Accepting one's own masculinity

zakarai · 2023-01-19T00:33:14+00:00

Remember that not everything that passes through our heads is focus worthy. Some things are just noise

Cfwydirk · 2023-01-19T02:49:51+00:00

Take them at face value. You were invited!

I have 3 gay friends. 2 are brothers, one of them is married. My wife and I have talked about them. To us, they are regular people. They just like boys as I like girls. What do we talk about? The same things everyone else does.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

2023-01-19T04:16:10+00:00

Remember it's okay to embrace masculinity and it's okay to stray from it, you are you.

coffeeinvenice · 2023-01-19T13:06:19+00:00

Much of modern society seems to have been brainwashed into believing that masculinity is a bad thing. Or that it is something that has to be apologized for. And many men have been brainwashed or gaslighted into thinking their own masculinity is something that has to be...hidden, apologized for, rationalized, whatever. And this is even though all the objective evidence demonstrates that maleness and masculinity is an essential part of the universe.

Masculinity is something essential in the universe, like the proess of photosynthesis or the water molecule. It exists, it is part of the universe. Maleness is part of all vertebrates, all mammals. So having to account for it or having to justifying its existence is like trying to give an ethical rationale or apology for the existence of wood. Wood just exists. It's presence in the world doesn't need to be justified. And there is nothing inherently bad about wood. What DOES demand justification is assuming wood, water, or maleness has to give a reason for why it should be permitted to exist.

There are some males who are not very good people. There are some females who are not very good people. But they are not good people because (hopefully) they are on their way to becoming better people; they are not bad because of their gender. Their gender does not determine whether they are good or bad. Any rumors to the contrary are just irrational nonsense.

Masculinity is the expression of maleness in our species. There is no reason we have to justify the existence of males in any other mammalian species; in fact, the very implication that one might have to is bizarre. So why would anyone have to justify - find a rationale - the existence of maleness in our own species?

Definitions of masculinity may change. Or more precisely, the behaviors associated with being a human male, or the behavior patterns that symbolically represent it, may change. In many cultures undergoing a painful physical or scarring procedure while stoically enduring pain, such as circumcision, was a behavior or ritual that symbolically represented masculinity. That ritual has fallen by the wayside in most modern cultures but it is still practiced in some indigenous cultures.

The rituals and symbolic meanings of masculinity may change over time or vary between cultures. But masculinity itself persists because it is part of the universe.

In modern life, there is tremendous freedom of opportunity for the individual male to decide for themselves what it means to be a man, to be the man that you are and want to be. For example, letting yourself become a victim of paternity fraud is, frankly speaking, unmanly. Having your own opinions about manhood and standing your ground in face of opposition - most of which is ephemeral bullshit anyway - is a manly thing to do.

You can define and perform your own rituals that symbolically represent your masculinity: make yourself smarter, make yourself more productive, make yourself into someone or something that others admire and want to emulate. Make yourself stronger. Manage your time and money better. Put people that make you weak out of your life. Don't do things or pay attention to things that make you weak. Much of pop culture, celebrity culture, advertising, outrage bait, etc., is designed and intended to make you weak.

Respect your masculinity. Pay tribute to it. Cherish it. It is something worth holding on to and one shouldn't take it for granted. You don't have to apologize for it, and never give ground or an ear to anyone who tells you otherwise. Find new behaviors or attitudes that symbolically represent it or pay tribute to it. They don't have to be the same as anybody else's. But most importantly, don't put physical energy, mental energy, or time into things that make you weak.

yettobekilledbydeath · 2023-01-19T05:57:21+00:00

some guys from work keep on trying to invite me to the pub so I may take them up on that

The only advice would be: Give it at try and if you just can't stand it leave politely. If you guys get around I'm sure there are other activities to follow (cinema, BBQ, weekend trip - of course I don't know your interests).

AirSailer · 2023-01-18T23:54:29+00:00

Do things around other men in masculine spaces, typically things that involve physical activity... this way you can reduce the effect feminists/woke attitudes have on the interactions. I'm thinking men-only bowling leagues, maybe a fraternal organization such as Freemasons (not a member myself so could use some other's opinions on this one), a men's only softball league, etc.

OppositeBeautiful601 · 2023-01-19T19:49:11+00:00

For a while, last year, I started meeting with an old friend weekly to do a little mountain biking. Nothing crazy, just hitting the single tracks to have fun and get some exercise. At one point, he invited a friend of his. His friend was gay.

I don't think of myself as homophobic, but I guess I do have a little bias. I've had a lot of gay friends. I'd never done manly things with them though. His friend was a little overweight and a little effeminate. I subconsciously associated that with weakness. Part of me was disappointed, because I thought he would hold us back. I had resigned myself to riding a little slower, telling myself that the price had to be paid in order for us to be inclusive.

Surprisingly, he had no problem keeping up with us and he was actually less risk averse than I am. He was better at spotting the best lines in the trail. I started following his lead and it improved my riding skills. I actually had to work hard to keep up. We started going to happy hour after our rides and it was a blast hanging out with him.

Gay or not, you're a man...damn it! There is no shame in that. Embrace it. Go find some non-homophobic straight guys to hang out with. You'll benefit from it, and so will they.

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-01-19T15:40:46+00:00

Look if you search deep into behaviors/general beliefs and such ,everyone is sexist misandrist misogynist. So what matters is to which extend and at whose expense. For me my way to go is to search for factual truths , try to be as "correct" as I can be and not be a bad person to someone else because of my thinking. I try to differentiate ideology/behavior/state of being in people.

Another thing is that the sex binary does not prohibit you from having "traits" of the other sex , the only thing that is states is "these traits are mainly of this sex" . I am not gay but I have always had female traits as well , I have even tried ballet . For me there was always search for balance between those traits and the usefulness of each trait considering the situation I happen to be in.

Title	Accepting one's own masculinity
Author	EwanWhoseArmy
Upvotes	13
Comments	10
Date	January 18, 2023 11:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10fltfg/accepting_ones_own_masculinity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/accepting-ones-own-masculinity.1149814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149814

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