Advice for avoiding burnout?

KittyKim35 · 2021-09-05T10:26:18+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it!!

To clarify some questions y'all have:

-Yes, he is committed long term and even though we aren't married yet, he cares for and treats me as a husband would and we both approach the relationship as if we were married. We aren't legally married yet as there are things we want to take care of first before trying the knot.

-He's getting husband benefits because it was a mutual decision for me to stay home when the opportunity arose. He started a new job, and with his new schedule he works some of the days when he has his daughter, so instead of paying someone else to watch her those days, it gave me an opportunity to leave a job I wasnt happy in and save him the hassle of worrying about childcare.

Thank you all again for the advice!! Hopefully I was able to clarify some things!

anothergoodbook · 2021-09-05T00:25:32+00:00

I will answer your question (but I’ve got a few for you too): how long have you been dating? Is there a long term commitment? Why does he have husband benefits if you aren’t married?

As for burnout:

have a routine. You do need to be flexible in planning because things can happen, but you need some structure. And that includes rest and downtime. It needs to be scheduled.
have realistic expectations around your time and what you can do. How long should meal prep take? How clean is clean enough?
take breaks - they need to be scheduled! We even have a “sabbath” day in our house where we do nothing - no cleaning or anything. If we cook a big meal it’s because it’s bringing us joy. Otherwise we grab frozen pizza. We just spend the day doing whatever things we want to do.
determine your priorities and build your routine around that. You will always have something more you can clean or do or be busy with. It really could never end. You may need to cull something you’re trying to accomplish because there just isn’t time. You may need to declutter so there less to clean.

Discovery777 · 2021-09-05T10:56:18+00:00

That's great that your partner has been supportive and told you to take more time off :) Feeling guilty for it is just something you will have to recognise as a deeply engrained cognitive distortion/belief system, and not the actual truth. A lot of us were raised to put everyone else first, and that our value is in what and how much we do for others. It is just conditioning. If you buy into the guilt feelings you will just end up causing yourself more pain, not truly resting properly, being preoccupied, trying to "make up" for lost time, and continuing to push yourself for the benifit of everyone else. I'm speaking from experience lol :p

Also, I think it could be a good idea to get a blood test done, and get the Doctor to check your vitamin D, B's and iron levels.. just incase an imbalance is contributing to your fatigue :) I recommend reading the pathology results from a Functional Pathology perspective, as sometimes even the slightest deficiency can cause a lot of symptoms (dispite it being within the "Normal" range). The "Normal" range is a very, very wide birth.

For me, even though I still struggle with it, I find deligating tasks to be super helpful. I used to be so perfectionistic, always did everything myself, wouldn't ask for help, over exerted and over extended myself to everyone. I'd even flat out say "No/no thanks I don't need any help I can't do it" while faking a smile, when people would offer to help. Sometimes people would ask "Are you sure?" And I'd keep saying no. It was just automatic. But sometimes I wished that people could see through me the way I can see through others, and just help regardless of my "no." Gosh there are so many hectic times in my past that I refused help lol (and still do to an extent, but I'm working on it). Looking back, its ridiculous. I suffered with burn out and I'm still recovering years later.

Anyway...! If there is stuff that the child can do herself, or help with, then let her :) It might be a crappier job than if you'd done it yourself. But it can be helpful to have an extra pair of hands. I don't know the age of the child or what her capabilities are, but promoting independence and building new skills is important. She will feel good about herself when you praise her for it as well. Same goes for your partner - if he can help, or do things for himself that you'd normally do, then let him :) You can also ask friends to help out when you need it. Whether it be helping to supervise or play with the child, or helping with other household stuff. Boundaries are important too :)

Also, look for any areas that take up a lot of time/energy, and brainstorm ways that you could make it easier. E.g: - Washing only once a week instead of more. - Shopping once per week, or shopping online and getting it delivered. - Meal prepping for the week ahead on a single day and freezing what needs freezing. Or even just buying some microwaveable meals for times when you are feeling too tired to cook. - Rotate tasks (e.g., you do the task one day, and your BF does it the next. Or you do one week, he does the next). - Don't over-commit yourself to doing extra work, or extra social events etc.

Be mindful of when you are doing too much just to people-please. Look deeper into what's behind patterns like that. E.g., "I people-please because I'm afraid of conflict/abandonment/being seen as weak/because I want validation from others etc." Then do the healing to reprogram those types of negative beliefs :)

I am finding it difficult to make specific suggestions since it is a broad topic and it would depend on your lifestyle etc, but I hope it is helpful anyway and best of luck :)

SuperWriter07 · 2021-09-05T10:02:48+00:00

Why are you staying home, giving up on your income, and looking after his complete household without marrying him?

2021-09-13T17:05:32+00:00

Only advice? Try like a meal delivery prep service like Hello Fresh/Home Chef/Blue Apron.

I never worry about dinner- ever Lunches are a lot more manageable- sandwiches/wraps or anything I can just put in the oven and forget about until it’s done!

edit: girl! you better get on out of there!

mikeegg1 · 2021-09-05T19:12:04+00:00

Male: Read the books of Laura Doyle.

Title	Advice for avoiding burnout?
Author	KittyKim35
Upvotes	10
Comments	32
Date	September 4, 2021 11:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/pi292q/advice_for_avoiding_burnout/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/advice-for-avoiding-burnout.1066842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066842

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