Today I had an experience that triggered me to think back to an extremely dark time in our marriage 4 years ago. In short, my husband was in a very serious car accident, out of work for almost a year, severely depressed and suicidal, injured, in pain all the time, you name it. It was probably the worst time in my life, in his, and in our time together as a couple. Thanks be to God and to his incredible doctors, counselors, PTs, SLPs etc he has since made an almost complete recovery and he is doing much better today.

It made me come face to face with reaaaaaaally painful memories but also, memories of healing, physically and emotionally. Memories of seeing tiny improvements in my husband’s well being and health. I remembered our long, emotional conversations and also entire days of silence because my husband was too upset to speak. I remember feeling like the weeks filled with appointments would never end, but they were so necessary at the time and they did eventually dwindle down. Most importantly, it made me reflect on how far we’ve come since then and what we fought our way through together. We felt like we’d be in a hole forever and that giving up was inevitable, but we worked our asses off and got through it. I felt so filled with gratitude and pride knowing that we not only survived those hard times but also it made our bond stronger and encouraged us to grow. While it was an awful time in our lives, it taught us so much and made us strive to be better versions of ourselves.

At the same time, this whole situation got me thinking about how often I genuinely reflect - on my self, on my marriage, past experiences, family life, life in general - and I realized that while I recognize how important it is, I do not do it nearly enough. Because.. you know.. life moves fast, we’ve got kids, friends, jobs, activities, all of the things, all day everyday. The physical and mental exhaustion is a lot. My tiny roommates are constantly hollering or dumping containers of wooden objects or running around, and I get distracted. But I think we all owe it to ourselves to reflect more and take a good look at how far we’ve come.

So, if you’re going through it right now with your bf/fiancé/husband, my advice would be to simply remain by his side throughout whatever you’re facing. Choose to love him intentionally - I hate the overuse of the word intentional these days but its fitting here. Choose to be his biggest supporter. Choose to be affectionate, kind, and patient - it will be hard and will feel impossible at times but it is so worth it. (Obviously none of this applies to situations where any form of abuse is present but rather uncontrollable hardships in life)