I’m an average-looking 20-year-old in college, and for the past couple of years, I’ve been hooking up with a girl who, by any standard measure, is way out of my league. Whenever I show a picture of her to my friends, they’re always in disbelief by how hot she is. Ever since I met her at a bus station in high school, she’s been eager to get with my nerdy ass, expresses strong feelings for me, and keeps coming back to me even when I don’t fully reciprocate. All I can say is, I’ve gotten extremely lucky.

Problem is, I’m not into her like that. If she were my type, I’d have been in a committed relationship with her years ago. I’m a skinny, kind of nerdy dude, and I’d rather be with someone who kind of matches my energy, who’s smart, sweet, and wholesome, even if she’s not a head-turner. At my small school, it’s not often that I find what I’m looking for, and when I do, I’m not honestly the best at talking to girls.

My theory (partly from what she’s said) is that this girl (we’ll call her Stacy) is into me because I’m completely like any of the other guys she’s dated; all her life, she’s been hit on my muscular dudes who are eager to get with her, and then there’s me, who was nice, interested in her as a friend, but not even really trying to get with her, and this shit drove her crazy. This is probably the approach that most “beta” guys try to use, and fail with, because they actually do want to get with her.

My question is, do I have to change up my approach if I want to get with a nerdy girl? Stacy’s used to being hit on by hot guys who are eager to get with them, so a guy like me stands out from the crowd. A nerdier girl might be more used to being hit on by nerdy guys and ignored by jocks. So, theoretically, if I wanted to stand out from the crowd with a nerdy girl, would I need to play up the cool, frat-boy approach, or does that not translate?