Is it a fact of life that most guys who are pursuing women are trash?

NecessaryCook · 2020-08-02T23:52:55+00:00

HVM do exist and are most often found in real life.

Ideal answers to these questions-

Why would I want to be in a relationship with him?

He adds value to your life.

Why is he looking for women?

He is looking for a monogamous life partner and is monogamous himself.

Why does he appear to be interested in a relationship with me?

The attraction is based on mutual respect, interests, and attraction. He feels I add value to his life as well. Way more than looks or superficiality going on here.

Why is he single?

Because he too has standards and is looking for someone specific, doesn't want to lead women on if he sees no future there.

Now, here is how the questions are answered for LVM

Why would I want to be in a relationship with him? You wouldn't.
Why is he looking for women? Desperate for sex, attention, validation, gets a thrill and ego boost from it.
Why does he appear to be interested in a relationship with me? Nefarious reasons.
Why is he single? Character flaws.

myousername · 2020-08-03T00:49:43+00:00

This is very true. The only 2 HVM I have ever dated I met through 1) university, and 2) a shared hobby. Neither were actively dating, just focusing on self improvement, until we met and "clicked"

All of the men I met online were LVM or NVM, most I find out before meeting, but some are better at hiding it for longer than the others. Not sure why they suck so bad, maybe that demographic is just horny yet lazy. I have since stopped using OLD for this reason.

enyoron · 2020-08-03T17:58:20+00:00

HVM don't tend to be on the "dating market" for very long. They enter stable, committed, long term relationships and become single only for incompatibility issues. Meanwhile, the men most active on the "dating market" are the LVM/NVM who can't keep a stable relationship because they have serious unaddressed flaws, like commitment issues, general perversion and selfishness, lack of ambitions, etc.

kaoutanu · 2020-08-03T04:15:39+00:00

Most men who are actively "looking" won't stop looking just because they met someone.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-13T19:34:16+00:00

My philosophy on discerning NVM/LVM from a HVM in the dating game as drastically evolved since finding FDS because the most important thing I have learned is that you CANNOT confirm 100000% a person is potentially a HVM (or HV person in general) until you spent enough time together in public places (outside of a house date or some other type of low effort date like "coffee" or "happy hour" because LVM/NVM thinks paying for a few drinks allows them access to your body for some reason) in a variety of short term dates to assess comparability and connection AS WELL AS observing their actions, values, and behaviors towards others to assess character.

I used an OLD platform and it was relatively easy to weed out the NVM and over time, slowly discern the LVM, and eventually narrow down to a few rotational dates/suitors that could be potentially HVM over the span of 4 months but I made it clear that I would not do anything beyond a kiss because I believe attraction grows over time and any man that tries to pressure you or justify the need for "sExUaL cOmPaTiBiLiTy" before deciding if you are "worthy enough" for HIM to decide if I am "enough" to commit to long term, IS NOT THE MAN FOR ME. And that's okay. That's not everyone's cup of tea, but I am not ashamed to have my standards and expectations remain the same--even if I "could lose" a man's validation because if that's what it takes to "keep" him interested, he is not really HV in my opinion. Some women may think otherwise, but I no longer do casual sex BS. That's not who I am and if they disrespect me or try to neg me into violating my truth, he is a toxic option for me and I'd rather not go down that path.

If a man keeps asking me questions 1-4 as you described, I would be wary because talk is cheap. Men lie all the time in subtle ways to get what they want (in general) so of course they want us to lay out our hands and he wants me to form an intense emotional bond through overtaking at length with hypothetical dating discussion questions or "what we are looking for" but that doesn't tell me SHIT about his character or what he really wants because at the end of the day, I have no control over another person's actions and the only want I will find out THE TRUTH is through observed tangible action and follow through over time.

Sure he can ask me or I can ask him, "What are you looking for?" in a partner, but it doesn't mean they will be honest or even have the self-awareness to accurately convey that to another person. It's another thing to continue to make plans consistently with a suitor, follow through with actions, and giving them attention or taking actions to show you are invested with them.

When men would ask me "Why are you single?" I would usually respond "It feels like you see me being single as a negative thing. Why is that?" Or I am sassy and am like "Why are you single?" Or sometimes I just confidently say "What do you mean by that?"

Men who imply there is something wrong with a woman being single has some major projection or insecurities or potentially sexist views IMO. I am fine being single, I am a complete stranger to them, and we JUST FUCKING MET! If it wasn't a dating context, would you have the gall to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and ask why they are not in a relationship? Of course not! So with dating, HVM know that they should get to know a woman as a human being and not drone on and on about the past or what we are looking for because in love, we do not have complete control of the outcome because it happens gradually so oversharing or over-talking seems counterproductive in my book. They don't need a dissertation on my entire past life and/or previous experiences with dating to determine if I am "enough" to be considered as an option. If you want to get to know me, get to know ME as a human being and you will find that answer over time.

Title	Is it a fact of life that most guys who are pursuing women are trash?
Author	3rrOP
Upvotes	25
Comments	8
Date	August 2, 2020 1:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/i2c8on/is_it_a_fact_of_life_that_most_guys_who_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/is-it-a-fact-of-life-that-most-guys-who-are.1068536 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068536

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