and things like this and explains the biological drives that cause it. It will go to show that the reason that this happened to him is not through any fault on his just he opposite, that he has shown himself to be a strong man that will be loving and can support a family. Things that he should be proud of.

I would get himself removed from the birth certificate as well.

TheRealPariah · 2012-04-12T14:04:26+00:00

How did he find out?

rightsbot · 2012-04-12T08:48:17+00:00

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Neuromancer4242 · 2012-04-12T13:58:09+00:00

Tea and biscuits

Title	Friend from college just found out his month-old child is not his. How can I support him?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	22
Comments	17
Date	April 12, 2012 8:46 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/s5wv1/friend_from_college_just_found_out_his_monthold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/friend-from-college-just-found-out-his-month-old.1024170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1024170

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