How do I stop the unhealthy inclination to be turned off when a guy that I like likes me back?

vze1fm8gn · 2021-12-04T20:48:04+00:00

You may have avoidant attachment style. It has nothing to do with red or blue pill. Read about avoidant attachment style

KombuchaEnema · 2021-12-04T17:37:32+00:00

How does he express interest?

I think this is important. I think society as a whole has pushed this narrative that men need to impress women and make women feel adored. Meanwhile, women are supposed to sit passively and soak up all the adoration that they rightfully deserve just for existing.

Perfect example: men pay for dates, and they get the pleasure of spending ~2 hours with a woman. If he expects sex, he’s greedy because just having the opportunity to talk to her and pay for her meal is some divine gift that she’s given to him. After all, she’s a goddess and a queen and he’s lucky to have some time with her.

So on and so forth.

I always felt uncomfortable with this dynamic. I actually enjoy it when a man has standards that I can’t easily meet just by breathing and having a vagina. I like putting in effort to impress a man. I think a lot of women do…which is why a lot of women aren’t attracted to the nice guys who shower them with excessive adoration (like society expects them to).

I think this is the result of women working themselves into a corner. A lot of women think “I need adoration and constant affection and worship and I’m a goddess I’m a queen who deserves it,” but in reality it makes her miserable to be put on a pedestal - she loses attraction to her man and lacks the introspective reasoning ability to realize what’s happening. In her mind she rationalizes it as “well he’s boring” versus “I emasculated him by demanding he treats me like a goddess and now I’ve lost attraction to him because of it. I was wrong about what I truly want from a man.”

So you’re probably a victim of that culture. I have always been viscerally disgusted when a man does the whole “you’re a queen, you’re the most beautiful woman on Earth” worship talk. I had to analyze why I felt that way.

To me, a man who gets on his knees and worships anyone is not a Captain. He’s not masculine. I don’t want a man who’s stumbling over himself to meet my standards. I want a man whose standards need to be met. And unfortunately modern dating shames men who have standards beyond “she’s breathing and not a murderer or 700 lbs.” So a lot of men are afraid to enforce standards. A lot of men are afraid to have standards.

So, again, how is he expressing his interest in you? Is he showering you with praise or putting you on a pedestal? If so, have a conversation and just explain to him that a simple “I love you” or “you look good tonight” is good enough for you to feel loved.

If he’s showing interest in a reasonable way and you’re just disgusted by any sign that he’s attracted to you, I’d say pursue therapy because that’s a deep-seated psychological issue.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-12-04T17:28:15+00:00

I think you should do some internal investigation into why you feel this way.

For example, is it because of low self-esteem, so when someone wants you, you question their judgment because your opinion of yourself is so low?

Or is it because you like the “chase” more than the actual relationship, so when you have to “work” to bring him back to liking you, it’s more stimulating/fun for you?

Finding the root cause is the first step to figuring out the problem, and then you can tailor your approach to fixing the particular issue.

I’d also suggest keeping a gratitude journal and consciously reminding yourself of the positives of your relationship and what you like about your bf. Practice makes perfect when it comes to reframing your thinking.

_kievstar_ · 2021-12-04T21:59:50+00:00

Childhood stuff... Best under guidance of a good psychologist

Title	How do I stop the unhealthy inclination to be turned off when a guy that I like likes me back?
Author	Wild-Complex-5980
Upvotes	6
Comments	4
Date	December 4, 2021 4:19 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r8t16l/how_do_i_stop_the_unhealthy_inclination_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-stop-the-unhealthy-inclination-to-be.1088727 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088727

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