I already made a similar post to this one in another sub but now I want to hear potentially opposing views, and why some may stand behind them.

I don't think sexual incompatibility exists. You may claim to have a huge libido, a small libido, or no libido at all - it's all bonkers to me. You're not actually "high libido", "low libido" or even "no libido".

Lack of sexual desire is a straight up symptom of a neuropsychiatric disorder that you may or may not be aware of. I'm sorry if this triggers some of you, but it's simply true. (source/A-MUST read: Sexual Desire Disorders) Whether it's depression, anxiety, paranoid disorders, obsessive-impulsive disorders - something is definitely wrong. (Nothing wrong with something being wrong, though. The only wrong thing you can do is refuse to admit it's wrong. We're humans, we're flawed, we make mistakes. It's ok. We can work on it!)

Similarly, excessive sexual desire is also a symptom of a neuropsychiatric disorder, most commonly due to porn addiction. I'm not even going to talk about how harmful porn is, we should all be well aware of it's devastating effects on our psyche by now, even if that truth hurts our sense of comfort.

Humans should have sexual desires- it's an evolutionary trait that helps us progress as a species. While I don't approve of completely succumbing to the nature's ways (which are more often than not skewed and unacceptable in a civil society), we cannot just ignore it. We have to be aware of how it shapes us and work to rise above it. We're more than just our nature.

But where is the limit of what's a healthy sexual desire and what isn't?
If you find yourself ogling at women you don't know at all, your sexual desires are unhealthy and should be controlled.

Similarly, if you find yourself repulsed by touching someone you're otherwise intimate with (on an emotional/spiritual/whatever other level you consider important), you have an unhealthy expression (or lack thereof) of sexual desire.

"Sexuality is a complex interplay of multiple facets, including anatomical, physiological, psychological, developmental, cultural, and relational factors.1 All of these contribute to an individual’s sexuality in varying degrees at any point in time as well as developing and changing throughout the life cycle. Sexuality in adults consists of seven components:

  • Gender identity
  • Orientation
  • Intention
  • Desire
  • Arousal
  • Orgasm
  • Emotional satisfaction

Gender identity, orientation, and intention form sexual identity, whereas desire, arousal, and orgasm are components of sexual function. The interplay of the first six components contributes to the emotional satisfaction of the experience. In addition to the multiple factors involved in sexuality, there is the added complexity of the corresponding sexuality of the partner. The expression of a person’s sexuality is intimately related to his or her partner’s sexuality."

Now, this cited paragraph may SEEM contradicting to my title, but it's actually confirmative of it.

Before you even get to the point of sexual intimacy, you ought to explore everything that shapes it (see "Sexuality is a complex interplay of..."). Who is this person you're interacting with? How do they navigate this world? What do they prioritise in life? Do your lifestyles match? These are all the questions you should have answered before you get to the point of sexual intimacy.

Everything you do reflects on your own, and your partner's, sexual desire.

If your partner is a positive influence on your life (whether through emotional support, spiritual uplifting, etcetc.), you should have no problems in engaging them sexually.

If there is a problem, it most likely lies in 1) the way your partner treats you or 2) the way you treat yourself. This should be a signal to take a step back and take a long, hard look at the situation. Are you ready to be vulnerable with this person? Why/why not?

Sexual compatibility is a complex interplay of how you two mesh in many facets of life, not just how enthusiastic you two are in bed with each other.

Besides, your enthusiasm in bed is also directly linked to how well you two interact on other levels in life, not just in bed. You may be excited/enthusiastic about having sex with your new SO, but if they don't satisfy you on other levels of life, you're unlikely to keep that enthusiasm. This is when sex becomes a chore, and dead bedrooms come to play.

.....

This approach is something you should consider only when looking to commit. There are guys who will beg and plead to test the "sexual compatibility" before committing (which I also consider bonkers, why shouldn't you be able to break up with someone merely 2 days after they asked to be with you? You didn't sign any papers, after all. Move on!), when in reality, they just want casual sex. This is manipulative and you can see in my post why it doesn't hold up. Stay away from anyone who cries about sexual compatibility.

For casual sex, you may not even need to know their name, just have both parties aware of what they're getting themselves into (ie casual sex).