I know marriage counseling can be dangerous. But, I signed us up for some online couples coaching/counseling with the wife. We have only had a few sessions, and our coach already recommended I read NMMNG. So, maybe it’s not that bad.

The approach based on “Imago” therapy, basically a structured dialogue to concentrate the issues and avoid back and forth bickering.

In our first session I expressed some of my “nice guy” traits and how I want to get out of them, which was not really anything new to her. But for the next 3 weeks all I heard was “what’s wrong with you?” kind of shit. It’s like I expose weakness and she uses it against me.

So, we finally recover and had another session on Sunday. This time she expresses that what she really needs is emotional support. For example a day or so before I sat with her on the couch and supported her – she really appreciated that. So, I thought, “Great! I can do that.” I thought we had a plan to move forward and was feeling good about things.

Well, that lasted about 2 days. I come home from work, sit next to her to try to be with her. And she says she doesn’t need emotional support. She then starts busting my balls about how I flirted with a waitress 3 years ago. WTF?

Flashback: About 3 years ago I discovered Red Pill and used what I would call some very mild levels of dread. Any “flirting with waitresses” was pretty minimal from what I remember. But, I think my wife saw that I was kind checking out and she says it really hurt her.

So, my questions are:

  1. Is this kind of counseling helpful or just going to do more damage?

  2. I get that there are issues with frame, nice guy, boundaries, etc. But, what is the balance between enforcing boundaries/frame and giving something to the relationship?

  3. What are some practical ways to respond when you’re getting hit with the shit? STFU – ok, but how far do you take it? At some point you have to communicate.