Ah the difference a good captain on your ship can make. This post has been on my mind for a while now. I just want to share and reflect on the difference a strong, masculine man has made in my life. My 20 yr relationship ended 3 years ago. A gradual decline leading to resentment, loss of attraction, respect, libido and anxiety on my part. I was exhausted captaining our ship while he bumbled about, declaring his eternal adoration of me whilst failing to meet my needs or provide for our family. I was the man in our marriage in the end and he was a well meaning thorn in my side, endlessly requiring reassurance and looking after. I came to see him as another of my children. Our home was disorganised and messy. Our standards lowered every year. The harder I tried to raise them, the more he resisted. He cooked but did little else. I earned the money. He would be happy to go out dressed badly in holey old tshirts and clothing tgat embarrassed me. If I complained he would tell me appearance’s shouldn’t matter. Money wasnt important to him but life was an endless struggle to make ends meet. I was made to feel superficial and silly to want pleasures and luxuries. His hygiene was poor and to relax he would only want to play video games, watch adult cartoons and marvel stuff, smoke weed and sleep. I would smoke weed with him most nights to numb my boredom and help me ignore the chores I couldnt keep up with alone.

After it ended I just felt a huge sense of relief and life got much easier. I began to remember who ai had been before us, and recall all the standards I had gradually lowered and hopes and dreams and pleasures I had let go.

I told myself I was better alone but after the novelty wore off I was lonely. After a year I met my fiancé.

The connection was immediate and we both knew it.JT walked into my life and took control and I willingly let him. I fancied the pants off him and I was a little in awe of him and he made my head spin and my heart pound. He is a man with high standards in all areas and the way I was living was not good enough for him. But he saw something in me I guess and set upon rescuing me.

It was awkward at first, i cant lie. He came to my home and was not impressed. Brought tools the next visit and set about fixing everything that was broken. Gave me a jet wash and told me to blast everywhere outside while he worked away indoors. Brought me a new vacuum and questioned me if it didnt appear Id used it enough or cleaned it. Wiped kids finger marks off the walls and filled my cupboard with cleaning products. I was ashamed tbh. I hd been raised with high standards but I had slipped and settled into much lower standards. I wanted better but didnt know how to get there. He kicked my ass into gear.

He observed the way my divorce situation was working out and was not happy with the way I was allowing my ex to continue to fleece me financially and dragging his heels with proceedings . I had little fight left in me there and was basically peace keeping snd going along with whatever. He pushed me to get my ducks in a row and gave me strategies to stop paying the exes bills and get myself out of our smaller property in a horrible neighbourhood and back into the family home my money and parents money had been paying for. He helped me structure a deal and gave me the impetus to push it through. I got the house Id worked so hard for back.

He gave me his brand new audi keys (it just sat in his garage all day while he was using his van and motorbike) and had me sell my busted old car. That felt really uncomfortable at first, like giving up my independence and really being beholden to him. But he frankly didnt want to seen in my old car and wasnt keen on me being seen in it either.

He has a construction company and set to work on the house, which had been neglected for years. After a few months, he just gradually moved in and sold his place, ploughing everything into what was now our home. He has a schedule and a plan for raising the value of the house and us buying our forever home.

The house now is more than I coukd ever have imagined. Its like a show home. We just have the kids rooms left and its done. His skill is insane, he has done everything from knock down walls to roofing and tiling and plastering, electrics, moved gas and water pipes and landscaped the garden. He never stops.

I keep that place fucking immaculate. The children are expected to do the same. Im a hopelessly soft touch where they are concerned and he has brought some much needed house rules into play. He is strict, like my parents were with me. Old fashioned values are back in my life and it benefits us all. He is generous with my children and they love and respect him in return. He has given my son openings to a more active outdoor life away from video games, paid him to work as his labourer and given him an alternative male role model to his nice and loving but rather hopeless father. My daughter is a handful,a delightful, charismatic but rebellious renegade. He loves her spunk and she adores him and is keen to gain his approval, more than she is mine, as Im a soft touch. But JT takes no shit from her and his boundaries and rules are helping to shape her into an extremely organised, sharp witted, more responsible accountable version of herself. As for me, ive not touched the weed in 18 months. I never cooked but these days the kitchen is my space and I love it. I am free to be a woman. I have a beautiful home and a fabulous car and disposable income. I am dressed in better clothes. I am expected to take care of how i am presented and given the means to do it. I still work full time and make good money. But Im not doing it alone anymore. I come home, look after the kids (when they are here) cook and clean. JT sets our direction keeps us on course and does the hard labour and the finances that used to make me cry. I give him a soft space to retreat too and do his business paperwork

I dont stress or worry anymore. I am the cheerful oldest child in the house. I defer to him because i trust completely that he has the families best interests at heart and is complete capable of whatever it takes.

The whole Laura Doyle approach comes so easily in this relationship. I respect, appreciate and defer, and gratefully receive the gifts he brings.

A good captain has taken my life out of stormy seas onto a calm ocean of adventure. Out of a leaky sailboat and onto an elegant yacht. All I had to do was let it happen.