Crosspost "Some thoughts about plots and (male) characters in the 'romantic' genre: TV shows, movies, and literature" from /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates:

As we know, women tend to dominate the consumption of the romantic genre of books and film. This has seemed somewhat strange to me - given that women and men both engage in romantic relationships in real life, why would there be such a discrepancy in who likes to read about them? (leaving aside the issue of boys in general, reading less)

While this is certainly not a proper (or the only answer) to this question, I think a part of this could be the way in which plots and characters are described in this genre. In particular, I'd like to focus on how the men are depicted.

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Most of the time, it's exactly the same plot, more or less. We have the protagonist, an ordinary woman with an unremarkable personality/life: with a a husband who loves her (maybe kids too).

Everything is great on the surface, but something is missing from this woman's life (of course, because monogamous life is so unexciting and patriarchal).

Through some nonsensical scheme or other, she comes across this super-sexy, exciting, male character who she sleeps with and can't get enough of. It's either someone from her past, or a totally new addition to her life altogether.

This guy has all the right qualities (and the right 'quantities' too, if you know what I mean). He's the perfect embodiment of the female fantasy: Traditionally masculine, but only to the extent that it works for women: He'll be:

  • Super-attractive
  • Muscular
  • Tall (above 6 feet)
  • Socially dominant
  • Ambitious and Driven
  • Stoic, gruff
  • Possess some combination of the 3 'dark triad' traits

The 'socially dominant' part is crucial - this guy will never be unemployed, be an addict or have any other issues, no sir!* Rather, he'll either be some sort of clan-leader, warrior, soldier. Or, in the modern world, he'd be something like a billionaire (think 50 Shades of Gray).

(* even if he were, his physically dominant traits still make him irresistible to our lady-protagonist)

However, in contrast to his regressive masculine qualities, he'll also be feminist in the 'correct', most attractive way. He'll:

  • Give our protagonist his single-minded attention (in spite of being able to attract literally anyone else, something that's explicitly made clear)
  • Happily accept all her needs and requirements (especially w.r.t. sex, which the husband never did, for some reason)
  • Be perfect with animals/babies
  • Show only the 'right' emotions (such as sorrow on not spending more time with protagonist)
  • Show his 'love' for her in a 'stoic' manner (just a sentence here or there, nothing overboard)

The exact description varies on the TV show/book in question, but you get the point.

Now, just so that viewers don't end up sympathizing too much with the husband of this woman, the show will end up showing the husband cheating on his wife with his secretary or something.

Often, the 'secretary' is shown to be a 'lesser' woman than our heroine protagonist - in terms of looks, personality, etc.

Perhaps, there will be a scene where the protagonist catches the husband and the secretary sleeping together, in response to which the secretary feels bad and ends up ending the affair; as a form of 'solidarity' her fellow woman, the protagonist.

This is a genius move. Compared to our exciting-cheater-guy, the husband had nothing going for him, except for his supposed loyalty and love for his wife. But of course, even this has to be taken away and the husband 'is as bad' as the cheating wife in this regard.

So ultimately, the husband is this utterly useless character who literally has no redeeming characteristics whatsoever. (Note: he's probably also terrible in bed or is not 'well endowed', if the book/show is trashy enough).

There are so many shows and books that conform to this basic structure, it's crazy. All the way from the critically acclaimed show 'Outlander' (based on a book) to the very terrible 'Sex/Life'.

Even the endings are somewhat predictable. Sometimes, the woman will return to the husband - by 'forgiving' him for the sake of the family/kids. This is something that's done to show the great 'strength of character' that the woman possesses (how her heart breaks at not being able to cheat with the hot guy!).

Or, she decides to go for the exciting guy and leave her husband behind (especially if there are no kids involved). The exact details vary.

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I will not try to pretend that this sort of plot is something that's come up recently. What I do have an issue with. is the narrative that's formed around the 'hot guy' and how utterly

  1. regressive
  2. self-contradictory
  3. unrealistic

our sexy-cheater guy is - not to mention the way that the husband is depicted (but that's probably a separate post, really).

On the one hand, feminists decry 'toxic masculinity' everywhere. On the other, feminist media (and literature) use the same 'masculine' traits and make ideal male characters out of them.

To me, this just highlights two points that people on this sub itself have pointed out:

  1. Traditionally masculine traits are desirable if (i) it's an attractive guy, or (ii) if they make the guy attractive in the first place (something like height and a muscular body)The rest of the less-than-attractive male population has to neuter their masculine side and adhere to whatever the feminists want them to do.
  2. Even within what are masculine traits, feminists (and anyone who's influenced by it) think of masculine traits as a buffet: picking up all the bits they like, and designating the rest to the trash ('men need to let go of toxic masculinity').

Regardless of how 'harmless' this sort of media might seem, what we see and watch in our time affects the way we think and how we interpret the world around us.

Personally, I dislike all gender based stereotypes - be it the 'hot alpha male' from the 'romantic' genre or the 'perfect suburban housewife' from the 1950s.

The trouble is, I don't think we as a society are thinking about how these stereotypes really affect us, men AND women. If terrible stereotypes around women are to be removed from all forms of media (which I agree with), why not do the same with male stereotypes as well? I don't even see a conversation about this anywhere.

PS: I would like to discuss media that I feel deal with gender-based stereotypes tastefully, but I'd leave it for the comments or another post since this has already become very long.

Posted by d_v_c | 4 October 2021 | Link