My mum told me to surgically cut my dick off, and it left me feeling sick. I went to talk to my student support officer about it, and was advised to get a loan and go stay in accommodation, which I ended up refusing on financial grounds (debt issues).

Here’s for some background. She knew I’d started using testosterone gel, and one day when I was in the shower, she came inside the room to fucking gawk at me. What followed was a long rant from her about how she didn’t want me to look more masculine or manly in any way because she found it disgusting, and then followed the comment from her telling me to cut my dick off with surgery. I’ve never felt so degraded in my life.

When I asked her why she hates men, she told me that she loves men and loves to have sex with them. She lives off of a legal minimum of money from my dad, which he’ll get in trouble for if he doesn’t pay. She has no job. Dealing with her has often been a nightmare for me, and my family, especially with regards to the history we have which I won’t go into here. I feel that she simply views men as tools for money and sex.

It seems hard to find a place that respects masculinity on Reddit, but I’ve hung out in r/testosteronekickoff, which is pretty chill, and full of good advice.

With the shock wearing off, I’m just gonna say that experiencing such hate has been a pretty much daily part of my life. I sincerely believe that women are privileged in many ways, especially based on their appearance to others, which they can manufacture with makeup to achieve variously visually-boosted results, and the “feminine non-hostility stereotype”, which is a completely false construct which is used to downplay the reality that plenty of women are in fact rotten, judgemental and entitled monsters. I understand that historically, women have been used as slaves or as menial labour and thought of as intellectually lesser beings, however this is not the case here.

As a disclaimer, I have met some good women who aren’t abusive assholes, but the facts exist. Sometimes the men in my family participate in this mass-hating of masculinity as well by calling all men “ugly” or visually lesser, telling me (falsely) that testosterone reduces IQ (although that must have been what it did for them), while simultaneously praising the aesthetics of every other woman they can lay their eyes on. Being a woman is like being some sort of goddess, and being a male or masculine is treated as something to be ashamed of and not to be spoken about. Sometimes there’s a complaint or two about it, but ultimately nothing is done to improve the social standing of masculinity, at least in my family. It probably doesn’t help that most males in my family are obese, and joke that having no sex life makes them asexual or something.

Two members of my family tell me that I look “cool” and/or “masculine“, after having dismissed my identity whenever it suited them, mainly in front of my transphobic closer-relatives because they didn’t have the spine to show a modicum of respect, but having said that, they don’t want me to ever grow up or mature with the masculine characteristics of my gender, which I need an exogenous supply of testosterone for. For long reasons, I’d rather kill myself.

I‘m fortunate enough to have a supportive environment at university, and in other clubs/societies away from home, however, dealing with my home life brings me great emotional pain, which is ridiculous since gender expression and identity is a trifle of a reason to berate someone over and has no bearing on the various achievements of my life.

I’d like to ask about coping mechanisms for dealing with misandry, as that is what this is.