I’ve been posting on and off for the last 3-4 years. I think at some point I changed my username.

I’ve been trying to decide when is the right time to post, but after what happened this evening - I thought now would be perfect.

As some (most) of you know, I’ve been in a seriously rough patch in my marriage for the last 4+ years. Starting with my husband having a prolonged OCD/panic/anxiety episode into him being very unhappy with the dynamic in our marriage. I was upset with the lack of affection and his anger toward me.

And I think I can honestly say that we’ve turned a corner and things are much better.

We had something of a truce for the last year or two. Less arguing, getting along much better. But there was always that something missing. We rarely had sex (typically initiated by me). But the last 2 months or so I can tell something shifted. He’s definitely softened toward me.

Today I had a bad day. I’ve worked really hard to not “emotionally vomit” all over my husband as I know it’s overwhelming to him. But between my period starting and just being overwhelmed with kid stuff, work stuff, etc - I had a little meltdown. He didn’t get annoyed or upset. When he got home from work, I asked about his day. He talked for a little bit and then he said - how was your day? I said, “I think you know since I texted you a bunch, sorry”. He said, “I know, but I wanted to know how you were.” Let me tell you, ladies. That seems small, but for me and for us it was big. There’s lots of other little things that I can see coming together and changing.

My journey has consisted of me: - growing up - growing in my faith - taking responsibility for my crap - getting professional help & medication - prayer - patience - A LOT of keeping my mouth shut (but also knowing when to speak up) - forgiveness - respecting my husband

We’ve gotten in arguments and my husband will comment, “oh I’m sure if you go online and talk to those feminist groups your in, they’ll say I’m the bad guy.” To which I have replied, “absolutely not - they hold me accountable. The first thing they ask when I whine about not having sex is: ‘okay what have you done to fix/cause this problem’”

While I haven’t taken all the advice I’ve gotten, it’s always made me think. So I’m glad for this group. Thanks.

As for resources that helped me immensely: The Excellent Wife (very religious), anything by Laura Doyle, the book of James and Susan Heck’s Bible study on James, Jordan Peterson, and I’m sure others I can’t think of right now.