How can i find a High Value Woman? how do i prove my honesty?

jetpatch · 2020-03-19T19:03:05+00:00

You don’t have to prove your honesty you have to demonstrate your honesty.

evolutionary_suicide · 2020-03-19T19:26:21+00:00

When you become HV you don't have to show or prove. You become HV and anyone who can't see it falls to the wayside. If you are trying to prove yourself, you're putting forward an effort that's unnecessary and you'll get tired of having to do it. Like a hard worker doesn't have to work extra hard to show it, they just work hard. They just do it. And they gravitate towards people who see it.

So either you are of value and she isn't seeing it, or you aren't and she's seeing it.

You got kind of defensive about something in your post, which means low value.

If she's pointing to things you did in the past that made you unreliable, don't try and make an excuse for it. Instead change it. If you can't change it, accept that she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't have time or resources for her.

Get away from the victim mentality. She pointed out something true. You explained away why she shouldn't be concerned and then turned it around on her making your feelings hurt. This is a huge huge huge turn off for women. Accept the situation as it is or move on. But don't expect her to put up with your excuses. You're essentially wanting the credibility or being reliable without doing the work of being reliable. Then blaming her for the fact that you haven't been reliable. "It hurts my feelings that you pointed out a thing I did and expect me to be responsible for my own actions." Again, disgusting. Libido killed.

Be reliable/honest. Then you won't have to worry about it.

ivy176 · 2020-03-20T00:21:29+00:00

This is just going off my intuition, but you don't seem ready to me. You seem very young, or at least very young at heart, and you have no idea what you want.

You should know the qualities you want in a partner. You should be able to easily list them and they should be specific, not vague meaningless words like "nice" and "a good person". You need to think about it. Of course we all want someone kind, intelligent, honest, loyal, good work ethic etc. But think abput what qualities make someone all of those things to you. Do you expect a woman to like and want kids or the opposite? Do you want someone who loves animals, or do you have no interest? Someone who's involved with their family? Someone who likes to travel or go out a lot or more of a home body? Someone who has a lot of qualifications or does it not matter?

Ultimately, in my opinion, it's best to be with someone with as similar values and lifestyle to you as possible. Being with someone really different to you won't "bring the best out of you and teach you to be a brand new amazing person", it'll be exhausting and full of conflict. Similar values. Similar lifestyle. Similar values. Similar lifestyle.

If you couldn't "prove" your commitment in the past then you were not demonstrating commitment. Commitment either is or it isn't. You can't say you're committed but then put the person 4th on your list of priorities or be wishy washy about future plans, or any girl with self respect will be gone.

It doesn't sound like you've had very serious or very long term relationships (that were leading to marriage or where you lived together or that went for ~5 years). It sounds like you only have been in honeymoon type periods.

It's very important to question WHY you want The One. Is it for a life partner? Marriage? Kids? Childfree bliss? What do you want? If you're not really sure about what future you want then you will be wishywashy in any relationship.

If you are looking for someone to madly fall in love with, give you thrills, give you lots of attention, one where that strong infatuation won't really wear off, for a woman that will just capture you and make you see the light and want to marry her because she's overwhelmingly amazing and makes you feel high... it aint gonna work. Those things are honeymoon phase things and they calm way down after years with someone. No woman will make you feel ready for something if you're just not ready within yourself.

Some men at random ages just become more ready for The Big One. Some also THINK they're ready when they're not. Some men are love addicts and always up for The Big One, but they are like puppies looking for a home and don't end up building a strong and healthy life partnership. I find the ones who are TRULY ready tend to be older and have history and life experience.

My partner for example - him wanting to marry me is a result of our personalities being very compatible, me being unique and special to him, me connecting with him in a way that no one else had ever before, BUT there were other factors within him that had nothing to do with me that contributed to him feeling ready as well. He was 39, he had bought a home and that boosted his confidence, he was in good financial position, he had stress but he got to a point where he could say he liked his life.

So it's a combination of knowing yourself and what you want, being in a good position in your life and wanting to add someone to that rather than wanting them to save you from your life, and that chance encounter with somebody who possesses great qualities and connects with you on a deeper level, at the right time, in the right place. Then it requires a lot of effort to put them first and build your partnership.

daburka · 2020-03-19T15:26:21+00:00

Effort is essential but above that have a meaningful life outside of your relationship. Do you have aspirations and goals you are working towards? Do you have any skills you are developing? What are some of the things that you can do to better yourself as a person? These are all questions you have to ask yourself. When you do these things your value goes up and you attract more people that are on the same wavelength as you. Know what you want in a woman and DO NOT SLEEP AROUND "looking for the one". When you find someone special you'll have a better chance of knowing if you take your time before getting serious (sex) . It's okay to focus on yourself, just be upfront and honest, maturity goes a long way when you have clear intentions and can communicate openly about wants and needs. Put yourself in her shoes too and think about what she would like, and always do what you can do to make her smile. Tbh....don't even focus on women right now or relationships it seems like you're young so it's more important than ever to develop genuine friendships with women and see where it goes from there. It's a sad world when a man can't have a friendship with a woman without sexual undertones. Focus on being able to have a lot to offer which contrary to popular belief does not have to have anything to do with money or fancy dinner dates or whatever. good luck

TheOmega2002 · 2020-03-20T04:07:17+00:00

Just be and they'll see.

2020-03-20T00:40:29+00:00

Look for indicators of the traits that make someone “high value” to you. If you love particular traits, let’s say you like for a partner to be athletic, then you might notice ease of running around or walking if you go on a more active date, like to an amusement park. The FDS reading materials have a definition of a HVW somewhere, but the simplified version is that a HVW exists as a full human being on her own, but has a great deal to share in a relationship because of her full life. A HVM also should have that full life on his own, but offer a great deal to the relationship.

1) Work on finding what took the joy out of relationships. It sounds like you need to take time to heal and stop associating bad experiences with everyone.

2) You can’t guarantee that anyone will perceive you in a particular way. You just have to be honestly committed, and ready to leave if she can’t handle that because of past experiences. It’s on each of you to heal pre-dating.

Best of luck!

2020-03-21T07:37:19+00:00

Male talk is the cheapest talk there is.

wishingstarrs · 2020-03-19T15:11:47+00:00

1) Online dating is sort of a cesspool. I recommend just making groups of friends at places and seeing where things go. I only started dating the person I'm currently dating after we knew each other for over 6 months. In my view, High Value Woman is someone who treats everyone with dignity and respect, is independent and has her own life, and is generally financially stable (or is working to get there).

2) Proving that you are high value takes time. Show compassion in every area of your life, not just to get dates. Work on self improvement. When asking a woman out on a date, put effort into it. You don't have to go somewhere expensive, but somewhere that shows you thought about it. Don't pressure her into progressing further than she is ready.

Title	How can i find a High Value Woman? how do i prove my honesty?
Author	evolutionary_suicide
Upvotes	23
Comments	31
Date	March 19, 2020 1:06 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/fl9prp/how_can_i_find_a_high_value_woman_how_do_i_prove/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-can-i-find-a-high-value-woman-how-do-i-prove.1068769 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068769

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