Never say sorry or thankyou to a narcissist. They prey on vulnerable people to make them dependent on them/ feel they owe them only to use it against them later. Their calculated favours are priming you to tolerate the abuse that’s coming.

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-26T22:00:05+00:00

This guy is on the ball about never letting a narc think you owe them- it’s one of their main tactics to hoover victims back & gain control. They deliberately try to sabotage people & make them dependent on them

Narcissists deliberately prey on confident strong people who aren’t at full capacity.

Whether they are:

Stressed Overwhelmed with work Struggling financially Struggling with family relations Struggling with their mental health Going through a trauma or tradgedy Fresh out of a breakup Lonely

If they are at full capacity, they will take glee in trying to break them down. But usually they like prey that’s become vulnerable & honest folks.

This is why they are so kind and generous at first. It’s the love bombing. The world wind romance. They are mirroring you. They adore you in that stage as you’re compliant & pumping their fragile ego.

But you will often be suspicious of their motives still…why? Because you read them correct the first time. Believe yourself.

Then as they started to gain your trust & get comfortable (the more difficult you make this the more pathological, driven & addicted they get as you’re delaying supply to them) they will start to belittle you and test your temperature

They may start:

Triangulating you against ex’s and other random women they’re ogling- then accuse you of being paranoid or insecure (nah that’s them since they feel compelled to knock you down)

Make deliberately disrespectful ‘jokes’ then call you too sensitive (nah they’re just dead inside)

Constantly bring up what they did for you (which is proof it wasn’t genuine & was calculated) to hoover you in

They will start cheating on you & rubbing subtle cues under your nose only to gaslight you when you confront them (uh oh she’s saw through me) . Childish, they beg to be caught then hate the consequences.

If you confront them they will quickly divert the topic, lose their temper or bring the focus back on you and putting you down.

They may say things like:

‘After everything I did for you, you’re ungrateful, you were using me’

(See what they’re doing ….flipping the script as if it’s you who was pursuing them or owes them. They’re trying to make the innocent party prove themselves)

‘You’re sabotaging this with your paranoia and trust issues. No one likes you, I’m giving you everything, you need me’

(DARVO- they’re projecting. They sabotaged it and don’t like consequences. They need you because you’re better than them)

‘Why are you with me if that’s what you believe? See you don’t believe it. Why would I do x y z for you if I didn’t care’

(Trying to mock & belittle you- huh you clearly aren’t smart I’m such a cunning narc- not. When he was the one orchestrating all of this. He deliberately did the most to get you so he could sabotage it. He wants to break you down)

They may also start temper tantrums so they can be away from you & start texting other women or smear you to their family. Will get very flinchy with their phone & start making excuses. So if they start picking random fights all the time or spending longer times at work Aka cheating - I can assure thats what that is. He’s getting ready to jump ship to the next victim.

When this all blows up in their face. You’re gonna have to stick your heel in the ground & remember all that kindness was fake & calculated to make you feel you owe them a relationship even when they’re clearly abusing you.

You do not owe anybody submission to abuse.

They will bring up all the ‘good times’ & nice things they did (when you barely knew them) trying to get sentimental & make you doubt yourself. Don’t buy it and remember who they are- someone who takes glee in abusing you. They are spiteful and dead inside.

Don’t apologise to them. Don’t thank them for what they did because their true colours have shown. They were finding it funny hurting you.

They are not what they pretend to be to keep you there. They were never that person. They just PRETENDED to get you. Remember there was something in it for them.

jjlew922 · 2021-09-26T21:51:31+00:00

I can attest sorry & thank you are words you will not hear from a sociopathic covert narcissist. A grandiose one will use them (esp sorry) in order to sideline then scapegoat with some excuse and lace it with gaslighting lies. A narcissist sees relationships as a means to serve them. Watch how often you walk away from “fights” feeling confused and misunderstood- that’s the key to the bigger play in how you’re always the one feeling the need to apologize of be thankful for breadcrumbs.

honestlyidkfr · 2021-09-27T00:02:36+00:00

Narcissists don’t value anything other than the physical; sex, money, possessions, food, drugs, shiny things… that’s why they never say sorry or thank you, and why your sorry or thank you means nothing to them beyond the physical YOU and having control of YOU as an object (ie if you say sorry when you shouldn’t have to, they know they have control of you). They do not value your emotional intimacy, they value you for what you do; cooking for them, having sex with them, sitting around looking pretty, etc. They don’t love you any more than they love their dishwasher for washing dishes or their light bulb for lighting up the room.

That’s why they don’t see or treat you as human, and why they are dangerous individuals. Don’t go within a mile radius of them, don’t speak to them.

Knarfia · 2021-09-27T02:15:54+00:00

The "calculated favors" thing is spot-on.

My ex did little favors for everyone, myself included. He would buy me my favorite coffee or Thai food. So sweet, right? Except he was also quickly draining my bank account and taking out multiple loans in my name. Even took out a life insurance policy on me and named himself the beneficiary. Creepy AF. Was he going to murder me? Sometimes I think he was/ may still.

When I found out about these things and confronted him, he was furious.

WhAt aBoUt aLl ThE CofFeEs? DiD ThAt MeAn NoThiNg To Me?

I guess I was just really ungrateful.

lostntiredd · 2021-09-26T22:51:35+00:00

100%. Everything is transactional to them. You mess up once and that erases all the abuse they ever did to you and they'll hold your mistake over your head forever.

LittleRobberDucky · 2021-09-26T23:23:19+00:00

I always appreciate these posts because I've recently learned that my (current and only) partner is a narcissist, and I struggle with going back and forth on my "opinion". It's pretty hard to deny when I see such accuracy in every post about narcissism. Kinda bittersweet 😅

chunktopia · 2021-09-27T07:35:12+00:00

Omg that’s basically all I ever said to my nex 🥴

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