So I ran into our office lead, who barked at me- You need to smile more!

Later I explained that our company has a mask mandate that I’ve followed to the tee. I’ve been in a mask 100% of the time except to eat or drink, how can anyone even say I’m not smiling when pretty much no one has even seen my full face.

She doubled down and became insistent saying- We know. We can see if your eyes or cheeks are raised.

Ok whatever. After giving it much further thought, I realized I have only even seen this woman 4-5 times in person for brief 3 min period- not nearly enough for this assessment to actually be coming from her

Later on I’m sitting at my desk and overhear a convo from the male team lead who sits nearby sounding super adamant and upset.

“This is just a job to her! (Is that supposed to be an insult. I still make well below 6 figures. What the hell else is it supposed to be??) Oh you can tell. She doesn’t care at all. Sarcastic chuckle. Then in a dogmatic tone It couldn’t be more obvious. She doesn’t like it”

Our office lead had made some mention of this guy possibly needing assistance from me as his assistant is out. One of the things she said was- You know who he is. You say hello to him every morning.

The only person other person who knows we have that daily good morning exchange is him. It’s true we exchange good mornings every day and I always happily say good morning back but I could sense he was upset that the convo never really goes farther than that and blaming me for it like the burden to expand on it is all mine and none his.

At one point, he made a big point of going to a woman he sits nearby and loudly saying I’m so glad you’re here Mary. You always talk to me. And we have these exchanges. Not like others etc etc. It makes the day so much better. Kind of implying he doesn’t like that I’m not giving enough to the space socially and trying to neg me to prompt me to dance/ perform.

Another element of this is that I worked for someone super high level at another company that’s larger than this one. This company is insecure about measuring up to and competing with the juggernaut I came from and apparently they lost a lot of talent to them and have an inferiority complex about it. So getting someone so closely associated with some so high level of as quite a bag for them.

So there’s a male dick slinging contest in this too. His ego is injured that he got the King’s monkey but he feels it doesn’t dance for him the same. And that I don’t look enthusiastic to be there or impressed with him or the environment. He was looking to be validated and my non-chalance indirectly gave the response- No, you are not as good as this other male top dog, nor is your company remotely as good as his.

It’s clear our female office lead went to him, saying I could help him and he moaned like a little bitch saying we speak everyday but I barely say anything beyond good morning and don’t smile at him enough or look happy or personable enough. Which basically all boils down to him feeling potentially unwanted by me as a potential boss or higher up to me who I may work with more closely in the future

Small dick energy all the way.

There are so many more emotionally intelligent ways he could’ve handled that. And I can already see I’m not being seen as someone who he values as a person or as potentially part of his team. But as a tool to use. Like beating a donkey you were trying to ride that sat down on the road. There’s been no desire to see where I’m coming from and how the space is treated me. For the record, I’m a minority and it’s been microaggressive in some ways. I’m also someone starting a new job after many many years of not doing so.

I really don’t like that he ran behind my back and complained to management about me before we’ve even had the change to work with me and see the kind of work I do. While smiling in my face everyday

The whole thing just underscored what weak egoed little bitches most men were. It was weak little bitch energy and small dick energy all the way.

The mature, true leader way to handle it would be to approach me and see if things are going well with me in the space, are there any issues, do I need anything. Even to invest in me to some extent- a lunch, a smile etc, frontload the experience by giving me something of value before becoming immediately angry about what you think you’re not going to receive from me.

Supporting males in the work place on this level is a scam. You sacrifice becoming the fully actualized version of yourself- consent to never make enough to live the life you want and always be at their beck and call for them to view you simply as a mule or a tool that should be happy to serve them at all times for nearly nothing and perform for them in the most minute ways or deserves to be beat

A good leader is loved because he leads with his own investment in people before demanding things of them in return

Men are so weak egoed. I can see hes clearly threatened by my last boss. And also that the company as a whole has short man syndrome- is threatened by my last big dicked bf/ employer who really was the man around town. So now there’s anger if I don’t go out of my way to validate them and manage down their insecurity in relation to “him”

There’s this very low level anger bubbling beneath the surface of- What?!! She doesn’t like it here??? She doesn’t think we’re as good as her former employer??? grinds teeth at the slightest misstep on my part of absentminded failure to validate their ego where it’s most needed