How to stop desperately seeking validation from everybody when you’ve never felt validated by others before? How to become self-validated?

salinorum · 2018-07-18T01:24:57+00:00

You’ve gotta validate yourself first by doing things with your life that bring you joy and value. Like to play chess? Get fucking get good at it. Interested in psychology? Read about it. Like to hike? Go fucking hike a bunch. Do stuff that makes your life better whether or not there are people there with you. You must have to create a life which is valuable to you and you alone. Being validated by others is whack and delusional - it skews your perception. Some people only seek validation from others which results in a complete loss of self, they turn into a puppet

voxiqs · 2018-07-18T01:06:29+00:00

How much of the reading have you done? NMMNG is the first text to go to on this, and it covers it extensively.

UnbreakableFrame · 2018-07-18T02:06:27+00:00

I'm gonna guess you are on the young side. I could be wrong. The reality is that not everyone gets a prize in life and men instinctively know this from birth.

If you want to respect yourself and gain real respect from others, you have to be good at something admirable. That's all there is to it.

Moreofmore · 2018-07-18T02:52:34+00:00

Self validation comes from isolation. Or monk mode. When it’s just you, validation doesn’t exist. Find it in the loneliness and bring it back with you

mrHappyPotatoe · 2018-07-18T21:03:46+00:00

Ask yourself what could you do today so you can be proud of yourself tomorrow.

Also, everynight you hit the bed question how are you feeling. Did I do everything I could today? If you feel this proud/enough feeling then thats your validation. If you feel like you slack off then you know you have to do better tomorrow.

Also you must constantly ask those questions. You should also picture yourself what kind of man you are in 5 or in 10 years.

Thing about others validating you. In age and experience comes this inaight about life. Especially insight that others opinion is none of your business.

boy_named_su · 2018-07-18T01:36:12+00:00

Pick useful goals for yourself. Start easy. Work toward those goals. Judge yourself by the work you do to execute your goals. Other people don't know your goals or what you've done to achieve them. Therefore their input is meaningless

AllgBeamtenrecht · 2018-07-18T05:05:41+00:00

you are asking for the hardest thing to do ever. people go to therapy for years in order to get there and still may never arrive. this is a very long and exhausting journey.

what helps me personally is to take small steps. first, try to give one nice thing to yourself every day, like a present. this can be a nap, good food or a good book. treat yourself with something good that is not pragmatic, because you are worth it. tell yourself that you deserve this because you are a cool guy. think from there

[deleted] · 2018-07-18T05:55:35+00:00

This is something I can instantly pick up in interactions with people: if they're insecure and trying to get my validation.

Girls can sense this even more and it's going to detrimental in your efforts to get laid. You have to self-improve to the point where you know that you're the shit and don't need anyone else's approval.

Daily affirmations help too (i.e. "I'm better than everyone else.).

Elitevaz · 2018-07-18T12:24:18+00:00

A self validating person competes with himself. It's not about gaining the approval of others, it's about doing something better than you did it before and striving to do it even better in the future.

Title	How to stop desperately seeking validation from everybody when you’ve never felt validated by others before? How to become self-validated?
Author	bossplayaintraining
Upvotes	14
Comments	12
Date	July 18, 2018 1:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8zqwxi/how_to_stop_desperately_seeking_validation_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-stop-desperately-seeking-validation-from.102984 https://theredarchive.com/post/102984

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