In our effort to attract and keep the right kind of people in our lives, sometimes we might close ourselves off emotionally and push away people who would have been good to us.

I understand the importance of vetting. People can now, more than ever, fake traits and get away with them. With social media, it's easy for a person to come off as resourceful when they are really not. People can fake commitment until they get what they want before walking away. People can parade themselves with socially accepted traits to lure people into their lies for their own personal gains.

It's important to get to know a person before committing. While some people can wear a mask until it becomes part of their identity, most people will always fall back to their default behavior.

In an effort to attract the right kind of people into their lives, some people have managed to cross the line and push away people who would have made an impact on their lives, not necessarily a romantic relationship.

When it comes to vetting, women look for a number of traits: resourcefulness, commitment, ability to provide safety and security, emotional maturity, and some feminine traits such as the ability to care, be expressive, and show affection.

The one easily identifiable is a man's status or resourcefulness. The other traits take time before they are uncovered. That's why women have always chosen a successful man over a “loser.” We have all heard the phrase, “Women would rather share a successful man than stay loyal to a faithful loser.”

The result of this is a rise in the number of single mothers because some of these men can't commit.

That's why I believe in dating and getting to know the other person before making a commitment. Patterns do not lie.

I truly believe in people's ability to change and thrive. It is why I believe that now more than ever, to get into a healthy relationship, one must look into the entire spectrum and not just resources before committing.

Not all men with resources are HVM.

I believe that looking at a partner's ability to care, commit, provide, ambition, and self-believe can prove worthwhile in the long run.

Starting with a young, ambitious partner might be productive in the future. While they do not have the resources at the time, they have the energy and discipline to acquire them.

The same goes for staying away from people who are not specific about their goals and show no sign of commitment.

My point is, the journey begins while we are young, and it is only natural to go for the glamour and push away people who are not “there” yet, but in most cases, you end up attracting the wrong crowd and pushing away the right people.

I believe life is a journey, and wouldn't it be wonderful to get to walk that journey with people who matter and care about the journey you are interested in, than taking unnecessary detours that distract you from the real goal?