[Question/Opinion] What is wrong with slut shaming?

matt_512 · 2012-03-14T02:30:53+00:00

I think that in general, many have very outdated views on sex.

It's important to note that everyone is different, has different preferences, and will therefore have different behavior. Some people are happy having sex with one person once a month, others have high libido and would rather have sex twice a day in several different positions. Some are happy being monogamous, some aren't.

Honestly, I dislike slut shaming, just like I dislike virgin-shaming or shaming for not having enough sex. None of your business, and just because you're happy with it there is no reason why someone else must be.

Erebus77 · 2012-03-14T02:57:45+00:00

I have a pet theory that I would like to present for critical examination and feedback, if I may.

I believe that slut-shaming can be viewed in the context of traditional gender roles, and the abandonment thereof. The traditional female gender role is one of chastity and purity, who rations her treasured sex to only those that truly truly deserve it. The ultra-traditional woman who waits until marriage for sex may view premarital sex as sluttish. Likewise a woman who engages in premarital sex within the confines of a loving relationship may view a woman who has multiple sex partners as a slut. Slut-shaming is the negative reaction to a woman who has rejected the traditional societal role, and instead chosen a different path.

So how does that apply to men? To answer that, you must ask yourself "what is the traditional role of men in society?". You could focus on a number of different aspects, such as saying that the traditional role of men is that of pursuer. Or you could say that the traditional role is that of provider. Or protector. Or leader. Now take the opposite of each of these attributes, and lets apply them to a man.

A man who chooses not to pursue women as the primary focus of his life, and instead decides to prioritise personal fulfillment, growth, enjoyment, relaxation, and happiness is quickly labelled a "man-child" and shamed for not growing up and getting married and supporting a wife and 2 kids. Or, his sexuality is called into question.
A man who chooses not to provide for a woman can at best hope for the label of "cheap" or "selfish", and at worst is labelled a "deadbeat dad" and promptly impoverished by the court system.
A man who chooses not to protect a woman and instead thinks of his own personal safety, is raked over the coals for not being "chivalrous", and called an ogre for not endangering himself for the benefit of another. A quick look at some of the news stories surrounding the evacuation of the Costa Concordia will find several articles that publicly shame men for not obeying the sexist notion of "women and children first".
Which brings us to Leader. I think that this is one of the most subtle and most difficult to quantify, but we can see cultural biases against men who do not present an "in charge" attitude. The single most desirable quality in a man, from all the reading that I've done anyway, is that of Confidence. A confident man will be preferred over someone who lacks in confidence in almost any situation, whether it be social, professional, or romantic. The "no, you decide" attitude is rarely met with much enthusiasm. Leadership, or lack thereof, is a circumstance where women do not shame men directly, but instead vote with their feet. A perrenial follower will quickly find himself following alone.

So to summarize, I feel that slut-shaming is a negative reaction to the abandonment of the traditional female role. Boy-shaming, as described above, is the negative reaction to the abandonment of the traditional male role.

We should fight against slut-shaming because it reinforces gender stereotypes that we are trying to break.

Il128 · 2012-03-14T01:37:48+00:00

I've come to the belief after five decades of life that having sexual intercourse/sexual relations with a lot of people is very risky behavior. For two main reasons:

Diseases. New ones pop up every 25-50 years. Not col to be the first person in your state to get AIDS or the latest and greatest.
People are crazy. The more people you have emotional contact with the more likely you are to end up with someone trying to hurt you or even kill you.

Based on my observations of life, the most happy people appear to be spiritual people in long term monogamous relationships. Those two things appear to be critical.

Long term friendship and monogamous relationship.
A spiritual foundation to the relationship. There has to be something more than just me, us or we... There has to be a higher calling.

So no, slut shaming isn't right but being a slut isn't a wise thing to do.

kimmehbee · 2012-03-14T02:59:01+00:00

I found your opinion to be very thought provoking, so thank you for the think!

I think it should be viewed a social sanction for people having excessive amounts of partners.

I think this is why slut shaming is such a sketchy and controversial area: Who gets to decide what "excessive" is? According to many religious groups, more than ONE person your ENTIRE life is "excessive". As you point out, 1000 partners is probably considered excessive by most people, but there's a lot of variance in people's opinions on 1 to 999 partners.

Social sanctions are important, like you pointed out below we have social sanctions against criminals and the like. However I think that sexual relationships between people affect society much less than most criminal acts, particularly now that we have such effective forms of birth control and fairly effective forms of disease prevention. Social sanctions used to prevent pregnancy and STI's, because there were few other options. As we've developed ways to prevent pregnancy/STI's that still allow sexual freedom, those social sanctions have being eroded. I don't think that's a coincidence and I don't think that's a bad thing, so long as it's accompanied by education about safe sex, because if people are safe their sexual relationships don't affect me.

So to counter your point, I think we as a society should be less focused on "You're having sex with too many different people!" and more focused on "You're not having safe enough sex, hey look this is how you put on a condom!"

rightsbot · 2012-03-14T01:12:17+00:00

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NiceGuysSTFU · 2012-03-14T13:30:58+00:00

Slut-shaming is wrong b/c as it exists (i.e. only slut-shaming women), it is sexist. To add men to the list of slut-shaming victims may equalize things, but only in the way that shitting on someones lawn and then shitting on someone else's is equal. There is no such thing as too many partners. Who gets to decide this arbitrary number that says otherwise? So long as you're safe and get tested regularly, fuck away!

Zippyvinman · 2012-03-15T02:48:44+00:00

Big whoop. Cry me a river.

Title	[Question/Opinion] What is wrong with slut shaming?
Author	TheeCandyMan
Upvotes	0
Comments	15
Date	March 14, 2012 1:10 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/qvg1b/questionopinion_what_is_wrong_with_slut_shaming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/questionopinion-what-is-wrong-with-slut-shaming.1025981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1025981

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