Good afternoon Redditors

After much searching online, I've came across your site and it seems like a great place for support and advice. I'm in a fairly unique situation (aren't we all), and would like some advice. I posted a very similar post on surviving infidelity a few days ago, just need some more advice.

Married for 5 years, me 26, her 27

It's been about 2.5 months since my wife left me. She said she wasn't happy with our relationship, was done, was moving back home to Canada after her nursing license was processed, and wanted some time and space to figure out what she wanted. I'm from the US and she has a green card here through marriage. She's been living here for the last 4 years going to nursing school, just graduated in May. I was sad and upset, but I agreed to the separation and she moved in with a friend. Lo and behold, I found out she was having an affair with a man who lived in her home country of Canada. A "friend" (I confronted her on) she had just met and had been talking to about a month before she decided to leave me. Since I found out, she's lied to me, manipulated the truth, blame shifted, won't take responsibility for her actions, and says this all happened after our relationship had ended and has nothing to do with us ("it's separate"). Even to this day she feels no remorse and has not acknowledged what she's done. She says she doesn't know what she wants, says she needs to clear her mind, and doesn't know if she wants to work on things. It's as if she doesn't even believe she's cheated/cheating. And, yes, I've suggested therapy, but she has declined.

Needless to say, it's been an emotional effing roller coaster. A couple of weeks after separation we started to talk more, in ways we never had before, which was great. She'd often eat dinner with me, ask me to sleep over for the night, and we had some amazing sex that felt more passionate that ever before. It seemed as if she was ready to work on things, but she started to distance herself and told me it was confusing her more. I amicably agreed and gave her some space and time. A couple of weeks later she left town for a weekend and turned off her phone at no warning to me. She came back home with a hickey on her neck and a trimmed up private area (which she didn't have the day before she left), which I confronted her about and she lied to me that it was a curling iron burn and just regular trimming. I told her I was done and began to ignore her. I eventually caved at her begging me to talk to her. It didn't get us anywhere. This was about 1.5 months ago.

She began to distance herself more this past week or 2 as our anniversary approached (Aug). I was already stressed about how to handle that. Well I found out she flew the guy into town to stay with her during that week. I just so happened to see him driving her car one morning (we don't live in a huge town). I confronted her about it and got "Are you stalking me?" as a response. I once again told her I was done and was angry.

I've also been talking to her mom a lot. She looks up to her mom a lot, they're best friends, however, she's been lying to her mom about this guy. I've given her mom all of the proof (even a picture of him driving her car) I've had about the affair, and her mom confronted her about it. This has caused a huge fight between them, and my wife said "I broke all of her trust." She was very angry. She sees our broken trusts on equal playing fields.

The confusing part? Early last week she started to text me saying she's working on the things that I used to complain about, saying she's doing much better about cleaning up after herself and is more careful with his she spends money, and then proceeded to ask me if she could stay over and watch the house and cats while I'm out of town. I hesitantly said yes. She told me the guy was out of town and had left already, and when I asked for proof she couldn't give me any. I didn't want that fool in my house. She said she wanted to spend the night at my house with my cats and that she needed space from him to clear her head. I trusted her anyways and said yes.

While I was out of town, my Nest cam picked up all of the audio/video of her visit there. I went back and listened to the audio. He flew out of town the morning after I left, and luckily she didn't bring him into my house. But they did have phone conversations and FaceTime (so I could hear both of them). They were talking about how much they loved each other, about finding "potential homes" back in her home town, having great sex, etc. A lot of random chitchat too. It was very hard and painful to listen to, but if I didn't listen I'd never get the truth out of her.

When I came back home she had also cleaned up my entire house, did the dishes, took out the trash, and even cleaned my refrigerator. Things I used to complain about to her. It's all very mixed and confusing signals.

When I returned home she texted me saying "Are you coming home tonight?" And I didn't respond. I was so angry at what I had listened to. She proceeded to call me 16x and text me about 10x between that night and the next morning. I ignored all of them out of anger. She proceeded to drive by my house to see if I was home and texted me "Thanks for the courtesy of letting me know you were home. I had to drive by the house to see if you were there and if the cats were fed." I never replied. She hasn't said anything else since yesterday to me. Tonight she is flying out of town for a wedding this weekend where she plans to meet the OM. She'll be back Monday.

We haven't spoke since Saturday.

Anyways, this is where I'm at---

There's been so much up and down. So much push and pull. I've been living alone with our 2 cats, trying to spend as much time with friends and family when I can, and visiting a therapist. I want to work on things still for some reason (heart says yes, brain says no) but she doesn't. I've put in countless efforts to work on myself and show her the faults I had (which weren't many, even at her admittance). She's a great woman at the core, but she seems lost and not who she was (affair fog?). I don't know what's happened to her. Her aunt (who she was very close to) passed away right before she left me, and I've thought that may have somewhat triggered it. I love her more than anything, and would really like to see her turn things around, but I understand almost all of it is out of my hands. What do I do? How do I navigate these rough seas? Do I detach? Do I just play nice? Do I continue to ignore her? Do I support her? What do you all suggest?