I wanted to find a beutiful person to love and to live for. But all i see is power games. All i see is nothingness. No true value. I was lucky to find some meaning and purpose in all of this. But i Cant really fet over the fact. I am being valued for my output, not my being. As a man. It is just this paranoia of beutiful women, only being able to settle for a guy who Can benefit her the most. I just want someone to hold in my bed. Something real. A connection. But it just seems so untealistic and goddamn exhausting to maintain. And i just dont get it. And Maybe that is just okay. I dont fkn get it man.