I regret that my first time wasn’t with my husband.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-08-07T22:33:00+00:00

Oh... there's so much to unpack here. If guilt and shame are there, maybe let them stay there for a bit. Acknowledge them. You feel this way - and feeling don't have to be justified, or rational, or right. They also don't have to overshadow everything else.

Trauma - I heard it explained like this for loss, but I think it applies to what happened to you too - is like a picture. At first, it's this gigantic picture that takes up the whole wall, and you can't look at anything else. It's so big, so stark and vivid, and you can't think of anything else, can't see anything else. Sometimes, to escape it, you just close your eyes and pretend not to see it at all. But it is there and you know it. Maybe you crack your eyes open just a little bit, to see just a little bit of it, something smaller and manageable. And at some point, the whole picture does get smaller, and there's more space on the wall. And smaller and smaller and smaller... until there's lots of things you can see on that wall, and that gigantic picture of trauma is now a piece that fits in a whole.

But it takes time. And pain.

It's a messy process, really.

If you feel guilty, if you feel ashamed - allow yourself to feel this way. It sucks. But it is what it is. Maybe you feel something else too? What you do with your husband - is it loving? Is it restorative?

Is it really the same thing that was done to you?

An act of love and a choice denied are so very different, even if the mechanics are somewhat similar. What happened to you was certainly not the first time you made love.

It's ok to mourn what it wasn't.

What you did with your colleague - that was a choice. Right or wrong, it's up to you to decide. But it was yours. Own it.

Maybe just give it some more time to just be. It's there in your mind. It is what it is. Maybe it will stay like that for a while. Can you breath through it a bit longer?

warm20 · 2022-08-07T22:42:20+00:00

I regret not waiting till marriage too, Feels like a special connection missing that'll never happen to me.

But it's alright we can still try to fill in the other parts for it to be special and never give any of that to anyone else but us and the family.

It's all good.

Brave-Awareness525 · 2022-08-08T00:24:56+00:00

Honestly, don't worry about stuff you can't change. Because you can't change the past.

I slept around a lot in college, and I regret it a lot too. All those other guys were selfish and just took advantage of me and used me for my body. They never cared for me. I wish my husband were the only one.

But what's helped me is trying new things sexually with my husband. Do LOTS of things with him you've never done before with anyone, it will almost feel like losing your virginity! Ask him about his naughtiest fantasies, and tell him yours. And fulfill each other's fantasies (only if you're comfortable with it).

It's a very fun way to connect with your husband and build that special bond that you get from losing your virginity.

Teacup000 · 2022-08-07T23:42:13+00:00

As someone whose first time was with the man I married, I can tell you I still feel guilt and shame. If I had a time machine, I wouldn't have even dated or kissed another man.

I think a lifetime of love and fidelity is a greater gift than virginity; one that you can still give him. Try to focus on what you can bring to his life.

I am saddened to hear of your loss, and wish you a rainbow baby.

RosaDellaCasa · 2022-08-08T16:58:02+00:00

Be happy about it! Obviously it’s good to be picky about who we sleep with. I think of it like how awesome that you also had sex with someone else and don’t have to experience the same dick only for the rest of your life.

Think of all those women in history who would have envied you so much! Why feel shame and guilt? I’ve slept with 3 men and I’m currently single. If the next man I date becomes my husband I’ll be very happy that I experienced the other men. I would do the same all over again. I’m grateful for every man that I loved and that loved me in return.

Motor-Safety3633 · 2022-08-09T01:47:05+00:00

I regret that I’m not a virgin as well.

Title	I regret that my first time wasn’t with my husband.
Author	Few_Age5938
Upvotes	35
Comments	9
Date	August 7, 2022 9:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/wiqp58/i_regret_that_my_first_time_wasnt_with_my_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-regret-that-my-first-time-wasnt-with-my-husband.1127271 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127271

Comments