I need someone to tell me it's not my fault, TW

6-leslie · 2022-11-04T21:06:52+00:00

It'd make no sense for you to have sexually assaulted her. If you did, she sexually assaulted you back because you were also drunk. Neither of you sexually assaulted each other though.

For it to be sexual assault one of you would've had to refuse or be sober while the other is obviously too drunk to consent, like about to pass out.

My brain keeps telling me that it doesn't matter what I thought matters how she feels.

How you feel matters too.

It's not your fault.

eyecebrakr · 2022-11-04T23:55:05+00:00

Feelings are not facts.

Rifter0876 · 2022-11-04T21:04:58+00:00

Its hard to tell from your post the exact situation. But I think I've been in a similar situation involving consent and not being sober(am male, was raped by a female, i did initially consent, i did withdraw consent, drugs were involved, lsd, she didnt stop when i withdrew consent).

Sounds like you were both drunk, to drunk to consent drunk? You say you dont think so, but can be hard to tell when not sober yourself, speaking from experience here. Also remember consent can be withdrawn at any time. Even if the person initially said yes they can withdraw that consent at any time. But you said you checked in, and she said yes? If this is the case and she never withdrew consent at any time during the event then id say this sounds like she now thinks she made a mistake and is trying to spin it like its your fault. If what I said above is correct, and she never withdrew consent, then ill tell you what you want to hear because it's true, it's not your fault buddy, it does sounds like you tried to do everything right to the best of your ability at the time.

I know exactly how hard it can be to make sense of the situation after the fact when you were not sober at the time, you will probably have to come to terms with the fact that you may never remember the situation exactly as it happened due to your being drunk and that effecting your memory. But if I've learned anything by my personal experience with this, is go with your gut, if you feel like you did everything you could at the time and were doing the right things, you probably were. Best of luck my friend.

Arguesovereverythin · 2022-11-05T15:29:52+00:00

I'm sorry for what you are going through. The truth is that horrible things often happen to good people. People that don't deserve it.

I want to encourage you to use this as a learning opportunity. Trust is necessary in a relationship, but you have to protect yourself first. If you're going to put yourself out there, your partner has to prove they deserve your trust first.

Start setting some relationship boundaries to make sure you are safe(r) from false accusations.

Don't hook up for the first time if either you or her have been drinking
Early in the relationship, discuss your boundaries with one another. There are apps and articles online to facilitate that discussion.
Only be with people you've had a chance to get to know.

It's not perfect but hopefully it will help. Good luck.

Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n · 2022-11-05T07:32:05+00:00

She consented and regretted it later. It wasn't rape. She is avoiding personal responsibility. Don't buy into it.

sidestephen · 2022-11-19T09:52:49+00:00

Did she start avoiding you afterwards, or still maintains an awkward contact?

If the person in question doesn't consider this an assault on your part, then you shouln't, too. Then again, the past traumas can affect some people so that they struggle to have sex normal, safe, sane, and sober way. They often initiate the drinking to "loosen up", relax, and overcome their own issues, but afterwards feel themseles guilty anyway, restarting the cycle - this may obviously refer to either or both of you.

If your case is somewhat similar to what I went through, then no, you didn't do anything wrong - but anyway, you'll probably want to start being more conscious about what the other person thinks about the situation, even if it's technically acceptable from legal and moral standpoint. Try to make it so she won't regret it the next morning, and this way, neither will you.

Title	I need someone to tell me it's not my fault, TW
Author	xxxstonerman42069xxx
Upvotes	19
Comments	7
Date	November 4, 2022 8:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/ym92em/i_need_someone_to_tell_me_its_not_my_fault_tw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/i-need-someone-to-tell-me-its-not-my-fault-tw.1138094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138094

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