"It didn't have that giant feeling that a woman would feel being hit. [Being hit by my girlfriend] felt like it should seem funny, but it wasn't funny at all. I had no context to understand it. I can't think of anybody I knew who I would even talk about it with."

tazerbait · 2010-02-21T21:06:55+00:00

My ex used to slap me when she got really angry. Over stupid shit too. Once she thought I didn't buy her enough stuff for her birthday. I said I did and she slapped me. I always stayed calm and apologized for whatever I did wrong. I remember the exact moment it went way too far. We were sitting with one of her female friends and started talking about our last fight. She mentioned it made her feel better and calmed her down when she slapped me. Well okay, whatever. She then told her friend it was was funny because I couldn't hit her back. Ummmm... Then she slapped me. Hard, in the face. And they both laughed. Ok I got angry but I stayed calm, said "Don't do that again." Calm, quiet. Laughing, she slapped me again. Harder. I stood up, looked at her and said "I'm done." walked out.

I loved this girl. I really did. I just couldn't understand that she thought it was funny. Can you imagine the shit a guy would go through if he slapped a girl "because it's funny"? Of course to her friends it was my fault. I couldn't take a joke. But it had gone way beyond a joke at that point. That was just the tipping point. There was a whole mess of psychological abuse too, but I won't go into that here.

kanuk876 · 2010-02-21T18:28:29+00:00

Such an interesting and provocative piece from a man's perspective.

And then he capitulates at the end with this:

In the end, the best reason not to hit your guy is also the most empowering: You don't have to. You can hurt us way worse with a withering glance and some choice words. Or by banishing us to the couch, where we sometimes belong.

WTF? Physical abuse is un-cool, so stick with your emotional abuse? We're ok with emotional abuse?

Fuck that.

Omnicrola · 2010-02-21T22:46:38+00:00

Like many nice boys, I was discouraged from showing strong emotions at home, lessons I'm convinced helped me get myself smacked. If a girlfriend were angry at me, instead of yelling back, I'd do what I mistook to be the "mature" thing and keep quiet, answering in calm (that is, condescending) tones.

This honestly confuses me. Yelling back and forth at each other accomplishes nothing but to make each other angrier and say hurtful things. Staying calm lets you sort through things in a semi-rational manner. Or am I missing something here.

cryptogirl · 2010-02-21T19:05:46+00:00

It's nice to see a women's magazine taking up the too-often ignored issue of male victims of domestic violence. See, we're making progress :)

2010-02-25T02:36:32+00:00

I don't think I can remember even raising my voice to a significant other much less having a screaming match, the idea of normalizing or laughing about hitting someone is disgusting. I'm glad Marie Claire is running this article, they've always been the best of the trashy magazines but the last line is ridiculous. Punishment? "Don't hit him, treat him like a child instead." Punishment is not a viable problem solving skill for supposedly mature adults in relationships with each other.

Omnicrola · 2010-02-21T22:35:33+00:00

Maybe the author should call his brother.... Chuck.

(I'm so sorry, downvote me)

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